Coloumbia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Colombia Columbia is a big country in the north part of South America, it used to be owned by Spain but they got tired of putting up with all the coke heads so they moved out and thus began the big party.
Columbia is famous for its mountain range made of pure cocaine, also known as the "Big Rock Candy Mountain."
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Demographic
If you live in Columbia you are either an evil scum landowner/drug dealer with lots of servants or you are a servant. It is also referred to as "Cocainia" or "La Tierra de Escobar." Colembians are often referred to as "Burrofuckers" or "Escobarites".
Politics
Pablo Escobar was the president of Columbia for many years before George W. Bush shot him with a 9mm and then installed his own personal army of CIA-trained burrofuckers to run the country. The present president of Columbia is called Alvaro Uribe and he just changed the constitution so that he can never be deposed from the throne atop the mountain of cocaine.
If you want to get into politics in Cul00mbia you can just bribe an election official with a couple of kilos of cocaine. Depending on how many gs of cocaine you supply to him depends on how many votes you get. Once the votes are counted there is a big party with lots of cocaine and the compulsory burro orgy.
Get High
Columbians really like getting high so much so that they invented cannabis and figured out how to grown cocaine and coffee.
If you go to Culombia you can get high, kidnapped or both at the same time.
Sometimes you will see armed revolutionaries in the jungle, but they are too busy trying to get high so they will often ignore you unless you try to steal their stash.
Most people don't know where Col0mbia is only that they have mountains of cocaine and its somewhere near Miami.
Most Columbians left Columbia and now live in Miami, they are fighting for control of Florida with the Puerto Ricans and the Cy00bans. But since the Columbians are always trying to get high they are loosing the battle. Soon there is going to be an all out war with the Mexicans who own California.
If you see a Columbian on the street offer him cocaine.
Pastimes
When not doing lines of coke, Columbians like to fornicate with donkeys (Spanish, burro.) For moar info, see Furries. Also they like to kill each other all the time (just for the lulz) and they even invented the "columbian necktie".
Religion
Culembia is 100% Catholic. Most Columbians worship the Pope. However the C0lumbian sect of Catholicism is slightly different from the rest of the world. The head bishop of Cocainia discovered that there is a part in the Bible that says that you can fuck your own mother or a donkey, or kill someone as long as you go to church. Consequently all assassins go to church before and after they kill someone, or have sex with a donkey (tr00 story).
Pastimes
- Doing/making drugs
- Bribery
- Burro Fucking
- Drug Traficking
- Selling Babies
- Killing Babies and hiding coke in them
- Playing "Hide the Gringo"
- Murder by chainsaw
- Tejo
- Drinking aguardiente
- Bragging about Shakira, Juanes, cumbia/vallenato, coffee, emeralds, Columbian Spanish, and anything else Columbian.
- Playing Parcheesi. No rly. There are no internets in Columbia.
Famous Columbians
- Pablo Escobar
- Juan Valdez
- Tirofijo
- Abejita
- Anonymous of Colombia !pkzejWGkfw
Shakira and Juanes does not count because she's a burrofucker/sand nigger malcreada and he sings bad.
Common Columbian Occupations
- Drug Baron
- Drug Dealer
- Drug Trafficker
- Drug Mule
- Drug Picker
- Drug Lab Worker
- Hitman
- Priest
- Drug Addict
- Corrupt Government Official
- Paramilitary
See Also
