Chuck Norris

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

^This is the gayest thing evar.

Charles Norris is a rather boring karate champion, hairy beast, and star of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Chuck Norris Facts is a prototypical unfunny old meme that most people never liked to begin with. Since Norris' old movies are based on the premise that he has a superhuman ability to kick dirty foreigner ass, the Facts exaggerate these lofty abilities to unlulzy proportions. Adding Chuck Norris Facts anywhere in ED is a bannable offense.

1 Chuck Norris Facts
2 Acting Career
3 Chuck Norris Facts: The Old, Dead, Unfunny Meme
4 Chuck Norris has a lawyer and is suing Penguin
5 Gallery - Adding More Pictures Has Been Proven To Cause GRIDS
6 See Also

[edit] Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin underneath his beard; just a giant pussy.
Before the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet to make sure Chuck Norris folded all of the clothes correctly.
Chuck Norris won't suck your dick for money; he will gladly do it for free.
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups; he's too old.
Chuck Norris never was born, he's the cloned, bleached, and kickass version of Oprah.
Chuck Norris ruins every party he goes to because he is a born again christian fundie.
When Chuck Norris endorses a presidential candidate, it's Mike Huckabee
Chuck Norris once told Chuck Norris a Chuck Norris joke. But Chuck Norris didn't laugh. Because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.
Ray Charles once looked at Chuck Norris, he decided he’d rather never see again.
His only weakness is a paddle.

[edit] Acting Career

For your enjoyment, we've provided a comprehensive look at Chuck Norris' film career in the 6 second clip below.

Chuck vs Stare Cat vs Bruce Lee.

With nothing more than his bare hands and keen intellect, Chuck Norris has killed, maimed, and brutalized hundreds of Hollywood careers. After his fight scene with Chuck Norris, martial arts legend Bruce Lee died. Jonathan Brandis, who starred in Norris' Sidekicks, was reduced to acting opposite a talking dolphin and became an hero when he was cut from Hart's War.

Chuck Norris has the disease Paddlewillownyouia. This is the only true thing that can defeat him

[edit] Chuck Norris Facts: The Old, Dead, Unfunny Meme

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't actually round house people, he swings his dick at them.

Years ago, Chuck Norris had an article at TOW with the following trivia:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried. Ever.
Evolution is a lie, there's just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.

These facts were removed because the editor failed to cite his sources. As time went on, skeptical fucktards began adding fictional "Chuck Norris Facts" to their own lists, joined by bored housewives and sports fans that embraced this new and unfunny meme.

Norris has never denied the original two facts, but has leveraged them in his new career as a fundie butt-puppet.

"Here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures god has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a god, a creator, who made you and me. We were made in his image, which separates us from all other creatures."

-- Chuck Norris, refusing to reveal the species he will kill off next.

"There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris. If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood."

-- Chuck Norris, refusing to cry for cancer patients.

If you really need to find some Chuck Norris Facts, kill yourself. Search The Google for advice on how. Alternatively, consider vandalizing the fuck out of this page: TOW

[edit] Chuck Norris has a lawyer and is suing Penguin

Chuck Norris, understandably annoyed at being the subject of an unfunny meme, has hired an IRL lawyer and is suing publisher Penguin over a book they have published based on the meme.[1]