Electricity

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

A female from 1942 having fun with electricity and not in the kitchen.

A typical electric current.

Electricity, or what we call "electric current" is that magical tingly friend that makes your lights shine bright, your internets flow and your retards sizzle in Texas. It's properties can be found here in a very tl;dr style of writing.

Tesla

"A car"

"A genius."

Contributions to society;

Nikola Tesla had revolutionised mechanical and electrical engineering, inventing the Tesla Coil, Teleforce, Tesla's oscillator, Tesla electric car, Tesla principle, Tesla's egg of Columbus, Alternating current and the deathray. He also successfully trolled Einstein, claiming that the genius theory's was "like a beggar clothed in purple whom ignorant people take for a king," and stolen from Ruđer Bošković.

Apart from being the spawner of various pseudo-sciences, UFO theories, and early New Age occultism, he was also a furry with a thing for pigeons famously telling a journalist "Yes, I loved that pigeon, I loved her as a man loves a woman, and she loved me." Also he admitted to being a vegetarian and probably had OCD having a thing for the number 3, hating jew ellery especially pearl earrings, firing one of his secretary s for being fathe also had a life-long horror of germs that would have done Howard Hughes proud.

Eventually dying alone in in room 3327, Tesla's legacy of pwning scientists by breaking redefining the laws of thermo-dynamics was probably buried by the oil industry, national governments and, additionally, auto makers. [[The most common perceived motive is preservation of the economic status quo and sustained increase of fuel prices. Dependence upon expensive energy is perpetuated by governments in order to control the populace by means of hydraulic despotism but if believe this then you probably have Paranoid personality disorder.

But by far his most important contribution was giving the world the tesla coil as popularised by red Alert 2's meme "CHARGIN' UP"

Tesla motors

Long a long time later a bubble-permed hack told the world,

"Say goodbye to the land of dial-up, and welcome to the world of broadband motoring", as Jeremy Clarkson put it. The Tesla Roadster (right) is an electric car, meaning it has no internal combustion engine. Powered only by an electric motor the size of a watermelon and 6,831 laptop batteries, it outperforms cars with the same pricetag, with a 0-60mph time of just over 3.5 seconds. In terms of efficiency, the world's most fuel efficient car (Volkswagen Polo BluMotion Diesel) returns 82mpg while the Tesla Roadster (by US CAFE standards, using off-peak power pricing) returns 350mpg.

Its upcoming next-of-kin, the Model S (left), features the same performance, 2 additional doors and drop dead good looks at just over $50,000 US dollars, which is about 3 Eurodollars. Although Tesla reports 350mpg (Normal, non-aggressive driving) on their new models, they also did report that 200mpg of "spirited" driving could be had from the 2008-series Tesla batteries; though Top Gear reports that during very heavy rubber-burning, flamboyant driving only 65 miles/charge could be obtained.

Honda FCX Clarity

The Nips got it right.

Of course, in true ironic fashion, the one country to not sign the Kyoto treaty is the one that gets shat on in the end. The Tesla is an expensive, impractical, ghastly piece of typical American engineering with not a lot of thought. The damn nips over on Honda Island got it right on their first try. This car runs on hydrogen (H). For the idiots out there, that is the most abundant element in the universe. Since you end up burning H₂, what comes out of the tailpipes is H₂O -- water. Yes, you can drink it, though it probably doesn't taste great.

The FCX Clarity is being produced in low numbers and leased to California residents, with plans for mass production by 2018. Since you are a poor nigger, you can't have one.

The Internet

Go on, you have 3 seconds. Which one is yours?

Moar info: Internet.

Electricity, in part, led to computers. And the internet. And by proxy, Al Gore. Data is, aside from a gay Android in a sci-fi series no one watches, nothing more than magnetic pulses and changes in voltage.

Batteries

Batteries are "captured" electricity, and in the current century are primarily rechargeable. They power everything, from automobiles to cell phones and vibrators that play "O Come all Ye Faithful". They are relatively inexpensive and come in a variety of shapes, colors and sizes that look near identical and are a pain in the ass to identify, locate and replace. Most have a life expectancy of 3-5 years or 500-1,500 recharges per unit, which makes them completely and utterly inefficient for their high price tags.

Of course, everyone knows that the Egyptians, Sumerians, and Greeks had batteries, and those races are thousands of years old. That means that we, as a modern society, are shit. We are backwards mongrels who deserve nothing more than the utter downfall of everything that is human.

Electrocution

Old Sparky - This ride isn't just for metal heads anymore.

This is humour to a physicist or an engineer.

Great moments in electrical history.

Black Wires Start Fires.

Something Texas holds very dear to its high-cholesterol heart, electrocution of retards for the lulz is caused by electricity and for great justice. Whether it be in a chair or hanging from live wires, the amperage of electrical current can and will kill you at high enough levels, or at just over 9000 volts. As electricity is just particles moving, it also creates great heat, causing human flesh to burn and scorch. Hence, the Texas BBQ.

Remember kids, you can be shocked several times...but only electrocuted once.

Electric Companies

The Electric Companies charge on a "kilowatt hour" plan, which, unless you're a mathematician, you will never be able to understand. On average, a normal U.S. home has a monthly electric bill of $184. That is, unless you're Jewish and turn everything off during the daylight, then it's around $80. Washington, D.C. has the highest rates on average, with $0.11~ per kWh, while in contrast Idaho is $0.06 per kWh. This is irrelevant, however, as nobody wants to live in Idaho.

What To Do In a Power Outage

Research suggests that sex involving electricity is clearly superior.

1. Riot, loot, vandalize.
2. Fall down a flight of stairs while going to reset the circuit breaker.
3. Enjoy choking on the warm, muggy air because blackouts almost always happen during a thunderstorm.
4. FREAK THE FUCK OUT.
5. Drink yourself into a coma.
6. Drug yourself into a coma.
7. BAWWW about not being able to watch the newest Lost episode.
8. Go into the closet and dust off the Playboys and Penthouses.
9. Light candles, if you have any.
10. Sit around and talk to people you have no interest in talking to.
    • ...unless you live alone; then you sit in the dark, alone and depressed, and contemplate suicide.

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