Food
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Food is what you eat when vaginas and cocks are no longer available. Eating food is America's favorite pastime as it gives fat people their blubber. Enemy of anorexic 16 year old girls and breatharians alike food is vital to existence, Without it we'd die.
Some people eat too much, others not enough, and others eat Goldilocks. It's a tragic thing. All food eventually becomes poop.
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[edit] The History of Food
Once upon a time, food was healthful. People ate cheese and ham steaks with buttered cream sauce and followed it up with deep-fat-fried lard for dessert and, lo, it was good. Then, in 1972, scientists screwed everything up by reporting that unless you want to spend your thirty-fifth birthday clutching your chest and turning blue, you better live on tofu and wheatgrass juice. The American populace responded by giving the scientists the finger and becoming the most obese nation on Earth. (See also Nationalized Health Care)
[edit] Internets Food
Thousands of websites, blogs and forums exist for the purpose of discussing food because many people can't browse porn at work. These fall into different catagories, some of which are not ten-step programs.
- Foods You Are Evil For Eating
- PETA Suggests people subsist on their own secretions. Staffed entirely by furries, they are constantly monitored by the FBI who suspects them of plotting violent assault on hamster ranchers.
- Alcoholics Anonymous Falsely claims that it is impossible to survive on malt whiskey and beer, something the Irish disprove every day.
- Oprah's Hit List of Pro-anorexia sites Sites that angered Oprah by announcing all food is the work of the devil. Sites contain helpful tips on sport vomiting, passing out, and calorie counts for oxygen. Oprah suggests we strike back by eating those with anorexia.
- Atkins Center Caused great rejoicing among all peoples when it announced the healthiest diet was twelve pounds of beef a day but no toast.
- Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine Jealous quack killjoys who say Atkins is a liar and that we should take out big fat life insurance policies on our loved ones if they are on his diet.
- Live Journal Food Communities
- Are You Ugly Enough?
- Sample entry: "Well my mom always tells me "Krissi- you got more chins than a Chinese phonebook."
- Constructive Criticism For Weight Loss
- Sample entry: "I'm sick and have no appetite! Nice! But the bad thing is I can't run..but I guess that's okay."
- Cravings
- Sample entry: "i want waffles and fried chicken and turkey lettuce and mustard wraps and cheese and spaghetti and cataloupe and strawberries and steak and meatloaf and hashbrowns with eggs and ....EVERYTHING ooOoo and frozen peas!"
- Emaciate Me
- Sample entry: "I have to eat when im home cuzthere is always someone around watching me.....they are suspecting things cuz i go into the bathroom during the diner or something, and i actual do go to te bathroom not puke and they are asking me if im throwing up in there.....so if i wanna do that, which i have decided to stop doing i have to do it when no one is around which doesnt happen in this house..."
- Making Jokes About Eating Disorders
- Sample entry: "anyone have any funny purging stories?"
- Are You Ugly Enough?
[edit] Gallery
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[edit] Types of Food
- Potato
- Pizza and beer
- Vegetables
- Meat
- Liver
- Bacon and Eggs
- Ramen
- Sugar
- Chikins
- Watermelonz
- Soup
- Pussy
- Delicious Cock
- Chocolate?
[edit] See Also
- Fat
- Buying organic
- Pro-ana
- Thinspiration
- Fauxlimia
- Eating disorder
- Food pyramid
- Cheddarvision. Moar exciting than watching paint dry. Follow the compelling story of a hueg wheel of cheddar cheese aging right befoar your very eyes; LIVE!
- Oprah Winfrey
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Food is a part of a series on Foods. | ||||||||
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