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David Miscarriage
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
David Miscavige is the leader of the Scientology organized crime syndicate. He took this position at the age of 16 in 1986, when L. Ron Hubbard accidentally died during a sexual role-playing game they were playing together. Miscarriage insisted that in his dying words, "LRH" had anointed him Scientology's new leader. David Miscarriage is infused with the same barking mad ideology as Hubbard, but unfortunately lacks any of the intellect that lay behind those ravings.
In February 2008, in the early days of Project Chanology, Miscarriage's niece Jenna "came out" to announce that Scientology is made for retards. Miscarriage was reported to be furious but embarrassed.
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[edit] The Birth of a Scifag
Dave Miscarriage (known as DM to the drooling Scifag masses) became a Scientologist in the early 1970s. Turns out DM had a lot of problems when he was a kid: namely allergies and a propensity to take dick in the ass. He was a total, utter failure at school because of this. However, Scientology offered a solution: not only would they cure his allergies but they would also make him rich and beautiful without needing to be intelligent in the least. DM took to the religion like a slut to a cock, and the Miscarriage family moved to Scifag HQ in England DM was listed as a CIA source. But that was very soon covered up and denied.
Young David quickly made friends with L. Ron Hubbard. DM joined the elite SeaOrg, meaning that the teenage DM spent months at sea with L. Ron wearing a sailor's outfit. DM was part of the even-more-elite-than-the-SeaOrg Commodore's Messenger Organization, serving as L. Ron's cameraman. Young DM became L. Ron's right hand man.
[edit] DM vs. Mary Sue
In the 1980s, Scientology was enduring a crisis. L. Ron was far too fucked up to run the organization effectively, meaning that his wife Mary Sue was the de facto ruler. There was a problem though: in 1979 the party van had rolled deep on Mary Sue and other top-ranking Scifags in Operation Snow White. DM faced a dilemma: should he stay in the background and be happy as L. Ron's receiver or should he try to wrestle power away from the Suethor? For obvious reasons he chose the latter.
Somehow, DM managed to topple the beast. He then struck Mary Sue's name from all Scientology references that she helped co-author and "disconnected" her from the Co$. L. Ron - apparently too tired from fucking little boys to notice - didn't lift a finger to spare his wife.
[edit] Rise to Power
DM now stood to inherit the Scientology fortunes. By 1982 DM owned all the copyrights to Scientology's main scriptures. He instituted new draconian rules regarding copyright claims on new Scientology materials. By the mid-1980s DM was the god-king of the Co$, a position guaranteed by the fact that by this point L. Ron was too fucked up to make it out of bed in the morning.
Then one day in 1986, L. Ron "discarded his body...[to] live on a planet a galaxy away". DM was suddenly fresh out of messiah cock to fellate. A year later, he was the head of all of Scientology.
DM has presided over this atrocity of a religion with an iron fist. Some of the Idiotic things he has done whilst in office include:
- Accusing the APA of murdering a leading Scifag.
- Saying a German school of psychology spearheaded the Holocaust thusly:
- Ignoring the fact that the school didn't exist until 1966.
- Fighting to keep L. Ron's works out of the public domain because he can pretty much print money as long as he can charge for them.
- Sucking Tom Cruise's cock.
- Telling Ted Koppel that that the American government wanted to send all insane Americans to the Alaskan wilderness.
- Being married since 1981 but not having a single child with his wife.
- Thinking that Anonymous are the tip of an invasion force of the evil Psychlos.
- This might be the only thing that DM believes that is true. We're coming, Dave, and we don't forgive.
http://www.youtube.com/v/Xzrt471SNSk DO NOT WANT
[edit] How To Troll
DM is a micromanaging fuckwit who is concerned about his public image. All Scientologists who work on staff (from the friendly stat-hungry robots at your local org to the recently re-incarnated Footbullet Man) are required to write a Knowledge Report (KR) on anything negative they see about him. He demands to know whenever he is mentioned anywhere.
Trolling him is simple and effective: call him out by name and title (so there's no doubt its him), insult him (pointing out his height and athsma are pluses), then carry on with your day. Keep it simple: he hasn't even graduated high school, so that's the intellectual level we're dealing with here.
| —example troll |
That's all it takes. That alone will make him sacrifice 20 Sea Org members to the flea pond. Every negative thing about him on ED, e/b/aums, and jewtube has been seen by him personally, and each makes him rage more than the last.
Hi Davey. Thanks for visiting. Kiss kiss.
