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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Contents 1 Christmas 2 The Christmas Spirit 3 Christmas (the 24th of December) 4 Festive Euphemisms 5 The True Story of Christmas 6 Christmas Songs 7 Christmas, /b/ style 7.1 Open to read 8 XMAS GALLERY 9 What comes after Christmas? 10 See Also 11 Links

Christmas

Christmas is a Christian holiday that was stolen from the Roman pagan holiday, Saturnalia, and taken out of context at the expense of the workers in the United States and used as an excuse to get drunk on eggnog. It is also a holiday created so kids can get their footballs, skateboards and pac-man video games. It is also an excuse to see family who you had forgotten about for the last 365 days.

The Christmas Spirit

Places like New York and London are not now, nor have ever been very nice places in the month of December. If you're poor, black or a loser in Winter, life basically consists of starving to death, freezing to death or bleeding to death. In such a situation, concerned citizens would commonly take the path of social conscience and riot, smash and loot the fuck out of everything in sight.

The Christmas Spirit as we know it today was purposefully manufactured by Washington Irving in his 1828 book The Sketchbook Of Geoffrey Crayon. In it, a rich cunt opens his doors to the poor and behaves as if this was always how people were meant to act in December. Charles Dickens was meanwhile turning the same trick with A Christmas Carol.

The public bought straight into it, but were confused as to how they were meant to celebrate a holiday that they had always been celebrating but strangely had no recollection of. They thus ran off to their churches/Polish grandmothers for council, and Christmas as we know it started to take shape.

Christmas (the 24th of December)

Christmas may or may not be one or more of the following:

• a chance for Jews to feel left out and alienated because it's not Hanukkah
• a chance for Muslims to blow themselves and some innocent bystanders up.
• a chance for Christian preachers to condemn nearly everything except giving more money to the church
• a chance for druids to go hug a tree that has not been sprayed with artificial snow first
• a chance for pagans to laugh because their tree worship ritual has been commercialized and spread across the land and then go to Hawt Tawpik to buy more ceremonial daggers.
• a chance for poor people to have their poverty shoved in their face
• a chance for niggers to pretend that they are so special that they require a newly invented holiday
• a chance for Dutchmen to be niggers
• a chance for fat drunks to get a job playing Santa Claus
• a chance for rich people to show off their inordinate wealth and power
• a chance for greedy people to get more than they give
• a chance for nice normal people to be forced to work overtime while their families are getting together and drinking eggnog and getting into fights at the dinner table
• a chance for rabid atheist left-wingers to bitch about something other than Dubya

Then again, Christmas may be a celebration of the birthday of Christ, even though the holy brat was clearly born in August. Of course, this also involves giving money to preachers.

Festive Euphemisms

Now that it is Christmas time again there will be many things to do such as:

• Stuffing the turkey
• Pulling the cracker
• Finding the sixpence in the Christmas pudding
• Opening the presents
• Emptying the stocking
• Letting it snow

The True Story of Christmas

[Click to Collapse Text] [Click to Expand Text] 0

Christmas Songs

Xmas music is usually characterized by shitty people singing shitty songs. Most Shitty singers are people that died before your parents were born. The other shitty people are the ones who cover that shit. I swear to got if I hear Britney Spears cover Silent night I will kill someone

To alleviate the monotony of listening to your parent's music, consider the following alternatives:

Wierd Al Yankovic- The Night Santa Went Crazy
Twisted Sister - Come All ye Faithful
Twisted Sister - Deck the Halls
AC-DC - A Mistress for Christmas
Porky Pig - Blue Christmas
Chuck Berry - Run Run Rudolph
Fall Out Boy - Yule Shoot Your Eye Out
Groovy Aardvark - Minuit Chretien (French metal versions)
Groovy Aardvark - Fa la la la la la
Groovy Aardvark - Les Anges dans nos campagnes (Gloria in excelius deo)
Groovy Aardvark - Carol of the Bells
Type O Negative - I Don't Wanna Be Me
Harvey Danger - Sometimes you have to work on Christmas (sometimes)
James Brown - Santa Claus to straight to the Ghetto
Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover
Brainkreig - If I Don't Get Videogames for Decemberween
Keith Richards - Run Run Rudolph
MxPx - Christmas Night of the Zombies
My Chemical Romance - All I want for Christmas is You (What do you expect form a shitty emo band?)
Blink 182 - It's Christmas time Again
Smashing Pumpkins - Christmas Time
Squirrel Nut Zippers - Santa Claus is smoking Reefer
The Darkness - Christmas Time (Don't let the bells end)
The Killers - Don't shoot me Santa
The Kinks - Father Christmas
The Pogues with Kristy MacColl - Fairtale of New York
The Ramones - Merry Christmas I don't want to Fight
Weezer - The Christmas Song

Christmas, /b/ style

Open to read

It twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout /b/, Every /b/tard was fapping, and that includes me. The PENIS was out, proudly stiff in the air in hopes of a post that would please Pedobear. The /b/tards all staring in front of the screen Catching unearthly visions, all mainly unseen Except for the pasta that flooded the board Christmas was coming to 4chan.org. With a stickam whore wearing a red Santa cap and every guy screaming that it was a trap Crashing the server while trying to GET All normal things for this part of the net

When up on the roof, a noise that perplexed I shot off my load in startled reflex Away from the desktop, I flew in a flash Wondering what the hell caused the crash When, what to my wondering eyes did I see A man black as night, above all the trees Pulled by a horde of memes, well because, I figured at once that it was Nigra Claus.

Faster than a rapidshare download they came And his voiced boomed aloud, calling all of their names. "Now Zimmer, Now Cracky, now Mongler and Desu! On Delay, on Picard, on Gendo, and Deku! To the top of the board, where the sticky pin lies!" Needless to say, I was very surprised.

He landed upon the grass of the lawn and walked towards the house, bright as the dawn The source of the glowing was no magic spell "IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!" the red-lipped one yelled. The front door exploded, all shattered to splinters I realized I just took a shit in my knickers They poured in the room, with quite a large ruckus "Candlejack?" I exclaimed. "What the fuck is-" The words were unable to flow from my voice Little did I realize that I had no choice, But to sit and endure the riotous mass With cum on my stomach and shit on my ass. Saint Nigra stepped forth, and wrinkling his nose took a look at the room, and shouted "POOL'S CLOSED, Don't go in the water, it's full of stingrays and plagued with a virus that's known as the AIDS." George Zimmer stood next, and reached into his frock...

XMAS GALLERY

Merry Christmas mah boi!	Christmas Cock and Balls	Santa Pwnt by the V&	The Japanese Santa as depicted in loli rape manga. Srsly.
Christmas is a time for giving, and a time for eating babies.	Rare shot of Santa chargin' his sleigh-zorz	TyrannoSanta wishes you a Merry Xmas.	Santa's black friend
	In the US, this is the woman dress code for xmas times as written in the law.	She's been sucking up to Santa since like forever.

What comes after Christmas?

See Also

• Pagan
• Christmas Island

Links

• Shoot Santa down if you get coal. :D

Today's featured article/December 25, 2006 is part of a series on Christianity

Those Who are Blessed by God Amalea • Angry Homo Kid • Arius-Xanatos • The Army of God • BayHorseCrew • George W Bush • CHB • Thomas Chanter • Chris-chan • Jesus Christ • Jack Chick • Concerned Women • Ann Coulter • CRoadwarrior • Crusadercat • Donnie Davies • DBoyWheeler • Ethereal-crow • FacelessMaster3003 • Jerry Falwell • Mel Gibson • Gorilla199 • John Hagee • Ted Haggard • Neal Horsley • Mike Huckabee • ItsAboutJesus • Jesse Jackson • JezuzFreek777 • Scott Johnson • Krensada • Dan Lirette • LoneWolf1984 • MarkyVigoroth • Brad McQuaid • Mark Miner • Chuck Norris • Sarah Palin • PilgrimJohn • The Pope • Peter Popoff • Purelily • Andrew Quah • RejectedDreams • Anne Rice • Pat Robertson • Andy Schlafly • Al Sharpton • Sherry Shriner • Tony48219 • Hal Turner • VenomFangX • Myah Walker • Juliana Wetmore • Reverend X • Xiao-Feng-Fury Places Blessed By God USA Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama Anti-Semitism • The Apocalypse • The Bible • Catholicism • Censorship • Conservapedia • Creationism • Christian Boy Love Forum • Christian forums • Christian Teen Forums • Christian furries • Christmas • The Crusades • Church of Fudge • EQ2Flames • Ex-Gays • Genocide • God hates fags • Heaven • The Holocaust • Homophobia • Hyldenism • Intelligent Design • JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR! • Jesus is Hitler • Jesus Tortilla • The KKK • Mormonism • Objectiveministries • Purity Ball • Pro life • Quiverfull • Rangerphiles • Raptor Jesus • Republicans • The Rapture • Slavery • Snopes • Transphobia • Xxxchurch Pissing Off the Almighty Abortion • Bestiality • Black metal • Evolution • Homosexuality • Liberalism • Masturbation • Pornography • Satanism • Suicide • Transgenderism Heathens Agnostics • Atheists • Fagnostics • Jews • Muslims • Pagans • Satan • Wiccans

Today's featured article/December 25, 2006 is part of a series on Religion

Deities Trolldin * • Lolki * • God • Jesus • Black Jesus • RaptorJesus • Buddha • Muhammad • Santa • Kim Il-sung • Xenu • Yahweh Prophesies The Rapture • Ragnaröfl • Catnarok * Religious Holidays Christmas • Easter • Martin Luther King Day * Religious Icons Ted Haggard •Tom Cruise • John Travolta • Rifqa Bary Fanclubs Christianity • Islam • Catholic • Scientology • Judaism • Objectivism • Jedi • Satanism ArchVillians Satan • Richard Dawkins • Lönguncattr * Key: * represents a Deity or Holiday of Trollianity.