Dallas, TX
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Contents |
[edit] Introduction
Welcome to Dallas, Southside Texas
Don't come with no hoe shit, nigger this Texas
You will get murdered, you're neckless
Better respect this, or lay out breathless
Big Tuck, "Dallas" poetry club
[edit] Population
The population of Dallas is zero, as will be quickly evident whenever one meets an alleged citizen of Dallas. In fact, such alleged citizens will invariably enact what has become known as the "Dallas Does Not Exist" ritual: "Hi, I'm from Dallas! Well, not really Dallas, I'm from (Plano/Richardson/Carrollton/Arlington/Fort Worth/Any of the hundreds of other "cities" in the area)". Cartographers are largely undecided on the matter: some hold that "Dallas" does not actually exist but many others believe that it consists of a single building occupied by a guy named Lee. However, when questioned Lee simply responded, "Well I'm not really from Dallas, I'm from McKinney."
There exist a large number of social classes in "Dallas", the largest of which include gays, wannabe cowboys, snobs, and emo people. People in "Dallas" think they are better than people in Fort Worth because "Dallas" is bigger, entirely hypothetical, and obviously more important. "Dallas" has a huge-ass airport (DFW) which connects people who want to go on to even more important places. Owing largely to the hypothetical nature of "Dallas", it is impossible to fly through "Dallas" with less than a one hour delay
Thousands of people move to the area each year because of the "good schools" and "family-oriented values of the communities." They obviously have overlooked places like Oak Cliff (Niggerville), Oak Lawn (Fag City), South Dallas (extension of Oak Cliff), Mesquite (Redneck Capital of the USA), Richardson (Mexico) and choose to ignore the sea of suburban hell known as everything else (Carrollton, Plano, Irving, Arlington, Grand Prairie, etc.)
People in "Dallas" like to think that they are more important than people from Houston because the Dallas CMSA contains over 6 million people, as opposed to Houston's mere 5.5 million. Fort Worth and Tarrant County help to bring in half of the metropolitan area's population, but people in "Dallas" like to think that their city is responsible for all of it. They also like to think "Dallas" is the center of everything cultural in the southwest because they have the first Neiman Marcus.
[edit] Events
A-kon is probably the South's biggest anime convention which is held at the Adam Mark's Hotel. Tons of weirdo cosplayers there. Which leads to the amount of weaboo faggotry in the Dallas Area.
[edit] Sports
"Dallas" is renowned as the home of the Dallas Magpies. There are also a number of less interesting sports teams based in the area.
Rousing games of "Let's Shoot the President in the Head" have gone out of fashion since 1963.
[edit] People
Dallas has only 2 original people. The rest are clones.
- Type 1: One is the liberal who is discontent with their people's reputation as conservatives. This fellow listens to obscure music, is "Cultured", and often is adopted.
- Type 2: Two is a conservative christian who is discontent with the "Fall of modern society" and sends their emo children to Episcopal School of Dallas. (www.esdallas.org ) They do this only to brag about it to their friends at starbux. Starbux is the gathering place of these people, and they organize their gay burning campaigns there, while not seeing the liberal agenda of starbux.
- Type 3: Three are the blood sucking homeless. They come in all shapes, sizes, and ethnicities. For the most part the homeless are brain eating scavengers of Greyhound bus stations. They will sodomize you. They will drag you into an alley. You will afterwards look like this.
The lone exception to this otherwise universal dichotomy was the existence of Dallasite Dimebag Darrell, who was from Arlington anyway. He has since been shot to death, which is sort of a local speciality amirite?
[edit] FUCKING PARKIES
