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Cylon

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Does not actually make toast.

Cylons are robot soldiers employed by Google to update their search indexes. They have had cameo appearances in multiple television series called Battleballs Galactiballs.

1 The Old Cylons
2 The New Cylons
3 Flavors Of Cylon
4 No spoilers here
5 See also
6 External Links

[edit] The Old Cylons

At least 100 years ago, Cylons were chrome-colored robots, except for the HCIC, who was gold. Anyway, they spoke with a buzzing electronic voice and had a distinctive red, probing eye. You remember that one really great episode from the older series where Starbuck was marooned on a planet with a Cylon who became his gay lover/nagging housewife? That was good shit.

[edit] The New Cylons

A typical Cylon.

No longer strictly robots, but rather meat robots, the new cylons mostly consist of aloof faggots and fuck-crazy B-movie lesbians, all of whom are monotheistic. The Twelve Colonies of Humanity created the Cylons (the robot ones, before they were meat robots like they are now) to work in hazardous situations: data mining, tech support, Jew-baiting, and clearing out asbestos. Cheney then sent them to Iraq, even though, ironically, Cylons did 9/11.

When the Cylons inevitably revolted, they had knowledge of how to fight. A ruinous war ensued, which ended in an armistice and the Cylons heading off to find a homeworld of their own. Over the next 40 years, they came up with various new models, culminating in replicants that are virtually indistuinguishable from humans. These new models then returned to Colonial space, with hilarious results. They currently seem obsessed with the notion of making hybrid human-Cylon babies, with complicated plans involving seducing downed pilots. As a result, fanboys stopped complaining about how little the new show was like the old, and love the new sexy Cylons. During the course of the series, there was little or no mention of monetary problems of any kind which leads people to believe that Cylons may be descendants of the Nintendo DS and the Jews seeing as they are highly adept at printing money. The colonials have yet to find a cylon that can make a proper meal.

Anyway, the whole thing is a ripoff of Berzerk, anyway. Xenu told me about Berzerk. Listen ... Listen. Do you hear Xenu?