Firefly
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
An American ripoff of Cowboy Bebop. A show like Star Wars, but with cowboys in space. Despite the high tech, the characters use 6-bullet guns, grenades, etc. The show went off the air because it deserved it. It was made by Joss Whedon, the chubby homosexual best known for creating crap shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its ultra-gay spin-off, Angel. Fans of the show are usually referred to as Firefags (also refers to people who use Firefox).
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[edit] Serenity
Serenity is a sci-fi movie about some bitch named River Tam with psychic powers that let her sense imminent danger to her buddies. Since that power sucked and she only used it once, she also got the power to flip out and kick major ass for no reason. The cast included some has-beens, some never-will-bes, a chick who is NOT Christina Ricci, and your standard racial archetypes that you see on the Sci-Fi channel. Serenity is also the name of the super-advanced spaceship they ride around in. The whole thing is based off of the failed TV series Firefly.
[edit] Plot
The movie starts with Christina Ricci River Tam being oppressed by the government, which basically consists of a bunch of assholes who everyone likes, just like in 1984 and every other dystopia movie. Christina Ricci River Tam gets saved by her brother and they join the half-assed crew of the Ship Serenity, where she is given the valuable job of protecting her shipmates from harm using her precognition, and her brother is given the valuable job of being an over-protective emo troublemaker. The chick only actually saves them once, when she senses a bunch of zombie killers heading their way, and then the reason she's a part of the crew is pretty much forgotten. Since the big bad government wants Christina Ricci the chick dead, Captain Surrogate, being the dashing and witty rebel he is, decides to keep a hold on her for pure spite. The big bad government sends a big negro after them, who uses a sword, which makes sense considering that they have space-travel technology and all.
2 hours later, the same stupid plot is going on with no change and no development. Christina Ricci River Tam leads them on a wild goose chase until they finally go to a planet and find out that it was the big bad government who made the zombie killers that everyone had largely forgotten about until now. SO IT WAS THE GOVERNMENT WHO MADE THE BAD VILLAIN OF THE MOVIE!!!!!1 After this highly original plot twist, the big bad government's negro tries to keep them from telling everybody, leading to THE FINAL SHOWDOWN!!!!!1 The negro kicks the captain's ass completely, but the captain tricks him, hits him once, and completely pwns him. Then everyone finds out that the government sucks and the movie ends, sparing the writers from coming up with anything specific regarding the turnout.
[edit] Fandom
Serenity impregnated internet retards with crappy fanfiction, which they promptly birthed all over the internets. People saw all sorts of sexual tension in the movie that no one else had the perception to see; Captain Surrogate/Generic Badass, Christina Ricci River Tam/Captain Surrogate, and Generic Badass/Christina Ricci River Tam fap material were churned out at an alarming rate. People got themselves all worked up over Christina Ricci River Tam just because she could flip out and beat the crap out of everyone in sight, even though she only did this twice. Fans raved about how great of a movie it was compared to the canceled TV series, and for a time, it was good. Then the hype died down and everyone realized the movie was generic and unoriginal, and LOOOOOOOONG.
The other reason people liked this movie is because of the OMG viral marketing campaign, something that can get anything major points with fanbois. It consisted of a pack of video clips showing how batshit insane the psychic chick is. She ends up murdering her doctor. Good character to root for!
[edit] Firefly Fandom vs Star Trek Fandom
Firefly fans differ from Star Trek fans in the following ways:
- Trekkies rarely bathe. Firefags use strong perfumes and/or patchouli oil stolen from goth junkies.
- Trekkies write fag fanfics where Kirk and Spock fuck each other silly. Firefags write fanfics where they're lezbo dykes who get to fuck
Christina RicciRiver Tam with a big dildo while the rest of the cast dies lame deaths at the hands of some gaywad BEM. - Trekkies dwell in their parents' basements. Firefags sleep on whomever's couch they can crash on for as long as they can get away with.
- Trekkies can't handle good drugs. Firefags don't care if the drugs are good or not. Neither can afford them in any case because they have no steady employment, and they're both too fucking ugly to get any handjob customers.
- Female Trekkies are always under 5'2" tall, and are fat enough to almost be as wide as they are short. Female Firefags are so anorexic that they could be stunt doubles for a concentration camp flick. Neither have sex on a regular basis.
- Gene Roddenberry fucked every female starlet who wound up on his casting couch. Joss Wheadon blew every male actor who auditioned regardless of whether in the office, on a couch, or in a men's room stall.
- Trekkies sing faggot "filk" songs. Firefags sing songs from Scooby-Doo while masturbating to Buffy episodes.
- Trekkies can curse in Klingon to piss off other Trekkies, Firefags learn words that would offend real Chinese people.
[edit] The Ship
The ship Serenity is the greatest source of serious bitching from fans. They get all pissed off because the ship sucks compared to other Sci-Fi ships, which is important since they're all FICTIONAL. The best way to troll a Firefly/Serenity discussion is to talk about how Serenity's lack of time-travel capability makes it more realistic. Then sit back and watch the fun!
The ship ends up being mostly destroyed towards the end of the movie in a crash landing. The skinny pathetic white guy driving Dread Pirate Steve gets skewered in the process by some sharp metal beams the zombie killers use. In the end, they repair the ship, but can't repair the geeky driver. Lulz ensue.
