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Columbine

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Interesting Fact:
This article contains an hero.

Most School Shootings are done by people who can't hit their targets.

4/20 lol

The one on the left was clearly "The Brains" of this operation.

A photo taken just after the massacre.

The Heroes of Columbine.

lol

In Littleton, Colorado, two fag muffins went on a trolling spree at Columbine (moar like LOLumbine, amirite?) High School and pwnd random students for the lulz. Their names were Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold and Cockmongler (Who was in fact the debated-about third cock sucker/shooter). After their trolling spree, they became An heroes and banned themselves IRL.

The teledrama Zero Hour which you can jump to from this page has as much to do with reality as the alternative but identical take in the movie Elephant. Or you could just watch the Meatspin video instead of Elephant or Zero Day.

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part One

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part Two

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part Three

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part Four

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part Five

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part Six

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part Seven

Discovery Channel Mockumentary - Columbine - Zero Hour - Part Eight

1 History
2 Controversy
3 Friends of Rachael club
4 Cassie Bernall
5 JO MAMMA!
6 Mitchell Henderson
7 Gallery
8 See Also
9 External Links

[edit] History

On April 20th, two 13 year old boys who played way too much Doom while listenting to KMFDM ended up to creating a stage map for the game. As part of their intricate plan they carried dozens of weapons into their school and shot random people who were really space demons in disguise. Of course someone felt the need to SWITCH IMMEDIATELY THE POLICE ON!!!!!1!1!!!!oneone!!!one!! to announce that video games are evil and that Jesus writes better Doom maps. In a fit of angst, the two boys killed themselves rather than be pwned by Jesus. For years afterwards goths whined about not being able to wear trenchcoats and spiked bracelets to school anymore.

Columbine is now the second deadliest School Shooting (surpassed by Virginia Tech massacre in 2007) in the USA's history with a body count of over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!, but this record will probably be broken again quite soon as the emo subculture is growing fast. However, since terrorism trumped the fuck out of school shootings in the media game, we probably won't hear as much about it if anyone beats their high score.

[edit] Controversy

Some argue that Eric and Dylan were lovers and that Jews did Columbine. What is funny about this though, is the fact that Dylan and Eric were actually part of a Jewish power movement bent on exterminating non jews, causing much lulz to people smart enough to research things. This also made the gods of irony cum instantly upon hearing the "friends of rachael club" say that Eric and Dylan were "Hitler worshipers". lol. This picture, however, proves that they were homosexuals.

OPS!

[edit] Friends of Rachael club

Rachael was some stupid cunt who made the mistake of eating outside the front door of Columbine High school the day of the pwnage. She caught a few dozen rounds in the tits and died. This caused many Christfag family members to instantly bawwww over the loss of their little girl. They then decided to market her. They said that "she envisioned changing the world" and that in her bullet ridden notebook she drew a picture of a plant crying "9 tears". Those "9 tears" were apparently a psychic vision made by the dead bitch. So the hillbilly fucks started a group/way to make money from the death of a family member, called the "friends of Rachael club". Basically they troll the hallways of high schools asking people to be nice to random wapanease and animefags and asking for donations. Only fat losers, cunts with no boy friends, furries, and dykes are in the friends of Rachael club. To sell the groups image they had a random hick they paid in moonshine say he was Rachael’s uncle, and that Eric and Dylan were Nazis. When he said this, schools everywhere then shat bricks and exclaimed in the genius fashion that only highschoolers can achieve, "HITLER IS BAD!!!1ONEONEONE" Many other students then responded by closing the pool and forming 8 man swastigets.

tl;dr Rachael got owned and family is butthurt.

[edit] Cassie Bernall

Urban legend has it that one of their victims, a girl named Cassie, was reading a Bible in study hall when the two stormed in and started trolling IRL. The less socially awkward boy noticed this and allegedly asked her, "Do you believe in God?" to which she answered "yes" and was beaten to death with a crowbar. IRL none of this actually happened, as he simply shot her since she was cowering like a bitch. The last person to see her alive said that her last words were "Dear God. Dear God. Why is this happening? I just want to go home," one of the whiniest things heard by man, so the shooter was obligated to shoot her. Her parents have since milked the story to make lots of money as neither of them have a conscience. She has since become an hero to the cult of Christianity.

People try to use Cassie's death as a way to prove the so-called oppression of the Christians in today's society forgeting the other godless heathens who were shot that day who totally deserved it.

Until, of course, you point out to them that no one asked Cassie a goddamn thing and that the question was really directed at another girl, Valeen Schnurr, who lived through the massacre, but didn't get the credit due to her incredibly stupid-sounding name. Survivors are nowhere near as marketable as martyrs. Also, it's much harder to make something someone said seem profound and inspriring and worthy of being printed on a keychain if they're still around later to say something else stupid enough to ruin it.

[edit] JO MAMMA!

Further proof of the supreme lulzmanship of these batshit insane basement dwellers: Eric Harris, who would have been a /b/tard who looks at furry pr0nz if there were such thing in 199whatever, had a number of webpages, the most important of which contains humor far too sophisticated for its time, mirrored here.

Prime selections:

JO mamma's kitchen lights are SO bright that you can see grease, dust, or any other bad thing in need of seeing..... JJJEEAAAA!!!!!!!!!

JO mamma sees so many stray dogs in her neighborhood that she talks the humans society a lot..... JJJEAAAAA

Jo mamma likes cheesecake so much that she make a pretty good one herself!....whenever she wants!......one......JEEEYAAAAA!!!

Jo mamma has said the word carrot so many times, that she is very good at pronouncing it! JEEEEYAAAAA!!!''

Insults done by REB, VoDkA, and KiBBz. Badass.

[edit] Mitchell Henderson

Oddly enough, Mitchell Henderson became an hero on 4/20 2006. According to some 4chan experts, he was trying to be as cool as his gay role-models. Sadly, he only killed himself.