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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

A drug is technically any non-nutritive substance which changes the function of the body.

Many people use drugs, psychoactive and otherwise. These people may or may not be homosexuals. Emos particularly liek drugs as a prelude to their cutting sessions and to also make themselves sound more hard core.

Anorexic 16 year old girls may also eat drugs such as amphetamines and their lesser relatives ephedrine and arsenic as a way of avoiding actual food. They also eat laxatives, but see these as the most recreational of drugs, and mainly take them for the sheer pleasure. Anorexics generally like to boast about their laxative intake.

People who hate drugs often claim to be "high on life". Dr. Park N. Stones has studied this phenomenon and claims that these people are lamers who have never taken a mind-altering drug. These are the geniuses responsible for the war on drugs.

[edit] Types of Drugs

Contents 1 Types of Drugs 1.1 Alcohol 1.2 Absinthe 1.3 Advil 1.4 Bananadine 1.5 Brown-Brown 1.6 Caffeine 1.7 Cannabis 1.8 Catnip 1.9 Cocaine 1.10 Codeine 1.11 Crack 1.12 DMT 1.13 DXM 1.14 Ecstasy 1.15 Ephedrine 1.16 GHB 1.17 Heroin 1.18 Inhalants 1.19 Jimsonweed 1.20 Jenkem 1.21 Ketamine 1.22 LSD 1.23 Melange or Spice 1.24 Medipacks/Healthpacks/Stimpacks 1.25 Methamphetamine 1.26 Nutmeg 1.27 Oxycodone 1.28 PCP 1.29 Peyote 1.30 Salvia 1.31 Semen 1.32 Shrooms 1.33 Tobacco 1.34 UPN 1.35 Whiteboard Markers 1.36 Morning Glory Seeds 1.37 Belladonna (NightShade) 2 Drugs and Wikipedia 3 Getting your pets high! 4 Winners Don't Use Drugs 5 Winners Sell Them 6 Gallery 7 Why Drugs Are Bad 8 Why Drugs Are Good 9 As a Drama-Generating Technique

[edit] Alcohol

Alcohol is one of the most common strong drugs used by humans. Cheap white cider and poof juice is what the gay emo and wigger kids drink, while the more non-gay drink lager and vodka. Real men drink gasoline, but the pussies mix it. Women prefer cocktails. There are many explanations, but mainly because they do not want to get drunk drinking alcohol, their weak inferior female bodies can't take real drinks and drinking cUtE fuNneH drinks like "Sex On The Beach" makes them cool and hopefully gets them the dick they were longing for for so long. Butthurt girls prefer mojitos, a drink made at least 100 years ago by a Mexican faggot.

[edit] Absinthe

Absinthe is what Czech people drink 24/7 to become really fucked-up. If you drink 4 shots of Absinthe you get really high and start to see shit that's not real, which is why it is illegal in civilized countries. Going to the Czech Republic without trying Absinthe would be like going to Las-Vegas without gambling or to the Internet without downloading porn.

[edit] Advil

Do you has headache? Do you has monies? Advil is what your mom takes when she's tired of your faggot emo bullshit. Be careful, though. If you take at least 4 or 5 advil, it could be Fatal!! OH NOES!!!!11!1!!!1oneoneone

-Miss Cleo is watchin joo.

[edit] Bananadine

For those REAL anarchists like to blow shit up, vandalize stuff, and who need to get high off of household materials in order to preach their call for social change; Bananadine is the perfect drug for you. Much like LSD, but gives you hallucinations of Charles Manson and burning flags.

Instructions found in The Anarchist Cookbook.

[edit] Brown-Brown

Similar to Jenkem, Brown-Brown is popular with poor nigger children, especially African child soldiers in the hundreds of civil wars raging on the continent. Brown-Brown is made by mixing cocaine with gunpowder and is ingested by snorting. However, unlike Jenkem it turns you into a raging, psycho killer, whereas Jenkem is closer to a raver drug for hippy skinnies [1].

[edit] Caffeine

Caffeine is for the kids who can't get coke because they're too gay or fall into the category of losers which includes emo kidz and wiggers. Frequent users of Caffeine include gamers who use it to stay up all night at LAN parties. There are also a number of middle school kids who think that they can get high by taking a large number of Caffeine pills. Make sure to sell some to a group of kids at the park for lulz. Since it is also an ingredient in soda, coffee, and tea, over 9000 people a year become addicted.

[edit] Cannabis

Cannabis was invented at least 100 years ago in 1969 and legalized in the year 1982. Some people say that God made it. Others will disagree and say that Satan did, but everybody knows that actually it was invented in Colombia, because every single Colombian is an expert on the manufacture of every illegal drug. "Marijuana," as Mexicans and other degenerates call it, is a popular fruit mainly consumed by hippies and those dumb asses in your history class who blow spitballs at each other. It is different than other fruits in that it gets you totally stoned.

There are two types of cannabis: Schwag is dirty shit invented on the planet Mexico - growers of this type of weed are usually scumstache-sporting spics in nigger clothes. It tastes like rotten ass; don't smoke it. The other type is known as dank bud and it will fuck you right up. Retarded wigger assholes like to divide this into categories that don't even exist and invent strains ('hey man I got some totally crazy northern lolrus bhudda last night') in an effort to appear like they aren't just smoking the same carpet weed shit that gets made into hemp. The best shit you can get is White Widow. Call Sheneequa (or any other fat nigger bitch) for some hook ups.

Indicators that there might be cannabis use and dealing in a neighborhood:

• If there is a university nearby.
• If there is an airport nearby.
• If the local ice cream truck plays la cucaracha...

Cannabis goes by many slang terms, such as:

• crock pot
• tea kettle
• spatula
• pen
• pencil
• "I'm just going to the mall, bitch"
• books
• records
• Acrid Alaskan Tundra Thunder Fuck

Prior to the 1960s, cannabis use was mainly confined to Jesus and the guy who wrote Lord of the Rings. This all changed when Jerry Garcia invented the dirty hippy by forgetting to take a shower one day, thus increasing cannabis consumption by over 9000% across the world. However, it was still difficult to acquire at this time because The Beatles were using most of it to help them write songs about walruses and glass onions. Thankfully, they broke up in 1970 so the rest of the world could enjoy it. Soon, it was cheap enough that even black people could afford it. Today, it is used by a wide variety of people, except rednecks (who prefer cheap beer and meth), Heath Ledger (who is dead), and old people (who are already way stoned on prescription meds). Because of the simultaneous existence of Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson, and Bill Clinton, many feared a shortage would arise, but thankfully Mexico stepped up to the plate last Thursday and increased production of 13 year old boys, who are known to grow weed in their closets (so their parents don't find out).

Side effects include:

• Tolerance of OAR.
• Sensation of time shifts, safety not guaranteed.
• Desire to sleep.
• Brownie lust.
• Ability to understand cat overlord slavemaster speech.
• Negative Aids.
• Ownership, display of M.C. Escher paintings.
• Desire to hang out with black people, distrust of cracker-ass whiteys
• Tim and Eric Awesome Show. Great Job!
• Huh?
• ????????????????????
• Profit

Although Cannabis is considered a drug, most to all users say that it is just a plant. Of course, these are the same people who think Teletubbies is a great show.

PROTIP: Nobody has ever died from using marijuana. That means you could be the first!!!

[edit] Catnip

Catnip is what stoners smoke when they are all out of weed. It's best when you're all out of your dirty schwag weed, but it tastes like dirty vagina and burns the fuck out of your throat. But I mean c'mon! Look how happy and shit that cat is, man! That must be some good shit!

[edit] Cocaine

Cocaine (also called food of the gods, or coke in its carbonated, caramel-flavored form) is a popular drug from the 1980s. Usually powdered , for easy carriage in bags or devouring on doughnuts. Cocaine is perfect for you and your mom as you both have incredible skill at ingesting white substances. As opposed to in the ass, it is usually "snorted" through a tube-like instrument, such as a rolled up dollar bill, or if you are really rich you may wanna snort it up through a 100 dollar bill which really fucks you up. You have to burn the bill afterwards to make an impression. However, note that most people who are snorting the crack form have never seen a 100 dollar bill in their lives. Please, EMAC.This drug can have seriously harmful effects, including brain damage, addiction, erosion of the nose, and the need to listen to Daft Punk. For more information about cocaine, please contact George W. Bush.

All cocaine in the world comes from Colombia. If you go to Colombia you will find that the natives live on a big mountain of cocaine, and every resident is an expert in its manufacture. This justifies dropping massive amounts of pesticide on the country from planes, which increases the price of cocaine and thus the profits of the suppliers, which helps win the war on drugs. If you disagree you hate America.

Best enjoyed when combined with hookers.

[edit] Codeine

Difficult to spell and generally a bit shit, codeine is available in over-the-counter painkillers in England and Canada. Woot! These will fuck you up, but the thrill seeker must be cautious, as these fuckers are laced with caffeine, used to head off the drowsiness that codeine induces. Codeine is also responsible for many lulz when one watches someone who hasn't taken them for the buzz overestimate how many pills they actually need to get stoned. The reactions of this are sleepiness, severe vomiting and loss of muscle function. In the case of epic lulz, it can cause death from sever depression of the pulmonary system (you cease to be able to breathe). In the case of the latter lulz, one should get the lffs over with, quietly leave the scene after wiping for fingerprints and call as a "concerned citizen" from an "undisclosed location". To do otherwise, or any attempt to be responsible in any way, leads to being Party V& and possibly script fodder for an episode of CSI.

Also, codeine is the drug of choice for middle-aged women like your mom, especially if they're out of, dilaudids, Vicodin or Valium

[edit] Crack

“	Crack is like ANTHRAX; 'cept ya SHMOKE IT!!!	„
—Dave Chappelle (not really)

Crack, so-called because it is commonly stored in one's asscrack, is a smokable form of cocaine which looks like a rock. It delivers the same effects as cocaine but the effects are stronger and shorter lasting. Crack is basically cocaine for niggers. Mediacrat does not do crack, as it is not a drug for the rich and beautiful. Whitney Houston, famous drug user, says that crack "is for poor people." stealing crack is a prosecutable offense it can result in a "nigger" popping a cap in your ass.

It was first created and distributed in the early 1980s by Whitey through clandestine operation with the sole purpose of keeping the Black Man down. Ever since then, people of all races and classes have taken part in enjoying this delectable high.

Crack is popular amongst whores because of how cheap it is. That's why they're called crack whores, WTF.

On the Internet, you will occasionally encounter the sort of khaki-wearing, Conan-watching fuckwit who still considers the phrase "on crack" to be hilarious. E.g., "She's running around like a rabbit... ON CRACK!!!" This is grounds for a violent permaban from your flist.

[edit] DMT

"DMT", short for dymethyltryptamine, is the most hardcore psychedelic drug known to man. The two forms, 5-MeO-dymethyltryptamine and N,N-dymethytriptamine, are both extremely rare. While DMT can be found in many plants including blades of grass, the crystallized or powdered forms that get you high are incredibly hard to come by and are incredibly expensive. However, if you are a chemist, you can extract enough DMT from grass to trip many balls. The effects last from seven to ten minutes. Many people who have taken DMT report seeing aliens, and when asked to describe the aliens, all describe the same aliens. The most common ways to do DMT are smoking or snorting. After people do DMT, they will forever think that they are the shit because they found, paid for, and ingested the most ridiculous psychedelic on Earth, when in reality EVERYONE has tripped on DMT before. DMT is a natural chemical in the human body and is what causes dreams. Every time you go to sleep and start hitting REM sleep, you trip balls for 8 hours. DMT is also released in mass quantities when one is about to die, so the easiest and cheapest way to attain DMT and trip is to kill yourself right now.

[edit] DXM

DXM, short for dextromethorphan hydrobromide: a dissociative hallucinogen of morphinan structure found in cough syrups and cough gel capsules, such as Robitussin. The pharmacological effects of this drug put it in the same class as PCP, ketamine, and tiletamine. Basically at low doses it makes you feel like a spring, while at high doses makes you see everything you imagine. Since only veterinarians have access to the real dissociative, many 13 year old boys resort to this alternative form because it can be scored at most any pharmacy or grocery store. One shortcoming of this substance is its lack of addiction potential. As a result, many young dope fiends waste their precious drug allowance on inferior substances such as marijuana, cocaine, and alcohol. Another notable aspect of DXM is that users develop a superiority complex and renounce all other forms of dope fiend in favor of their new cough syrup drinking brethren. Shockingly there is significant evidence that regular use causes Gayness. Fortunately for them, some high-functioning DXM freaks created their own internet zion, called dextroverse, where they can live and trip in peace while exulting their holy substance. The entire community of 13 year old boys and drama whores can be observed in their natural environment at DVirc discussing such topics as "How to get high from drinking your own urine" and "ZOMG You troll I did not get raped by my father".

Some retards think it's a good idea to take Coricidin Cough & Cold, also known as CCC. What they don't seem to realize is that CCC contains Chlorpheniramine Maleate, an antihistamine which has been known to cause coma at high doses, ensuring a long, drawn-out, and care free life as a veggie. Smart people stick with Robitussin cough gels or Maximum Strength syrup, which contain nothing but 15mgs of DXM per pill or 5 ml, respectively. Robitussin regular strength is for idiots, because it only contains 10mgs of DXM per 5 ml syrup, and it contains Guaifenesin.

[edit] Ecstasy

Ecstasy is the club name for methylenedioxymethamphetamine. Ecstasy is number one in the rave scene. Ecstasy makes you dance like a retard and participate in "glory holes", where you stick your penis through a hole in a bathroom stall and have it sucked on by a gay man, but it's ok, cause you can't see his face. You're utterly, utterly gay anyway. Everyone knows, they just have not told you, but they tell everyone else behind your back. On the bright side, women on ecstasy tend to take their tops off, providing for many boob shots and the possibility of hot sex (or lulz if the girl is fat).

[edit] Ephedrine

Ephedrine is a weight loss drug preferred by the morbidly obese and pro-ana 16 year old girls. It's important when taking ephedrine not to vomit it up with your half piece of toast and dixie cup of water during a fit of thinspiration.

[edit] GHB

GHB, short for gamma hydroxybutyrate (a.k.a. the date rape drug) makes you feel instant uberdrunk for like an hour. It is highly dangerous at high doses and can get you raped up the ass by some desperate gay rapist. Usually mis-spelt GBH for the lulz.

[edit] Heroin

In comprehensive clinical testing, scientists have found heroin to be among the safest recreational drugs available today, with no potential for addiction, no significant impairment of cognitive processes or motor skills, and no long term effects on mental or physical health other than making people like you more. First invented in 1939 by German Nazi scientists researching the semenic content of the mentally retarded, it has since become a source of false inspiration for "artists" such as Kurt Kobain, Perry Ferrel, and Your Mom.

Heroin has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for its roles in such films as "Requiem for a Dream," "Ray," and "Paigegirl Pussifies Portland."

If you're a kid looking for info on how to shoot heroin, you've come to the right place.

[edit] Inhalants

For when you're too poor to even be able to afford real drugs, or too retarded to know who to get them from, there are inhalants, a category that pretty much covers any chemical shit that you can sniff. Glue? Obviously! Petrol? Hell yes! Spraypaint? It's like candy! Shit? You better believe it! The panties of 16 year old Japanese schoolgirls? Sure, but only if they piss pure methylated spirits. See also; Whiteboard Markers.

[edit] Jimsonweed

Jimsonweed is basically like Peyote except that it gives you a bad trip 99% of the time. It is usually used by retarded ranchers and dirt-poor white trash who can't afford meth, or stupid hippie hikers. 9 times out of 10 you will end up OD'ing on it and end up running naked from the cops screaming about how YOU TOTALLY SAW GOD AND IT LIKE BLEW YOUR MIND MANG!

[edit] Jenkem

Jenkum or "Jenk" is the failure of the drug community, it is where you ferment your own shit (or someone else's) for about two weeks then sniff it out of a bottle, apparently it will get you tripped off your ass. Although this is not reliable advice since it comes from a bunch of poor ass redneck middle-schoolers who can't afford heroin, or PCP if you're a Nigra.

[edit] Ketamine

Special K in junkie language. Contrary to popular belief, Ketamine does not lower blood pressure; instead, it can have a wide range of effects ranging from hallucinations to actually enjoying techno music, much like a raver. It can come in a variety of names and packages ranging from Ketamine Animal Tranquilizer (KAT) to "special edition with strawberries". Users of Ketamine may actually become a raver after prolonged usage. Ravers may attempt to cook Ketamine in your oven while you are not looking.

Ketamine is also known to cause people to feel and act like they have Down Syndrome, often sitting in one spot for hours on end completely unaware they have the ability to move at all. It is a commonly accepted fact that this type of retardation-inducing ketamine was first created at least 100 years ago by Stephen Hawking, Superman, and over nine thousand other wheelchair-bound retards in an attempt to get everybody back for all the abuse they'd been given over the years. It didn't work.

Fun fact: Ketamine made House 'think' he could walk (This lasted for over 9000 seconds, resulting in butthurt and anti-lulz)

[edit] LSD

LSD is a drug that makes you think the furry you're fucking in the ass is actually a hell-bent hare whose face is melting off. Often, it will cause users to have Vietnam war-style flashbacks and think Quasidan's penis is coming to get them. LSD may, in some cases, also be referred to as LOLSD. It also melts holes in your brain, so many doctors recommend it.

LSD is known for pwning 16 year old girls, all of whom are emotionally unstable for some reason or another and thus can't handle the realness. Never, ever give LSD to a 16 year old girl unless you're going to be leaving the scene shortly after and are certain that someone will stick around to give you the gist of what happened.

LSD also caused a bunch of untalented hippies to make a techno music called Psytrance. It is believed that Osama bin Laden loves the Shpongle.

Common LSD trip.

[edit] Melange or Spice

This drug makes you live longer, endow you with psychic abilities, grant the ability to speak Portuguese, and increases the size of your penis. It tastes like cinnamon and those crazy Bene Gesserit bitches use it like crazy. It's made of sand worm cum, costs a hella' lot and is only available on the desert planet of Arrakis, also known as Dune. If you use it, make sure you use Visine so that your mom won't bust you for having glowing blue eyes.. Oh, and it can make you live forever and mutate you into a large worm. A more powerful derivative of Spice is the Water of Life, which is refined Sand Worm Piss, and can only be safely consumed by the one who is foretold in prophecy and if you are expect one hell of a trip. Mr. Miyagi of the Fifth Element, commonly mistaken as Luigi from the movie '300', once said, "Beautiful black holes eat rice in winter, for the long road ahead is not in Rock City'. Ah... what words of wisdom from Shaq in these troubling waters of golden flowers.

[edit] Medipacks/Healthpacks/Stimpacks

Medipacks are highly addictive, take away 10hp, and you never have enough of them. You'd kill entire alien armies, suck leprous cocks or srsly fuck it up with demons from hell, just to get your hands on you next "Pack". How they work actually noone knows, but as far as modern science can say, you have to WALK OVER THEM. Maybe the most dangerous thing about Medipacks is, that you can use them while having both hands occupied, for example while killing aliens or fapping while goatseing your anus.

This is a scientific development of what happens before and after a stimpack.

[edit] Methamphetamine

Also known as 'Boo-Yah!' and 'Booger Sugar'. Popular amongst Booty Bumpers and people too stupid to stick with coffee.

Methamphetamine makes you so high that you cant find your own hands, and when you do find them, it turns out they're choking a hooker or beating up a kid. Some claim that methamphetamine is a synthetic substance cooked up in labs in trailer parks. They're lying. Meth is actually just ordinary spider eggs that need a place to gestate. Kind meth-heads, or "friends of spiders", give the helpless little arachnids a warm incubation in their noses, and when the spiders hatch, they escape through the host's pores, resulting in sores commonly called "speed bumps". These scars serve as reminders of the meth-head's kindness to God's creatures. If you see a meth-head with speed-bumps, approach them, look them right in the eye, and say "Thank you, on behalf of all the spiders". They'll understand - and if not, beat them over the head with the nearest blunt object, secure in the knowledge you tried your best.

[edit] Nutmeg

Nutmeg is not a drug, but rather a spice used in cooking that contains MDA analogs. People too poor for crack may attempt to take nutmeg for a quick high, but those people are retarded. This is because Nutmeg kicks in at least 12 hours after you've forgotten that you've taken it. Connecticut is nicknamed The Nutmeg State. Also, it tastes quite similar to candy.

[edit] Oxycodone

Hillbilly Heroin is an expensive painkiller that's really just Percocet without the Tylenol. Its only real 'high' is intense full-body itchiness that makes you scratch until you bleed. Despite the "I was naked in a burlap sack, wrapped in barbwire, fighting at least 100 feral cats" effect, it still causes junkies to rob pharmacies to get it, even though rolling around in broken crack vials in a thorn patch would be much easier.

Rush Limbaugh's fat ass once held up five Walgreens in an afternoon to get his Oxycontin fix.

[edit] PCP

Also called angel dust, PCP is used mainly by crazy niggers who feel like pwning the shit out of themselves

Causes you to hallucinate and think ur jesus, not only that but it enables you to punch actual craters into the Earth's surface. There even is a google earth community specifically dedicated to finding these PCP-induced craters. President mao can be contacted through either Windows Live Messenger or e-mail at: p.grayburn@gmail.com
Usually you wind up stabbing your eyes out with a fork or ripping the skin off your arm, has also been known to turn people into cannibals. Some examples of crazy niggers on PCP:

• a 17-year-old boy made a sexual advance on a 14-year-old girl after both had smoked "superweed" (here meaning marijuana dosed with PCP); when she resisted, he concluded he was being attacked by a wild animal and strangled her;
  
• a man cut off one of his partner's testicles at the latter's request while both were high on PCP
  
• one chronic PCP user "branded himself by burning a cross on his chest"
  
• a 38-year-old man smoked superweed, cut off the head of his dog, and attacked a stranger on the street with a razor
• high on PCP, a man waved down a car, shot and killed a passenger, then frolicked on the freeway firing in the air before being subdued
  
• a 29-year-old man smoked a PCP "crystal joint," entered a pregnant woman's home, stabbed her, killing the fetus, killed her two-year-old child, and when found was running down the street with a knife, naked and bloody, yelling, "Hallelujah, I'm Jesus!" He later admitted that he did it for the lulz and the charges were dropped.
  
• Rodney King was high on PCP when he accidentally wandered into the venue of the LAPD's Annual Nigger Beatdown and was mistaken for one of the legitimate participants.

[edit] Peyote

Peyote is a safe, non-addictive, and introspective way to trip your fucking ass off. It's legal in the USA if you're a licensed Injun, but you can find the peyote cactus growing wild in the Southwest. Remove the buttons at the top of the roots, boil them in some water or chew them if you're lazy, and get ready to puke your fucking guts out. Now, this is the tricky part. The more you puke, the less effect the cactus will have on you, so try and keep it down by not thinking about Shay.

[edit] Salvia

Salvia will make you peel the flesh off of lazerbread fruit sandwiches to keep them away from your toes(or make "gravity light" crush you to death) for five minutes; then you'll sit around and say stupid shit. Its also for pussies and 13 year old boys who don't want to get in trouble with the good tasty illegal drugs. You also have to own a frigging gold mine to afford the stuff.

Salvia divinorum is still mostly legal in the US and Europe and induces chat logs like the following:

khelair (12:20): that was the highest I've been and the clearest the ah-pon have been

khelair (12:20): next time I'll communicate WITH them instead of just be a cog in their machine

neurophyre (12:20):

khelair (12:20): I'm serious

khelair (12:22): salvia requires a more freeflowing, looping surface

khelair (12:22): IN MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS

neurophyre (12:22): you should start a salvia farm

khelair (12:22): fuck THAT I need to start a CUNT

khelair (12:22): er, CULT, even

PROTIP: Chew the leaves instead of smoking and it will last a bit longer. Better yet, sell it all to some 5th graders and buy a real hallucinogen, like LSD.

Some assclown named Brett failed so now salvia is illegal in like 3 states no one cares about. This event can be blamed on Jesus, who created assclowns.

[edit] Semen

While semen technically does have nutritive value, its effects on women, including orgasm and pregnancy cannot be ignored. It is for this reason that the Japanese consider semen to be a very important drug, and go to great lengths to both culture it and inoculate the female portion of their population (that is, the women who haven't already been converted to whores or trapped as used-panty generators for sick vending machines).

[edit] Shrooms

Shrooms can make you miss pics plz:

<+schlorp> WE SAW HABBO NEGROS AT BURNINGMAN

<+schlorp> I NEED TO FIND THOSE GUYS

<+schlorp> they were so cute

<+schlorp> they blocked a street :D

<@ajt> schlorp: did you get pics?

<+schlorp> no!

<+schlorp> i was at the time unable to operate a camera

<+schlorp> due to rampant mushrooms

<+schlorp> :<

Educational Music Video on Shrooms

[edit] Tobacco

Tobacco is the most accessible and arguably the most enjoyable shittiest of the recreational drugs. Tobacco built America, so by extension people who hate tobacco hate America. Additionally, as taxes on cigarettes go to support education, they also hate children.

There was once a man who became a powerful head of state who went on a personal crusade to stamp out smoking. As well as mandating that no one around him smoke, he banned public smoking and spent vast amounts of public money disseminating anti-smoking propaganda. His name: Adolph Hitler. In spite of his groundbreaking advances in the field of Jew extermination he is still vilified to this day for this reason.

There are many great reasons to start smoking. As well as making you feel great, studies have shown that smokers are 25 times more likely than non-smokers to be cool. Also, by not smoking you are associating yourself with asinine anti-smoking douchebags such as the pussies at TheTruth.com, which funds itself primarily through gay prostitution.

[edit] UPN

UPN, not to be confused with the television network for niggers, is short for Ureaphenylnitrate, a potent yet quickly metabolized hallucinogen and stimulant. Its discovery is relatively recent (see various publications in the European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology), yet it is gaining OL notoriety in such LJ communities as stoner_girls and drugwar. Preparation is nearly trivial: The intended user accumulates approximately 1 liter of urine in a small Nalgene container (the source of the phenyl group via the naturally flaked bisphenol A); which is permitted to completely evaporate. The urea particles are resuspended in a small volume (< 5mL) of water, and another small (< 5g) amount of saltpeter is added. The resulting mixture contains a significant amount of UPN, so should be tested for specific effects using a Q-Tip on the edge of the nostril before either snorting or inserting directly into the anus for maximum effect.

While certainly not addressed in the reputable publications, it is speculated that the discovery of this drug should be attributed to the esoteric S&M babyfurs, who discovered the drug during a noble journey of self-awareness involving piss, cutting, and explosives, during some kind of hiking adventure, which makes absolutely no fucking sense, because babyfurs are justifiably afraid of the sun (it is their pervert god that judges them).

[edit] Whiteboard Markers

People who work in the education sector are particularly susceptible to getting hooked on solvent abuse. It's all about stress and proximity. Look out for the tell-tale circle of blue or black ink around your teacher's nostril. If you notice this, shout, "For shame, you solvent snorting bitch!" at the top of your voice. You have a moral obligation to do this. Think of the children. LOL.

[edit] Morning Glory Seeds

It would appear you can now get fucked up off morning glory seeds. By eating 800 seeds (thats not a typo) you can produce a mild LSD trip that is followed by nausea and puking your guts out. Now go have fun kids while mommy pleasures herself to your stretch armstrong.

PROTIP: Crush the seeds into a fine dust, then mix into water and take interlingually (With more than one language? What the fuck?)

[edit] Belladonna (NightShade)

Glory to White Jesus! Turns out, any plant which will kill you in large doses gets u high in smaller doses. Who'd a thunk it? Belladonna, also known as deadly nightshade, is a potent deleriant which contains the same wonderful magiks as jimsonweed. If you can manage to get the rite dosage, rather than dieing a horrible death, you will be rewarded with a horrible trip full of spiders and death secks from your favorite childhood toys. <math><math>Insert formula here</math></math>

[edit] Drugs and Wikipedia

For first time users who are unsure of the correct methods to inject drugs, Wikipedia is very well versed in the subject. Their article on drug injection details the many ways to insert illicit drugs into one's body. For example, did you know that women are able to insert drugs into their vagina with much the same effect as a suppository? You do now! Thanks to Wikipedia!

[edit] Getting your pets high!

Getting Your Pets High By Catatonik and Buds McKinsey

There has been a lot of debate over getting one's pet stoned. Some say it is cruel while others insist that their pets strangely show up during crowded smoke sessions and don't seem to mind having smoke blown in their face. This guide is mostly intended for dogs and cats. Please do not attempt to get your bird high. Smoke is very harmful to birds.

I have learned a few things about getting pets stoned over time and figured this may be useful. My intention is not to force animals to take drugs, but to allow for a gentle and effective way of getting your pet high.

Before you start, you must understand that some pets, no matter what, do not want to get high. Even more important, some pets can't stand smoke. There will be a point where your pet understands the experience of getting high and will advocate for themselves. From what I've witnessed, cats advocate for themselves much better than dogs. I'm not too sure why, but I figure the loyalty of most dogs makes it hard to distinguish their intentions.

Some important things to be aware of: There seems to be no evidence that blowing smoke in a pet's ear will get them high. Yes, I know ear, nose, and mouth all share some connection. But would you want someone blowing smoke in your ear to get high? There are few reports of success and there is a chance that the hot smoke may be harmful. So don't do it.

Marijuana also tends to make animals severely agitated in high doses. Many veterinarian sites report that stoners often come in with an agitated dog that got into their stash while they were away. There seems to be no serious long term harm. But if you've ever had an anxiety attack from smoking too much, you know that it really sucks. Also remember that dogs have a very sensitive sense of smell. Don't leave your stash in an open container in an accessible bathroom cabinet to avoid this. And don't experiment with your pet to see just how high they can get.

Another factor to watch for is the pet's size and metabolism. Keep in mind that many pets do not have the same liver function as a human. Dogs tend to have "weak" livers compared to people, and cats are likely to be even more susceptible than dogs to liver damage. You want to avoid this at all costs. The liver does not heal and may lead to other forms of organ failure, including deadly kidney failure. Be warned that although marijuana is generally not considered hepatoxic, the effects on cats and dogs are not well understood. Don't play around with any other drugs when it comes to your pets. That means no alcohol, no designer drugs, and nothing you have not researched. Don't chance anything you are not sure of. Tylenol for example, can be deadly to both dogs and cats, because of the harmful effects on the liver. Humans on the other hand, tolerate Tylenol to some degree. There are more factors to consider regarding your pet's liver and health:

The liver is highly involved with converting or metabolizing drugs to safer, active, and inactive forms. There seems to be little knowledge on how a cat's liver metabolizes the active ingredients in marijuana. But to be on the safer side, let's look at what happens to an impaired human liver: Drugs may be more potent due to the liver's reduced ability to metabolize a drug. This means some drugs may unexpectedly reach toxic levels. It also means the drug may remain in an active form for a longer period of time. Since I am not too sure of how dog and cat kidneys differ from ours, I figure some drugs may take longer to excrete in a pet. Perhaps someone that better understands these functions can make a prediction based on marijuana's active chemicals. Keep in mind that marijuana is generally regarded as safe. To sum all of this up: A 100 pound cat might require significantly less weed than a 100 pound human. Not only that, but the cat may be high for longer than a human. I don't know if cats get the munchies and reach that weight, but you get the idea, right?

So far, I have found two methods to be quite effective for getting your pet high: cannabis butter and fresh smoke in a closed area such as a cabinet.

If you don't know how to make cannabis butter, please look it up. I suggest using the weed+water+butter boiling method over the simple butter+weed sautée. I also suggest using butter form for a specific reason: It seems to be a great form to dissolve the active ingredients in weed. It also is a safe bet for the following reasons: Dogs and cats will eat cannabis butter. This is uniquely important for dogs, since they seem to dislike smoke more than cats. Maybe their sensitive sense of smell has something to do with it. There should not be other harmful chemicals to worry about in cannabis butter. Do not use a plant that has been doused in some kind of questionable treatment. Do not use a plant that is moldy and don't think you can cook off the harmful effects of the mold. Do not use a plant that has been recently sprayed with an insecticide or a chemical such as pyrethrins. Though pyrethrins have the potential to be safe in many applications, cats in particular are very sensitive to it (remember, different liver). Pyrethrins break down over a short period of time though. Dogs also tend to tolerate them better than cats.

Do not cook food first and then give it to the pet. Pets react in unexpected ways to different human treats. This is especially important if you plan on making brownies or chocolate chip cookies. Remember the liver factor? Dogs and especially cats cannot handle the theobromine present in chocolate. It is toxic to them. If you want to be safe, use a recipe from scratch for something like regular oatmeal cookies. You can nuke the batter afterwards (don't let your pets consume raw eggs) and let them lick the mixing bowl. You can also let them lick the cookie plate clean afterwards. If your dog likes to get high and eat cookies (just like the rest of us), it might come in handy as a treat for good behavior.

Note that absorption or bioavailability is another issue with pets eating weed. I assume they can absorb it, since dogs often OD this way. But from observation, it seems to work better for cats. Also keep in mind the intestinal track on both animals is much shorter and direct (being mostly carnivores) which may affect absorption.

The other method involves using a cabinet, and preferably a dry or water filled bong with a carburetor/hole. This method seems to work better for cats. Before you start, I only suggest doing this to a cat you know very well because it will require a little bit of pushing and discretion. Place your cat in a moderately sized cabinet that it can walk around in. It may be easier if the cabinet is at your face level when standing up. Now pack a good bowl, light, and fill the chamber up with a good amount of smoke. Now stop and hold your breath even though there is smoke in the chamber. Point the top of the bong towards the inside of the cabinet. Place your mouth over the carburetor/hole to make a seal and exhale. Now your second hand smoke will push the chamber smoke into the cabinet towards your cat. Now close the cabinet. Repeat once if you want or let it have some more second hand smoke. Just keep in mind that second hand smoke has less active ingredients but may be nearly as harmful. If this is one of the first times, use your judgment to keep the cat in there until you think its had enough.

After a few times, your pet will understand the effects of marijuana and advocate for themselves. If your cat flails its arms about on the next trip to the cabinet, stop right there. Same goes for a pet that suddenly refuses to eat cannabis butter. Your cat doesn't want to get high. From my observations, a typical cat will want to spend just a few minutes inside before pushing the cabinet door open. Sometimes if the smoke is mild or the cabinet is big, they will hang out inside for a longer period.

I hope this information is useful. Please be careful but if you love your pet and both enjoy getting high in a safe manner, don't be ashamed.

[edit] Winners Don't Use Drugs

Back in the stone age when people actually used to put quarters inside machines to play arcade games (rather than download them from a random geocities site), there was a drug problem among gamers. In order to make people more aware of this problem, the FBI forced all arcade games to remind people that "Winners don't use drugs."

This warning finally brought the drug problem to public attention. However, at the same time it caused much confusion, since most people were using drugs without even being aware of it! There was no way to tell if you were on drugs other than losing. If you lost, you probably were on drugs. Winners don't use drugs. That's all there was to it. You couldn't lose at the game because if you did, you were a drug user and the FBI would be waiting for you outside.

[edit] Winners Sell Them

Learn MOAR.

[edit] Gallery

The only drugs cats know how to use are catnip and booze.	This is why you should do drugs.	Satisfying and delicious	YUMMY
My anti-drug	Average drug user	Everybody is on coke; even your fellow lawyer!	Fact: Nicole Richie licks her coke.
Cocaine is a well-known remedy for hay fever	Typical brain on drugs. Order up!	This is a typical PCP user.	DO NOT sort the chipmunk out! He is a fucking freeloader

[edit] Why Drugs Are Bad

Drugs are bad, m'kay ?

Drugs are all called "drugs" because they are all exactly the same. If a crackhead on a comedown robs someone, it is because he was on drugs.

Therefore, any drug that can be called a drug (but not one that has been legitimately prescribed) is the same as crack. If it wasn't, they wouldn't both be called drugs now, would they?

Incidentally, whilst it is completely OK to take prescribed drugs in the advised dosage whilst you are ill, if you take exactly the same drugs for fun when you are not ill, they immediately become drugs, and therefore crack.

If you think the above is not completely retarded, the DEA has an opening for you.

It should be noted that taking too many drugs might make you think you don't need food, you goddamn hippy.

[edit] Why Drugs Are Good

Drugs are mostly good for social settings. They can make men and women alike easy to sleep with, and they tend to have no problem blowing hundreds of thousands of hours of your life away. You didn't really need them anyway. Drugs are great for laying back and not doing anything, which is great if you're in high school and won't be passing anyway, or if you plan on dropping out of college anyway because your life is really meaningless otherwise. Drugs are also good for making your shitty day great (while you're on them anyway), and they take the pain away from very miniscule happenings, such as losing your omg bf u datd so llong :(.

Drugs also make you think you're funnier than you really are, or more talented. Which is great when you're the only one in the room on drugs. While the crowd won't agree, you're the greatest guitarist or the most masterful debater in the room around you.

So go ahead, there really is no reason NOT to take drugs. Unless you're some liberal pussy with a fascist job or working on some fancy 'higher educated' lifestyle.

PROTIP: If you edit while under the influence, make sure to use the preview button before saving. This can save your username from having a string of edits in the article history of Roman Showers or other sick shit that you are expert in.

[edit] As a Drama-Generating Technique

• Alcoholic drama
• Drug abuse stories

Drug is part of a series on potential Science projects.	Science Theory Bill Nye • Theoretical physics • God • Existence • Evolution • Global Warming; Memes • Richard Dawkins • Computer Science III • Large Hadron Collider • Apophis • How is babby formed? • The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz Proven by Science JEWS DID WTC • God hates fags • Cubic time • Raelism • Scientology • Trepanation • Science in Action Drugs! Sex! Creationism! Fire! Uranium! Lens flare! Diabeetus! Heart! With your powers combined I am Captain Planet!