Drew Pritt
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Drew Pritt is an Internet celebrity due to his frequent attempts to run for office, which result in vast amounts of hilarity. He has tried to run for office at least as often as Lyndon LaRouche but has been far less succesful, garnering just single-digit poll numbers in the two occasions he has actually made it onto the ballot (for a city council position in Warren, AR and a county supervisor position in Bradley County, AR.) This doesn't deter him from announcing for virtually every office he can in multiple states.
Contents |
[edit] Early Career
Pritt has attended several colleges in several states, including: Ouachita Baptist University, College of the Ozarks, University of Arkansas at Monticello, Marshall State, and University of Memphis. While at College of the Ozarks he acquired the nickname "Squirrel Boy" after stomping a squirrel to death in a fit of rage.
Pritt got his start as a write-in candidate for the Arkansas Legislature in his first forays into electoral politics, in his early twenties. Pritt claimed that his performance in this election was larger than expected, but that a conspiracy led by the Arkansas Secretary of State deprived him of the acknowledgement needed. He also jerked off to gay pron in the computer labs at the UAM. Because of this, he is banned from the UAM campus, and campus police have standing orders to arrest him. Moreover, the last three rows of the UAM computer lab in Sorrels Hall are closed after business hours because Pritt couldn't keep his hand out of his pants. Additionally, while at UAM, he founded a Presbyterian student organization, the Westminster Fellowship, from which he embezzled large sums of money and was forced by his own father to pay it back over time. Wherever he goes, money seems to disappear.
When these political ventures proved unsuccessful, he went to Washington as an intern for a US Senator from Arkansas. In this position he lasted all of two weeks before getting fired. The legendary history of Pritt's termination is that he had asked for a day off to attend a Democratic political meeting while working for a Republican. Rebuffed, he then called in sick, assuming that the staff of a US Senator just fell off the turnip truck yesterday. When his office sent several fellow interns to the meeting to locate Pritt, they found him coming out. When he saw them, he started limping. He was immediately fired.
Without a source of income, Pritt attempted to stay in Washington, but ended up bouncing a bunch of checks to stay afloat. Hot checks, incidentally, became a major part of the Pritt repertoire. He would ultimately spend time in jail in West Virginia for writing checks on an empty bank account. Pritt also embezzled money while working for his cousin Charlotte Pritt's various campaigns in West Virginia. Pritt was also noted for starting a "draft Charlotte Pritt" website, in violation of West Virginia electoral expenditure laws.
In 2002, Pritt attempted to return to UAM campus, having given up politics and deciding to become a minister. He amused several students who knew him by claiming to be Jewish. The Vice-Chancellor of Academic Affairs at the time refused Pritt's application due to his past conduct.
Pritt later went on to launch a campaign for the US House in Tennessee's 7th district. He failed because he could not obtain 25 signatures (yes, 25) that he needed to qualify for the ballot. He would later claim that he had been drafted for this race, presumably by the same people who killed OJ's wife and ruined Enron when Ken Lay wasn't looking.
In 2004, he returned to Arkansas and ran for the county judge of Bradley County as an openly gay candidate. Not surprisingly, he did not win.
In early 2005, Drew announced his candidacy for Congress in Wisconsin's 5th district. A month later he dropped out and headed home to Arkansas, having found that he could not even win support in the state that elected Joseph McCarthy to the Senate.
Later that year, he ran for Lt. Governor of Arkansas, spurning a wild web following that regards his campaigns as major lulz. He has the distinction of being the first openly gay candidate for any state position in Arkansas... something that did not endear him to the voters of that state. Added to the humor is the fact that he clearly regards the internet as serious business and will respond to comments about him on message boards, even going so far as to write his own Wikipedia page (which was later deleted.)
In 2006, he ran for Mayor of Little Rock. After a short and unsuccessful campaign, he dropped out of that race.
In 2007, he resorted to running for school board. After polluting the city with signs and even going door-to-door asking for support, he came out with only 8 votes out of the nearly 2000 votes cast. Apparently voters feared for the safety of their children's butthole.
Drew is best known for having spent some time living in his mom's basement, and for having reached 30 and lost most of his hair without ever having had a real job.
[edit] Recent News
Pritt established a fraternity at the University of Arkansas, Little Rock. Needless to say, he is very close to his brothers.
Even more Lulzworthy news has come to light. Apparently Drew Prick Pritt, after proving that his drive to fail at elections, and make a mockery out of himself was more important than school, flunked out of his college in the Podunk, backwoods state Arkansas. Afterwards, he made his way to Minnesota to "help" someone with their campaign. Our prayers are with that poor soul that needs Pritts help. At least the Arkansans have one less batshit insane cousin fucker in their state.
After only one week in Minnesota he was kicked out of the campaign. Apparently, the people working in the campaign decided to Google his name. Guess what was at the top of the search results... His ED article! Fearing for the lives of the local squirrels in true liberal fashion, and not wanting to be associated with such a psychotic, self-centered, egotistical, hypocritical fuck-up, they dropped him like a flaming piece of shit.
UPDATE!!! Drew Pritt has now found his calling in life by posting pro-Hillary Clinton diaries on Daily Kos, while ranting against Encyclopedia Dramatica and OurCampaigns. Pritt declared that both sites "are like the Nazis in the fact that they lie about me."
Pritt also tried to get his much more respectable brother David to run for Congress in Arkansas' 3rd district. David Pritt's candidacy was complicated by him fighting in Iraq and not living in Arkansas. So Drew had a voter registration card sent to someone's house who has never met David Pritt nor authorized such a move. The legality of such a move is in question, but when you consider that Drew is batting .000 against the Arkansas legal system, someone is going to get in trouble for that stunt.
Depending on the tides, the David Pritt congressional bid is currently dormant. Drew tried to solicit thousands of dollars from DailyKos to launch his own candidacy for the seat, and he was mocked for failing to acknowledge campaign finance laws. Drew later claimed that floating his own bid was meant to promote his brother's candidacy somehow.
ADDITIONAL UPDATE!!! Feeling butthurt about being a fat laughingstock of a basement dweller, Pritt has since resorted to threatening those who "persecute" and "stalk" him with unsubstantiated claims of legal action via the site HaltAbuse.org. Seeing as how he's poor as shit he has yet to make good on any of these claims, adding another lie to his long and illustrious grand total.
EVEN BIGGER UPDATE!!! Drew Pritt has decided to run for the Little Rock City Council, ensuring several months of online lulz.
[edit] Additional Speculation
May or may not be Iconoclast.
[edit] How to Contact Drew
- His personal shrine to the greatness that is him See Lie.
- Another shrine to himself, his Facebook account
- Yet another shrine to himself, this one in the form of a shitty blog. Don't forget to read his shout out to this article and ED in general and thank him for the free publicity!
- Drew also does mediocre drag as Diedra, a cross between Monica Lewinsky and Toot Braunstein
- - Drew Pritt confronts a street preacher.
- Drew Pritt's OurCampaigns account. He was a member of this political forum, using it as a tool for self-aggrandizements. Some posts are good for major lulz.
- Drew Pritt's troll account as "Monster Duck" on Our Campaigns
- Drew Pritt's account on Daily Kos
