Fat

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from Fatass)
Jump to: navigation, search
He came.
He came.
Not yet but he's close.
Not yet but he's close.

A word that describes about 95% of all LJ; actually, about 95% of all on the internets. Also, one who cannot fit into MRIs.

Calling someone a "fucking fat fatty fuck" isn't tautological in a flame war.

Contents

[edit] Fat Characteristics

A fatty is without exception angry, bitter, cynical and oftentimes not funny at all (See Numa Numa). They like to eat, talk trash with their Internet tough guy personas, eat, act petty, eat, cry about how this shallow and materialistic world is so unjust to their kind, and most importantly, eat. They prefer to be referred to as manatees, whales, or cows. Also, some fat people are so flabby that they cannot wash the stinking sweat and grime off the insides of their countless rolls, and sooner or later they will start to rot away... but only after they have eaten an amount of food that could've fed a thousand Darfurian refugees. Sometimes they find said food hidden under their fat folds after several days. This is considered a treat of extra food.

An example of fat wiggers:

[edit] Fat Writing

While reading the good_sex, one could stumble upon an entry such as this one (see talk page for Cuntpaste job of the friends only entry). While the other does not wish to imply it, the reader can infer that the author is a serious fatty.

[edit] Fat Mentality

Fat people possess fat mentality, which subscribes to the following assumptions:

  • I am not fat, I am BBW (see "Euphemisms").
  • It is not my fault I am fat.
  • Because I am fat, I can be a bitch.
  • If I'm a bitch and people don't like me, it's because I am fat, and they are racists.
  • Real women have curves.
  • You must change the airplane seats to fit my enourmous fat ass

Some say that the fat mentality is the main reason fat people are unattractive. This is a lie. Fat people are unattractive because they are a bloated mockery of the human form.

But she knows to have fun too ...

[edit] Obesity and Oral Sex

What fat women want.
What fat women want.

It should be noted that fat chicks give great head. Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry, but caution must be taken. In cases of too much enthusiasm, a fat woman may take ejaculation as the time to bite and swallow anything in her mouth. This is also because they are accustomed to putting large amounts of food in their mouths at all times, and crave hot meaty sticks shoved down their gullets. Furthermoar, due to natural selection, fat chicks often lack a gag reflex, because they need that extra space for all of the food. It should be obvious that any fat chick with a working gag reflex has a built-in solution to her problem of being fat! Fat chicks who do not give great head are probably fat dykes. Research is inconclusive regarding fat men and cunnilingus. For information on fat men and fellatio, please see gay.

[edit] How Fat People Should be Treated

Written at least 100 years ago by Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence states that all people are created equal. However, fatties are not people, and besides, who cares what a slave fucker like Thomas Jefferson says, amirite? Therefore, mass extermination of fatties is recommended and even encouraged by God himself.

Do it for great justice.

[edit] Weight Loss Advice for Fatties

You fucking wish.
You fucking wish.

[edit] Epithets

A helpful guide.
A helpful guide.

[edit] Fatty

Calling anyone a fatty is a great way to troll them on instant messengers that allow you to send voice clips. The process is done by screaming the words "FATTY" over your microphone very loudly. If fat people aren't around, this can be done to anyone, therefore increasing the confusion and no doubt IRL Banhammering of themselves due to their levels of self esteem being drastically low.

Recorded Voice Clips

[[1]] [[2]] [[3]]

[edit] Whale

A Whale is a derogatory term for a fat girl or woman. See also Fat whore. Whales are generally considered good at giving blowjobs. They have to, or else they would never get any cock. They also swallow since they are always hungry. Sex with whales is usually known as whale hunting. A common sub-variety of whale is the Welfare whale.

[edit] Euphemisms

real women have curves The average fatty trying to fly
real women have curves The average fatty trying to fly

Fat women will never refer to themselves as "fat". They will use other, gentler words to describe their disgusting obesity. If you see a fatty use any of the following words to describe his or herself, please correct them:

[edit] Heavy

Fat girls will often describe other fat girls as heavy (or heavyset). Example:

Normal person: "Hey, I'm looking for this stupid fat bitch, was she here?"
Fatty: "Excuse me, but did you see a heavy woman here?"

Note: Do not confuse with "top heavy", which means huge boobs (see Scarlet)

[edit] Chubby

A chubby girl is a fat girl who thinks she is proportionate. In reality, a chubby girl is not proportionate.

The problem with the adjective "chubby" that sets it apart from the other euphemisms is that fat girls who describe themselves as "chubby" are in total denial of their fatness. The following exchange is not uncommon with a fat girl:

Normal person: "Wow, you're fat."
Fatty: "No I'm not, I'm chubby."

Note: Truly proportionate girls are top heavy (see above) and callipygous.

[edit] BBW

I see the big, I see the woman, I don't see the beautiful . . .
I see the big, I see the woman, I don't see the beautiful . . .

BBW stands for "Big Beautiful Woman", but really it just means "fat", "Big Beastly Woman", or "Big Bulging Waistline". Fat women think they can get away with calling themselves "beautiful" if they qualify it with "big". This is not true. It can also mean "Big Black Woman/Whale/Whore".

BBWs are also eatbeasts, who happen to have seven chins coated in pickle juice.

This is also the term preferred by so-called FAs, or fat admirers.

[edit] SSBBW

"Super Sized Big Beautiful Women". What extremely fat women call themselves. Like "Stuck-in-the-bathtub" fat.

[edit] Rubenesque

Often found in personal ads or used by fatties attempting to "take pride" in their fatness. Paul Reubens was a 16/17th century painter. Many of his paintings show women with fat rolls, exaggerated ass cleavage and cellulite scars.

[edit] Bear

This is what fat hairy men like to be called, if they are gay and most likely closet fur-fags. The whole Bear scene, reeks of fail. Whilst at one point hailed as an alternative to gay body facism, it's now just another money making label for homo. Being fat doesn't mean immunity to AIDS, but it does mean immunity to none-BBW's which probably accounts for all of them being gay.

[edit] Other

  • Curvy
  • Eggplant-shaped
  • Big-boned
  • Full-figured
  • Thick

[edit] Chubby Chaser

A chubby chaser is someone who loves "chubby" girls only. This can be for one of two reasons (or both); He is either fat and ugly himself and needs to take advantage of bitches with low self-esteem, or he needs a woman who cannot run fast enough to get away from him.

Many Chubby Chasers choose to live in blissful denial that there is anything '"perverse" or indeed "unnatural" about the desire to copulate with giant wobbling grease-coated fatsacks. In fact, some have even been known to be seen in public with their hyperfleshed darlings. However, in 2004, sexpert Yosuf Sindinchilchrun of the University of Newcastle UK carried out extensive studies and identified Chubby Chasing as "worse than being ghey, since even gheys don't feel the need to bring fat people home to meet their suicidally ashamed parents."

See also: FA

[edit] Health Problems Associated with Obesity

Fat People are often depressed.
Fat People are often depressed.

Obesity is a huge health hazard. Out of all the obesity-related diseases, the top one is Eyeburn, which comes from looking at fat people naked. Since people can't control their weight (thanks to jobs that make them sit down all day), obese people must shut their eyes real tight when they are naked and near a mirror or they will become ill.

This can also generate lulz, like this one.

Occasionally, being fat can cause mental health problems, such as insanity. This is the only possible explanation for why this video even exists. It can also present other brain-related problems, such as loss of coordination, as in the tragic case of the Grape Lady.

The final disease suffered by fatties is the dreaded Diabeetus, which prevents them from eating the sugary junkfood for which they live.

[edit] Secret Fatty

Sometimes abbreviated as "SIF" for "Secret Internet Fatty." A secret fatty is a person who takes photos with the camera angled from above to hide their girth from the camera. Secret fatties are heavily afflicted by the internet disease. For more information on techniques used by secret fatties, see article on fat girl angle shot. to view an example, look at missalyssum

[edit] Fat Sports

Typical fatty antics.
Typical fatty antics.
Your mom was evidently big enough to fill up four fat bitches.
Your mom was evidently big enough to fill up four fat bitches.

There have been many fat sports but only a few of them are amusing.

1. COMPETITIVE EATING
2. EATING BABIES.
3. EATING Dissected-chan
4. MOAR DOUBLE-CHIN CONTEST: for the benefit of Chin-chan
5. FUGLIEST FAT-ANGLE SHOT COMPETITION
6. DEEPEST FAT VAGOO CONTEST
7. LONGEST STRETCH MARKS LEAGUE

All fat sports require very little exercise and a lot of humilation. See how kind we are? You ungrateful shit.

[edit] Too fat=far worse than too skinny

This giraffe is alot healthier than it was before.
This giraffe is alot healthier than it was before.

The fat mentality is that it's okay to weigh a metric ton and that it's the skinny population's fault that being a gargantuan lardass is perceived as bad.


Let's just say that yeah, it's a horrible thing that we're forcing you to take extreme measures to drop the gallons of blubber that you brought upon yourself, but could we be subconsciously doing you a favor? Would you rather spend the rest of your miserable ten or so years of life being wedged in small chairs that aren't meant to cater to your fat ass, sucking down concentrated fat by the truckload until your arteries harden, before you're forklifted out of your house through the removed front wall onto three stretchers and riding an ambulance on its axles to a hospital where they can't give you that dire quadruple bypass because there's too much goddamned lard to dig through?


Here's your incentive, fatasses. Drop the fork and get on the treadmill. Stop kidding yourself into thinking it's OUR fault that you're a repulsive sack of fat. It's your fault that you decided it proper to waste your entire 20 years of life dedicating yourself to wrecking your body and our eyesight.

[edit] Reactions to this article

Will do.
Will do.


As with most of the content on Encyclopædia Dramatica, this page has caused quite a few angry reactions and lulzy rants from butthurt readers. And since the offended party in this case is comprised of fatasses, it makes everything just a little bit lulzier. For examples of the aforementioned whining, see this article's talk page.


The Whale Exhibit

LULZ,obese basement-dwellers.

Myspace whale eating metal.

You know you like it.

FAT ADMIN!

Yay camel toe!

A common whale. Notice the glazed look in her eye of a whale looking for some meat in her mouth.

Rare sighting! Two whales fitting into one picture!

Because fatties cannot reach their private areas, they must resort to alternative methods of masturbation.

The beard isn't fooling anyone. See also: neckbeard.

Go ahead, she's waiting...

BBW: only one of the adjectives fits.

Not a goddess, quite the fatty.

More to love, more to hate - an example of blindness-inducing image, featuring areems.

Actual quote from the livejournal of AlanaJonze: "flu + bleeding + chemo = unhappy pirate syndrome for which i am the postergirl."

Getting there.

When their gravitational pull attracts them, it's impossible to get them apart.

Being obese has its advantages.

Fatties often mistake sex for food.

Or try to mix sex and food.

Fat blocks sex gland receptors.

Boy? Girl? Doesn't matter, they're ordering fries with that.

The only type of person fat people seem to hook up with.

Fatty with moose knuckle.

"I'm melllttiiiing... I'm meeelllttiiiing..."

Luke Skywalker's mother?

Sexy time for the "big-boned."

If you're quiet, you can hear it singing.

Letting it all hang out.

Fat in all the right places.

This zombie is fat.

Fat people plz step away from the camera.

No picz plz, gtfo.

Fat Emo, habitat: myspace

Typical Asian paretning.

John Travolta is also fat.

Fucking fatties in #ed.

Typical fatty.

GOOD LORD O MIGHTY!

Fat bitch is fat.

Even fat people do cosplay. Dear god.

A fatty trying to sell stickers

The only thing fat girls are good for....

Fat whores like Bean often suffer under the delusion that they're actually beautiful.

No matter what angle, you'll always be a fatty.

At 530 pounds, thesugarmonster drinks out of a menstrual cup.

MAN THE HARPOONS

thx 4 teh add!!!.]]

Fat people will never get better than this.

A fatass begins to feast upon his cheese.

Rarity: A fatty with gargantuan ass participating in physical activity outside of Curves.

Proper treatment of those who choose to offend visually.

OMG another fat asian baby!

No, you may not eat flowers..fatass...

HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!

u no u want dis.

Look mom, I'm in a rock band!

Failed attempt to make fat boobs look good.

Fat people often get together to perform in music groups, producing many lulz.

Don't laugh at this man. He might pour antifreeze in your drink lolol.

Fatties always feel the need to show their nasty asses on the beach. Ew.

Futhman, LJDrama's token fatty.

PROTIP: Your car doesn't distract us from how much of a damn fatty you are.

Corsets do not work, fatty!

A winner is you!

Too late, fatty.

Typical Myspace fatass, who happens to be emo. BONUS POINTS!

Typical fatty caught after eating a full grown male.

cheese?!?!

A secret fatty would never take a picture like this.

Another teen-aged fatass.

Teenage fatty. Look how calm she looks. She's probably dead from a brain clot.

Fat fuck getting what he deserves.

Furfags invade every conceivable thing imaginable.

Nobody likes a fat kid

It's a little known fact that Kate Moss is actually pretty fat.

If you own one of these, you are probably fat and a really good chance you will be dying alone.

All fatties worship Mayor McCheese

A fatty in natural habitat

Poserscenesteritis meets Teh Fat. And teh plastic-doll shitty Photoshop-ing.

Shhh. Don't tell anyone Marlon Brando here ate the dog.

Fat bitches

First KFC opening ever. ACHTUNG: it makes you fat, niggas.

RUN!!! SHE'S GONNA EAT YOUR COCK!!!

[edit] Fat Related Articles

[edit] Fat External Links




Fat
is part of a series on
articles which are the subject of retarded edit wars 		Beware all ye who tread here

Anarchy | AngusNitro41 | Atheism | AniutqaDA | Barack Hussein Obama | Brian Peppers | Chaos wraith x | Crystal-For-Ever | DisneyFan01 | Dolphy | Dragomike | Evolution | Fat | Invader Zim | JackAndSally4Ever | Kay Fedewa | Minichan | Prove me wrong | Psion Guild | Richard Dawkins | Sakra | Sean Taylor | Shadowfox118 | Snapesnogger | Yugioh Card Maker

Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Fat"
Personal tools
Your Ad Here