Engineer
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Engineers are sort of like scientists, except they make jewgold. In general they do teh good job, but when they fuck up, much lulz is sure to follow. Most engineers are ubernerds in school, they mature into a strange beast only found in the research and development departments at large companies. They work in packs; however they are highly anti-social. A surprising number are now azns from Good Korea/Japan/China or AZNiggas from India (THEY R IN OUR BASE, TAKIN OUR JOBS!).
Occasionally an engineer will go batshit insane while in college and issue IRL permabans.
Mr. Hands was an engineer. He died of teh haurscawk.
Contents |
[edit] How does i built bridge?
Everyone knows engineers do not want to have sex. Engineers love telling you that you are doing it wrong because years of drinking there THEIR way through Collage makes them an expert. Engineers invented the timecube. And the Gamecube. If you are not an engineer, you are educated stupid. Types of engineers include Electrical, Computer, Chemical and Civil.
Here are some semiunfunny jokes about engineers:
- Joke: 1
How do you make a hormone? Tell the bitch you forgot the money!
- Joke: 2
Did you hear the joke about the funny computer engineer? Oh that's right there are none!
- Joke: 3
Fact: All electrical engineers have 3" voltage probes.
- Joke: 4
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
- Joke: 5
Q: What do engineers use for birth control? A: Their personalities.
- Joke: 6
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road? A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.
[edit] how do i driven train?
See: Train
- No, not that kind of engineer, dumbfuck. Train engineers are the ones that walk off the fucking train after six hours of work (due to union shits), leaving the entire damn train sitting in the snow for days until some lazyfuck sends out a new one.
[edit] Chemical Engineer
Main article: Terrorist
When you choke to death on a plastic fork that broke in half, thank shitty chemical engineering! Chemical engineers are trying to give the entire fucking populations cancer with their shits, if you believe the liberals.
General goals include:
- Discovering various shits to give peoples cancer
- makin teh splosivez
- Figuring out how to turn horseshit into cheap plastic
- Betting with their co-workers who can drink more sulfuric acid before becoming an hero
Famous Chemical Engineers:
- Sand Niggers
- Albert Hoffman (Made LSD)
- Yo mamma's third cousin ten times removed (where times=fingers, LULZ)
Requirements:
- Be an Anarchist
- Have at least 100 IRL jewgold
- Fap to bottles of Nitric acid
[edit] Electrical Engineer
Main article: Basement Dweller
When you're toaster fucks up and sets you're kitchen on fire, thank the electrical engineers. Electrical engineers make various devices that involve the usage of electricity for various mission critical purposes. Electrical engineers designed the stuff that let ED run, so overall they are ok d00dz, despite their social retardation.
General goals include:
- Fapping to pictures of 2N3055 transistors
- Milking the federal lolcow for billions of dollars to make missile systems for a shitty plane
- Laughing at chemical engineers for their comparative lack of pay
- Designing the Playstation 7 and you're next computer
Famous Electrical Engineers:
- Alfred P. Southwick (Electric Chair Inventor)
- Nikola Tesla
- The doods that made teh PS3
- Yo daddy
Requirements:
- Computer Science XVII
- Over 9000 IRL jewgold
- Over 9000 OL jewgold
- Drooling over semiconductors
- 2,400 on the SAT
SPECIAL LULZ NOTICE
The Thevenin Voltage Law is a fundamental concept in electrical engineering. MIT Professer Anant Agarwal says "Tewenin Woltage Waws". Watch this video lecture for much lulz. Needs Moar Woltage Waws.
[edit] Mechanical Engineer
Main article: Old people
- Mechanical engineers R OLD AS SHIT. Noone is a mechanical engineer anymore.
Mechanical engineers USED TO fuck up things like designing cars, till the electrical engineers built CAD robots to replace them. HAHA! Now mechanical engineers beg for jewgold and foodz from the other engineers. Its It's rumored that they still design lawnmowers...
General goals include:
- Whine about the days before the damn robots did everything
- Collect social security+pension
- Design meaningless shits that noone cares about anymore
- Fap over train suspension springs
Famous Mechanical Engineers:
- Caveman that made the wheel
- Yo grandpa's grandpa
- That guy that's hauling away all the old crap so the robots can be installed. LOL!
- The dood that designed
you'reyour parents' first car
Requirements:
- At least 100 years of age
- Over 9000 years old
- At least 100 IRL jewgold per month in pension
- Shit nobody cares about
- Good at designing the Ford model T
[edit] Polymer Engineer
Main article: Plastic crap
- They will one day own you, because they already made the world.
Polymer engineers are responsible for everything. Even you. They build the shitty chair you drive, the shitty computer case you own, the shitty clothes you wear, the shitty upholstery in your car, even the shitty latex outfit you own, because you're a sick fuck. Anything plastic, foam, Styrofoam: you name it. They give little regard to human life or environmental concerns, because they are the badasses of engineering.
General goals include:
- How to build a cheap product even cheaper.
- Making plastic pieces of crap.
- Making edible packaging peanuts.
- Killing all humans.
Requirements:
- A strong hatred for all mankind.
- Wear lab coats and design shit. Literally. No pun intended on the "shit."
- Occasionally make many chemical reactions that, in time, will kill you.
- Work a lot of hours a week. You will get no sleep.
Famous Polymer Engineers:
- Mad Fucking Scientists
- The inventor of the condom
- Engineers who poke holes in said condoms
- Goodyear, Firestone, and any other famous rubber fetish enthusiasts
[edit] Civil Engineer
Main article: Minneapolis bridge collapse
- PROTIP: Get off the bridge, son.
Civil engineers design bridges that collapse and freeways that cause head-on collisions (HEAD-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE VEHICLES! LULZ). It's a fact that at least 100 percent of civil engineers are women, and that over 9000 of them become an heroine after each bridge collapses.
General goals include:
- How does i built bridge?
- Beg for all of the electrical engineers' three inch voltage probes.
- Design a building that collapses when a fly lands on it.
- Various things, until they fall to their deaths.
Requirements:
- Cunt
- Thinking the electrical engineering nerds are HAWT
- Using the CAD software to make the deathtrap
- At least 100 IRL jewgold per linear foot of roadway
Famous Civil Engineers:
- Your mom
- The Minneapolis bridge collapse people
- Whoever fucks up and causes the next major man made disaster
- Technical virgins
[edit] Nuclear Engineers
Main Article: Hiroshima
- Someone catch that damn 9' tall glowing lizard FFS.
Nuclear engineers engineer nuclear shits. They spend their days drinking Tritium water and eating Plutonium sandwiches. Its a fact that nuclear engineers have been around for over 9000 half-lives of Hassium. At least 100 nuclear engineers are currently employed by the friendly sandniggers in Iran, in an attempt to blow up all the Jews with nuclear shiz and generally cause much middle eastern lulz.
General goals include:
- How does i built bomb?
- Don't die of gamma radiation.
- Tell Mahmoud: "D00d, only 80kg more of U235 and we get our 40 virgins!"
- Tell Bush: "D00d, only 80kg more of U235 and we can blow the shit out of them sandniggers!"
Requirements:
- Radiation poisoning
- Lead Apron
- Over 9000 kilograms of various radioisotopes
- Hate or Love of Jews
- 2,400 on the SAT (or Sandnigger Aptitude Test, if applicable.)
Famous Nuclear Engineers:
- Mahm00d's d00ds
- The Original Gangsta good guy nuclear engineers from World War II
- Albert Einstein
- That glowing green guy with nine arms who works as a traveling salesman
[edit] Engineering Manager
See: Your Boss
- Makes at least 9000 IRL jewgold per second, sits around and yells, "OMG UR DOING IT WRONG." Like the CEO, except MOAR pay and less meetings.
[edit] Other forms of engineer
- Lulz, they are just a CE, NE, CE, ME or EE with a fancy title but less munnies.
[edit] Gallery
 |
 Where the fuck am I supposed to go? |
IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER |
This bar will hit you in the balls. |
I told you engineers play sports! |
 Typical grown up nerd. |
 This one got a 2400 on the SAT. |
|
 Pedophile engineer emerges from his disguise. |
 I iz a injuneer |
The engineers built this, it must be important. |
 Engineers made this bridge. IT WILL EET J00!!! |
[edit] See Also
- College
- Social engineering
- Tony Stark
- Money
- Basement Dweller
- Nikola Tesla
- AZN
- SAT
- Jew
- MIT (Famous engineering college)
- Mike Sandy
- Team Fortress 2
[edit] External Links
- Baddesigns.com Poorly designed shit created by engineers.
