Christian forums
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Christian Forums is an internet community established at least 100 years ago by a group of obese fundamentalist Christians. The forum was created due to the rapid increase of obesity. Not surprisingly Christians took up about 90% of the obesity growth and were now too fat and lazy to go to Church. Their arch enemy is Fundies Say The Darndest Things, whose members regularly infiltrate the forums and submit posts by roaming fundies. However, CF has a rather comfortable relationship with FSTDT, some of its members also submitting fundie quotes to the latter. Incredibly, most of CF's members are quite reasonable compared to those of Teens-4-Christ and Theology Online. What's more, CF actually allows non-Christians to participate freely.
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[edit] Forum Description
The forum consists of many sub-forums for various topics such as music, Jesus, and Pedophilia. At any given sub-forum you will find various threads on topics such as:
- Why Muslims are a threat to America.
- Evolution: a lie from the devil.
- HELP 80 PERCENT OF AMERICA IS BEING OPPRESSED!
- Homosexuality: my personal struggle with my anal desires.
- Feminism is destroying family values.
- I had an erotic dream involving my ex-girlfriend. Am I committing adultery?
- Atheists have no God therefore they have no morals.
- I had a dream involving a big scary closet monster, obviously I'm being attacked by Satan.
- I'm addicted to masturbation, please help me!
The list can go on forever.
[edit] Faggotry and Drama
CF is known for bawling over pointless issues. Last Thursday, the CF admin decided to allow non-Christians to access the Christian only sections on the forum. In return several butthurt conservative Christian members made threads telling non-Christians to GTFO. But this was only half of it, the CF admin really wanted to piss everyone off and change the forums name to foru.ms. When asked why he did it, his response was: "I did it for the lulz", resulting in endless complaining and harassment by fully half the entire membership over the removal of "Christian" from the domain name.
After several months of Christians being pissed off, Jesus (admin of Earth), made a brief covert return and subsequently banned the CF admin, replacing him with a more efficient admin: Bro. Randy. As soon as Bro. Randy took control, his first move was to change the name back to ChristianForums. Hilariously, this resulted in even moar lulz.
The forum also enables you to sport a CF character, a shitty rip-off of Gaia Online in the form of badly drawn, creepy pixelated characters that look like they've been drawn by a team of visually impaired chimpanzees. But even that's not enough, you can also have even worse-looking CF pets. To acquire these monstrosities you pay for them with a currency of "blessings".
In May 2008, the bosses took CF down for a few days. When it came back up, it was something completely different - CF had gotten an overhaul. Immediately the forum became divided into two factions: the older, fundamentalist members being dramatically overprotective of the younger members; and the younger but more intelligently-sound members who pissed and complained endlessly over the fact that CF Teens was no longer open to non-Christians (among other things), something the fundies praised over and over. However, this decision was quickly reversed when the bosses realized that with even some of the admins taking the side of the CF Teens patrons, a successful coup could be managed. The good fight is currently still being fought.
[edit] Notable Members
ShieldOFaith is as batshit as they can get, ShieldofFaith or SOF (Stubborn Obnoxious Fundie) has earned his notoriety with his unhealthy obsession with declaring "Smackdown" on homosexuals and nonbelievers in every thread he produces. He believes in the use of thought police. He also awaits the Rapture and destruction of humanity by God's hand with morbid glee. You'll be waiting for a while there, Shield.
Renton evidently has never heard the term "Judge not lest ye be judged". Far from as insane as ShieldofFaith or MandM, but still holds enough venom towards the nonbelievers that it's noticeable.
Autumnleaf likes to not-so-discreetly make threads poking at homosexuals and liberals. He will often ask dumbass, patronizing questions in his topic to look somewhat intelligent if only to realize he's failing miserably.
PaladinGirl is very indecisive about her faith. One week she was Mormon, another week she was a JW, then Catholic, then Pentecostal, then Baptist, then Catholic again, then Baptist AGAIN, then Catholic AGAIN, and now she's Pentecostal, AGAIN, all while her icon says she's Pagan. Very sheltered, and not too bright. The perfect example of a sheep.
MandM is your run-of-the-mill demented preacher who will often make threads complaining how the world (especially America) is going to Hell. Actually, like ShieldofFaith, he seems to anticipate it. Still amusing to read, though.
AV1611VET is a creationist fundie, frequently featured on FSTDT. His hobbies include bible thumping and telling science to take a hike, along with happily parading his appalling ignorance and stupidity. He is also notable for making retarded "challenges" on the creation/evolution subforum. He has an insane amount of posts (something like 120,000).
Carico. Enough said.
mrguitar totally abhors all things secular, especially music that doesn't praise God. That's right. He plainly states that a song about how utterly beautiful the earth (which is God's own creation according to standard Christian beliefs, making him all the more odd) can be is literally UNHOLY and must be avoided at all costs, and then proceeds to back up his claims with the arrogant belief that God totally agrees with him 100%. Obviously completely ignores, or has never bothered to read, Romans chapter 14.
Tanakh carries three of the worst possible human traits known to man: he's an American, he's a Jew, and he's a fundie. He has openly declared violent war on homosexuals, and is more than willing to behead one on the sidewalk outside his house in the name of ancient Israel regardless of any spectators. He will not allow anyone who is a sinner to live, but fails to realize that this includes him and thus requires suicide on his part. Supports Old Testament (Jew name: Torah) punishments such as stoning, and is apparently prepared to play the part of vigilante and prosecute (read: execute) anyone he deems to be an affront to the Torah regardless of any consequences to himself and whether it is against the law or not. In other words, he's a wannabe cop that doesn't believe in second chances or letting the REAL COPS do their job. A perfect example of a non-Christian fundie.
Zealous Zeth is a perpetually angry Swedish member formerly known as ScarletCrusader and, more recently, Suecianus. Zeth carries the reputation as one of the most lulziest member of Christian Forums. The reason for this is because no one can take him seriously. He is a fairly prominent super-Catholic who has sexual fantasies about the Crusades and gets a boner every time he dreams about Crusades happening in the future. Has the complete mentality of someone from the Dark Ages or whatever time period in which the Crusades happened. Is a profound hypocrite with extremist views and firmly believes fundamentalists are exclusively Protestant, yet he is a living contradiction of that very notion. Believes that all Americans are stupid and lurks FSTDT more than he should. Mugabe is his great idol who is only "enforcing Godly principles on his people". Catholic priests trend to lick their lips when staring at Zeth's long blonde hair.
HotRhymez is a wigger with a nigger for his CF character.
MehGuy is a CF Teen member that supported the infamously short-lived "NO NON-CHRISTIANS ALLOWED" rule and still does.
GarryDW was once a proud Anglican and, despite more than overwhelming evidence, refused to accept the fact that his girlfriend at the time was blatantly cheating on him. She then ended the relationship rather quickly after mysteriously finding the thread in question, sending our young Garry into a fit of emo-esque despair and self-loathing (more-so). He became a non-Christian straight afterwards, presumably because "God stole my girlfriend, I loved her, WHY DID YOU TAKE MY GIRL AWAY FROM ME BAWWWWWWWWW".
[edit] Notable Threads
I am so angry and upset GarryDW is upset because he accidentally comes across his girlfriend's Bebo page only to find that she and a mystery man named Titch have been exchanging suspiciously romantic comments as recently as two hours beforehand. He questions whether to talk to her about it, but decides not to after being advised to do so. Soon after, his girlfriend just so happens to "randomly" find the thread in question on the internet (one in a million chance, really) and promptly dumps him, causing him to go into a fit of rage and sadness, buying her excuse that she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust her. Gets all pissy and uptight when members tell him repeatedly that she was most likely using this as an excuse to break up with him for "Titch", even though the evidence strongly supports their assertions. Accuses CTF of being "all pathetic, uncaring people" thereafter. Still believes that she wasn't cheating on him and that he was a horrible, undeserving person for questioning his girlfriend's credibility in the first place. Note: Scoured the entire thread late into the drama and wiped every post he made.
[edit] Quotes
| —There's a time and a place, HotRhymez. Time and a place. |
| —MissRowboat gets it spot-on. |
| —Phill_R |
| —stormgade4 |
| —Deus |
| —sthatting |
| —Nice try, Suecianus, but the New Testament disagrees with you quite a bit. |
| —AV1611VET |
| —ED attracts the ire of Suecianus. Shit. |
| —JohnR7 |
| —Suecianus |
| —Zealous Zeth, yesterday's Inquisitor today! |
[edit] See also
