Doctor Phil
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Philip Calvin McGraw, Ph.D., (Born at least 100 years ago) best known to middle age women as "Dr. Phil", is a psychopath psychologist with his own TV show. To date he has helped a record 2 people with their problems, one of which was Dr. Fran Young who studied under him in his Motel 6 room in the mid 90's.
as many ppl on the internets have speculated, Dr. Phil is most clearly the full bodied reincarnation of raptor jesus, whose will to dominate and control the ppl of earth shines through in his tv series "the mighty fangs of Dr. Phil"
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[edit] Biography
Dr Phil was spawned into existance in Callahasee Texas, on may 23. 1834 where he went under the name bill crosby jr. There he lived a fruitful life as an inventor and scientist, he invented the automobil, capitalism, the handgrenade, the hamburger and the telephone. He had to change his name and quickly run away when all the townsppl found out he had been having surprise sex with 8 year old girls and pwning the human race with his very mighty fangs. he then came to be known as Dr. Phil
Dr Phil married and has a runaway drug addict daughter and a gay son. his evil plots of taking over the world have been overthrown many times by chuck norris
Dr. Phil also provides on-the-spot advice and counseling to the "house guests". He has also trained the soon to be renowned Dr. Fran, who specializes in Christian issues and Ussher's Syndrome.
the evil plan of Dr. Phil:
-start a tv show -???? -profit
[edit] Show
Initially Dr.Phil was Oprah's therapist and appeared on her show regularly. He struck a chord with the lonely desperate soccer moms who watched Oprah and was soon given his own show.
Initially, Dr.Phil's show dealt with down-to-earth issues which could be resolved peacefully by simply chatting with your partner/spouse/children without drama and stupidity. It was the sort of show your mom would watch at 2pm while you were in school, mastubating vigorously.
After 2 years of helping average Joes deal with their problems and at least 500 episodes, Dr.Phil's audience began to trickle out. So, he did what any self-respecting TV personality would do: sold out.
Having abandoned all reason and sanity, Dr. Phil proceeded to knock his shows down to Maury Povich level; his current guests are racist raptors, pedophile raptors and other white trash idiot disguising raptors.
Dr. Fran's first guest appearance on Dr. Phil touched a record 28 viewers out of 100 households as she revealed the suffering she faced early into her marriage when her now deaf, and presummably dumb, husband Kenny cheated on her. Through the strength of faith, Fran was able to heal from this injustice done to her. This process was also aided by her husband being stricken blind soon after, which left him unable to continue committing adultery. Fortunately this allowed Dr. Fran to have a torrid affair with Dr. Phil.
[edit] Dr. Phil in his private time
Dr. Phil met his wife Robin in an S&M leatherclub, where she was his dominatrix. She has been known to call him "Claussen" because he likes to walk around with a pickle up his ass, covered with a leather diaper to hold it in. Another dominatrix Phil has been known to visit is Buck Angel, and if it hadn't been for Robin and Phil's shotgun marriage, Phil and Buck would have surely ended up together, especially since Buck Angel looks a lot like Dr. Phil himself and Phil loves himself a whole lot. After every episode it is a well-known fact that you can see Robin taking her husband away, to be sure that Buck Angel is not around to take him and his money away and entice him with chubby monkey sex.
Whenever Phil and Robin are at home Robin just whips the living shit out of Dr. Phil human costume, which he clearly enjoys. They had a daughter, Carol Anne, who couldn't handle the pressure anymore, so at age 14 she ran away from home and became a whore, hooking on the streets of Los Angeles. It is said that her toothless mouth can give a blowjob that takes you straight to heaven, given that you don't mind the herpes, AIDS and crabs.
To not let this be known to the world, and given Dr. Phil's job where they have to pretend to be a perfect family themselves, they hired an actor to play their son "Jay McGraw," who also has his own home makeover show. Jay McGraw was formerly a gay porn actor known by the name of Bobby Blake. He is a well known gay actor, known to be able to take ten dicks up his tight little raisin at a time. Dr. Phil doesn't consider his sexual thoughts about "Jay" incestuous since they are not blood, so don't worry, he's not fucked up and can still tell you how to live your life, and no, I don't know why you smell pickle.
[edit] Metahuman Abilities
- Dr. Phil can shoot sulfuric acid from his five nipples on cue.
- Dr. Phil's moustache can jump off his face at night time and fall sleep curled up in his bellybutton.
- Dr. Phil can will his penis to become forked so he can have vaginal and buttsecks at the same time.
- Dr. Phil can masturbate up to eighty times a day with his bald, shiny scalp.
- Dr. Phil shits out full-size abusive husbands every day.
- Dr. Phil's semen, the source of his true power, gets stored regularly inside the gaping vagina of his former student Dr. Fran.
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