Dave Eggers
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Slang for pretentious white asshole who is self-conscious about the ironic and detached way he views the world yet raves on ... and on ... and on ... about seriousness of viewpoint.
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[edit] Eggered
- egger
- egger, eggered, eggering
Eggering is what rich kids do when they grow up, move out of their parents' houses, and decide to sit around and talk about how great they are being "artists" or "writers" since they never have to worry about getting real jobs. Eggered refers to the rotten feeling the reader has after ploughing through his magnum opus, as in Shit, dude, I've been seriously eggered. "To egger" refers to extreme emotional manipulation; I don't care about anyone in my family, but some of them are dead, won't you fuck me dude? is a prime example.
[edit] OMG He Published His Diarrhoea
Eggers swindled readers around the world with the publication of his cynical first novel, A Staggeringly Shallow Work of Heavy-Handedly Self-Promoting Gibberish. The book, part megalomaniacal rant, part maudlin confessional, and shameless self-promotion throughout, immediately established the Lake Forest native as one of the most noted con artists of his generation.
[edit] Plot
The plot in a nutshell follows.
Both my parents died tragically in quick succession. I give many examples intended to show that I must be the most sensitive and caring guy in the world. I was obsessed with getting on some stupid TV program but didn't and tried to get some people arrested for a theft they didn't commit. Don't you want to fuck me?
[edit] The Strategy
Eggers lovingly recounts his struggle to get the attention he desperately craves armed only with a preposterously swollen ego and a substantial inheritance from his parents. His audacity in playing out the long, painful deaths of his mother and father to gain sympathy and fool the reader into swallowing more of his self-serving crap than they otherwise would is perhaps the most staggering feature of his "memoir". This control freak seriously offended his sister, who said that she had a much bigger role in the things Eggy Boy depicts as proving how he's a great "dude" in his "memoir" than he'd ever be willing to let on.
The New York Post claimed that she is no longer alive; allegedly, this was a suicide. In fact, nobody seems to be certain whether she is dead or the claim was a hoax in the poorest taste.
[edit] On-line Bullshit
Despite the author's apparent ignorance of things on-line in his shitty first book given the relatively recent setting, Eggers is now plural, having of course become several minor Internet memes. Following the success of SSWHSG, Eggers became a fixture in the American literary scene; predictably, many excruciatingly one-eyed on-line fora are filled with morons dedicated to discussing The Imitation of Eggers. Said fora and IRL appearances also attract large contingents of groupies taken in by his depiction of himself.
Recently, he and some of his friends were caught giving each others' works positive reviews in the customer comments section at Amazon.com. He also seems to employ bot armies and the above morons as slaves to influence his page hits. Even worse, as an acute sufferer of Internet disease, Eggy Boy actually seems to bribe people to reverse even the most slightly negative opinions.
There are also blogs and semi-online publications like his supremely unfunny and unreadable magazine cum Web site, McSwiney's. All of them are centred on himself and strongly supported by the same morons.
Eggy tries to egger his lifetime subscribers out of their $100 subscriptions:
| —Dave Eggers |
Tape recordings of Eggers and Douglas Coupland having phone sex are believed to exist; here an exasperated Eggers, eager to get off the phone, finally hisses "Jesus, dude, just, like, close your eyes, dude, and think of Kurt Cobain already dude, will you dude?"
[edit] Also see
Missing white woman syndrome—a misnomer since the syndrome was first revealed here.
[edit] External links
Some worthwhile comments; probably only for book readers
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Dave Eggers is part of a series on Whores. |
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