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Falcon punch
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The physical epitome of pwn and win. Also good for solving unwanted problems.
A successful Falcon Punch requires a focusing energy and win into one's fist, before hitting the target as hard as fucking possible--hopefully dislodging several vital organs along the way. The Falcon Punch is most often used to end the untimely pregnancy of a loved one in a humane manner, especially if the loved one happens to be under the age of sixteen.
Children are encouraged to practice their Falcon Punches at home by playing Super Smash Brothers Brawl (1762-2331-1698) and by punching other children/preggers.
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[edit] Recommended Delivery Method
The best way to deliver a quick, effective Falcon Punch is by cocking your fist back, throwing your chest out, and screaming "FALCOOOOON!" at the top of your lungs. The scream should slowly increase in pitch and volume and gather power as it continues, until you've gathered enough win in your hand to crushfuck the undesired fetus. Then, unleash the gathered fury in your fist and use it to abort your girlfriend's illegitimate child, whilst using a new scream that simply states the action you are doing at that very moment: "PUUUUNCH!
[edit] Correct Pronunciation
To effectively pull off a Falcon Punch, you must use the correct pronunciation. Otherwise, your move will be ineffective and made of fail. The following guide should help.
Falc-own PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNCH!
[edit] Myths Behind the Falcon Punch
Some believe that the universe began with singularity, while other scientists believe that we are the result of the collision of two Falcon Punches, creating moar than a million universes which collapsed upon themselves and formed Hot Pockets.
Unknown to most Nub Cakes, The Falcon Punch was invented by late comedian Sam Kinison during a comedy venue in the early 80's where he repeatedly demonstrated how to smash the woman with your fist for the "Hardest fuck she'll ever have". Later corrupted, this technique became what it is today.
Falcon-punching also explains evolution, the internets, global warming, and Jessica Alba.
[edit] In Action
Captain Falcon goes clubbing.
A good parent showing her kid the ropes.
When delivered by an individual with a power level of over 9000, a Falcon Punch can produce the same effects as dividing by zero.
Confirmed for Brawl!!!
Same vid, minus weeaboo influence.
Falcon Overture.
[edit] The Falcon Punch Hymn
Venerate the Falcon Punch, the Almighty Knee and His Creator and MAYBE, if your are lucky, you can escape of the mighty power of pwn and win.
You can hear the Falcon Punch Hymn here:[1]
The Falcon Punch Hymn Lyrics:
He wants to be the very best!
Like no one ever was
To Punch them is His real test!
To Knee them is His cause!
He will travel across the land, kicking far and wide!
The F-Zero Racers! To understand! The Power that's inside...
FALCON PUNCH!
Gotta Punch'em! It's uber leet
To Paunch is His destin-Kneeee!
FALCON PUNCH!
Oh, no one's His friend,
In a world He must upend!
FALCON PAUNCH!
Gotta Punch'em all!
Show Me your mooooooves!!!
His Knee will kill you too!
He Knee'd me then He Knee'd you!
FALCOOOOOON PUUUUUUUUNCH!!!
Gotta smash em aaaaaaaall!
Gotta smash em aaaaaaaall!
FALCON PUNCH!
[edit] When Falcon Punches Collide
While the beginning of the universe was made thanks to a simultaneous Falcon Punch, it are a fact! Internet Theologins and Scientists scour scrolls and the stars themselves for signs of two Falcon Punches of equal amounts of win, colliding. Should this ever come to be, it will result in this:
Or This:
Make your peace with Raptor Jesus now, you have been warned.
[edit] People in Need of a Falcon Punch
- Angyl
- Bill Clinton
- Chris Crocker
- CNN
- Hillary Clinton
- Jews
- Klarawagner
- 16 year old girls
- Halo fanboys
- snapesnogger
- Locutus_of_Lulz
- John Edwards
- Furries
- Jamie Lynn Spears
- People who quote "your Mom" jokes
- fantards
- Niggas
- Patrie
- Jack Thompson
- Lawyers
