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Dane Cook

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Dane Cook, (moar like Dane Suck, amirite?) being a faggot.

For the record: Dane Cook is fucking horrible. Absolutely asshole-sucking awful. He is an unfunny ball-sucking fucktard of a "comedian" who must have sold his soul to the Dark Lord Satan himself to become famous. At any given time, wherever funny is, Dane Cook is over 9000 miles away from it.

Cook boldly represents a new brand of 21st Century comedian; a comedian whose act doesn't rely on being funny. This may seem contrary to what common sense would indicate (especially considering the fucking insane levels of popularity that he has gained), and so you might argue that this douche-bag must have told a good joke at some point in his career. You would be wrong. In days gone by a comedian actually had to be amusing; but not any more.

He is mostly admired by 16 year old girls and lesbians, who want to take it in the ass from him. 13 year old boys usually tell 16 year old girls that they like Dane, so they can get roman showers. He's also been well known for blatantly stealing material from funnier and more original comedians, most notably HBO's Louis CK 1. CK can be quoted saying "Fuck Dane Cook, he's a cunt." People tend to take that way too seriously and shit themselves over it, creating lots of lulz.

As an 'actor' in such recent films as Dan in Real Life (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007) and Mr. Brooks (2007) Dane Cook is facepalm fail.

1 Why is Dane Cook?
2 Dane Cook: Cam Whore
3 Dane Cook's Fans
4 Formula For Every Dane Cook Joke
5 Did you know...
6 Dane Cook on the Youtubes
7 Also See:

[edit] Why is Dane Cook?

Dane Cook was created by Hollywood jews for the purpose of a mass-produced, non offensive puppet of a man to please brat boys and sorority girls.

He's headlined a tour, had an HBO Special, and has been on several talk shows. Why? To force feed you the thought that he is actually funny. He is engineered to be what the American public wants: unoffensive, white, male, and he could be the kid next door. Unfortunatley, the American public is retarded.

[edit] Dane Cook: Cam Whore

Dane Cook made himself famous on the interbutts through his MySpace which now has over two million "friends". This alone launched his superstar "comedy" career. As such, he is the most successful attention whore the Informationweb Supernetwork has ever created.

Making a video about getting 2 million friends? If you think that this is a notable life accomplishment, then you should kill yourself.

^^Notice how the other actors are funny... But still not Dane Cook.

[edit] Dane Cook's Fans

Dane Cook is popular among orangeskin retards and people who have never heard any other stand-up comic in their life. Dane Cook's comedy routines usually consist of telling real-life stories and trying to make them funny by making the sort of exaggerated expressions and voices that you might expect from a first-grade class clown, while never actually saying anything funny. This causes him to fail miserably, especially when he used his "superfinger" gesture. This is done by flipping someone off using your ring and middle finger, causing frat douches everywhere to laugh uncontrollably. If Jerry Seinfeld decided to hit himself in the head with a claw hammer, smoke an eight-ball of crack and then take it up the ass, then he would be exactly like Dane Cook.

His more devoted fans typically defend him with laughable or just plain trite explanations, usually along the lines of: "He tells it how it is!!"; "Everyone who 'bashes' Dane and the work he does needs to shut their mouths until they get to know the real him!!111"; "He didn't steal from Louis C.K, he made it better!" or "I think Dane Cook is a pretty cool guy. eh talks about his RL experiences and doesn't afraid of anything"

(Predictably enough, 98% of these virulently defensive hero-worshipping comedy groupies have never even had the opportunity to exchange a few brief words with the disinterested hack at one of his shows.)

His screeching voice is also similar to 13 year old boys.

Just as a final note, it must be repeated that Dane Cook is not funny; his stand up, his movies — none of it. It's not even up for discussion. Dane Cook sucks balls.

[edit] Formula For Every Dane Cook Joke

You, too, can write your own joke! It's easy! Just follow the formula below:

Start out with "So the other day,"
Talk about some mundane activity that everyone does. This is sure to build a connection with the audience. They'll be thinking, "Wow. He's just like me. I do that too!"
Repeat what you did in a sentence fragment. Then yell it and add the word "fucking."
Wait for the female screaming to end.
Add in some ridiculous, unrealistic aspect to the story. Maybe make up a word here.
Mention one of your old jokes. Fanboys who have heard this joke will clap appreciatively.
Go off on tangent telling another story. Return to step 1.
Go back to your original story, which you almost forgot about due to an extreme case of ADD.
Exaggerate. Every. Single. Detail.
Become a victim of the story going on.
Small tangent here. Don't forget to keep saying "fucking."
In a fell swoop of Deus Ex machina, overcome the odds and become the victor of your story. The more unrealistic the victory, the better.
Add a tangent on how you would further achieve victory in the most ridiculous way possible.
Nod your head and say "Yeeeeeeah, that's right!" to the crowd as they give you one of numerous standing ovations at the end of every "joke".
????
PROFIT!