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Dick on Dr. Phil breaking the truth to the fatties
Ted Kaczynski took the fall for Dick
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Female anger is the weathervane of truth
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—Dick Masterson
Little is known about Dr. Dick Masterson, only that he is a messenger from God sent to earth to enlightenwomen across America the universe about why everything sucks because of them. In other words, he is the greatest irl troll that has ever lived.
While having an advanced degree in Dickology, Dick has compiled a list of reasons why Men are way better than women. It's pretty much what the ten commandments were supposed to be if God was roughly 9000% moar awesome:
10. Men have penises
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. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do.
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9. Marriage is stupid
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Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day.
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8. Boys destroy things
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Men are natural destroyers. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
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7. Men wear watches
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Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
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6. Men write illegibly
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Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
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5. Men live less than women
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Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit.
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4. Women are racists
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Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred.
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3. Men are not sponges
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Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires.
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2. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
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I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues.
I don't waste my time sitting around with friends calling websites that piss me off.
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—Dick
Like a true man, Dick puts out his contact info for directly handling death threats. Most of the women who call keep on proving Dick's point that women are stupid because they just ramble on about shit nobody cares about.
