Internet celebrity
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Internet celebrities think that they are funny, witty and e-popular, but in truth most people just want to sleep with them. Some Internet celebrities mistake themselves for actual celebrities, but it is important to remember that even such individuals as Cory Doctorow are only known within a very small circle of Internets-savvy people. Get over yourselves. Kibo was one of the first Internet celebrities.
Andy Milonakis started out like that, but once everyone found out he was some freak adult they realized his show was based on faggotry.
So pretty much, internet celebrities are basement dwelling losers who, IRL, never have and never will do anything real with their lives.
Contents |
E-Fame
If you can't get famous in real life, your only alternative is to be an attention whore engaging in shameless self promotion until you achieve the fine heights of e-fame, a celebrity in the electronic alternative reality that is teh internets.
Marks of e-fame include having more people on your LiveJournal Friendslist than anyone else, having your posts featured on LJ Drama, and of course having your own entry on Encyclopedia Dramatica. Also, crying over Britney is highly recommended. Failing even that, championing the cause of the Furluminati is another way to raise your e-fame to OVER 9000.
If none of the above work, then obviously the only things your are good for are spreading the diseases of both AIDS and epic phail
How to Become an Internet Celebrity
- Make a video BAAAWWWWW-ing about your favorite IRL celebrity.
- Pretend to be an intellectual by posting controversial videos on YouTube.
- Find a young child with a speech impediment
- Draw popular anime characters having animal buttsecks
- Do it for the lulz
How to Maintain E-Fame: Doing it Wrong
Because there are so many naughties and so much lulz-worthy shit clogging up the internets like cholesterol surging through an American's arteries, it's hard to maintain the open-mindedness and "uniqueness" that made them celebrities in the first place:
- Declare war on Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- File a lawlsuit against all the haters.
- Leave the internet forever . . . again and again and again and again.
- Make half a dozen different accounts. Note: these aren't sockpuppets. Sockpuppets are made so no one knows who you are. These accounts are made to escape the haters but they cannot resist the e-fame for long).
- Post all your embarassing nudes to an LJ group then get butthurt when you end up on ED.
How to Maintain E-Fame: FUCKING WIN
There are about as many ways to win at the internet as there are internets. Here is a partial list:
- Gain ePoints
- Gain eProps
- Gain NeoPoints
- Gain Man points and enter the leaderboard
- Receive an Internet check
- Winning an Internet lawsuit
- Fifty Hitler Post
- Playing 50 straight hours of Starcraft
- Completing Battletoads without using any continues
- Thinking with Portals
- Pwning all the members of a forum with one post
- Pwning an annoying user of a community by photoshopping their picture with as many shock images as possible [1]
- Two words: free porn.
- Respond to "tits or GTFO" with any option other than GTFO.
- Call yourself by a random letter and declare yourself WIN.
- Ask a celebrity to have sex with you to prove a point. [2]
- Megaloading a site into oblivion.
- Defeat the end guy (WARNING: He's hard).
- Don't play WoW.
- Rickroll a Major League Baseball team.[3]
Also, though it seems paradoxical, sometimes people work towards getting banned from a specific part of teh interWeb. If that's your sorta thing, fine... you win the prize.
"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?" -- WarGames
Notable Internet Celebrities
 Chris Crocker Dangerously flammable faggot. |
 Daniel Santo Pretty boy nutjob singer. |
 TheAmazingAtheist Pseudo-intellect |
 girlvinyl Queen of teh internets |
 Angry German Kid has played almost every game and hates |
 Tay Zonday Final boss of the internet |
 Snapesnogger Self-Appointed Tartlet Dictator |
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 Jameth Currently busy getting fucked in the ass. |
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 Geo Partcher Wonders how many pounds of makeup he has on? or is it photo shop? |
 Lady J |
 Rule 34 girl. |
Internet Celebrities - MYSPACE EDITION
A MySpace Celebrity is anyone who is well-known on MySpace. Normally but not always, these people have done something amazing to warrant their e-fame. Many are friendwhores, and the rest are just regular whores.
Some go on to exciting carriers as singers, actors and goatse body doubles. Others just fade out in time and are replaced by the next barely legal tart that figures out how to use a key board.
MySpace Celebrities can be divided into three categories. They are:
The A-List
- Tom Anderson. This bisexual pedophile is on every 16-year-old girl's friendlist, and is often known to fap on their pics. Tom has millions of friends. Known to try to coerce Azns for sex, Anderson has gotten quite a reputation as a player, and is using his MySpace fame to get even moar sex. Most people are too stupid to understand that Tom is just a publicity figure for MySpace who actually does nothing for the site.
- Tila Tequila. This azn whore has the 2nd-most friends of anybody on MySpace. However, she only got these friends by showing pink and fucking half the internets. Her TV show failed it, as did her attempt at making music. The majority of her interwebs time is spent being a camwhore for her adoring fans.
- Daniel Santo. A sunglasses-wearing pretty boy singer who claims that women have him spinning around. Dresses uber cool becoz he is e-famous but really because he likes the dick and wants to win the internets.
- Jeffree Star. A faggot tranny who claims it has no gender, Star is the most popular gay figure on MySpace. Sometimes but not always wapanese, Star's hobbies include being a camwhore and engaging in buttsecks with his friends. Some argue that Star's penis has been removed.
- Chris Crocker. Another faggot tranny, but this one's even moar batshit insane. After saying that 9/11 was insignificant compared to the agony Britney Spears was going through and openly admitting to gay incest, Crocker's 15 minutes of fame seemed to be coming to an end. However, he still has over 9000 MySpace friends and continues to rant and whine about breeders, the word nigger, and all sorts of faggotry. Chris Crocker is a prime example of someone whose real gender is difficult to discern. Good luck trying.
- Metal Sanaz. An atheist whore who listens to shitty pop-metal and claims she's hardcore. The only reason she's a MySpace celebrity is because she's fucking MySpace's head programmer. With her newfound e-fame, Sanaz has decided to fail it through shameless self promotion, i.e. "BUY MY POSTERS!!!!1111111" If you are in a shitty band and want to become a rockstar, contact Sanaz.
- Gaygod, aka Matthew Lush. A vegan emo faggot camwhore who spends all his time engaging in buttsecks for the sake of shameless self promotion. Though very poor, Gaygod is able to stay alive through the support of the fag enablers on MySpace. Frequently trolled, Gaygod knows his views are not always going to be popular. However, he continues polluting the internets with his faggotry.
- Ducky. An azn who was the second person to sign up on MySpace. That is the only reason anybody gives a flying fuck about him.
The B-List
- Rational Response Squad. These butthurt atheists are on a mission to prove there is no God. However, since they are all a bunch of whores with Asperger's syndrome, they have only gotten a small degree of internets fame by acting all hardcore about their beliefs. Comprised of a few main members, the Rational Response Squad is trying to unite all internet atheists. However, all they've really done is unite the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD in mocking them.
- PETA, AKA the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Comprised of angsty emo faggots, these vegans care moar about animal welfare than humanity. However, none of them are actually vegan because they all eat cock and drink cum. Every shitty emo band in existence supports these batshit insane fucktards. However, most will become an heroes.
- Audrey Kitching. A scene model and fashion designer who is a friend of Jeffree Star. Known to fuck every shemale she can get her hands on, Audrey is not only asking for it, she is looking for it as well. Her claim to e-fame is having EXTREMELY WILD AND FUCKING CRAZYSHIT HAIR and having connections with most other MySpace celebrities.
The C-List
- LoLo, a convicted felon whose real name is Loren Williams. He runs a porn site and a few other NSFW sites. In his spare time, he serves as a minor internet humanitarian. However, he often insults MySpace, and that has resulted in his profile getting baleeted multiple times. He was e-dating Jude's Army until he found out that Jude's Army was a fraud. He has now accepted the fact that he will be dying alone.
- Petra Luna, a Mexican singer who endured domestic violence. Now butthurt, she preaches and speaks out against all forms of abuse. A known supporter of PETA, some argue that Loony is into bestiality or may be a closet furry.
- Don Henrie. Believes he is a vampire. He actually drinks blood and sleeps in a coffin. He has a budding modeling career and is a hit with gothy 16 year old girls and basement dwellers alike.
- Elza Eckzentrik, Actually believes she has reached fame on myspace and buzznet,whereas lies the sad truth of her "Oh so drastic and stressful photoshoot" days.She is the stereotipical self absorbed moody pre-menstrual 14 year old teenager,who thinks that only because she is a pro ana model will reach fame.She is way too good at selfpromotion.
- Mission: MySpace. The epitome of internet humanitarianism. This faggot lurks on MySpace to murder profiles of anyone he does not liek. He had connections to Jude's Army and the related drama, but now spends his time hunting face-painters, pedophiles, trolls, and other sorts of sick fucks. He fails it.
- Dana DeArmond. A porn star who claimed to be the internet's girlfriend. Even after almost getting baleeted, she continues her whorish ways.
- Cody Kardashian. The attention whoring brother of Kim Kardashian.
- Miss Kristin Nicole. 21 year old straight edge (hence the discovery of Photoshopped pictures of her sucking her boyfriend's dick) scene drama queen with an entry-level DSLR camera and Photoshop who runs a photography "business." She is most notable for posting bulletins every 15 minutes along the lines of "My boyfriend's band is practicing and I am watching Lifetime, I'm deleting my profile, I'm pregnant, comment me cute kids" and also making pointless YouTube videos that nobody watches about her past eating disorders which caused her "disease" (which is really Crohn's), her obsession with Twilight, "advise" (sic) regarding breakups and how she dyes her hair every week. If you want to waste minutes of your life, her videos can be found here.
- Chloe COW-lishaw. YouTube whore turned MySpace-lover. Famous for being Chris Crocker's number 1 fan and for looking like a cow. Her pictures are often lulz-worthy as she obviously Photoshops her legs rather than man the harpoons.
- Geo Partcher. A photographer who thinks he is the internet's mostfamous photographer and claims to own Famous-Partcher.
The F List
- You. Admit it... you have one.
How You Can Help
If you find any moar MySpace celebrities that belong on here, add them. DO IT FAGGOT.
See Also
- E (prefix)
- Internet stalking
- Miltopia (antonym)
- Celebrity
- Friendster
- Internet model
- Doe_Deere
- MySpace Kid
- MySpace Trolls
- Suicide Girls
- Lolcow
- Drama Llama
- Serious Business
- My Immortal
External Links
| Internet celebrity is part of a series on serious business |
Internet Law • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet stalking • Identity theft • Irony • Free Speech • Swatting • Operation Falcon Punch Serious People & Organizations |
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