Elitist musical bastards
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Those who can play guitar, do. Those who can't, idolize. Elitist musical bastards tend to come in several varieties:
Contents |
[edit] The Guitar God
Quote: "Joe Satriani is a technically proficient player, not like those talentless hacks who can sing and write songs."
The guitar god can be found bragging about his conquests in chat rooms and message boards all across the internet. He knows what D#m7sus is, and he's not afraid to let you know that he knows it. He is An Guitar Hero.
You can insult God and country to the Guitar God, but any bad word about Satriani, Yngwie Malmsteen, Vai, or Petrucci will result in immediate drama and lulz.
When forced to present a recording of his accomplishments, most Guitar Gods will present you with a bland love ballad or a soulless classic rock song which is nearly about 30 years out of style. Telling him this is another excellent drama-generating technique.
[edit] The Thinker
Quote: "You just don't get how deep The Wall is. It's like, there's this wall around him, and the wall symbolizes a wall."
If personal angst and agony are involved, the Thinker will defend this piece of music to the death. Hippies were the first of this ilk. To them, music was about The Man keeping you oppressed and raping the environment when he's not raping you and oppressing the environment.
Today, most goth and emo kids fall into this category. Unlike their hippie parents, they don't give a shit about world affairs and trees. The modern thinker is all about his own angst. He will even go as far as to tell you that he's being insightful and intelligent - not a crybaby.
Create lulz by telling the Thinker that their self-serving depression is the shallowest and/or funniest thing you've ever seen. A winner is you when your target responds with a pointless rant about those who are different.
[edit] The Encyclopedia
Quote: "You didn't know that Led Zepplin was technically metal? I'm going to kill you in your sleep."
The Encyclopedia will consider you the worst pile of dog shit if you can't name what color shirt (insert classic rock band member here) was wearing in 1973. This type of person has no life or talent, so they instead learn all they can about rock bands in order to hold this petty and useless knowlege over others. If you can't name all the members of Pink Floyd off of the top of your head, the Encyclopedia will cream himself.
[edit] The Fanboy
Quote: "Shit bands for life!"
Unlike the Thinker or Guitar God, the Fanboy is actually aware of the current state of popular music. Unlike the others, most fanboys can't even pretend to be discerning or intelligent. Korn, Linkin Park and most other shitty bands have their share of rabid fanboys, but the most infamous of all are the Juggalos.
Four easy steps to Lulz:
- First, enter the following two messages
- That band sucks
- Their singer is a basement dwelling cocksucker who likes it in the ass on Thursdays.
- Do something productive in another window or IRL for any period of time.
- Save a log or screen grab which may end up posted to your Livejournal or the Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- ????
- PROFIT!!!!
[edit] The Black Metal Elitist
Quote: "Dimmu Burger and Cradle of Filth are so heavy. You don't even know. What is Slayer?"
Easily the most pretentious of the Musical Elitist Bastards. Known for pseudo-nihilist and misanthropic behaviour, they judge their music by how "tr00" it is. If more than 5 people have heard of, or like the band, they will shoot it down as sold-out. Will constantly quote Varg Vikernes or Gaahl, and talk about how gr1m it was when the singer from Mayhem became an hero
If you see someone in cargo pants, combat boots, and a Xasthur, Burzum or Darkthrone memorabilia, chances are you've got a black metal elitist.
