English
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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English refers to:
- People who live in England.
- The English language and its dialects.
- The spin put on the cue ball in pool or billiards.
- The corporal punishment fetish where men dressed as conservative teachers spank women dressed as schoolgirls.
- The "English disease", by which continental Europeans mean gay attachments between men.
- "Full English breakfast", a lard-drenched culinary delight.
Contents |
The English Language
The English language is intelligent and has order. Americunts took their own spin on it, and gave it no order or sense, like their country. As Americans have never actually mastered the language they supposedly talk, Wikipedia articles' titles are often spelled phaw-nah-tee-cuh-lly.
English is the only language that counts. If you don't speak it, it means you are a terrorist.
A summary of modern English in C++:
/* History_of_English.cpp */
#include <iostream>
#include <string>
int main()
{
int german; // Growly, throaty, not Latin-based
int french; // Nasally, full of weird spelling, Latin-based
int moar_latin; // MOAR!!
std::string english;
wtf_broth();
int complex_grammar = 50; // German/Latin grammar?
std::cout << "Oh no, Vikings!/n" << "????/n";
norse(complex_grammar); // Around the time Europe was being raped by Vikings
mix(english_lexicon, simple_grammar);
profit = english;
std::cout << "Here is your English/n" << "PROFIT!!!!/n";
return (0);
}
wtf_broth() // Most of our English vocabulary
{
std::string english_lexicon;
german = 26; // The numbers are percentages
french = 30;
moar_latin = 20;
german + french + moar_latin + 24 = english_lexicon;
/* 24 is random stuff
such as Greek and Arabic.*/
return (english_lexicon);
}
norse(a) /* Simpleton raiders, destroying my grammatical inflection?!
It's more likely than you think. */
{
int simple_grammar;
a - 30 = simple_grammar;
return (simple_grammar);
}
mix(a, b) // Mixes the lexicon and the syntax, creating the profit(!!!!)
{
std::string profit;
a + b = profit;
return (profit);
}
The English People
The English people have buck teeth and sit on their arses in fairy-land castles with tiny cups of highland tea.
If you are English you don't count for shit.
Full English
A shorthand name for a full English breakfast - a delightful delicacy that you're likely to experience if you visit England.
The full English usually consists of:
- A couple of bits of greasy bacon
- A flavorless sausage or three, composed of 3% pubic hair, 90% wood shavings and 7% bumfluff
- A fried egg
- A spoonful of beans floating in tomato sauce
- Half a tomato
- Cold toast
- Black pudding (boiled Godzilla's blood)
See Also
External Links
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English is part of a series on Language & Communication. |
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