Criss Angel
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Interesting Fact: This article contains an hero. |
Criss Angel is a witch. He is the child of Siegfried & Roy, a famous couple noted for their faggotry. He used to be a normal man until he became an hero. He then came back, something Jesus couldn't do, and found he was invincible. He is a fucking witch. If you question him he will kill you with his witch....ery... He is also an emo faggot drama whore.
His show is called Mindfreak or Buttfreak (less gay name for Mindfreak) and is totally awesome and shows off his witchery. It is awesome in the 'not in any way fake' sorta way. He inadvertantly causes lulz, because he thinks he is serious business. He acts like an EmoFag to display this. He dresses like some emo 16-year old girl at the mall, even though he is in his mid-thirties. Didn't think he was that fucking old? Well, the moar you know, pal.
He also has an annoying speech impediment.
Wikifgts Fight for their Patron Saints of Completely 100% Real and in No Way Fake Magic
From the Wikipedia talk page:
- Angel isn't fake, in fact I'm 100% convinced he does have some supernatural power. Yes yes I know that the point of his illusions is make you think so, but some things he does is absolutely impossible by any means. In addition to his "panty-color predicting" trick, another one comes to mind: He takes a painted card out of a strictly ordinary painting...literally. When he takes it out, the card is no longer there, then he creases it, and puts it back, and it's painted with the crease, when it wasn't there originally. He also takes a $100 bill and a martini glass out of the painting, and again when he takes them out they're not in the painting. He then puts it back. And this is (as far as I can tell) a continuous camera shot, so there's no way the painting could have been replaced. That's my proof. I'd like to see a skeptic try to refute that trick. -Eridani 03:18, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
- Angel is fake, in fact I'm 100% convinced he is a fag that doesn't have some supernatural power and David Blaine kicks his ass. Yes yes I know that David Blaine doesn't do magic but he is still better.
- How about you leave? You're the one shoving your damn anti-Criss opinions {which no Criss fan here is buying, BTW} down everyone's throats. Here's an idea: if you hate Criss so much, don't watch his damn show, don't harrass his fans, just don't have anything to do with him. If I don't like something, I just don't involve myself in it. You should do the same. Simple solution.
For more of this stupid crap, see any Youtube video or more of the Wikipedia talk page. TL;DR
Criss Angel Throwins a Fit and Being Butthurt
In February of 2002, Criss Angel hung from 8 fishhooks for 5 hours and 40 minutes in Times Square, setting a world record. On January 11th, 2008, Matt 'The Lord' Zane broke Criss Angel's record as he suspended for 6 hours from FOUR, not EIGHT, shark hooks in Las Vegas, Nevada. Angel was so butthurt by being outdone he banned everyone from talking about it on his message board, located here.
| —Matt Zane |
You can go here to make Criss more butthurt by purchasing Zane's "Angel Killer" t-shirts.
Criss Angel the rip off artist
Criss Angel claims to be the first person to suspend himself from a helicopter by hooks, when, in fact, the stunt was first performed by Joey Strange, to whom Angel refuses to give credit for the idea and original stunt.
Criss was also the first person to play Russian Roulette live on TV. Outrageously, English mind-bender Derren Brown stole Criss' idea, then - to throw people off the scent - did it at least four years before Criss, and made it entertaining. Sadly, Angel failed to succeed at becoming an hero, and - after crying like a pussy in front of the fat shit from Korn - continues to make magic that's totally real and not faked, like turning off the entire planet's gravity for a year and finding some nigger extra to go "OH SHI-" on camera like he isn't being given from fried chicken for his trouble.
MAD TV Spoof
Things Criss Angel Can Do (Apparently)
- Fly
- Defy gravity.
- Shit standing up.
- Travel though solids. (i.e. your pants to jam your dick in his mouth)
- Walk on water.
- Turn into water.
- Eat dicks.
- Shit razors, because he's an emo fag.
Generating Drama/Trolling
- Go to any Mindfreak YouTube Video
- Post "this guy is fake" or words to that effect
- Wait 15 seconds
- Say 'David Blaine>>>Criss Angel'
Moar drama
- Go to a church
- Ask a fuckhead if Jesus is an over hyped Criss Angel
- If he denies it, burn down the place
Chris Angel is really fucking Emo
If this doesn't make you laugh till you feel like your guts are about to dribble out of your asshole, you need to reassess your sense of humour. (Methinks Anon is exaggerating the lulz factor of this video. Funny, but "dribble out your asshole" funny? No.)
External Links
- He's totally not walking on a plastic bridge here! (Note how once he kicks off his shoes he sinks a couple centimetres, lol)
- More shitty camera editing
- Criss Angel, Pedofreak
- Criss' decidedly un-emo homepage (Disable speakers if you don't want AIDS)
- Robot Chicken tears Angel a new asshole
- Criss Angel Exposed as fraud by Fox 13 in Tampa Bay
- David Blaine is also a fraud
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