Diablo 2
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The sequel to Diablo. Diablo 2 players, much like World of Warcraft nerds, waste the best years of their lives online, talking about useless garbage and often subscribing to many forums. One major difference between Diablo 2 nerds and WoW nerds is Diablo 2 nerds lack the persuasive skills to weasel enough money out of their moms to buy the monthly subscription.
Diablo 2 is a total ripoff of the game Rogue which was created 100 years ago.
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[edit] Player Characters
There are several characters you can play as in what experienced players would call D2. For new players, here are the summaries of the types of characters to help make the game moar fun!
[edit] The Necromancer
A 31 year old 100 year old Necrophile who lived in his mom's basement, but was kicked out after attempting to cast a spell on his sister. Can raise skeletons and other bullshit, and doesn't really do anything in the game except lag out poor people's computers and die a lot.
[edit] The Amazon
This female character is ideally a ranged combatant, using bows and javelins. Is more buff than you'll ever be and has an even bigger dick, and as such, is frequently masturbated to by basement dwellers and weeaboos.
[edit] The Paladin
The obligatory African American added by game developers in an attempt to support Cultural Diversity. Has a bunch of shit auras that don't do anything, except one that makes him run faster. All players need to worry about is getting his hammer skill, which spams magical chibbin legs around him that immediately pwns everything else.
[edit] The Assassin
Some cunt who bought some BDSM gear and goes around raping babies and acting like a ninja. Being the only actual adult female character, most of her skills are bound to making sandwiches and giving Blow-Jays.
[edit] The Druid
Similar to the Necromancer, in that he lives in his mom's basement. What separates him from the Necromancer is that he is a furry, rather than a necrophile. Can equip a wolf or bear fursuit, and abilities include yiffing, summoning tentacle monsters and wolves to rape, posting shitty art on fur affinity, yiffing, and yiffing.
[edit] The Sorceress
A 16 year old girl who used her magical powers to pwn stuff. Is a completely shit character, as everything is immune to her spells and is of no use except for sex. Nobody plays the sorceress, not ever Peter Chris.
[edit] The Barbarian
A fat, american football player that was kicked off of his team for using steroids. Abilities include spinning around really fast and Yelling really loud. Most new players pick this character because they assume he is the most powerful, but in reality the game sucks and they need to go outside.
[edit] The Multiplayer Gameplay
Everyone plays online, if you don't you are obviously poor and black. The main advantage to playing online is the ability to trade items with other players. Below is a typical conversation between two D2-ers wishing to engage eachother in a trade:
Player #1: wug Player #2: wuw Player #1: wug Player #2: wuw Player #1: wug Player #2: wuw Player #1: wug Player #2: wuw Player #1: wug Player #2: wuw Player #1: One does not simply smoke crack into Mordor...
This usually goes on for over 9000 hours until the players' moms call them to dinner.
[edit] The Pvm Noobs
The pvm players are mostly those who are playing on "ladder" and who are "mfing" (short for Magic-Finding, The action of searching for items by wasting hours and hours, killing the same bosses again and again) and playing "PvM" (Player vs Monster).
[edit] Scams
UP-FUCKING-DATE!!!:
A recent Harvard study shows that 97% of the people who play Diablo 2 are just trying to 
you.
They can ruin weeks, months, even years worth of work for their own personal gain. They go chop yo Diablo 2 dollar. If they get you, you fall mugu and go on Baal runs for the master. BELIEVE IT!
These are usually children aged 5-12 who live in their parent's attic, or basement who have nothing better to do, have no friends, don't go to school for some odd reason, and stay home randomly sending people computer-ruining viruses, for no reason. Sending out spam e-mails, and restlessly trying to hack peoples computer to steal their identities, or their bank account numbers, permanently destroying a lifetimes worth of work. Because of their age, their brains do not function at the same level of maturity and morals as that of an adult. Therefore, they are prone to doing irrational and damaging things. These children lose their virginity the very moment they are physically and biologically capable of having sex, usually at 10-12 years old. Also, they do lots of drugs at age 5, join "kid gangs", commit crimes (especially financial crimes online), all before bedtime!
[edit] The Diablo Nazis
The Diablo Nazis are those hardcore players who've wasted 2-3 years or more on that moronic Hitler Chinkey Jew game and still play it because they think it's better than sex. They keep calling people "randoms" when they simply suggested to go on yet another Baal run, and waste more hours on the Diablo 2 related forums than on the game itself.
[edit] Juggalos
There are at least 100 juggalos on Diablo at any given time.
How to piss off Juggalos:
- Make a game called "juggalos" or something close
- As soon as they join, hostile them
- No matter what level they are, they will attempt to "represent, fool"
- Lulz ensue, see picture
[edit] Things to do in Diablo 2
- Go to Hell difficulty
- Dupe items. if you get caught, you can buy your way out with Stones of Jordan. U c what Blizzard did thar?
- PvP
- Corpse pop
- Lurk just outside of town and ambush people
- This:
[edit] How To Succeed In Diablo 2
- Baal runs
- Baal runs
- at least 100 more Baal runs so you get good equips
- ????
- PROFIT!!
[edit] See also
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Diablo 2 is part of a series on Gaming. |
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