Dolphy

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This page is a WARZONE — It is highly unlikely that there are lulz between the e-bullets, but seasoned Æ veterans can be expected to clean it up once the retarded participants stop their editing.

THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ
THEY GOT TIRED OF PLAYING SOLO

Dolphy (Susanne Almanstoetter of Dachau Germany) is a Disney fan based primarily on DevianTART and fanart.lionking.org, 23 years of age, and likes Jim from Treasure Planet (aka That Disney Film That Tanked and No One Cares About). A lot.

Despite her unrequited love for cartoon boys around the age of fifteen, Dolphy is a loyal friend who will flame to the death when one of her internet buttbuddies is snarked by a group of jealous furfags (Fig.1). Birds of a feather flock together as in the case of Atimon, a rabid Timon fangirl who has now a page of her own, and who was snarked for her own disgusting Timon pr0n.

1 In the "artist's" own words:
2 Fantasies of a 24 year old woman
3 About the "Artist"
4 Death of a Loved One, Trivial compared to a loss of 30 dollars.
5 The Concept Art Incident
6 Dolphy the Skilled Author
7 IRL Dolphy
8 For the Love of Love (Troll Artwork)
9 External Links

[edit] In the "artist's" own words:

From own homepage;

You just don't understand.

DOLPHY JUST PWNED YOU

“	My favorite TP-char: Maybe some of you have noticed that Jim is my very very favorite TP-char,no, my fave-cartoon-char of all times to be exact! is obsessed Why?Hey,just look at him!No,just kidding,it`s not only his outer appearance (although I think he`s really handsome!) but also his personality.You don`t believe me?When I saw the first screenshots of "Treasure Planet" (that was one year before the movie came to theaters) I thought he was cute but I wasn`t immediately all like "Waaahhh!I wanna have him!!!".In fact,my obsession developed quite slowly. I saw the movie for the first time and liked him just as I like nearly every Disney-char.I saw it for the second time and thought he was really cute.I saw it again and couldn`t get him out of my mind from this day on.Jim`s just like me.Stubborn (dunno why that`s the first thing I mention here g),often misunderstood,moody (<--me,me,ME!), quite suspicious and careful when he gets to know strange people.And we`re both some kind of outsiders,loners and dreamers.(Does anyone here know a way to Montressor?) ; ) Hobbies: Drawing,music (Disney-soundtracks above all!),cinema,talking and having fun with my friends,Internet,looking at fanart from other Disney-fans,...and eating pizza!!! : D	„
—Dolphy

Dolphy doing what she does best...

Even Dolphy's fans are scared of her

[edit] Fantasies of a 24 year old woman

XU	XU	what's wrong with her boobs???	X'U
XU	XU	XU	XU
XU	XU	I think this is how lions reproduce.	RAPE?
XU	XU	Cock goes where?	XU
XU	XU	XU	Fuck you hat0rz.
Seriously. Fuck you.	Dolphy brings the concept of the Divine Right of Kings into the 21st century!	HERS.
JIM'S PENIS IS SACRED ONLY DOLPHY CAN SEE IT		she can't draw male genitalia, coz she's never seen it IRL	DO NOT WANT
Breasticles

[edit] About the "Artist"

Dolphy is so much more than just a grown German woman (???), Mary Sue and a furfag ~~attending animation school~~ with no job. What more could she possibly be, you ask? Well, read on.

NICKNAME : Dolphy

REAL NAME : Susanne Almanstoetter

AGE/BIRTHDAY : 24 / October 4th , 1984

HEIGHT : 1,67 m

WEIGHT : You really think she'll tell ya that? Then you're crazier than she thought! : D

voices in my heaaaaaad	Note the differences.	Of course anyone who is jealous of anyone is clearly jealous.	Inspired by guess who!
Guess whooooooo	But there are some things she doesn't lie about. Entirely.	There are at least a hundred of these in her gallery. Literally.	bawwwwwwww!
You'll never guess what this is. Ever.	How could this happen to her?! EMO MOMENTS.	NOT A SUE GAIZ	still NO SUE
At least Marina doesn't weigh over nine thousand pounds	Turns out Dolphy is an anarchist. Or genocidal.	Oh, and don't forget emo.	And she fails at sarcasm.
Moar.	And moar.	Someone paid $60 for this. They should get their money back.	The snake part is lumpy.
pay attention to the weird tower!!!!

[edit] Death of a Loved One, Trivial compared to a loss of 30 dollars.

All an act

Only Dolphy, with her legion of retarded fans, can get away with making herself seem like the poor starving artist for losing out on a little bit of money (a mere $30 or so?) while on the flip side, someone lost her mother.

Dolphy whined and complained that one of her commissioners was able to see a free sketch from her oh-so-talented hands. This fan commissioned her a picture dedicated to her recently dead mother. Dolphy usually shows her commissioners a sketch before the commissioner has to pay, and this was no exception. The commissioner was probably too busy burying her dead mother, so paying an internet artist for something as trivial as this probably wouldn't be her top priority, and so she never answered Dolphy's emails.

Most other artists would let it be. Not finish the picture and be done with it--or perhaps even make it a gift for this poor girl. But Dolphy threw a bitch fit. She finished the picture, posted it on her DA site and bitched about how she got ripped off in true attention whore fashion.

Her fans whined with her in chorus. What cruel person could take advantage of poor Dolphy like that, after all. Screw your dead mother, Dolphy needs that $30 to buy more Jim memorabilia she can masturbate to!

she's the victim

And of course, Dolphy was eventually paid that money by fellow basement-dweller Dagerom [1]. That’s right, some idiot thought, “Oh, the injustice!” and paid Dolphy the money, and will see nothing from it.

Dolphy needs some moar asspats and money, plz.

[edit] The Concept Art Incident

“	Fuck you. Do you know how many pageviews I have? Do you know how many people watch me? I am a legend. If you wanted to be helpful, you should have said it more politely.	„
—some troll wannabe

On August 26, 2008, an unfunny newfag did it wrong and took a couple pieces of Dolphy's art to parade in front of the drawfags over at Conceptart. It drew expected criticism on anatomy and perspective to which the obvious fail troll responded with standard boring and painfully fake butthurt, succeeding in generating a total of zero lulz. The thread was quickly locked as the Conceptart forumers realized obvious troll is obvious.

The real Dolphy was promptly alerted by her legion of fantards, posting a call to arms in her DA journal. Naturally her fanfucks flooded Conceptart to swamp the mods with hundreds of reports of the offender, and spamming the Conceptart Lounge with Dolphy Support threads. Insults and accusations flew as over 100 comments were posted in her journal, her fans foaming at the mouth, and lashing out at the troll, Conceptart's obvious jealousy at Dolphy's mad skillz, and accusing ED for their sins against Dolphy. The incident ended with with fans offering Dolphy asspats and e-penis sucking to ease the unjust cruelty of having her work unwillingly critiqued.

[edit] Dolphy the Skilled Author

Dolphy's also into the fanfiction business! Doesn't that surprise you? But being a very skilled author she would NEVAR write Mary Sue fics. Here's an example from her "me did writy writy, wanna see?" page:

“	Jim glanced at her and Sarah had to restrain a chuckle at the helpless attitude of her son. He had really fallen for that girl. But suddenly the opening of the door, which he heard through all the noise around them, caught his attention and his gaze stopped at the person who had just entered the hall. “Woa…” was all he could say as he stared agape at the girl that was slowly approaching him. “Do you like it?” asked Dolphy shyly. She was wearing a low-cut red dress that consisted of a strapless cloak-like top part which was held together on the chest by some darker ribbons. Those ribbons stopped at the waist so the light fabric hung down on both sides and revealed an almost white skirt underneath. As jewelry she had a collar in the same color as the ribbons with a drop-shaped pendant and matching earrings. Her bangs were braided to the back of her head and held together by a flower like barrette. “You…you look awesome.” Jim managed to say at last with a look that said more than any words could ever do. Dolphy smiled happily and gazed at the man in front of her. It seemed as if this uniform was made just for him, it made him look even handsomer than he already was. Knowing that she tended to get a little uncomfortable when talking to adults Jim gently grabbed her hand and led her to them. Of course she had already met them a few times but she was still afraid of saying something inappropriate and acting like an idiot. She knew how much Jim and his mother meant to each other and she wanted to be accepted and liked by her. “Good evening Mrs.Hawkins.” greeted Dolphy shyly but to her relief she smiled softly and shook her hand heartily. “How often have I told you to call me ‘Sarah’?” she meant in a very friendly way. “Good evening to you,too. Oh, and what a special evening it is! I`m so proud of Jim and you!” Dolphy blushed and shot a quick glance at Jim to see that he was smiling fondly at her. “Thank you Mrs.Haw-,…uhm, Sarah. I`m glad you could come.”	„
—Dolphy

[edit] IRL Dolphy

Compare them to the drawings of herself. You won't find a similarity anyways.

"Our aim is becoming Snapesnogger nagas"	Dolphy being herself	Dolphy and Jimmy ohhhh ILU!!!! <3	double Dolphy
ME WANTZ DA FOOOOD HO HO HO!	fashion sense	"sexy"....