eBay
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
eBay — more commonly known as eGay or HeeBay — is a browser based MMORPG where illiterate people try to find bargains but end up buying strange and ridiculous crap such as the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese and everyone's favorite, mystery boxes! Grotesque, questionable, and downright shittacular auctions such as these are cataloged by The LiveJournal community darksideofebay and sellers read it like The Wall Street Journal looking for the latest trends. Idiots.
eBay's feedback system is completely fake. All good feedback is from people who won't complain because they'll get retaliatory bad feedback right back. All bad feedback is from people who bid for the lulz just to leave bad feedback without paying. This sickens eBay's noobass founder whose since been trying to close the site down, but failing miserably. He's raised the fees through the roof, suspended people for nothing, forced everyone to use their terrorist funding payment system, paypal run by the infamous YouTube Street Team, and replaced all their email answering staff with Mudkips, yet still no one will shop anywhere else.
If you buy something on eBay, you didn't really buy it therefore you don't really have to pay. If you get suspended for nonpayment, just make a new account, eBay won't check if you've been suspended before until you try to sell something.
All bidders belong to one of two groups: idiots who bid days before the auction ends and only succeed in driving the price up, and cheapskate assholes who snipe the auction in the last few seconds. Both groups are constantly pissing each other off.
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How eBay promotes scams
Around the time paypal became popular on eBay, they purchased Billpoint and made it their official payment system, dubbing it "eBay Payments." eBay then tried to force all other payment methods off its site, particularly PayPal. When they failed, they purchased PayPal and made it into the scam site it is today. So, as the truth about PayPal got out (which any idiot can find by googling PayPal), everyone stopped using PayPal in droves.
So then eBay made PayPal required on all its site with no exceptions [1] and made half its site paypal-only. [2]
FACT: No seller uses PayPal by choice. Every single one that says "PayPal preferred" is forced to accept PayPal on eBay and everyone who accepts PayPal is forced by PayPal's TOS to say they prefer PayPal and if you forget to say that, PayPal freezes your account and takes all your money and then reaches in and empties your bank accounts, too.
After seeing the Australian News report [3] proving just how unsafe paypal was for both buyers and sellers, eBay thought it would be a great idea force all Australians so they can't use anything at all ever except paypal [4] now that everyone knows it's unsafe.
Purseblog, a forum for people who like to buy and sell fake purses, have all their posts summing up eBay with these conclusions:
- Most sellers are rude and sell fake items
- Most buyers are scammers who commit chargeback fraud and paypal dispute fraud
- PayPal is the biggest scam of all
eBay Garage
eBay has created something called eBay Garage [5]. This is a website that embeds an application on everyone's PC that does a deep scan on it. It will then tell the person if they have malware.
Great offer, right? Let eBay scan your computer. Keep in mind though that 99% of its userbase has snuck back on after either an ebay or paypal ban. In fact, you can't sell brand name items on eBay without multiple accounts and getting banned several times weekly. Apparently, cookies, web beacons, flash objects, mandatory paypal, and requiring people's social security numbers just weren't enough.
Coming soon, this will be mandatory like PayPal.
How to Troll on eBay
Feedback bombing
By the way, you can win any item just to leave negative feedback and eBay will only remove it if the person is a big powerseller with a lot of clout. eBay requires that both the phone number and the email must not work and even if the person's phone number is fake so calling it gets a Motel 6 and someone fills up the buyer's email address with a large mailbomb so all mail bounces and you give eBay an email with headers with them admitting they bid just to leave negative feedback then eBay will just say that's not good enough or more likely not answer at all.
eBay won't remove feedback because they send people to Squaretrade who will remove it if you pay them $30.
VERO Bombing
VERO is something called "Verified Rights Ownership". It basically means a copyright holder or a company registers so they can report people who sold knockoffs of their products or were not a licensed vendor of their products. How VERO works is someone registers for VERO, faxes in a form, then uses a free email address as their only contact, and then they report any listing they want and eBay will automatically take it down and say to the seller who got their listing taken down that eBay won't do anything and they have to resolve it with the VERO person who filed it.
Well, the thing is that for years sellers have registered on VERO and then used it to fraudulently report all their competitors' listings. Then, *poof* their competitors' listings are gone and eBay sends nasty emails to all the people who bid on the listing saying that person is a scammer. If you get more than a few VERO complaints, your account is suspended for good. Well, since eBay says you have to resolve it with the VERO person, if it's someone giving fraudulent VERO complaints, there is nothing you can do.
It's easy to register for VERO. Just fax in a form to eBay with fake info and link it to a free email address. The above is all seriously how eBay's VERO works and something competitors have done for years. If the GNAA ever finds this out, they just need to register for VERO, then run a huge bot to report every single eBay listing for VERO and every single eBay auction would be gone. We can but wait for that epic day.
Create Fake Hyperlinks
You will need an alt account for doing this (or your real one if you are Hardcore), wait until a free listing day and go to town advertising popular items which will attract punters like playgrounds attract pedofiles.
1) copypasta someone else's listing for the item you are "selling"
2) Find offensive/computer crashing sites to link them to and edit them into your listing (lemonparty and nimp are always good)
3) Disguise fake hyperlinks with a tinyurl
4) Wait for hatemail
5) Lulz ensured.
Get someone suspended in 24 hours
You've probably heard how sellers say "always hide your email address when responding to a question from a bidder." Here's why...
- Competitor makes fifteen brand-new 0-feedback buyer accounts.
- They ask one seller each a stupid question--something already explained in the auction. Say the auction is "ONE T-SHIRT, BLACK COLOR" they ask, "Hey seller what color is this shirt?"
- If the seller didn't hide their email address, the competitor goes with his fifteen buyer accounts and copies the emails the seller had sent to report to eBay but alters the body of them so they say something that would get the seller suspended.
In 24 hours, the seller gets suspended.
Why accounts on eBay are always getting hijacked
Approximately everyone on eBay has had or else ran into someone who has had their account hijacked. For a long time, nobody know why it was so many until people trying to figure out why they were linked to their old suspended accounts found out eBay does not encrypt peoples' passwords. It leaves the passwords unencrypted to check for sock puppets. And that's how people like Vladuz are able to hack eBay on an hourly basis [6] [7] [8] [9].
eBay's fail-wiki
Wanting to outdo Wikipedia, eBay made their own eBay-wiki. If you imagined the worst of Uncyclopedia with the worst of furry pron it still would not be as bad as eBay's wiki. They promoted it like crazy, showing off a piece of trash using uncompleted buggy software. Nobody edits that wiki because spammers make wiki articles as nothing but spamvertizements and any attempt to correct inaccuracies or remove spam will get all your edits reverted.
Impact
- Spawned the Will verb again! catchphrase.
- Source of A Plus being used ubiquitously.
eBay Unveils Future Plans For 100% Buyer Protection
eBay CEO, John Donahoe, has pledged further changes to the online auction megasite that he confidently projects will implement a 100% guarantee that buyers will not fall victim to unscrupulous sellers.
"We have had a few months of turmoil and disruption as our community grows used to our recently implemented changes," Donahoe said in an interview late yesterday afternoon.
"But this reaction is something we prepared for right from the beginning, as the changes have been quite a shock to the system to many and we completely understand their reaction."
Donahoe then went on to explain that recent changes were designed more as an anesthetic to numb members of more drastic changes to come;
"We are going to be phasing out sellers over the next 4-6 months." Donahoe explained sternly.
"eBay is a fantastic place to shop but, more and more, we hear complaints from buyers that they have been burned by shady sellers in the past, and this made them less likely to shop on eBay in the future."
Donahoe proceeded to outline the Anti-Seller Policy in broad strokes, as he did not want to get into specifics until the policy has been finalized.
"It took months of serious thought and consideration, because we love our sellers. They made us who we are today." Donahoe added sincerely.
"But if we can't guarantee shoppers that they have a safe place to buy, then eBay will not be viable in the long term. We have tried in the past to eliminate the shady sellers, but they repeatedly turn up through loopholes to take advantage of impressionable buyers."
Donahoe adds with a touch of sadness "The only logical thing to do is to phase out sellers, as that will guarantee that we have eliminated the potential for fraud perpetrated on our valued buyers."
When asked if the policy will affect existing sellers, or just potential new sellers, Donahoe added:
"Oh, it will be all of them. We could eliminate the threat of potential new shady sellers by prohibiting new seller accounts, but who is to say that old sellers might not suddenly turn shady at some point?"
After a pause, Donahoe adds "We just can't take that chance. If we want to guarantee the buyer a 100% fraud-free shopping experience, the sellers will all have to go."
Donahoe went on to outline a metaphor he feels sums up his plan;
"I mean, if you hear a story in the paper that a Pit Bull Terrier has mauled a baby to death -- what do you do? You go outside and you shoot your own Pit Bull Terrier in the head. It's the smart thing to do. I mean, that's what I did just last week. I don't have a baby, but who is to say that one wouldn't have wandered into my yard at some point?"
When asked what will be on eBay to buy if sellers are prohibited from trading, Donahoe responded;
"Look, we haven't sorted out all the finer points yet. Our primary focus is eliminating sellers so that the buyers feel more comfortable shopping on the website. Once we do that, we are extremely confident that the rest will fall into place."
When again pressed on the paradox of an eBay with no items for sale, Donahoe added;
"Again; we can't go into the trivial aspects of this policy just yet, but we do want to stress to buyers out there that by 2009, they will not have to ever worry again about being ripped off by an unscrupulous seller."
Donahoe firmly and repeatedly points his index finger into the palm of his hand.
"THAT is our pledge."
--source
See also
External links
- How to seriously troll the hell out of eBay for fun and profit
- eBay is basically the entire point of the LiveJournal community gothfash as the only posts in the community are references to users' eBay auctions.
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