Domestic violence
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Domestic violence is when a perfectly fine and functional male member of society puts his woman in her place: The Kitchen.
Domestic Violence usually occurs in two easy steps:
1.Woman is NOT in the kitchen.
2.Man directs her to the kitchen using all of his available weapons and methods.
It's seriously that easy! Do try it at your home!
History
It's always warranted whenever a female speaks, refuses to take orders, leaves the kitchen, or looks at another guy. It's funny as hell too, as sung about by Anal Cunt, in their hit "Domestic Violence Is Really Really Really Funny." Stick it on, then have your friends get popcorn and beer, and they can watch you learn her good.
Recent studies now suggest that between 80-90% of bitches did actually have it coming, with an additional 10-20% pretty much asking for it. This comes as a shock to everyone but longtime surprise sex-advocate Mike Tyson who has apparently known this for years.
Actually, it's a bit surprising WHY it's even illegal in the first place. From the first seconds of the astounding births of males, the genetic code of knowing how to keep a bitch in her place already flourishes. So, this can only mean one thing. Those goddamn fugly lesbian feminazis persuaded the shitfaced and majorly stoned congressmen of the law with VERY persuasive speeches, letters, actions, and other things women use to change people's mind. As written in the Constitution, " any of thou written, even in the shittiest of thy excuses, any of thou shit that thy not maketh sense any particular, any of thy shit written that makes women plead thy rape- IF IT IS WRITTEN! - it shall not be blemished by the marks of erasement. AMEN, AMERICA."
Examples of Domestic Violence
Liberation
After a few thousand years of being beaten and terrorized, as well as being forced to listen to retarded jokes about it, women were liberated. Once freed, they realized that even though they didn't have penises, they too could kick the shit out of assholes who were asking for it.
Women were now faced with an important choice, lead humans to a new era of enlightened communication between genders or be as stupid and violent as men. They chose to go with stupidity and violence. Anyway, women screwed up everything since man created rap and most recently reggaeton, theyre now the same thing as they were 1000 years ago, so women are still beaten. (SmAcK dAt bItCh yO)
Domestic Violence in the News
- The Pittsburgh Channel.
- "The jury is weighing whether that revelation could have thrown O'Toole into a fit of rage so outrageous that she drugged Slaby, waited until he fell asleep, then glued his penis to his stomach, his testicles to his leg and his buttocks together. O'Toole said it was part of a sex game -- so was the nail polish, which she said she used to paint sideburns on him in honor of Elvis."
- Penis Lopping: Is This Becoming A Fad?
- "At some point, he agreed to have sex — and allowed his soon-to-be-ex to tie his arms to a windowsill. The 35-year-old woman severed his penis with a kitchen knife, cops said. [...] Unlike Lorena Bobbitt, who merely flung John's penis out her car window in Virginia 11 years ago, Kim flushed her boyfriend's organ down the toilet.
Jokes
Q. Wanna hear a joke?
A. Women's Rights
Q. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A. Nothing, she obviously doesn't listen.
--OR--
A. Nothing, you already told her twice.
Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. What's she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Q. Why do women keep their holes so close together?
A. So you can carry them around like a six-pack.
Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long.
Q. How many battered women does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "Cook it in the dark, bitch!"
Q. What's green and in the kitchen?
A. My bitch, and I'll paint her any color I want.
Q. What do you call the useless skin around a pussy?
A. A woman.
Q. Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
A. Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud..
Q. Why do women have periods?
A. Because they deserve them.
Q. Why don't women need watches?
A. There’s a clock on the stove.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Because the dishwasher should match the stove and refrigerator.
Q. What does a woman put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
Q. How are women like bowling balls?
A. You finger them and throw 'em in the gutter, and they keep coming back for more.
Q. What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
A. Einstein's cock.
Q. A motorcyclist hits a woman. Whose fault is it?
A. The woman's. She wasn't in the kitchen. --OR-- The motorcyclist's. What was he doing riding his bike in the kitchen?
Q. What's the biggest problem with being a black woman?
A. There's no kitchen in the back of the bus
Q. What's the difference between my wife and an onion?
A. I didn't cry when I chopped up my wife.
Warning
Domestic abuse can cause serious injury. Without suitable training as well as proper protection, serious damage can be done to the hands, elbows, knees and forehead. Thankfully there is a much easier way.
