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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

So, you're now 18 years old, will be graduating high school soon, and are unsure what to do with your life. There's only one choice for you: COLLEGE! Yes, college. Because as everyone knows, unless you go to college you will wind up unemployed and homeless. Without college, you cannot possibly hope to accomplish anything in your life.

Colleges/Universities are famous theme parks where rich Jews and Whiteys with huge egos pay about $80,000-$120,000 Jewgolds in order to get that special Master's Degree or Doctor's degree so they can set out and change the world! Occasionally, one will come across a black college student. However, these students are only attending school on athletic scholarships, and 99% of them will fail out or fail to go professional and be reduced to dealing drugs.

PROTIP: You gotta take the fucking SAT first.

Contents 1 Famous Colleges 2 College Activities 3 Quotes 4 College Students 4.1 Typical College Student 4.2 Freshman 15 5 Art 6 Death of "Talking" 7 The Ugly Truth About College 8 Subjects worth studying in college 9 Subjects not worth studying in college 10 Jobs open to those who go to college 11 External Links

[edit] Famous Colleges

• Harvard
• STF U
• NO U
• MIT
• V Tech
• ITT Tech
• NIU

[edit] College Activities

Here are some typical activities in which a college student might partake

• Drinking
• Drugs
• Sex
• Paying $200 for a book that costs $15 to make, only to not read it and get 5 dollars back for it at the end of the semester
• Masturbation
• Ramen
• Learning things that you already knew, or didn't need to know
• Wear khaki cargo shorts, corona t-shirts, and flip-flops
• Discovering that the majority of your professors can't teach for shit or even communicate effectively with other people
• Videogames
• Sleeping
• Date Rape
• Studying That test is two weeks off, I'll be fine.
• Moar sex and drugs
• Skipping your morning class to finish writing a paper that's due for your afternoon class
• Moar drinking
• Paying an assload for room and board, only to get a room the size of a closet
• Moar Ramen
• Paying another assload for a meal plan, only to realize that the on-campus food sucks ass, dick, and balls
• Realizing the corporate world doesn't need you.
• Moar procrastination
• Studying Dude, that test is still a week away, I'll be all right.
• Moar drinking
• WHAT THE FUCK?! I have a test today? Oh Christ, I haven't studied and I'm so hungover!

[edit] Quotes

“	If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.	„
—Frank Zappa

“	The one thing I remember about college is the number of times that my grandfather died.	„
—Anonymous

“	A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.	„
—Anonymous

“	College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?	„
—David Wood

[edit] College Students

For the most part, college is really just a place where kids want to have sex and do drugs. This is probably becuase they never got the chance to bomb some vagoo in high school. Many of these aforementioned college students join a college band to greater increase their chance of scoring anal penetration with their illustrious jail bait.

Typically, college students are some of the most ignorant and shallow people on the fucking planet. Despite supposedly coming to school to learn, most college students are there to get STDs and become pregnant so they can sell their syphilis infested interracial baby to the black market to pay for the 100 grand in student loans they owe because they chose to go to a private school like Harvard. Little do most students know that babies with AIDS go for just a little over 9000 on the blackmarket, still leaving them with staggering debt only cured by becoming an hero or starting a porn site where you give blowjobs to children with Down Syndrome while you shit out your nipples, since that is basically what everyone on the interwebs wants to see.

College students possess the "unique" trait of thinking that they will be able to do something productive with their lives. However, we all know that at least 100 out of 100 college students in this country are destined to get in line to suck Ronald McDonald's epic clown cock for the rest of their lives (srsly, what else did you think you were going to do with that Bachelor's degree in philosophy?)

“	You've got a little jizz on your mouth... uhh... uhh... theeeeere ya go	„
—Ronald McDonald, speaking to a college student

[edit] Typical College Student

99% of college students will be smug, bi-curious, left-wing, vegetarian hippies who listen to shitty, pretentious, Indie bands, use Macs, do drugs, drink too much at parties in an attempt to look cool, major in philosophy or German history, and have unwarranted senses of self-importance.

[edit] Freshman 15

The "Freshman 15" refers to the tendency of college students to put on weight in the freshman year. Lazers from unknown sources are fired at hot, nubile, bangable, chicks when they enter college that turn them into massive cockmonglers of truly epic proportions at the end of the freshman year.

[edit] Art

A career that most rich whiteys living in the west coast take in order to "reinvent" the world of art. Kids who take a career in art find that spending a fortune for a couple of classes a year is a lot better then spending a couple bucks for a few instructional books, paint, art pencils, and some sketch books to draw their great masterpieces!

[edit] Death of "Talking"

Colleges students enjoy the thrills of the internets (read: not getting laid) and spend the majority of their time "talking" on instant messengers and "poking" people that would never EVAR sex them on facebook. This amount of social interaction has left them with chafed and bleeding penises from fapping too much to baby rape and anthro guro.

[edit] The Ugly Truth About College

The vast majority of four-year college graduates (except those going on to science, engineering, and law degrees, as well as those pursuing careers in hot gay sex) will earn less over their working lifetimes than someone who spent 1/4 the time and 1/4 the money getting an HVAC (Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning) certificate. That's right — the Mexican guy who fixes your A/C makes more than you, college boy, and has no student loans to pay off! LOL

• Sample salaries of college grads
• Sample salaries of HVAC workers

Though if you went to college, where they teach you how to research teh interwebs correctly, you would cite the correct statistics:

• Sample salaries of holders of a B.B.A.
• Sample salaries of holders of a B.S.
• Sample salaries of holders of a B.A.

[edit] Subjects worth studying in college

• Law
• Science
• Medicine
• Engineering
• gay pr0n
• Human trafficking
• Computer Science III

[edit] Subjects not worth studying in college

• Liberal Arts
• str8 pr0n unless you've got mad tits or a horse cock
• French History
• Gender Studies

[edit] Jobs open to those who go to college

• Pudding Hatch Operator
• McDonald's
• Airline Pilot
• 4chan mod: serious business

[edit] External Links

• A summary of 99% of the people you will meet at college. A pretty entertaining read, originally posted on Something Awful.

College is part of a series on EDUCATION.	Places School | College | Columbine | Delaware | East High School Salt Lake City | Harvard | ITT Tech | | Jokela High School | NUI | MIT | Success Tech | VTech People Student | The beautiful people | Jock | Emo | Scenester | Goth | Engineer Events Drinking | Date Rape | Homeschooling | Man points | Masturbation in showers | Taking the SAT | School Shooting