HardCaseOwnsYou
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| HardCaseOwnsYou believes that a man's actions reveal his character.
That is why he chooses to insult people rather than rationally discuss theological subjects on YouTube and deleted his videos and closed his youtube account after wishing TheAmazingAtheist's dog would die. |
| —FakeSagan |
Contents |
[edit] YouTube's Agnostic-Hating Masochistic Atheist
HardCaseOwnsYou' is a masochistic atheist who
wants people to make fun of the sound of his voice, lisp and teeth, and is a confessed bestialist. The distant cousin of FireFly515 (he is from the South after all), he enjoys calling young hydrocephalic girls "Balloon Heads". HardCaseOwnsYou claims diminished responsibility for what he posts on YouTube as he is constantly high on booze and crystal meth. He will however play Nada surf songs off-key at you if you hate on him.
As a Philosophy Major, naturally HardCaseOwnsYou now works in the construction industry.
HardCase sounds unbelievably nasally; imagine a stoned Yogi Bear with a head cold, and you will get an approximation of HardCase's horribly annoying voice.
A keen Alkaline Trio Fan and Alkaline Trio Message Board User, HardCase spends most of his time on YouTube masturbating over Brett Keane and making numerous videos to him, begging for the attention of the man that HardCaseOwnsYou refers to as "The Atheist Jesus". HardCaseOwnsYou is frightened and depressed that BrettKeane has children and HardCaseOwnsYou doesn't, he often claims that other YouTubers are jealous because Brett Keane likes him more than them, and that he can totally mess up people's reputation because he is a member of many messageboards.
[edit] Even more TL;DW than TheMaskedAnalyst
HardCaseOwnsYou is a serious waster of internets bandwidth who begged JezuzFreek777 to commit suicide in one of his many TL;DW videos. HardCaseOwnsYou even made a video to TheMaskedAnalyst asking for advice on how to make his videos even longer. He also spent a 23 minute video promoting user anangel13, who simply stands in front of the camera and says very little of worth, with only her ample chest full-frame (a good thing as she is a stupid albeit large-titted woman).
[edit] HardCaseOwnsYou Owns Himself
In a moment of unbelievable genius HardCaseOwnsYou pwnd himself in his very first YouTube video when he took part in the Blasphemy Challenge. Whilst proudly demonstrating that he is incapable of using an iron, HardCase denied the existence of the Holy Spirit as he pompously placed his hand on the "Gospel according to Carl Sagan". HardCaseOwnsYou made the mistake that is common amongst atheists: he believed Carl Sagan was an atheist, when in fact Carl Sagan was an agnostic - which is particularly amusing as HardCasehates agnostics and thinks they are stupid. Lulz Irony!!!
The irony continues when you notice that HardCaseOwnsYou proudly displays an Ourben quote on his profile "...people in religion think atheism is a religion, but it aint; it's something that happens to people when they start thinking for themselves." - Yes, that's right HardCaseOwnsYou - think for yourself. Now go put more of someone else's words proudly on your profile page.
[edit] Flawed Logic
Like most atheists HardCaseOwnsYou is an atheist because the dedication to strict logical accuracy required to be agnostic is too great. Atheists claim knowledge of something unknowable in the same way Christians and Muslims claim knowledge of something unknowable. faggot, you are thinking of gnostic atheists, 99% of atheists are agnostic atheists, which includes fakesagan. And similarly, like Christians and Muslims, atheists cannot read between the lines of religious texts, and must take everything literally and not see its inherent esoteric nature. This proves they are in fact retards. Like, for example, saying that the story of Adam and Eve is a big lie because EVERYONE KNOWS SNAKES CAN'T TALK, LOL!1! And when the bible tells us to stone gays, it doesnt necessarily mean with rocks. It could just as well be with flowers or porn. READ BETWEEN THE LINES U STUPID FUKEN ATHIEST FAGET!!11
HardCaseOwnsYou is intellectually bankrupt and makes no sense. As any reasonable person knows, atheism is one big appeal to authority, the authority being science. HardCase is a follower.
HardCaseOwnsYou is his own worst enemy. It is great whenever he opens his mouth to speak as he does more to encourage agnosticism than any agnostic ever could. Like all atheists HardCaseOwnsYou is an enemy of reason who is jealous of agnostics' use of science, logic and critical thinking. HardCase is often pwnd by agnostics and has said numerous times “Wow. That really makes a lot of sense. I feel owned by that.
Like all atheists, HardCaseOwnsYou forgets to have a sense of humour and loves to refer to himself as "a Saint of Science, who is going to change the world". HardCaseOwnsYou also has a plan to distribute copies of Dianetics by L Ron Hubbard into all hotel rooms in the US.
| —HardCaseOwnsYou |
[edit] Trolled by His Own Subscribers
Seeing as he "Didn't give a Fucking Fuck" about his ED article, HardCase thought it was appropriate to upload a 14min:33sec video rebuttal that was a doubled speed / doubled pitch video (and still TL;DW). However after all his subscribers complained that he made no sense, HardCaseOwnsYou confused this assertion with his doubling of the speed & pitch and therefore uploaded the full 29 minute TL;DW version, in which he proudly said that he is bringing the good news that "God is Dead", when in fact everyone has known this since Friedrich Nietzsche's Madman proclaimed it in 1882 in The Gay Science, and even if he missed this due to his illiteracy - it was later announced on the cover of Time Magazine in 1966.
[edit] Notable YouTube Videos
Please Call Me on the Telephone Brett Keane!
Why wont you call me on the telephone Brett Keane?
JezuzFreek777 you're as Big an Idiot as Me!
Hey FireFly515 - we're Related!
[edit] See Also
[edit] Links
HardCaseOwnsYou's YouTube Profile (Deleted) His new account
AIM ScreenName = YouTubeAtheist
[edit] FakeSagan
2 days after overreacting to this article, HardcaseOwnsYou closed his account. Being the attention whore that he is, this barely lasted a month. He returned under the username FakeSagan, wearing some kind of mask, Redskull anyone?
Under his new name of "fakesagan", a reference to his fanboyism of Carl Sagan, he now acts differently to the way he did as HardCase, in so much he is now nothing but a complete and utter troll, probably because he has nothing to do now that Brett Keane came under the banhammer. Here's a summary of his videos as fakesagan if you find them all tl;dr:
- Called some rich Mexican guy whose family got death threats IRL a pussy.
- Got totally pwned by a scraggly haired old guy who lives in a trailer, despite the help of over 9000 of his other atheist friends joining in. (NOTE: totally pwned, in this instance, means the guy kept on and on replying).
- Asked a camwhore who is a stripper IRL to fuck him or something. Got butthurt when she told him to GTFO. Subsequently pwned the camwhore and caused her to close her youtube account. Doing this made him feel like a big man.
- Produced a legendary moment by spitting in a Koran. While trolling of Muslims is most certainly lulzy, what FakeSagan fails to realise is that it's also incredibly easy and the fact that he managed to piss a lot of them off isn't the great achievement he seems to think it is.
- Is dating the cousin of CapnOAwesome, who has a YouTube account
- He did, however, pwn the living shit out of the leader of the ever-annoying Rational Response Squad, so much so that Sapient spent at least 100 minutes saying how he "could beat him but didn't have the time". For that, this EDiot tips his hat to HardFakeCaseSagan.
- Going to have a boxing match in Seattle with CapnOAwesome. It seems Capn just wants it to be fun, but fakesagan actually wants to beat the shit out of him, so Fakesagan decided to make it bare knuckle instead. No one cares who wins so long as they both do serious damage to each other.
- Is currently valiantly campaigning to free TheMaskedAnalyst from the DMCA terror of TheRedSkull !!!
- After briefly being fired from his position as TheAmazingAtheist's prison bitch, he promised to pwn him...but all he did after taking one of his "two week breaks" was shrug it off (probably because the buttsecks is too good) and instead go after CapnOAwesome for being more popular than him and obviously mattering to his girlfriend more than he does.
- Has recently started a relationship with fellow youtube atheist OshunAvani. While some might consider it a minor miracle that FakeSagan's goofy ass managed to score any pussy at all, it should be noted that OshunAvani is an alcoholic hosebeast with an irritating southern drawl, so he didn't exactly hit the jackpot in the girlfriend sweepstakes.
- Fakesagan's semen is a sickly, yellowish spew with an unpleasant taste and odor. Fortunately, OshunAvani is usually heavily sedated during their sexual encounters and doesn't complain when he nuts (weakly) in her mouth.
- Has never dated a woman with an appreciable bust, unless you count TheAmazingAtheist.
- Failed strippers, camwhores, and overweight goth chicks are turned on by his large, prominent adam's apple. What they don't realize is that they are actually seeing TheAmazingAtheist's testicles which broke off and got lodged in Fakesagan's throat years ago during one of their coke-fueled skull-fucking sessions.
- Due to the recent downturn in the economy, and its effect on the construction industry, fakesagan has taken to selling naked pictures of OshunAvani in order to make ends meet. So far, only inmendham has bought one, because that long-haired freak will fap to anything.
- In his most recent video, he admitted that he ripped off his heroes Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of South Park - his favorite show. He also revealed that he despises Michael Moore, and identifies himself as a right-winger. He also wore a stupid hat because "the bitchez loves a nigga with style."
- Has never not gotten a job he's applied for. This is because he gives superb blow jobs.
- Has a stupid tattoo of some sort of flaming head on his right arm. This symbolizes his flaming faggotry, obviously.
- Has high hopes that his sign-off, "Keep it fake," will become the vlog equivalent of Edward R. Murrow's famous "Good night and good luck." This is unlikely to happen, as it is a fucking retarded sign-off.
- In a change of pace from his typical croaking pontifications and petty drama/bitch fests, fakesagan's latest video finds him playing the character of a sleazy promoter for some grease-pig boxer. It is excruciatingly unfunny, and is only worth mentioning because OshunAvani appears in it as a cheap slut. Since she is a cheap slut IRL, it is unclear if she was playing a role or if she just happened to wander into the shot.
- Is an only child, which might explain his social awkwardness and need for attention. Others speculate that OshunAvani's constant whoring has undermined his confidence, and he feels the only way he can reclaim his manhood is through internet drama.
- Decided not to complete his philosophy degree because he wanted to "keep it real." Went into construction because he figured he could advance rapidly in the industry (as his only competition would be felons and greasy, illiterate wetbacks). Now he lives in a state of perpetual anxiety because he suspects the Mexican laborers he works with are pissing in his coffee and gangbanging his girlfriend every time his back is turned.
- Recently ascended the soapbox of his youtube channel comments to rail against the "oil barons and market speculators" who are ruining the economy and stealing from the American working man. On the one hand, he made some good points about governmental and economic corruption. On the other hand, he is nothing more than a construction-worker-vlogger-cuckold-fucktard who needs to STFU and quit acting like he knows what he's talking about.
- Little known fact: OshunAvani was born a man, but had an "operation" performed in March of 2008. Since he's into dudes, Fakesagan was not completely on board with the whole thing, but vowed to stick by Oshun because he fell in love with the inner her/him.
- It was rumored that Fakesagan sexually harassed some bleached blonde skank named Strangeholm (now StrangeGlobal - send her a salacious PM, she'll get a kick out of it) who used to be OshunAvani's lesbian lover. Fakesagan recently took to the youtubes to confirm that the rumor is true and add that he fucked her with his pet weasel, or something.
- Contributed an unremarkable forward to TheAmazingAtheist's unfunny and frankly repellent book "Scumbag: Musings Of A Subhuman" (Download it here - you wouldn't want to pay for this shit.) The Fakesagan's conclusion? TheAmazingAtheist is "willing to make himself the focal point of our resentment so long as it empowers us to examine our own lives and begin healing ourselves. (He) is a modern shaman." The reader's conclusion? Butt-buddies.
[edit] Internet Z-Lister
Fakesagan has now reached 3000 subscribers thanks to his constant fighting and drama. By engaging with every single YouTuber with over 11 subscribers, TheAmazingAtheist favoriting all of his videos and telling people he was a member of the KKK and owns his own house apartment shed - he has risen to become a true youtube Z-Lister. Everytime he gains another 1000 subscribers he does a "questions" video, but never answers even half of them, which annoys his brain dead subscribers who can't live without knowing what fakesagan's "favorite flavor of ice cream is". He's become popular enough that katiesopinion is subscribed to him and even comments on his videos with brilliant contributions to the intellectual debates ad hominems with things such as "Nice haircut" and "Put the rug back on the wall". TheBoringDispatcher also thought him worthy of a video, which fakesagan responded to by reading Moby Dick.
He also revealed recently that he cares very deeply about the factual accuracy of his ED article. So if in the future this article describes one of his foes as a "duplicitious, callow, simpering, psuedointelluctual, subwhoring, yappy, quivering, fugly, trifling, meglomanical, petty, demagogic pussbag weasel", he's probably made an account.
In the last month or so he hasn't even signed into his YouTube account, let alone made a video, probably because he's BAWWWing over TheAmazingAtheist saying Saturninefilms gives better blowjobs than him. It is estimated that about 4 people have noticed. It is highly likely he has created another account so he can eagerly watch drama videos all day whilst giving the impression he isn't a basement dweller.
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