Football
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
HA-HA! | HOLY SHIT THE BALL IS NEITHER A BALL, NOR SOMETHING THAT IS KICKED!!!11!!1 |
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Football is a game for American homosexuals. It is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education.
If soccer is like ballet, in the sense that too many of the male dancers don't like the ballerinas or even women in general, American football is hip-hop; they badly want ass but would kill each other before letting on.
American football is descended from rugby, but requires that players specialize in positions rather than everyone running around tossing a ball backwards every 3 steps, then getting tackled by 5 people forming a scrum. For a game more simple and less violent, there seems to be far too much body armour. This is because all the players are just faggots, amirite?
Is compulsory to take steroids and amphetamines before playing American football, and love taking showers with teammates. Their favorite thing to do is bitch/whine to the media about coaches, other players, other teams, penalties, referees, or the media.
No form of football has much to do with the internets, as most lard-loving basement dwellers avoid any sport like the plague—especially a semi-contact one that involves running. The only exception is fantasy football, in which a bunch of fags draft players and get points based on stats, in which they increase the size of some kind of IRL Fantasy Football e-peen and also possibly win some bullshit prizes.
It should also be mentioned that Canadian football does not exist. Henceforth, this article refers to American football as "football." Although, oddly enough, due to the Americunt way of taking everyone else's ideas, and using the names to describe something completely different, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as football is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardisation of a real man's sport seems to involve no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than your micropenis.
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[edit] Don't Mess With It
Don't mess with football. Messing with football could result in banishment and/or Party V&. Don't believe it? (HABEEB IT) Look what happened to this faggot.
[edit] All you need to know
There are just a few important things that everybody should know about football.
1: Wayne Gretzski invented the sport.
2: Wayne Gretzski died playing the sport.
3: In 1994 Adolf hitler founded the Dallas Pacers.
4: When you say football in a mirror 8 times John Madden comes out behind you and gouges out your eyes with a rusty spoon.
5. Football vag, pictured above is really a picture of the 96 Cowboys.
6. All sex with Quarterbacks is consensual, If a Quarterback ties you down throws you into his trunk, brings you to a truckstop and forces your head into a toilet while he assaults your vagina with a barrage of 16 inch cock missiles, you were asking for it.
7. The most powerful move in football is the hadouken.
8. The Miami dolphins don't have any negros on the team because as we all know dolphins hate niggers.
9. If you draw a football field on a 100 yard plot of land, and mount a two pronged fork on either side and read from the necronomicon, a portal will open above the fork and and John Madden's spectral head will eat your soul.
10. Football players are not mammals, Michael Jordan, noted football hero was in fact a reptilian.
11. Referee's do not own a home or apartment, they live in foxholes underneath the field. Football is never played on Wednesday because that is when the referee hunts for small rodents.
12. All is quiet on the western front is really about a High School football player.
13. Fantasy football involves wizards, and +1 Helmets of disruption.
14. All cheerleaders are retarded and people only cheer with them not because of any spirit towards the team playing but out of fear that if they don't the cheerleaders will go into a state of retarded rage.
15. Football players never go to the bathroom.
16. Winning teams dump Gatorade on the coach to make sure his winning plays weren't due to a case of the jew (Jews melt when in contact with Gatorade.)
17. During the 1994 world's series the Chicago Bears simultaneously had heart attacks.
18. Football coaches are the king of relieving constipation, it was known that during WWII emperor Hirohito used POW football coaches to yell at his forces during the uncomfortable stage of constipation.
19. Space Jam II was about Dennis Hopper wanting to get back into football.
20. Women sure hate football!!!!LOL!!! amirite?!
21. Football hates Jews.
22. A football is made of tanned horsecock, not pigskin.
23. A cheerleader can put her own foot in her own vagina.
24. The pacific islander football players are the best.
25. In Austraila football is called buttsecks.
26. Football cleats are made from the teeth of their opponents.
[edit] Gallery
 No. 28 Thomas Goatse hopes to play for the Rams some day LOL |
 Goatse employs an unusual method for snapping the ball |
 Two East High players show how many fingers they got in the frosh's butthole. |
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 Not always forced. |
 You are so damn cute! |
 A similar routine at VTech |
 East High School team member striking a pose |
 Team spirit! |
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 Typical high school football players |
