Closet Furry

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Blu Aardvark is a closet furry...

...so is Simply_Ghastly.

For some sick, fucked up reason furries generally accept their mildly perverted urges to fuck 40 year old basement dwellers in fox suits. That's an accepted fact. But what do you get when the furry doesn't want his acne-afflicted faggot D&D playing friends to know?

[edit] What is a closet furry?

A closet furry is, quite simply, a furfag who is ashamed - and rightly so - of being a sick cunt. He'll hide in his dark, fecal-smelling basement, fapping to Fchan and rolling in his own excrement like a common cur. Chances are that they also cut, and are consequently an emo faggot contemplating their next anthro Waycest fanfic. They will, when accused of being a furry, with all sincerity deny their sexuality but will promptly download - and fap to - infamous bestilolity videos such as Mr. Hands.

[edit] How does one tell if someone is a closet furry?

• If their dog/cat/mudkip has an asshole the size of a small city;
• If they have WikiFur in their browser history - ever;
• If the individual in question has some sort of unexplainable wardrobe malfunction;
• If they send you the following myspays message:

Simply_Ghastly discussing his furfaggotry with a friend

If any of these conditions are met, the individual in question is a fucking furfag, and should be castrated and skinned alive.

[edit] The cat excuse

This graph determines if someone with a cat persona is a closet fur.

A common fursona ploy is using a cat in their name. There, people can say they're furries to their yiff-mate(s) but then to others claim they're just fans of lolcats. For example, on TOW, there's this user named SmokeyTheCat and he is the biggest furfag ever. SmokeyTheCat has no relation at all to SchmuckyTheCat, who is not a furry.

[edit] The Freudian Slip

Some closet furries reveal themselves through Freudian slips. This one guy even had an uncontrollable urge to say his fursona "aardvark" all the time.

[edit] What to do if you are a closet furry

• Fucking self pwn, luser.We dun need no moar furfags, kthx.

[edit] Suspected Closet Furries

• You
• Every single btard
• User:RoyalShitbrick
• User:Meowy
• GreenRaeper who officially denies being a furry
• Bigblackspook
• Blu Aardvark -- not a furry?
• Butch Otter
• Simply_Ghastly is most definitely NOT a furry. He only draws furotica and faps to it in a NON-SEXUAL MANNER.
• Ket - doing non-vandalizing edits to wikifur http://furry.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Contributions/El%2C_oh%2C_el
• Miltopia
• Degen
• Sheneequa - idling in wikifur irc
• Hitler
• Stalin
• Eri-sama
• W
• Danedinodance - Come on guize, totally not a furry.
• Lucky Coyote - I'm just doing this to make money! I'm not a furry at all!
• Otacon -We really know the otaku obsession is just a mask at his closed furfagness.