Encyclopedia Dramatica:Today's featured article/September 27, 2006
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Apple Computer's claim to fame is that they invented the PC even though it was actually invented by IBM. Led by all-star jerk Steve Jobs, Apple is the favourite high-tech company of "artistes" everywhere. This is because people believe Apple makes awesome computers that off-set their exorbitant price by becoming obsolete only once a year. The truth is, they are merely victims of the Reality Distortion Field. While Apple may have done some neat things in the past, they are now just a music company.
Mac users were once the most annoying computer fans on the planet. Now they are the second most annoying, after Linux users. They are continuously bragging about how easy a one-button mouse is, how great the benefits of the "genie" effect are, and act like BSD was just invented. Unfortunately, if you want to be famous, you have to be a Mac user.
Despite all their idiotic fanboys, Apple has still done some cool things. They did create the Apple II. Also, they made the world aware of the dogcow. iMacs are also really pretty to look at, and they make 8-year-old girls want to go out and buy jelly beans.
Apple has borne an unearthly hatred for Microsoft ever since being marooned on Ceti Alpha V, but Bill Gates still does not mind raking in the cash from all those Microsoft Office sales.
In June 2005, some 5000 PowerPC fans gathered in Cupertino, California in order to collectively slit their wrists. This was meant to protest Apple's move to Intel, but instead provided welcome industrial dye for the new U2-endorsed, strawberry-flavoured Mac Mini.
[edit] Apple Users
People who subscribe to Apple's corporate philosophy (see human slavery) often espouse the notion that Apple products are somehow inherently more liberal than other things built out of metal and silicon. While this is true for the special case of Ann Coulter, Apple users are in all other cases simply the delusional but willing victims of trendy advertising, which makes expensive computers made by fascists appear to be a counter-culture political statement. Apple users are, in fact, fucktards who will believe anything they see in a commercial, as long as it agrees with the knee-jerk opinions they have already formed from other advertisements. In addition to this, Steve Jobs is an asshole.
[edit] Tax Exempt Status
Apple has recently been recognized by the United Nations as the world's second most ludicrous religion, after Scientology. However, due to the relative usefulness of an iPod (as compared to any book or statement by L. Ron Hubbard), it is believed that Apple will be unable to tap into the Hollywood market in the foreseeable future, and will therefore remain number two.
[edit] See Also
- Official Spokesperson: Ellen Feiss
- Superpower: Reality Distortion Field
- Apple switch ads
- Cherry OS: The Original PPC Emulator
- Typical Mac Propaganda: Lowter
