Christoph Naumova
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Christoph Naumova -- as he's known on Second Life -- is a closet furry from Chicago, Illinois.
A German Nazi and the leader of an in-game, "for teh lulz" so-called military organization known as the "Vanguard Armed Forces", Christoph claims to be a psychiatrist in real life, always too busy for anything else except psychiatry, Counter-Strike, and Second Life, although he also seems to have enough time to himself for sleeping, stringing people along with falsehoods, and regularly confusing real life with fantasy. Christoph has had a long history on SL, He sticks to the same lie/story before moving onto a new one. It's no doubt that Christoph is not stupid, in the sense that he can remember who knows which story about him. Multiple professions that he has claimed to have been involved in include; Professional Gaming, Psychiatry, English Major, and an editor. In truth, there are sources that have pointed to him actually living with his parents. This is the most logical case, because most furries live with their parents until they are in their late 20s. Christoph has been said to actually be under the age of 18, and still has birthday parties with delicious cake. We all can agree Christoph's life is full of win
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[edit] His Only Pride in Life
As previously stated, Christoph actually runs the Vanguard SL military, based on WWII German armies. THe creativity gone into the military is as unique as Starfinder's Photo manipulations and traces. On SL, there are multiple groups of fags that carry fake guns to compensate for their lack of penises. Vanguard was created from a dramafest in Merczateers, and so he copied another military known as the Ordo and made titles matching language, and small subgroups for his amusement. There are frequent cockslaps between Ordo and Christoph's Vanguard, usually resulting in Christoph BAWWWING from butthurt due to their lack of member. He was evicted from his old sim by intLib after christoph refused to pay rent, and threw a bitchy-fit which can only be compared to that of a furry's.
On SL his profile reads
| —Christoph's SL profile |
This, of course, is all speculation and you should just believe what Chris tells you because he's never wrong.
[edit] How Christoph Gets Off
As previously mentioned, Christoph likes to promise the people he claims to care about money, room and board, and a life of luxury and ease. (It should be noted he usually preys upon those who are in a poor mental or physical condition and desperate to get out of their rut) The longer things go on, however, the more the promise starts to deteriorate. The ease starts to grow less easy and the luxury turns more and more into an "earned privilage". Here's an example of a typical scenario with Christoph and someone who can stroke his ego:
- Week 1: "You're interesting..."
- Month 1: "I love you..."
- Month 2: "I just want you to be happy..."
- Month 3: "I'll fly you up here to Chicago and give you room and board right away!"
- Month 4: "random excuse"
It also should be said that Christoph loves talking on the telephone. After knowing someone for a few days, he will get their telephone number, or skype name. This is where chrisoph starts teh Rape He actually will masturbate on phone, especially if it involves cubfurs. Most of these calls will most likely involve sounds of him fapping his small penis.
[edit] eBitch
Some time before last Thursday, Christoph and a fox furry by the name of Miles05 Reitveld have been Partnered in Second Life. During this time, Chris has cheated on Miles time and time again, both in real life and online. This doesn't bother Miles, however, due to the following.
Chris' Ex-eBitch: Hey, Miles! Are you on? Chris' Ex-eBitch: Aw damn. Okay, well, I gotta talk to you about something important that doesn't have anything to do with your vendor stuff or Twilight Town. I'd appreciate it if you could get back to me so I can get back to you so we can put our heads together. This is about Christoph...and I don't think you're gonna like it, but it has to be said... Sorry. *hugs* Miles05 Reitveld: Well, what's going on? Realize that any quarrels between you and him aren't related to me at all. I wasn't there, and I can't do anything about it. Chris' Ex-eBitch: ANYWAY, I'll come right out and say it. *ahem* He's cheating on ya. With me. :D Or was, until I finally got tired of it. BUT he's still semi-sorta cheating on you with Jessica, so... Supposedly, he's been "trying to tell you" for some time now. Since July 12th or 13th. But you've been "perpetually ill" or "otherwise offline" and "beyond contact," he says. "I wanted to tell him personally," he adds, "which is why I didn't send him an offline IM." Chris' Ex-eBitch: Regardless, I got tired of keeping you in the dark, rudeness or not. So...yeah. Feel free to stab either Jessica or I in the eyes next chance you get. He assured us he was going to "break up with you", but apparently never did, so... Chris' Ex-eBitch: I'm blathering now. Whee! *coughs and hugs* Sorry... Contact me if you need me.
[2008/01/17 9:40] Chris' Ex-eBitch: You can have your boyfriend back, Miles. He lied to me. He lied to my sister to cover his own ass. He's nothing but a lying, cheating son of a bitch. I think the only person he DIDN'T like to was his girlfriend, Jessica Ingmann. And I'm not so sure about that. But he lied about bringing us up there and has been for the past several months. He lied about you dying. He lied about being in love with Jessica, probably, or being in love with you. He just lies to cover his ass and make sure people he wants to use are hearing everything they want to hear instead of the truth until confronted by more than one party. And even then, he has to lie to make the "lesser of two evils" hate him less. Yeah...you can have that lying sack of shit back. He killed Jessica...and he killed me. Emotionally. I'm never going to trust anyone again... [2008/01/17 9:42] Chris' Ex-eBitch: Oh, and he also lied about giving Jessica a new avatar. But that's relatively minor. [2008/01/17 14:34] Miles05 Reitveld: These issues don't sound good at all! I'm sorry this happened. Also, for clarification on my side, he isn't my boyfriend. Hmm... I never thought he would mix the RL and roleplay elements so far... (You can't tell if he's roleplaying or speaking something that he means, which can be confusing). Again, sorry that all happened to you.
It may be worth mentioning that despite the fact "Christoph Naumova" is and has been the one and only person listed in Miles05's "Partner" spot in Second Life, he and Christoph both claim up and down that Miles was talking about someone entirely different, having misunderstood the message sent to begin with. (At least that's what Christoph claims.) Despite this, Chris claims 100% loyalty to Miles and regularly brings up the fact that Miles is going to die some time soon to whomever he's trying to impress at the time.
Miles05 Owns the Twilight Town sim in Second Life, this is his only joy except for awesome Nintendo games, and his iPhone. The sim is another Furry sim in Second Life, and to take note, is easily crashable being Havok 3, and the high amound of primitives in the construction. The sim is based on the Fabulous Kingdom Hearts.
[edit] Christoph is Not Amused!
After seeing the horrifying allegations issued against him in this article, Christoph threatened hot legal action against the creator of this article and the site on which it's posted. This, of course, resulted in Lulz. Christoph will threaten Legal action against anyone that attempts to spread info about his SL self. In truth he will manipulate the TOS, and try to crush willpower. In the end, he is powerless, and treats the Internet like serious business.
Later, to explain his immature reaction to the article, he posted in his profile that he's a changed boy, and that the legal suit is something he would have done back in '07. Now he is attempting to say that he's awesome because of this article, when in fact the parody nature also states the truth. He then explains that his actions that he did try to take were for the lulz, but we all know furries have no concept of the lulz, so they fail. We all know the truth, so we can laugh as he tries to save face.
[edit] Sweet, delicious Internet dox
Beacause it is againt ED policy to post anything that involves IRL info, only internets info will be placed
- xfire:Turtlefound
- Counter-Strike:source: Messiah
- Second Life: Christoph Naumova
- Vanguard Sim: Supox
[19:02] Christoph Naumova: Anyway, nice ED article about me. I dont mind anything about myself, but the Miles stuff is a bit overdone, since you did exclude the other half of the conversation, and he was speaking about Shinrasin Xu. In any sense, I'll give that a week before I post your SSN, both your sisters work and home number, and forward the website/address and a subpoena for slander to you, and most likely have your sister fired and you guys evicted. It's cool to hate me, but not people related to me. Thanks. <3
[19:05] Christoph Naumova: Also you should know in your state it is legal to prosecute you for slander and anything damaging to ones reputation, but I'd be having miles do it, since I dont mind people talking trash about myself. So yeah. Since your sister is a dispatcher and what not, I'm pretty sure she'd be angry if I contacted her and gave her everything until my hearts content. You have a good one thing.
[edit] Stories
Warning tl;dr
[0:57] xx: we all know christoph is a perv [0:57] xx: naumova [0:58] xx: well back in the day i was good friends with miles and I met christoph through lumi and marcus go firgure [0:59] xx: this was along time ago back when me MJ mald and duke lived on a huge parcel, after lumi brought christoph by we all became friends and he started comming and hanging out at our parcel more and more [1:00] xx: well one day he was like DO YOU GUYS HAVE SKYPE BECAUSE I DO AND ITS FUN TO TALK AND PLAY SL AT THE SAME TIME [1:00] xx: because voice wasnt out yet and blah blah [1:00] xx: so we swap skype names and we get into a big ass call [1:00] xx: well christoph took a strong likeing to me but i was already with someone and he was with miles [1:01] xx: one day he asked me for my cell number because he wanted to talk to me somemore and not have to sit up in a chair [1:01] xx: so i gave it to him [1:02] xx: we talked on my cell and such but like he never gave me his number, it was always him calling me after a skype call, his number would always come up private, he said it was because he worked for the goverment [1:03] xx: well we talked and he would start saying things like "Your so cute in all your pics and your such a great artist, I have a tought time trusting people but I trust you" [1:03] xx: till he got to the point where he asked me to be his second mate [1:03] xx: and I was like wtf you got miles and your GAY [1:03] xx: he was like miles isnt around and Im not that gay [1:04] xx: he kept asking and shit, "so DO you like me any?" I would always say well your funny, and thats about it, [1:05] xx: then out of the blue he asked me if i would like to make the snow mew happy I didnt know this at the time but apperently snow mew is his name in bed like sex name and wot not [1:05] xx: then he started to play with him self and begged me to do the same [1:06] xx: at the time I lived in a dorm with two other girls [1:06] xx: I told him no and he's like comeone go into the bath room and play with your self for me [1:07] xx: at this point I was freaking out, so I just laid the phone down beside me and just let him finish, man but I could still hear him moaning and shit [1:08] xx: fucking perv and his phone sex and when he did this i was like oh god, ive just been phone raped [1:08] xx: also i found out over the past year Im not his first [1:08] xx: he's done this to atleast 9 other people that I know of --------------------------------------------------------------------- Story Two: [1:13] xx: I met chris way back around january of like 2006, I met him with my friend corporalchris (now banned because of christoph) at the time christoph was partnered to oreo lagerloff, who was actually like a 18-19 year old in virginia I believe [1:13] xx: at that time chris was scripting/building weapons to sell in his venders so he could go and visit Oreo in person [1:14] xx: over the month, christoph gathered enough money and went to visit Oreo, and they did "stuff" I really don't know what; I never wanted to ask... oreo is like 270 pounds IRL >.> [1:15] xx: according to oreo, christoph looks like a teenager, and was very stuck-up and snotty; and according to christoph, "I would never have sex with that piece of fat shit; and when I refused, he started to whine." [1:16] xx: since I was mainly friends with oreo and such at the time; I lost contact with chris until I ran into him again in taco; he was in some tyrial avatar from Diablo 2, and was hopping around; I started talking to him again and he wasn't hitting on me as much (I used a female white fox those days) [1:17] xx: when miles opened up twilight town is when I got to know chris much better; [1:17] xx: that's whnen the nightmare began D: [1:17] xx: every day he would IM me and start asking, "will you give the snowmew a muzzlejob" and all this other crap, even though I didn't want to [1:18] xx: I was warned by foxalin to NOT give him my IRL phone number because christoph extorted him, and was going to give away personal info to LL; so foxalin left SL, and made an alt; who's name will remain secret. [1:18] xx: he said he has balls of yarn at home [1:20] xx: well I lied to christoph, after hearing this warning and told him that I had skype; and that I cannot give my hom enumber because I live with my parents; and I had lost my cell phone. So he had my skype number, and called me on that [1:21] xx: at first I has extremely shy on skype, because my voice is high and stuff; I was worried about being made fun of; and at the time I believed chris has a PhD and stuff [1:22] xx: he would always call me on skype and then if it was a group call he'd kick everyone out of the call just so he could say stuff like, "I want to buy you a collar IRL so I can leash you and use your body for my penis" [1:22] xx: or he'd say stuff like, "I'm rubbing my cock right now thinking of your fluffiness" [1:23] xx: and it creeped me out; I would just giggle and say, "you are?" or "You're silly/funny" because I DIDN'T want to encourage him; but he kept doing it [1:24] xx: this only pissed off christoph, because I wouldn't respond to his IM's asking for muzzlejobs... [1:25] xx: I basically just began to ignore him, and he stopped IMing; guess he got the hint... He also told me things like, "I own balls of yarn IRL, and I would love you to come over sometime to my house so we can play with them; I like younger furs" [1:25] xx: not until recently did I find out he's younger than me --------------------------------------------------------------------- Why he fails: Since Christoph doesn't need true friends, just hoes to boss around for awhile, then kick out. He has no connections to people sexually, his hands suffice. He also is secretly a Jewish Black man from Russia who wants to corrupt the internets into XXXRusSIaSExpAdxXX and turn the fail-SL Militaries into the XxxruSsiaSEXpaDXxX's IRON CURTAIN. Startling new evidence; [20:16] [CENSORED]: We must end Christoph's reign of terror on Soviet-controlled Eastern Berlin! [20:16] Tyenshinsi Takaaki: SHUT YOUR FACE [20:17] Moose Denja: I fuck dick [20:17] Moose Denja: :D [20:17] Yellow Hyland: :D [20:17] [CENSORED]: He's a poorly educated Jewish Nigger, declared commie Puppet-Governor by Stalin himself! (His gay troops defending the lies of their Communist-Propoganda.)
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