Chris Hansen
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Chris Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaansen is an old media troll who baits unsuspecting pedos into traps set up by Dateline in concert with Perverted Justice for the lulz. The pedos are sourced from MySpace and Cregzlst, ensuring Hansen a limitless supply of childfucking prey. Truly, he's doing God's work. Hansen's secret is that even if the supply of pedophiles does run out, he will still have a show because he uses hot 18 year old girls (and for special occasions boys) to lure the "pedophiles" into the house, so really the men are trying to have sex with an 18 year old girl who claims to be either 13 or 17, making them innocent, but trying to bang a 17 year old is still pedo. This of course doesn't bother Hansen, who is simply doing it all for the lulz and by doing so Hansen inevitably shuts down 12chan without knowing it for at least another week.
Recently Hansen made a "hidden camera investigation" with Dateline on iPod thievery, lol
In short, Chris Hansen is justice.
Trolling Tactics
Strategy
Chris Hansen skillfully employs a number of techniques upon his victims, resulting in the absolute zenith of lulz.
Hansen's TV persona and vocal inflection drips with such intense smarm that you almost feel bad for the kiddy-diddlers. Hansen reads their chat logs with incredible smugness before pretending to let his victims go so they can get pwnt by the man for the Dateline cameras. Sometimes, the cops are wearing camouflage in the bushes, so when they bust the internet pedo, it looks like they are being attacked by a plant monster.
The difference between the schadenfreude experienced from, say, regular internet trolling and that derived from watching To Catch a Predator is like the difference between chewing on cocoa leaves and inhaling crack cocaine - it's the intensified essence of the emotion, with any impurities stripped away. Watching some sick fuck realizing that their life has been utterly destroyed in a totally public and humiliating fashion is a true epic win. Furthermore, the victims are all unsympathetic pedos, so the mass audience is free to take pleasure in their ruin without having to work through any moral conflicts. In a sense the show is like a modern version of pickpockets getting hung in public for the crowd's amusement.
Things I've Learned From Chris Hansen
- Whenever the victim you're preying upon asks "Did you bring the pot?" Always say "I don't know what you're talking about!" as it will make it difficult to prove that you chatted to the victim beforehand.
- If the victim leaves the door unlocked or will not come close to you it's probably a bust and you should not enter the property.
- Do not try and cover your face when you're on camera as it will make you look more suspicious.
- Do not give away all your sexual fantasies when you chat to the victim. Try and be as vague as possible.
Lulzworthy moments
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Powers and Abilities
Chris Hansen is the incarnation of Jesus. He is therefore omnipresent, and he sees what you did there. He is also proficient in the ways of the Force, evoking a Jedi mind trick when he asks the pedos to have a seat, preferably right over there. He is paid $10,000 by dateline every time he says "I'm Chris Hansen, from Dateline NBC" Even after its already been established or the cock juggler runs away.
Chris Hansen breaking news as of March 2 2008
Last Thursday a federal judged has ruled that the sister of a man who committed suicide after being filmed on NBC's To Catch As A Predator may sue the network for $100M.
Louis Conradt, a 56-year-old assistant district attorney, shot himself in November 2006 after he was confronted at his Terrell, Texas, home by police officers. He was expecting delicious 13 year old shota. They were accompanied by an NBC news crew that was there to film his arrest.
In his ruling, the judge said, "A reasonable jury could find that NBC crossed the line from responsible journalism to irresponsible and reckless intrusion into law enforcement."
just like this;
Chris Hansen Breaking news as of September 12 2008
Last Thursday Chris Hansen was spotted outside of a nightclub, drunk off his ass and being carried by a couple of college students he thought were pedophiles. He was quoted as having said, "Why don't I throw up over there?". They dropped him off on the doorstep of a 13 year old girl that was reportedly home alone. The whole thing will air on MSNBC next month. Chris Hansen is killing pedo-bear and must be stopped.
'"Why don't you have a seat over there?"'
If you hear this, you're fucked
List of Internet Celebrities who have guest-appeared on Dateline
- Brian Peppers
- Vinny the Rapist
- Nathanr
- User:Christopher
- User:cody810
- MONGO
- Internet Vigilante Group
- Shii
- Promise Redmond
- You
In summary, here are the hottest 16 year old girls ever
Lulz, Real one
In summary, Chris Hansen is definitely Jesus
Chris Hansen always comes prepared. He has THE BEST lines to enter with.
If there is a pedophile looking to get some from a minor, Chris Hansen is the ultimate cock block, in a good way.
Chris Hansen doesn't take shit from emos.
Chris Hansen tends to pwn people like you.
Chris Hansen should be every Counter-Strike players name.
Chris Hansen appears on 4chan somedays in an effort to catch pedobear.
Chris Hansen is a master of disguise.
Chris Hansen will find a way to trap you by any means necessary
Trivia
- The show To Catch a Predator was inspired by the 4chan party van
- Dateline NBC caused the Caturday nap by snatching most of the admins of 4chan. However Mootles could not be held for more than 48 hours due to full-disk encryption, FreeBSD and Longcat. W. T. Snacks remains in custody.
- No anon has yet asked Chris Hansen to do a BARREL ROLL. It has been theorized that Hansen will turn into a greenish goo upon hearing these words. Furthermore, the person asking will get the loli and half the kingdom.
- He hates furries.[1]
Moar Chris Hansen
 Sneaky, sneaky. |
 ohai! pl0x 2 b having seat! |
 Words cannot describe the awesome... |
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 Y'all niggas postin' in a Jailbait thread |
 Hey there! Why don't you have a seat? |
Chris Hansen on 4chan
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 Don't mention CP. |
 Chris Hansen busting Pedobear. |
Chris Hansen on Habbo Hotel
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A challenger appears!
Links
- Operation P-Day
- Hansen after a long day
- Troubles with sound
- Pedo's Theme Song
- Tons of To Catch a Predator Clips
- chris_hansen FAKE
- Chris Hansen (Official Myspace) ALSO FAKE
- CHRIS HANSEN SOUNDBOARD
- Hanson Vs. The King
- Who's this guy?
See also
- His British television doppelganger, Jeremy Kyle.
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