The Colbert Report
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Some argue that The Colbert Report is a half-hour of the most lulzworthy, blatant satire on TV. As an offshoot to The Daily Show, it's more of the same politically charged humor, but - unlike The Daily Show - it's actually pure, unadulterated EPIC WIN.
Also, whereas the The Daily Show is hosted by a bonafide pompous, unfunny liberal Jew -- Jon Stewart -- the show is hosted by a Stephen Colbert, a /b/tard in NORPs' clothing, whose on-camera persona is a cross between a pompous, neocon blowhard and an ignorant, racist libertarian. He is actually a moderate Catholic in real life, so this is clearly a PoMo television persona heavily steeped in irony.
It also differs from The Daily Show in that it doesn't so much lampoon news and current events, presenting its predictable lulz as actual, relevant serious fucking business (albeit 'with a twist') for mature, sophisticated Liberals, as does Jon Stewart; rather, The Colbert Report takes the news, molests it, disfigures it, mocks it and fucks the shit out of it before sending it to /b/ for additional flavor.
Stephen Colbert is often compared to God. It is decided that's both their power levels have reached a level Over 9,000, so we will wait until Catnarok to see who is more powerful and lulzworthy.
Contents |
[edit] Pet Peeves
Colbert regularly campaigns against such horrible things as TOW, which he regards as being responsible for Wikiality, and liberals, who he regards as the cancer that is killing America. Other things that Colbert currently has ON NOTICE! include:
- Distractions
- Jane Fonda (Fantasies)
- Black Hole at Center of Galaxy
- Grizzly Bears
- Journal of Paleolimnology
- Israeli Newspapers
And amongst things currently Dead To Him are:
[edit] Colbert Trolling
[edit] Trolling Billo The Clown
Colbert has a love/hate relationship with his 'mentor' Papa Bear O'Reilly. In early 2007 Colbert once again whipped out his ground-dragging brass balls to take Billo The Clown to the mat on his own show. After that Colbert made O'Reilly lose The Game during the interveiw. He also stole Billo's microwave from the Fox hospitality room and still haven't given it back.
For his part, Papa Bear returned the favour and appeared on Colbert's show...where he got pwnt again. Google for the link cos Viacom are Nazis when it comes to Comedy Central clips on YouTube.
[edit] Trolling Politicians
He also frequently trolls publicity-hungry politicians and the Congressional Districts they represent when they agree to appear on the show's "Better Know A District" segment. Howevar, in early 2007, after unprecedented amounts of pwnage and butthurt were detected by the Democratic party, the head of their national caucus issued a warning for Dems to steer clear of Colbert and his show.
Almost immediately, Tennessee representative Steve Cohen ignored the advice and went on the show to be ræped by Colbert by asking him whether he's "the first Jew from Tennessee" and whether his claim that he has "the voting record of a black woman" means that he is, in fact, a black woman.
One of his is most EPIC WIN evar in this department came when he persuaded Florida Congressman Robert Wexler (D) to endorse cocaine and hookers on camera since he was running unopposed for re-election.
| —Wexler |
| —Wexler |
| —Colbert |
| —Wexler |
| —Colbert |
[edit] Giant Balls Of Steel
But his finest moment in the IRL trolling department came at the 2006 Associated Press White House Correspondants Dinner, where he stood on the same podium as George Bush, with about three people separating them, and ræped the fuck out of Bush. Here is the ruin in three parts.
[edit] Personal Army
Colbert has a vast personal army of fanbois and goils called The Colbert Nation. Over a million strong, this loyal following is willing to do Stephen's bidding without question. For example, in January, 2007 Colbert was disrespected by a Canadian Jr. League Hockey team the Oshawa Generals when their fans threw Teddy bears on the ice after beating his adopted team the Saginaw Spirit on home turf -General Motors Center. To get revenge, he urged the Colbert Nation to download GM's 150 page annual report to throw on the ice during the rematch at Saginaw.
[edit] The John McCain Greenscreen Challenge
Republican presidential candidate John McCain is so uninteresting to the American public at large, that Stephen Colbert recently issued the Colbert Nation a challenge. That challenge?...to make McCain moar interesting via his Greenscreen Challenge.
[edit] Zombie Version
[edit] Star Trek Version
[edit] Gray Ambition
[edit] Colbert and TOW
Colbert had always been held in high regard by many ED and 4chan users, often referencing content found on said sites. However, on his August 1, 2006 show Mr. Colbert went above and beyond the call of ED duty when he urged viewers to vandalize TOW and did so on air.
His beef was Wikiality which he describes as TOW's version of (user driven) 'truth' as opposed to what is actually true. He explained that on Wikipedia "any user can change any entry, and if enough users agree with them, it becomes true." Thus, he argued, it would be easy to solve many of the world's problems if TOW reflected the 'truth' to say there were no problems.
To prove his point, he urged the Colbert Nation to change the 'endangered' status of African elephants to being off the endangered list by going onto Wikipedia and edit the article on elephants so that it would say: Elephant population in Africa has tripled over the past six months.
The Wikipedos shit their pants as at least 1,000,000 people added the lulz to all the articles on elephants and crashed all of their servers. They ended up banning him out of spite... which is pretty fucking awesome. You jackass, read the User Talk page. Even more awesome is the fact that what he posted on Wikipedia ACTUALLY CAME TRUE!!! Thus proving the Over 9000 ranking of his power levels.
Colbert also has beef with what he calls "Wikilobbying" which he described as "when money determines Wikipedia entries, reality has become a commodity", alluding to a case where Microsoft got busted for hiring someone to 'pretty up' their TOW entry. He also bagged on "Self-determination", where corporations are allowed to act out their fantasies online by editing their own Wikipedia entries. Colbert described Wikipedia as, "Second Life for corporations", saying if a sleazy corporation wants to pretend to be squeaky clean online, then that is their business.
[edit] ED Approved
The Colbert Report gets the Encyclopedia Dramatica seal of approval for thoroughly pwning Wikipedia.
| HEY THERE! Hey, The Colbert Report! I saw what you did with TOW I just wanted to say keep up the good work |
[edit] The Stephen Colbert Hid
He also successfully engineered and led a Colbert Nation [1] campaign to have a new bridge in Budapest named after him by flooding an official Hungarian government website [2] with bot generated votes for The Stephen Colbert Hid (bridge).
Although he handily won the naming rights in two rounds of voting (final results can be seen here [3]), the Hungarian government sent their Ambassador to the United States (ya rly) to The Colbert Report where they proceeded to weasel out of the deal by pointing out that the fine-print necessitated that he not only had to be fluent in Hungarian but he also needed to be dead [4].
Upon hearing the news, outraged Hungarian Colbert Nationalists stormed the Hungarian Parliament, demanding that Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany resign after it was revealed he lied to the country about Mr. Colbert in order to win re-election last April. [5]
As of this writing, the stalemate over the naming rights and the resulting riots has all the hallmarks of a serious International Incident. Accordingly, United Nations Supreme Leader Hugo Chavez, [6] has ordered a peacekeeping force to the areas to kill the Jews.
[edit] Call 1-888-OOPS-JEW:Colbert & Jews
After it was recently revealed to him by a scientist that since he's of European stock, he has a 75% chance of being an Ashkenazi (German) Jew, Colbert re-installed his special phone line to allow his Jewish 'friends' to call him to apologize during their ongoing Days of Atonement holiday.
As of yet, no Jew has apologized for pwning Jesus but the search continues.
Colbert has also created some butthurt from audience Juden with a shooped image of a fake airline called Air Aryan ("the airline with the most overhead arm room sponsored David Duke") and a Holocaust denial comment directed at Jews whilst roleplaying Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:
| — |
[edit] Stephen Colbert '08
Last Thursday, Stephen Colbert announced on The Daily Show to John Stewart that he is running for president of the USA.
| —Stephen Colbert |
Later on The Colbert Report, a much more prestigious show, Stephen announced that:
| —Stephen Colbert |
He has entered the primaries in South Carolina as part of the "Favorite Son". For many of his 14-year-old-fans, this was first time they encountered such hilariously edgy humor, though MAD Magazine has done this shtick since the 1950s. Old meme is ollllddddd.
A possible combination of bumper stickers might be:
It is also suggested that people write him in for President in '08. As many as possible.
Colbert's original intention was to run in both the Republican and Democratic primaries. Due to "the man's" fascist federal election laws, Colbert was required to limit his campaign spending to $5,000 to avoid getting a free one way ticket to meet Bubba. The Republicans wanted $35,000 from him to file his intent to run. The Democrats wanted $2500. Needless to say, Colbert's ambition to lose twice was quickly killed, and he submitted to the Democrats.
Last Thursday, the South Carolina Democratic Party's Executive Committee voted 13-3 in favor of keeping Colbert off the ballot, stating that he is not a "nationally viable" candidate as he is only running in one state. The truthiness of the situation: they're just shitscared that over 9000 people would vote for him and make them all look fucking retarded.
Speculation is that next week Colbert's giant sand-dragging brass balls will announce their intention to be running mates on an an independent ticket. They're currently polling higher than Dennis Kucinich and that douche from Law & Order that isn't Sam Waterston.
[edit] Colbert Pwns 2007
December 20 2007: Colbert kicks the shit out of Harry Potter author J.K Rowling, and Global Warming's The Internet's inventor Al Gore by being picked as AP's Celebrity of the Year 2007.
As discussed, Colbert's sand dragging balls did not even do an interview. Instead he sends this out via an undisclosed tittie bar's free Internets service:
| —Stephen Colbert. Nuts hanging Low and swinging'. |
[edit] Magic Eyes
Stephen Colbert has said many times on his show he does not have the capability to see races. This means Stephen Colbert could walk past a few niggers and get jumped. If you see Stephen Colbert, please, tell him of any niggers around.
[edit] Wriststrong
On his show, sometime mid-summer, Colbert broke his wrist.. It is now your duty to go to http://www.colbertnation.com and buy a Wriststrong bracelet.
Now, Colbert says that if you do this, you must find someone famous and give it to them. DO IT, FAGGOT!
[edit] Colbert's DNA shot into space
On September 8, 2008, it was reported that, no matter what happens to the fucktards on planet Earth, Stephen Colbert would ultimately live on, proving once again that he is better than you. This is thanks, in part, to less-than-important video game designer Richard Garriott, who is being shot into space at over 9,000 mph. He will travel to the International Space Station, which has been good for practically nothing, except that Garriott will use the space station to shoot Stephen Colbert's hot load of impressive DNA into space so that, just in case some alien race finds it, Stephen Colbert and the human race can live on.
| —Stephen Colbert. |
[edit] Important Links
- The 'Colbert Nation' fanboy site; your one stop shop for all things Colbert.
- STREAM EPISODES HERE
- Stephen Colbert's own Wikiality
- Make your own on notice board!
- Make your own Threat-Down list.
*Video! Colbert explains Wikiality and advocates vandalising TOW for great justice and elephant rights.
*Video! Colbert trolls TOW again.
*Video! Stephen asks Wikipedia's Jimmy Wales about Miltopia's ban.
*Video! Stephan asks craigslist's Craig Newmark about hooking up with bears.
- Video! Colbert pwns W at '06 White House Correspondents Dinner.
- Video! Colbert explains GooTube -the Google/YouTube merger.
[edit] See Also
 The Colbert Report is part of a series on Fox News | Allies
Ann Coulter | Matt Drudge | Sean Hannity | Joe Lieberman | Michelle Malkin | Rachel Marsden | Bill O'Reilly | Karl Rove | Rick Santorum | Rod Wheeler Enemies of State Anonymous | Al Gore | Barack Hussein Obama | Emos | EXTREMIST FAR LEFT INTERNET HATE GROUP | Fred Phelps | Hillary Clinton | Hugo Chavez | The Internet | John Edwards | Keith Olbermann | Liberals | Macaca | Mexicans | Logic | Osama Bin Laden | Ron Paul | Stephen Colbert | Terrorists Buy A Dog | Corruption of LOL | Exploding Van | HACKERS ON STEROIDS | INTERNET HATE MACHINE |
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