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Fleshlight

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Oh i'm sure it does Dave.... Sure it does.

You selfish bastard, it's always about you, isn't it?!

A fleshlight is a special sex toy that has stood out among other mere sex toys on the internets. It's basically a portable vagina in a discrete flashlight-like enclosure with “2 million dollars spent in research and development”. In other words it is money well-spent to satisfy the pathetic needs of basement dwellers, whilst laminating their V cards in the process of failure.
Fleshlights come in many varieties ranging from mouths, asses, vaginas, and whatever else to suit your sexual needs. If the makers of fleshlight really wanted to make increase their profits ten-fold, they would appeal to the furry market by making a series of dog vaginas for these sick fucks. Unsurprisingly many threads in /b/ pop up from time to time with people considering buying one, while others laugh their asses off at the original poster.

“	I am an ordained pastor, PHd, successful businessman, martial artist, father of seven, satisfied husband. The product was a challenge for me intellectually and morally until I thought it through, then I realized that a quality surrogate was a great solution to an ancient problem - the feeling of freedom, the release of guilt, the incredible sensation - just telling it like it is.	„
—Holy Wanker

1 Fleshlight Videos
2 Gallery
3 Copypasta
4 Material
5 Links

[edit] Fleshlight Videos

Presentation Video.

BME FL Mod.

I knowz that this is the best encyclopedia and LOLZ!!!!!

[edit] Gallery

vagina in a convenient package.	For closetcases too!	Motivate me, /b/!	This review brought out a butthurt response by an obvious fleshlight owner.
The Fleshlight for those who liek Azn vagoo.	Note how the lotion covers her nose.	Mom helping her son with sex ED.	LHC version for you theoretical physicists

[edit] Copypasta

This is a copypasta that has circulated around /b/ that divides despair by zero:

It's not the Fleshlight's fault, really. Just the fact that trying to use the one I ordered for my 34th birthday has rammed home the basic fact that I am a loser and that I am never going to get laid in my life.

I am apparently both too small and too big to use the Fleshlight. Small in the and big in the grossly overweight stomach. The result is that I apparently can't get very deep into the thing and experience the ribbing and other textures.

I ordered four inserts at once, three supertights with the three sorts of textures -- wave, ribbed, bumped -- and one ultratight. With all of them I have been having an incredible struggle to find a comfortable position to get in with my enormous stomach to allow for using the thing long enough to get off. I apparently developed a way to masturbate by hand that deluded myself into thinking I was normal. I am obviously not. I can only seem to go about an inch and a half into this Fleshlight before my fat gets in the way and the smallness of my defeat the purpose. The incredible depression of the experience makes it hard for me to stay erect as the whole time I am thinking about what a deformed, out-of-shape loser I am, so I end up only half hard or less.

Today is my 34th birthday. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, due to being a shy fatass with an ugly skin condition that I was afraid of having anyone see by taking my clothes off. I am so incredibly fucking lonely and depressed. I just want to be able to hug a woman, to hold her in my arms. Sex is frankly secondary to me, which is lucky given that I haven't had any except with my own hand.

I bought this thing thinking I would treat myself and make myself happier, but it has just driven home how fucked I am. I guess my only hope at this point is to find a woman who doesn't mind me only using oral sex on her because my obviously doesn't work very well.

Lesson: DO SOME SIT-UPS FATTY!!!!

[edit] Material

Made out of pink bubblegum, and flesh that's peeled of the pavement after a jumper has made a victorious ending; the fleshlight is the most unnatural alternative to a cunt you will ever feel.