Drunk
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Drunk is a nice way of saying you are completly fucked up on alcohol. Drunkenness is a magical state of consciousness which enables the end user to accomplish marvelous tasks, such as driving through three dry counties to the last open liquor store in the state.
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[edit] How to Get Drunk
If one seeks to become significantly intoxicated, or drunk, one has a variety of methods at their disposal:
- Drink beer or wine. This takes longest & has the best chance of causing you to puke before you reach your desired level of intoxication. Also, if at any time, you drink lite beer when anything else is available, you are a goddamn pussy beyond all reason.
- Drink liqueurs, recommended if you're a fucking elitist bitch. A step above wine. Come in every flavor you can fucking imagine & just as many proofs. Goes down smooth, quick, & easy, just like a fat chick.
- Drink vodka, gin, rum, or tequila. The good stuff. All of these are delicious on their own & can also be mixed with anything, including liquor & each other, to make even more delicious beverages. Will fuck you up & fast.
- Drink Whiskey, or "Whisky" if you're a Eurofag. Whiskey is basically beer with all possible Fail and AIDS removed via distillation. Unlike the VGRT options mentioned above it's not necessary to mix whiskey with anything if you have a scrotum. Results guaranteed.
- Drink over-proof shit. These are things that are more than 50% alcohol. Barcardi 151, Seraph, Everclear. There is no real reason to drink this crap, ever, yet frat boys do to show how badass they are, right before they jump off the roof.
- PROTIP: In most southern states, moonshine is readily available at around $56 a gallon ($14/qt). Even on Thursdays. (Moonshine is alcohol distilled down to purity comprising solely of H20 + ethyl alcohol - the most potent of the potent. Soak said moonshine overnight in a mixture of fruit for best results.)
[edit] Things that may happen while you're drunk
- Claiming to be of Asian descent.
- Attending a fraternity party as a sorority girl (note: one does not actually need to be a girl, as frat boys will date rape anything in a wig and high heels).
- Referring to the kind gifts of the visiting Spaniards as fire water.
- Fucking an ugly girl. Maybe more than one.
- Hanging out with Sheneequa.
- Enjoying the blessings of homelessness.
- Forgetting the order to leave the city.
- Becoming friends with a drunk
Keep in mind that every-fucking-thing you do while drunk will be filmed by the single sober asshole in the crowd & eventually end up on Youtube. Word of advice, wear clean drawers.
[edit] Sex and Drunkenness
If you are drunk there is a 100% chance of getting raped wether you are male or female.
If you are male and drunk, one of three things may happen:
- You will receive a blowjob.
- You will give a blowjob, and
feel deep shamesecretly love it, you closeted fuck. - You will be arrested the next day, unaware that your friend's decapitated body is still in your truck.
If you are female and drunk, two things may happen:
[edit] Racism and Drunkenness
While drunk, one may say whatever one likes without consequences. Obviously, this includes racist, homophobic and mysogynistic comments one would never get away with under most circumstances. Even if one is called out on such comments, it is frequently possible to excuse it all by statements such as "Sorry officer, I'm drunk!"
[edit] Driving
Whilst under alcohol's unending dominance, it is not uncommon for one's keys to find their way into the ignition of one's vehicle as the "designated driver" pukes vigorously into the glove compartment. It is also not uncommon to run street signs, mow down aging yet insomniac grandmothers, children and family pets down in a forgotten 80mph daze, noticed only later by the blood-spattered windshield and police sirens the next morning.
[edit] ED IRC
It is widely believed that not only are at least half the channel drunk at any given time, but the server itself runs off of a mixture of Everclear, Goldschläger, and motor oil. This potent combination often results in the "Never drinking again" effect the following morning.
