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DaxFlame

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Aspergers, or just retarded?

serious business; Daxflame

Dax Flame, A.K.A. Bernice Juach III, A.K.A. I'm not telling you my real name, A.K.A. Seizure prone firecrotch is proof of Banaan's Law. IRL, he is a fugly, pro-ana, nevernude 15 year-old boy who spends his time on YouTube doing really cool stuff. He originally started out on YouTube with 13 retarded video entries that showed off his incredible ginger kid social skills to the people who cared. Fortunately for him, more and more YouTubers began watching his videos and giving him advice on how to become popular and accepted by his peers. Unfortunately, all the advice was bullshit and was only given for the possibility of lulz in his next video. As the videos have progressed with bitching and moaning about his daily days as a total freak, it was discovered by a anonymous person who posted a video on myspace expressing the truth behind everyones well known "Resmarted Aspergers Hero". His real name is Madison Patrello, your average youtuber who plays a fake character in order to get lulz and joy from acting like a complete spaz. Please call his mom, ask her for her son's number then call him for eternal lulz. Make sure you don't spam his line so he doesn't flee and people can't call him while totally wasted.

We Blue it.

Dax's half brother Brian Flame is also considered somewhat of an up and coming internet celebrity. The brothers have not uploaded a collaboration video yet as Brian is attempting to become known of his own accord. The only known collaborated effort was a myspace bulletin posted by DaxFlame on his myspace account [1] where he urges his myspace fans to support BrianFlame.

BrianFlame and DaxFlame

1 The Adventures of Dax Flame The fucking Internet Pimp
2 Jacob
3 Aspergers?
4 Daxflame Gets Sick... OH NOEZ!
5 Sophia is OFFICIALLY a bad choice!
6 YOUTUBE HISTORY
- 6.1 FIRST BLOG EVAR!!11!1
- 6.2 LOOK OUT G4 TV, YOU GONNA GET SWIPED!
- 6.3 I WILL FLIP YOU OFF!
- 6.4 DAX GETS OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!
7 Video Responses
8 FUKKEN TROLL WIN!!!!
- 8.1 Greatest Moments In Life - Featuring DaxFlame
9 RESMARTED
- 9.1 DaxFlame Remixed!
- 9.2 DaxFlame is Racist
10 EDiot Research
- 10.1 Daxflame's Summer
- 10.2 Breaking News: Dax Confesses
11 Global Warmings: The Convenient Truth
12 Behind the Name
13 Daxflame & Smosh. NOWAI!
14 Google "stardom." His decline, and comeback
15 YouTube Stardom
16 Daxflames Fans?
17 His Fame
18 Extra Profile
19 MySpace
20 DaxFlame Quotes
21 Gallery of Flame
22 DaxFlame has arrived on YTMND
23 See Also
24 External Links

[edit] The Adventures of Dax Flame The fucking Internet Pimp

The Beautiful Sophia

Eventually, fags get what fags deserve

The Whole Universe is against him.

Once upon a time, there lived a very lonely boy named Bernice Juach. Throughout his life he was abused by his parents via anal penetration, physically and mentally and had no one to comfort him in his time of suffering. Luckily for him, his alcoholic father began paying for the Internets to visit his home. Bernice decided it would be koo to visit this strange place and see what it was all about. Still feeling the butthurt from his loving parents, Bernice found an interesting website known as YouTube. "This seems pretty neat, lol," he thought to himself. "I bet I can make loads of friends here!" he later exclaimed. Before he knew it, ppl were thinking he was pretty cool.

His real name is Theodore Patrello. He attends McKinney Boyd High School in McKinney, Texas.

After having released his first set of videos describing the hardships he faced while trying to befriend Jacob, Bernice began to climb up the YouTube ladder. Although his popularity was low at the time, he continued to release more and more videos. It was not until a fellow EDiot decided to capitalize on the idea of trolling the shit out of Bernice that would lead to his sudden increase in fame. This YouTubelerity status has led Bernice to become the new Lonelygirl15 as Lonelyboy15.

Some may think he is a fake. Some may think he is for real. Either way, HE IS THE LULZ MASTER OF THE INTARWEBS, THERE IS NONE HIGHER!

[edit] Jacob

Daxflame at 15 years of age.

He also has a hard-on for some guy named Jacob. Whenever Dax is around Jacob, he shows his affection by either pissing on him, spitting on him, or running away from him. Dax got a haircut to look like Jacob and dressed up especially for him. Dax also tried to steal Jacob's ex-girlfriend, Sophia, because she looks like Donald Trump. Sophia is a front for his totally kewl plan to bone Jacob in the eye.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

NOWAI! A NEW VIDEO GAME COMING OUT!!!!!!!!!11111111111

Jacob and Dax are officially BFF! (Best Female Friends) FOREVAR! And when SoJaX gets together, they will dominate the school!. Dax is asking Sophia out on a date and Jacob shouldn't have a problem because THEY ARE BFF 4EVAR!!!!

It should be noted that Jacob single-handedly eliminated suspension of disbelief in this case. The Pee fight video was made long before Jacob came over to do homework, but Jacob asks, "Why did you pee on me yesterday?" Because of this, Dax was forced to jump the shark and now really isn't all that entertaining.

PROTIP: If you want some hot bangin' 3 way action, then make friends with her boyfriend and he'll definitely say yes to letting you plow her like a mule! Remember, it's only gay if balls are touching!

[edit] Aspergers?

cool moves or just Aspergers ?

Much debate rages on whether DaxFlame is in fact an asspie. His retarded antics even led some EDiots to believe he was just a really good troll. Moar evidence points to assburgers, such as involuntary shouting, head grabbing, hand twiching, and hitting of blinds. However, he claims that he is not retarded but "resmarted" instead.

Daxflame prior to resmarting.

On another note, in Daxflame's first video entry, buried deep underneath the pages of comments is one by Dax himself that states simply, "GBS". GBS is most commonly an abbreviation for Guillain-Barre Syndrome, a disorder which causes one to embarrass themselves unknowingly as Daxflame so often does. This could elude to Daxflame admitting to having a disorder with no cure, which seriously jeopardizes his resmartedness almost as much as it did his BFF status with a kid who elbowed him in the stomach and borrowed his pencil and never gave it back!

Conclusive evidence suggests that DaxFlame is just acting and in it for the cocks.

[edit] Daxflame Gets Sick... OH NOEZ!

Be warned. Beware.

After much cock guzzling, Daxflame contracted the deadly AIDZ virus and came within inches of being an hero. Daxflame's body then rejected the lulz, causing him to puke up his heart and some of his ovaries. Thankfully, he managed to catch his heart at the last second, and forced himself to swallow it again. After spending days being sick and not being able to talk to his beloved friends on jewtube, Daxflame finally got out of the snow enough to post moar videos.

After being trolled on his comments, daxflame took the bait and replied with this:

[edit] Sophia is OFFICIALLY a bad choice!

SMILE!

During a trip to "Blockbusters", Daxflame spots his former love interest, Sophia, which causes him to have a small erection. Daxflame derives a cunning plan to force Sophia into dating him, and ultimately allowing him to stick his 2" penis down her rotten cunt while he jams his hairless balls down her ass, emulating the move made famous by Tony Eveready. After calling her name out, he cups his hands around her eyes (remember, this move caused Jacob, his gay lover, to repeatedly elbow him in his gut until he felt like vomiting his heart out onto the nurse), and says "GUESS WHO". Sophia screams and quickly swipes at his hands. This move officially puts Sophia in the same boat as Dax himself, a raging psychotic.

[edit] YOUTUBE HISTORY

[edit] FIRST BLOG EVAR!!11!1

Did you like it, Jacob?

How do I impressed friend?

[edit] LOOK OUT G4 TV, YOU GONNA GET SWIPED!

[edit] I WILL FLIP YOU OFF!

Skip to 4:45. He even gives a long autistic explanation of what flipping off means.

Also lol "oblisious"

[edit] DAX GETS OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!

Daxflame makes his first appearance out of the house to play basketball at the local YMCA; Group showers cut out of the video.

[edit] Video Responses

Let's hope he does this with a plastic bag.

Only the original could pull this off, this is a poor imitation.

TRUTH!

Attention Whore #18,673: Feeding off the fame of a resmarted troll. She may possibly be a descendant of Hitler.

EVERY FUCKING ONE OF THESE VIDEO RESPONSES WAS DELETED!!!!!!

[edit] FUKKEN TROLL WIN!!!!

After watching this video, DaxFlame replied:

[edit] Greatest Moments In Life - Featuring DaxFlame

If you are new to the DaxFlame universe, you might want to see this. <3 Bernice Juach III

[edit] RESMARTED

Dax's rendition of Sophia.

epic lulzfest

[edit] DaxFlame Remixed!

Typical Daxflame pose

[edit] DaxFlame is Racist

[edit] EDiot Research

Too old for Irish282

[edit] Daxflame's Summer

[edit] Breaking News: Dax Confesses

It's official: Bernice Juach is not Dax's name IRL. However, Madison or whoever he may be is still the world's biggest assburgers nut on the planet.

It is also clear from this video that know one wants to join his team.

[edit] Global Warmings: The Convenient Truth

Recently DaxFlame has decided that he is going to save the world from "global warmings" in a documentary he called The Convenient Truth. According to Dax, global warmings is caused by gas prices, bad guys, and exhaust pipes falling out of airplanes, and will cause the earth to burst into flames by 2011. His theory to save the earth from a one way ticket to explosion-town is called Manifest Ocean. The proposal is to put cannons underneath the water on either side of America, which will shoot at the land underneath it, putting the entire country underwater. Because we don't already pollute the water and kill marine life enough, global warmings will be put to an end and the earth will be saved. He answers many questions to the obvious troubles of living underwater with very simple solutions, such as the following:

Q: How will we breathe underwater?

A: By breathing our own carbon dioxide through a series of straws.

Q: How will other animals survive underwater?

A: They will all be dumped in a huge submarine.

Q: What will we eat and drink?

A: Phials of syrup and chocolate, spoonfuls of flour, and space food.

Q: How will we go to the bathroom?

A: By sucking each others asses until something comes out

Still have questions for Dax? Watch his videos for the surprisingly simple and logical answers to the challenges of underwater life. It will leave you breathless, and you might even have an asthma attack.

[edit] Behind the Name

Angry Teen is Angry

BERNICE

Gender: Feminine <--- LOL

Usage: English, Biblical

Pronounced: bur-NEES

Contracted form of BERENICE

Later a youtard reveiled that Daxflame's really name isn't Bernice, but Madison Patrello. It was confirmed here [2].

On one of his videos, Dax confirmed Bernice is actually his grandmother's name

[edit] Daxflame & Smosh. NOWAI!

Daxflame is back, and this time with the amazing jewtube stars Smosh...And Lisa Nova! Will true love finally be found? No. Daxflame is a butthurt closet fag. But much lulz is had with Dax's new smooth outfit for the ladies.

[edit] Google "stardom." His decline, and comeback

January 16, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 31,100 for daxflame. (0.05 seconds)

March 5, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 13,900 for daxflame. (0.04 seconds)

March 8, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 20,800 for daxflame. (0.03 seconds)

March 10, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 294,000 for daxflame. (0.09 seconds)

March 14, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 366,000 for daxflame. (0.08 seconds)

January 2, 2008 Results 1 - 10 of about 661,000 for daxflame. (0.04 seconds)

[edit] YouTube Stardom

March 10, 2007 Daxflame has become the #78 most subscribed Youtuber of all time, probably as a result of his tape face video (shown below) getting featured.

http://www.youtube.com/members?t=a&p=5&s=ms&g=0

June 11, 2007 update: Daxflamer is now the #31 most subscribed Youtuber of all time with over 24,100 Subscribers and 1,840,000 channel views. Oh teh joys!

January 3, 2007 (1 year anniversary) Daxflame is the #18 most subscribed of all time with over 63,000 subscribers and over 5,000,000 channel views and 5,000,000 video views, which is #86 all time.

[edit] Daxflames Fans?

Daxflamer has many fans

Daxflame has many fans, even though its been scientifically proven by EDiot Scientists that 60% of all his subscribers only do it for the lulz, Along the side of his video responses consists of sexual anally penetrated teens masturbating to his videos and telling him about how much they enjoyed stroking their harbl to his videos. wasn't until sometime in July that some Jewtube user named Peppermintee made a FagGroup for our beloved Aspergers Child.

Do your part as a EDiot. Operation: Spam da Shyte out of dis place

[edit] His Fame

speaks volumes

[edit] Extra Profile

DaxFlame exposed as Madison Patrello of McKinney, TX

Daxflame now has an additional profile for additional serious matters located at:

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=bernicejuachtalk

[edit] MySpace

The lulz spreads from YouTube and straight onto MySpace

http://www.myspace.com/thedaxflame

[edit] DaxFlame Quotes

(What he wants people to say about him) "That girl that beat him up was stupid..."
(Directed at his Mother telling him that he must have the lights out in 10 minutes) "MOM!!!!!!!!!!"
"My mom's an.. IDIOT!!!
"NNNNGGGG!"
"... and then I yelled, "Pee fight!" ..."
"Oprah, don't get smart with me, or something will be going down."
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!"
"So cute..." (Directed at Jacob)
"I'm not retarded, I'm resmarted."
"EARTHQUAKE!"
"WORDS HURT WORSE THAN IF SOMEONE FROZE A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HITS YOUR CROTCH OVER AND OVER! AND IF YOU'RE A GIRL THEY JUST HIT YOU IN THE FACE!"
"She got up and she grabbed me in a headlock... and she punched me in the stomach so many times!"
"I DON'T HAVE ANY TEETH!"
"Sophia is dating with Jacob, which is unbelievably perfect, because now that they're dating, once me and Sophia start dating, we'll be like one big team!"
"You don't mess with me... You don't mess with the Dax!"
"GRAAAAAAGH!"
"I'm a Youtube Celebrity now!"
(after doing something fucktarded) "Sophia will be my girlfriend soon."
"Oh... ummm... Beyonce, I already have a girlfriend. I don't even care if you want to kiss me... on my face... I don't care. I have a girlfriend. Goobii"
"Sophia, do you even know that I know everything? I can see you like a... sponge."
"The Devil walked into my house. OWAIT, I mean my mom!"
"NNNNyyyeeeussss!!!"
"JACOB IS MY FRIEND, JACOB IS MY FRIEND, and he doesn't even know."
"THE FAST TRACK TO FINDSHIP"
(Upon lending a pencil to Jacob) "BFF!" (Best Friends Forever)
"MMMUUUUHHH EETT!!!"
(After Jacob elbowed him in the stomach) "That was the point when I confirmed me and Jacob equals friends forever."
"I'm so hot that I'm cold."
"FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!"
(after hitting himself in the face) "EEEAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHKK- "
"I DON'T EAT CHEESE!... Are you kiding me?... I DON'T EAT CHEESE!"
"I've been contem... Contem... Contem... ContemPLIZING"
"Only Arnold schwarzenegger could escape!" (In reference to a cold thing at the orthodontist who told him to raise his hand and she'd take it out of his mouth.. ergo "escaping")
(After hitting his flame lamp and LEAPING into the air, looks straight into the camera) "NOOOOOOOOO!"
(After getting punched in the face) "I'M TELLING MOM!"
"NEWS FLASH IS NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Explaining why he doesn't like thunder storms) "Who likes to hear loud bangs in their noise?"
"Here's how I can tell they [his legs] were broken: The day after, I woke up in the morning...and they felt, like, cold, shivers, and that is a symptom of broken legs. Anyone who is a doctor or is smart KNOWS THAT!"
"Three other times this year, I've gotten in trouble for short shorts, and that makes NO SENSE! WHO CARES IF...I can understand, I can understand if a girl wears short...[brief pause while Dax screams due to thunder]...I can understand if a girl gets in trouble for wearing short shorts because that is called, uh, 'permiscinism.' Or 'prostitu-'...or 'prostit-'...'promiscuous;' that's called 'promiscuous' when a girl does that, but if a guy does it, it's just tough and, uh, STRONG! Look, I can even balance on one legs...even with a broken leg, I can balance on one leg..."
"Beacuse I'm worth a million, gazillion and jillion dollars"
"If-if you accept an apology- please- do you believe in magic?" (then blows what appears to be cereal at the camera)
"And now there's a plane coming so I have to talk EXTRA LOUUUUUDUUUUUUH!"
"Cold Cherky."
"SHE SCREAMS!!!"
"She slaps that my hands."
"Filanji-- Philantropiker?"
"STF MOM!!!"
"The following is a- my- are my video diaries in sinteni- sequench- senquential order"
"Can anyone say 'fillet mig-i-non'?"
[Often repeated] "What if you went to the North Pole and you saw a sign that said 'CAUTION: WATCH FOR ICE'?"
"I actually threw up some of my ovaries."
[Replying to anyone who doesn't believe he almost threw up his heart.] "Well, first off, check your doctor's manual. Maybe it is possible. DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? Yeah, apparently not. 'How is it possible,' you ask. Okay, well, your heart is right here [clenches fist near the middle of his chest]. Your throat is right here [motioning towards his neck and upper chest]...Therefore, it makes it EXTREMELY EASY to suck it up into your throat. Good thing that you have an Adam's Apple right here [points to his neck]. Why is it a good thing? Because your Adam's Apple can catch it."
"Next time you want to argue with me, maybe you'll think twice."
"So-Sojax means, uh... Sophia - 'so', Ja-acob - 'j', deh-urehg-da-dax...er-d-uh...da-dax-AX. dax... s-sojax."
"Ladies and gentlemen, Da-daz-juo... uh, what? Here comes, Daxflaame!!"
[Dax is enraged after seeing Lisanova's video that included the news that long shorts beat short shorts in a vote.]"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING! EYGH UHG HOW EY JUST HAVE TIME TO SIT IN YOUR ROOM AND COUNT VOTES?! hhuph!... DO YOU HAVE A LIFE, IDIOT?!.....DYEEEEAH!!"
(Intro to cool moves tutorial) Hi. *snaps pencil angrily*
"Splice!Splice!Splice!Splice!"
"JACOB! call me dax!"
"RRUUEEGH!"
"...and I have this so I can smell sexy..." *sprays the cologne in air and seconds later winces and turns his head away*
"I'm supposed to be on vacation right now, but guess what? It's more like a DUMB-cation! Or a stupid-cation"
"WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY TAAAILBOOONE!"
"My mom's an....IDIOT! MRUH! BLEHEAYGH"
"DAG-NABBIT UUUUGN-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
[Responding to hater comments] "I am rubber, and you are glue. Do you even...bounce off of ev-, uh, eh, uh, EVERYTHING NEGATIVE STICKS TO YOU!"
"I Doon't EAT ITTT!( sways head back in angry teen mode)"
"I wanted to punch him with every fist on my body."
"THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS AGAINST ME"
"What do you think that I'm eyooooooo....duuuh.... uh, Made out of money?"
"If you make gold out of lemons and lemonade, mean rude people will crush your gold and jewelry too. This is why the birds fly sometimes not."
"Love takes hearts for bloody pulps and it ends in worst of ways."
"This is the confession that I've been wanting to say for a while: Remember when I wore that shirt that said 1-800-YOU-WISH? Sophia really never called the number."
"that is the kind of poop I have to deal with!"
"You guys blue it."
“We will send so many of these comments, that their computer will be so filled with compak-Super disks and… and memory…drive…slots, their computer will explode!"
"My comment is 1000..one in a whole thousand. How should this care."
"If you fight fire with fire, you will just make a bigger fire. Yes. But if you fight fire with crystals, and ice bulbs, you will put the fire out and the crystals will turn to diamonds!"
"I'm just livin' life, maaaaan."
"You know who is a stranger?...Some prisoners are strangers...and some prisoners kill people, so if you talk to strangers, you put yourself in the shoes of someone who is about to be axe murderer...can kill you."
"It's just like... Panzimoznioff 5000 there."
"I probably just saved him a hundred, er... probably like a thousand dollars. 'Cuz the phone was pure gold. And platinum." - after 'sneaking' a dropped cell phone into a guy's pocket
"like 2 years ago, my mom let me go (to the mall) without the leash"
"Ladies and Gentlemen Dax..duh..uh..what? Daxflame!!"
[Introducing his solution to global warming] "Have you ever heard of a little thing called 'Manifest Destiny'? Well S-C-R-W that. It's called 'Manifest Destiny: Water Edition.'"
"We live on a big Earth...with an ozone layer. What is this ozone layer? When an airplane flies, it creates a pattern--the pattern of exhaust pipes. The pattern then leaves ozones. So, why are we flying? Because we don't know how to transport."
"When you are underwater, there is no burning, there is no gas. From what I hear, money grows on trees down there!"
"You go underwater, you build a house, you live there. And you will have no ozone layers, you will have no gas prices, all you need is just a submarine."
"You have free food, there is millions of beets, and... fish. Fish, you have unlimited supplies of food. No more farming, just fish."
"How the F are we gonna do that?"
"We will put cannons on each side of America, shoot underneath America, and we will float underwater. In 2010 we will do this."
"RAHAHAAA...I..hadem..on..my..hea..ah..head..upsidedown!"
"Another question we have to answer is this: 'How will we breathe underwater?' [Climbs a fence for some reason] I've got the answer. It's simple, really. You see, I have three straws connected to make one big pipe. [Sticks both ends of the pipe into his mouth and breathes]. You see, I could breathe ALL DAY!"
[After struggling to swallow a spoonful of flour and briefly crying about it] "It works..it works..it works perfectly."*
[After explaining his methods and reasons for peeking in bathroom stalls] "You're probably saying, 'Oh, Dax, you're so weird for crawling under.' NO, YOU'RE SO WEIRD FOR NOT BEING..FOR..YOU..YOU'RE GONNA BE WEIRDLY DEAD WHENEVER SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO FIGHT YOU COMES OUT AND BEATS YOU UP WHENEVER THAT HAPPENS TO YOU ONE DAY!"
"I just realized no one even wants to fight me right now so there was no point in looking under that stall."
"...And the kid freaked out and starts yelling at me!"
"I'M GETTING PENCIL!"
[In a retarded, nasally voice] "Hey, what are you looking at? I'm not a mirror!"
[After a girl Dax wanted to be friends with gets mad at him for stealing her stuff and breaking her pencils] "So, apparently, she doesn't even understand comedy."
"Then, I FOUND her glasses, and she doesn't even.. She's not even thankful. She just starts accusing me of STEALING them! ... I.. I did steal them, but she didn't know that. So she was just being rude."
[After a kid takes advantage of his debit account for lunch] "Why don't you go buy yourself a BOOFET?"
[During standing on top of his desk]King Kong King Kong!!!!!!!!!
One time my Mom gave me a Mcflurry spoon and said it was a straw.
[Singing]Mooom have you ever seen the rain
[Referring to his teachers] "THEY DON'T TEACH ME LICKETY-SPLICK!"
[Imitating his Chemestry teacher] "ELEMENTS!"
"YEAH, EXCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THE SKY!"
"You're face makes you look bad!" [Tries to laugh, but gets choked my his tie and coughs]
[After choking] "I think I choked on like, a spit thing."
"Excuse me please, maatey!"
"Top of the morning to you. Anyways- well its not morning its afternoon, but... just... deal with it."
"FATFACE!...sorry. Actually, I'm not sorry."
"You know what, he's right. When I walked into that room, I didn't know I was in the presence of a GENIUS PHOTOGRAPHERSE!!"
"and I said 'BRIIICK'"
"I was just trying to be like funny and just try to be like joker... and I was like 'haha! you IDIOT!'"
"and he was like 'Dude, shut up.'"
"so ANYWAYS!!.."
"and she said 'Oh CRA-...' (crap [whispered])."
"So thats not even the best part, so just wait... idiot... just kidding... I just felt like saying that...EUGHHEAYGH!"
"Joooker... what a joker... prankster."
"[Response to his Mom saying you need to respect your teachers more]I need to respect my teachers more? I'm-I'm not disrespectful to my teachers. But I don't respect them but I'm never disrespectful to them but I don't respect them. They teach me LICKITY SPILK
"Oh! Hey, Dax! We are from planet alien town...........doolooolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloo! X-D! L-U-L-Z!"
"I guess that has 2 meanings. It hit me here(points at his chest). A heart. And it hurt my chest too."
"I'm not a little... little 'raindeer man' who just buys uh, expensive cars 'cause he doesn't know how to good deiulls (deals)."
"ROBOT DOMO RIGIATO MISTER ROBATO!!"
"I was trying to be very nice to the teacher, so I just said to them..I said...I said 'SHUT UP!'"
"But there still are loads of questions." [after a small pause, he laughs really loud like a retard]
"The traditional definition of success says 'Oh, hey! I'm t.. ra... ditional!'
"I'm not dating her, but it was still a positive, it was a success. Just, shut up."
"I scored 75% of my team's goals. Soooooo...if you don't think I'm good, reconsider..yourself before you wreck yourself. Check yours- chickity-check yours.. helf before you wreck yourself because I scored 75% of my team's goals."
"Some hockey teams don't even score three goals a game! I scored three goals in six minutes!"
"I was just, you know, I was everywhere. I was just like, 'GOAL! GOAL! GOAL!' Pumpin' them- pumpin' the goals out like I was...pumpin' out...Sorry, I can't think of anything...uh, like I was pumpin' out IRON!" [Flexes bicep]
"Oh no! Worst scenar- WORST CAAAAASE SCENARIO!WE DO NOT WANT HIM TO SCORE!"
"I did a hockey move! I just- I got the stick and I go- I go, PLEH! DEEES DOUCHE!!1one! Right in the back of his calves."
"I saved the game!"
"WEEEEEET! WEEEEEEEET! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! WEEEEEEEEEEEET! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"
"I guess the whistle just gives him this- this false SENSATION of power!"
"OH, I'M THE COACH! I CAN BLOWADOLSEGULASDOTLEDOEDLUOELSADOE WHISTLE!"
"OH, WEH, COACH, I'M SO SCARED! WOW!"
"BISHHHHIIAAAAAPPPPHHH, HAAAAA."
"DON'T HATE THE PLAYA HATE THE GAME!"
"So, yeah, you tell me who's being ridiculous."
"And yeah, I'm not even allowed to play for the rest of the week. SORRY FOR PUTTING FORTH EFFORT!"
"Pardon me for taking a drink on camera! OH WAAH, HE TOOK A DRINK ON CAMERA! Sorry for having parched mouth and being my...uh, thirst quench! Pardon me for being a human! I might as well never take a drink again just so the haters will shut up!"
[After trying to steal someone else's shopping cart at Home Depot] "They said, 'Excuse me, that's my cart.' And I said, 'MOOOOVE YOUR FAT BUTT AND GO GET ONE.. A NEW ONE! You only have a couple light bulbs in it.' And they're just totally...totally rude to me. They're just like, uh, 'Pardon me? Pardon your MANNERS?' Sooooo...I got.. I just.. I, uh, I told the little kid who was sitting in it.. I said, 'Your mom is a total weirdo.' And then I, um...Then, I le.. I just left, and I...[Sticks fingers in his ears] While she was she was still talking to me, I was just...plain ignoring her ignorance."
"I just thought of a stand-up joke: 'IGNOOOORING IGNOOOORANCE!' [Smirks] I swear, sometimes I don't even know how.. I just.. They come to my mind.. I...I didn't write it down yet. I will write it down in a second. Um, they just come to my mind, and I just...and...I don't know."
"I'm not a baby."
(When talking about his video that he decided not to post, and in a gay mario voice) "Aaaaaaaawwwwwwww. That... That warms my heart so much... Aaaaaawwwwwwwww." (then makes a gay smile for about 5 seconds).
"After you've lived oh so many years, the times change right along with you. But we also could just look at are watch so the pot won't boil. And this is as if we are stopping time itself. -Daxflame"
"It was gonna be more like that. And it was gonna be like a musical to 'sarinate' everyone with my music."
"I've seen fire and I've seen rain, but never a face so handsome like as Daxflame. -Unominous"
[Rapping] "Just the big sixteeeeeeen...Uhd, uh, soopa steeeeeam. Do you want to play on my team? Uh, laser beeeeeeam...CHICKA CHICKA WHAT?"
"Self-destruct in...FIVE! Four! Three! Two! ONE!!!!11"
[Over three-and-a-half minutes into the 5:32 "director's commentary" for his Christmas "movie"] "By the way, watch this commentary after you watch the actual video so it doesn't ruin it."
"That was I got hit by a fluor- fluorescent light bulb right in my spine! I swear, I cried for fifteen minutes."
[Going in to greater detail about getting hit by a fluorescent tube] "I went to the bathroom three times after that just to cry."
[Upon viewing his own movie's credits for the first time] "CRAP! Oh my gosh, I put 'The Jingles Bells DEAD.' It's supposed to say 'A Christmas Carrols DEAD.' That's what the title of the movie is, it makes no sense! AHOW! AHH-AAAAAHH! I spelled 'cinematography' wrong!"
"Hola! Feliz Navidad! Um, merry bully Christmas, uh, belated, Christmas"
[On his mother's Christmas gift] "I just bought her, uh, a tie, and, um, the reason why I bought her that is 'cause, um, I knew she wouldn't like it, and I knew she would just give it to me."
"Is he INSANE? Is he a LOONEY TOON? Ahmnah, 325 [dollars] for a pen, okaaaaay, Sherlock!"
[When talking about negotiating with the salesman at the pen store] "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Either you put your name on the paper, sir, or I put my name on the paper."
[His thoughts on failing to get over an 87% discount on a pen after trying to haggle with a store clerk] "There goes forty dollars for him. He could have had forty dollars...And, you know, he doesn't know business."
"Bye... I just wanted to tell you that... idiot."
"**ATTENSHION** I will be FORCED to remove this video if people keep claiming that I lied about my gift card's value."
"FACT 1: It is impossible to lick your elbow.

I can do a impossible thing! Isn't that awsome!?"

"NO, YOU'RE GROUNDED!!!"(Directed at his mom)
"(when talking about his dodgeball team not following his advice for how to win)They are obliscious to it!"
"If you don't stop acting rude and angry, I will flip you off!"
"Magic does'nt exist? Oh really? Than explain Magic tricks you nimwit."
"Question 8: What state do you live in?.....What state do I live in? Oh, how about you ask me, 'How do I kill you?!'"
[his opinion on a form of bacterial fuel cheaper than soy bio, diesel, or ethanol] "(sarcastically) oh, yeah little Geniuses!...you little.... Bravo! because... so we're gonan start saving money on something like oil... something that we have a limi-UNlimited amount of, n-not unlimited, but, you know... pretty much infinatey... And we are going to start taking Soy Beans, which could be feeding, uh, the people in, uh, AVRICA? uuuh.. yeah, so... you might want to think it out a little more
"Love is like a rainbow, except you never know what you get?"
"Oh what a web of weave when we try to lie."
"How must we see what is in front of us, if we only look at a review mirror? Oh, well you've just crashed because you were looking at it."
"managers, i would like to say sorry... thank you....eh... yes"

-Daxflame