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Liberalism
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
- This article is about anti-conservatism. For other meanings, please see the Liberal disambiguation page.
Liberal - a person terrorist so open minded that their brains have fallen out. Known for their hatred of America, themselves, and God, they are much maligned on LJ and on TV. This group typically believes that there is no natural law or such thing as morality, except for the principle of diversity (as long as you are not a conservative, fetus, or white person). Likewise, they strongly don't believe in punishment, and that you should be able to burn a flag whenever you want because of the "First Amendment". Ironically, they believe the Second Amendment is meaningless.
Liberals love to play the 'victim' game; in leftist thought, everyone is always oppressing someone or something, be it males, heterosexuals, whites, Christians, or Capitalists, there is always an oppressor lurking in every corner. This is because liberals are, at their core, self-defeating. Liberals hate themselves and use this self-loathing as a tactic; for example, liberals tie themselves to trees, lay down on the ground in front of police, etc. They also believe that "teh status quo iz evil" and is always wrong in all cases, with no exceptions whatsoever, and that everyone who disagrees with this is just an "oppressive white racist sexist homophobic xenophobic right-wing christian extremist/fundamentalist imperialist!!!1!!11!111oneoneoneeleven"
Liberals tend to bring out the infamous 1984 OMG bogeyman, and believe in ever-increasing powers of the state, and seek to eliminate the power of the individual to resist the omnipotent power of law through guns, which they seek to pry out of your cold, dead fingers. They fail to see the lulz that 1984 is about a socialist country.
Liberals also are stridently anti-Christian and pro-Islam, which means they wholly support terrorism and wish to rape and murder God's gift to America, the Bush twins (even though it's already easy to fuck them: just ask them politely). Liberals are generally Jewish, depressed or poor and love abortions, which place second only to drinking the blood of newborns in their pantheon of hatred and godlessness. Liberals once loved Israel, due to their tireless need to fellate anyone that claims to be oppressed, marginalized, or generally be a victim or underdog. When Israel started to pwn the Arabs around them after the Arabs tried to rape them, they broke the strict liberal code of getting your ass kicked for great justice and incurred the hatred of the left wing. Liberals prefer to suck the cocks of Islamofags while surrendering large portions of their freedom to Arabs who wish to destroy it. For this reason, liberals are enthusiastically facilitating Islam's takeover of Western Civilization by showing support of a barbaric culture which would have them stoned to death if they showed their ankles in public.
In diametrical opposition to the values on which America was founded, liberals believe that mankind is hopeless without government intervention. They trade individualism, initiative, and self-reliance for government paternalism. In other words, liberals are not happy unless the government is doing everything for them which they should be doing for themselves--such as masturbating. According to a study conducted by the nation's top physicians, liberals are prone to severe depression and aggression whenever the long, thick cock of Government is not embedded in everyone's rectums.
When you confront a liberal, they prefer to be called a 'LIEberal,' because it's clever, and one must wear a big smile on their face and speak down to them as if they were a child throwing a tantrum. Liberals are also obsessed with some company called Haliburton, so presumably they must have stock in that company. Just dismiss their rants about how great they are doing, and tell them you’re glad that they’ve invested well in a great American company. Be warned, prolonged exposure to liberals has been proven to cause random dismemberments due to menstrual blood traveling at fantastic velocities.
Liberals believe that the rights of poison ivy and spotted barn owls trump the rights of human beings. They have concocted a massive hoax known as "Global Warming" so that they may continue to subject private citizens to buttsecks under the guise of "saving the planet." Liberals tend to advocate abortion on demand while protesting against the barbarism of mousetraps.
Liberals are often deathly afraid of anyone who doesn't worship fags and dykes and labels them "homophobes", which means "one who is afraid of fags". This is another example of how leftards abuse the English language in the name of political correctness, since people who hate fags or are indifferent to "gay rights" are not, strictly speaking, afraid of them. Don't mention this to a liberal though, because they will launch into a rant about how English is a language created by privileged white males and therefore they can redefine words and suffixes at will.
For further information, see fucktard.
[edit] List of Liberals/Libtards
- Al Gore
- Conservatives
- John Edwards
- JFK
- Hillary Clinton
- Barack Hussein Obama
- Dennis Kucinich
- Mark B. Cohen
- Michael Moore
- Osama bin Laden
- Kanye West
- All teenagers
- Hollywood (except for that chick on Everybody Loves Raymond)
- Anyone in college who majors in Sociology, Communication, Race/Gender Studies, Political Science, etc.
- Magical Trevor
- Aliens
- Montel Williams
- Noam Chomsky
- The Iron Giant
- Janice Jordan
- Chankachankaboo
- Satan
[edit] Things Liberals like to do
- Quote 1984, Animal Farm, or Brave New World
- Complain
- Post long-winded rants that turn into flame wars
- Burn Bibles and Talmuds, but not Qu'rans because liberals think Islam is "beautiful" and "peaceful" since it is not a part of Western civilization and is therefore "exotic" to them (even though Islam is the complete antithesis of liberalism).
- Tax things
- Complain
- Have unprotected underage sex.
- Laugh at conservatives who turn out to be pedophilic sick fucks while at the same time trying to legalize baby fucking.
- kill their baby and in the same day protest the execution of a necrophiliac, mass murdering rapist.
- Complain
- Claim to be against racism but look the other way when minority-on-minority racism or *gasp* minority-on-white racism occurs.
- Call everyone "racist" and/or "Nazi"
- Patronize minorities from the comfort of their white gated-off suburban neighborhoods.
- Clutch their wallets/purses for dear life when they come in the presence of said minorities.
- Complain
- Use words such as "hegemony" excessively, which they pretend to understand but secretly do not.
- Complain
- Drive SUVs.
- Listen to Conservative talk radio. There is no liberal talk radio, so liberals listen to Bill O'Reilly, then call him a fat stupid asshole and disagree with everything he says.
- Watch pr0n
- Complain
- Try to ban cigarettes while lobbying for the legalization of pot.
- Continue the rebellious period in their teen years where most people say "FUCK YOU" to their parents then grow out of it. Liberals still hate daddy for spanking them after catching them in the closet jacking off on the cat's fur, and associate God, Republicans, Police and Military figures (U.S. Military, they would rub any invading country's soldier's balls while they raped them in the ass) basically anyone with authority because they remind them of their daddy. The only adult figures who are accepted by Liberals are their pot smoking whacked out college professors because they remind them of the stoner uncle they had that broke their ass-hymen for the first time.
- Protest the cutting of trees with huge paper signs.
- Take it in the ass
- Attend art school.
- Complain
- End all of their anti-conservative smears with a question mark, a clever political slogan or "oh wait."
- Live in Kommiefornia or Massachusetts.
- Marry people from other cultures, or possibly their own sex. This angers God hugely, and is the main reason that soldiers are dying in Iraq, and Hurricane Katrina hit raped the homeland.
- Complain, again
- Accuse institutions and countries they disagree with of apartheid and fascism while not knowing what the term means.
- Complain, yet again
- Talk about how Republicans fuck everything up without giving solutions.
- Complain moar
- Take it in the ass a few more times, while complaining.
- Apologizing
- Forcing other people to apologize
- Protest (like the politicians give a shit)
- Make conspiracies
- Repetitively list "Complain" like a 13-year-old boy
- Worship scientology
- Act stereotypically Conservative for the lulz
- Suffocate while complaining.
- try to trap and fuck manbearpig.
- suck islamofascist dick.
- look for their lost testicles, and upon finding them they will become Conservative on their 30th birthday.
- Letting people know that they have a lot of multicultural friends.
[edit] Gallery
 Napalm: the correct method of eradicating insects in nest |
 What conservapedia thinks of liberals |
 Who doesn't? |
 Markos Alberto Moulitsas Fuckface Judas Buttsniff "Kos" Zúniga, King of the Libtards |
 Typical liberal political campaign |
 (Top) Democrats on YouTube, and a conservative response. (Bottom) |
 ...that Liberals suck balls! |
