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Final Fantasy VI
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Final Fantasy VI is a video game released for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System around 100 years ago. The game was released as Final Fantasy III in North American because Square was having issues with Nintendo at the time.
Contents |
[edit] Story
[edit] World of Balance
The story follows a group of rebels as they take on an evil empire, who plan on taking over the world. The main protagonist of the story is Terra, who can't decide which side to fight for. Unlike everyone else, she can use magic. However, the only spells she can cast are Fire and Cure, which makes her completely fucking useless. Also, when you find Espers, you can give other characters magic, too.
The main villain is Kefka, a retarded clown who acts as an Empire general. Halfway into the game he goes batshit crazy, becomes a god and ends the world.
[edit] World of Ruin
The main character after the Apocalypse is Celes. She spends most of her time getting the group back together by going on pointless side-quests like helping Strago hunt and kill some monster, Setzer work through his gambling issues, and Locke to get over his dead girlfriend.
After all the personal drama, the team goes and fights Kefka, who's still busy abusing his god powers.
[edit] Playable Characters
Final Fantasy VI has a cast of at least 100 playable characters, making it the largest RPG in recorded history. The characters are mostly human, but there's also a Moogle, a clown, and a Wookiee.
[edit] Terra
The aforementioned green-haired chick who starts out as the game's main character. About a quarter of the way through the game you learn that her dad is a furry and her mom has a dog fetish. They even show Terra being conceived in stunning 2D sprite detail. After this revelation, she can turn into glam-rock Jesus by shouting, "It's showtime synergy!"
[edit] Locke
Shady fucker who deals in stolen goods. With the shit he sells, you be hard pressed to find a DVD player that would work. And just to show you how great of a chap he is, he will follow you quietly home, and take anything not bolted to the ground... and that's if you don't wake up. He'd beat you over the head with the broken DVD player he sold you. He has a dead girlfirend in the tiny town of Kohlingen (in perfect mint-condition, if I may add) which someday he will go to and COMPLETELY FUCK HER BRAINS OUT!!!1!!111!!1!11!!!!1!1!1!!1!!!11!1!! (Hey, she was asking for it.)
[edit] Celes
Was a General in the imperial army until she was dishonorably discharged because of the Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy. She later gives up her militant lesbianism to be with Locke, who is still all emo about his dead girlfriend.
[edit] Shadow
A badass motherfucker. In the game, it is stated that he would slit his mama's throat for a nickel, showing how badass and unemotional he is. When Kefka ends the world, you have the choice to either wait for him and save him when escaping, or simply to leave him to die. (However, you're not notified whatsoever.) Over 9000 fanboys restarted their files to save him after they found out you can in fact keep him in the game.
[edit] Edgar
A huge faggot that uses the same weapons and armor as every female character in the game, making him a Metrosexual.
[edit] Sabin
PROTIP: "Sabin" is pornounced "Say-Bihn" (sry Mash-bashers).
Edgar's infinitely moar badass brother and all-around pretty cool guy, for he uses fists to lay down butthurt onto foes AND DOESN'T AFRAID OF ANYTHING. He uses claws. He's like a motherfucking ninja. He even has a really kickass move called Blitz. And if you press down, down, left in that order after choosing Blitz, he can shoop da woop enemies, adding man points and win to his stats. And to even add moar to his badassness, he can equip shields and NOT have his attack decrease, making him the first monk in Final Fantasy evar to pull such a feat. But on the other hand, he gave up becoming a king for his freedom, therefore losing any man points and epic win he gained.
[edit] Cyan
A faggot who looks a lot like Borat. He can also use samurai swords and a special attack called "SwordTech", but you must use a meter to make it work, but that takes a long time to load, which sucks.
[edit] Setzer
An exact replica of Sephiroth, except he fucking sucks. He uses cards and dice as weapons (lol) and is an alcoholic (LOL).
[edit] Gau
A 14 year old boy who, raised by monsters, can only speak in stunted English, yelps and grunts. Some of his super powers include: Earthquake, Pee Fight, and MOOOOM!
[edit] Strago
An aging punk rocker. If you went on a side quest, you'd get his ultimage attack, Mantrain. Unfortunately, nobody fucking uses him because he is a Blue Mage. Basically, you have to learn his Blue Magic skillz by finding a random monster to attack you. During the battle, you need to wait for the monster to use a Blue Magic spell, but that may take fucking forever due to...
A) The monster might be VERRRRY FUCKING RARE.
B) It might take at least 100 years for it to use its Blue Magic attack.
Square Enix later admitted that the only reason why Strago, like all other Blue Mages, exists is because they needed lulz knowing that gamers will become batshit insane from all the frustration. It is rumored that this is what called Cho Seung Hui to go on his rampage at Virginia Tech.
[edit] Relm
Shadow's illigitimate child (obviously a typical thing a black man would have, amirite?), she can photoshop compromising images of her enemies and use them for blackmail.
[edit] Mog
Small white mammal. Knows English. (Sort of.) Can dance; would make serious money performing in a circus, but no one can catch the fucker.
[edit] Umaro
Huge monkey that is fucking useless because you can't even control him in battle. His special move: Throw shit. But even that crap won't do massive damage, but only at least 100 damage, which is fucking retarded for at that time, even Terra, who's a freaking mage can do over 9000 damage at the time.
[edit] Gogo
Judging by the fact that this character's introductory text is expressly devoted to pointing out that "his" gender is unknown, Gogo is likely to be either a eunuch or a hermaphrodite. Gogo has the remarkable, completely unheard of, and challenging-to-master ability to copy the actions of others, such as cheating on a test. Some argue that this is Setzer's dead girlfriend due to Gogo being found at the same place she was buried, but pulling a "he's/she's not really dead trick" would be pulling off the same trick Sega used in Sonic-Next Gen, which was gay and fail, amirite?
[edit] Other Important Characters
[edit] Kefka
Kills as many people as possible. Has a lollergasm after he poisons an entire town, and is responsible for the lollercaust that ends the world. Kefka's fans hold a rabid hatred for Sephiroth and his fans, just because they think a batshit insane clown is better than a long-haired fag in black with a 20-foot sword. He is most known for being the worst idea for an enemy and the first enemy to be good at his job.
[edit] Cid
Wears a yellow labcoat, making him resemble a banana (lmao). Has a weird daddy thing going on with Celes. He dies when she feeds him tainted fish. In fact, just kill the mutherfucker. You'll get off the damn island faster, plus Celes gets emo and almost kills herself in the process. Letting the spermcoat live only proves you have wasted an hour for NOTHING!
[edit] Banon
The apparent leader of the Returners. Banon is fat and old and doesn't do much in the way of usefulness. He does, however, have a fantastic beard. It is big and bushy and grows towards the sun. He used to have a thing for Edgar's dad before he kicked the bucket. He masturbates a lot.
[edit] Arvis
Old man in Narshe. He thinks Locke is an asshole, but supports the Returners anyway. A closeted homosexual, he secretly lusts after Banon, who is too busy cutting back his beard to notice.
[edit] Gestahl
The Emperor of the Empire. Kefka kills him later, but it's okay because he was backtalking like a little bitch. Also resembles a dog.
[edit] Leo
Leo's just a nice guy. He gets along well with others, is diplomatic, loyal, and brave. Terra has a crush on him. He gets owned by Kefka and has the tiniest funeral ever. After that everyone kind of forgets about him.
[edit] Rachel
Locke's dead girlfriend. He fucked up and left Kohlingen after she lost all of her memories, and she died when the Empire attacked the town. Later she is brought back to life by an Esper, but it was fucking useless because she only stayed alive long enough to tell Locke to stop being emo. Then she died again.
[edit] Owzer
A fat bastard who owns the art gallery in Jidoor. He kidnapped Relm in the WoR after Kefka went insane, but Celes and the rest of the party saved her.
[edit] Biggs and Wedge
Cameos from Star Wars. They're supposed to be funny, but they get pwned ten minutes into the game, so no one cares about them.
[edit] Maduin and Madeline
Terra's parents. Madeline (called Madonna in the original SNES version) is a closet furry. After she did Maddin, she got knocked up. She's fucking stupid because really the whole fucking game is Terra's fault, which makes it HER fault for getting preggers to begin with.
[edit] See also
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Final Fantasy VI is part of a series on Gaming. |
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