If you haven't looked at ED:LULZ in a while, now is a great time to catch up.
French
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
An anti-American alternative to Freedom, originating in France.
Example:
| Anti-American | American |
| French fries | Freedom fries |
| French toast | Freedom toast |
| French onion soup | Freedom onion soup |
| French vanilla | Freedom vanilla |
| French kiss | Freedom kiss |
| French tickler | Freedom tickler |
| Lafayette | Freedom intervention |
| French revolution | Freedom revolution |
| French parliament | Freedom parliament |
| French Stewart | Freedom Stewart |
Contents |
[edit] Famous Frenchpersons
- Jean-Paul Sartre
- Madame Curie (she was actually polish but who the fuck cares?)
- Napoleon
- Anais Nin
- King Louis XIV
- Marie Antoinette
- Joan of Arc
- Serge Gainsbourg
- Balzac
[edit] The French Language
For great justice, here are a few common French phrases that you might want to know, just in case you're ever kidnapped, beaten, tied up and forced to interacted with only French-speaking communists.
- "Quand je regarde votre visage, j'ai envie de vomir." MEANS: Please speak English, I do not understand.
- "Bonjour, je m’appelle (YOUR NAME), tu as l’air d’être plein de merde, tes parents étaient-ils relatifs avant de se marier?" MEANS: Hello, my name is (YOUR NAME), it's nice to meet you, what's your name?
- "Excusez-moi, voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ?" MEANS: Excuse me, but could you please direct me to the nearest bathroom?
- "Qu'est-ce que vous avez une jolie queue! (pronounced "Kew", any other pronounciation can be taken as a personal insult)!" MEANS: It is very nice to meet you!
- "L'état c'est moi" MEANS:Pleez feel freez to ravagé de çountree, you stupéde a commoners
- "J'ai un grand saucisson dans mon pantalon." MEANS: I would like to buy these, please.
- "Votre mère était un hamster et votre père avait l'odeur des baies de sureau." MEANS: You're pretty and I would appreciate your intellectual contribution
- "Je vais te démolir la gueule, fils de pute !" MEANS: I most enjoy your fine drinking establishment and think the French are a great and cultured people
srsly! wut?
[edit] French Education System
[edit] French in Wars
- Originally thought that French "Courage" could win battle. This thought was proved wrong when many of them shit their pants in WWI
- In WWII Decided to put all their money and soldiers to make a big wall. Germans go 'round wall, pwnt French.
- The only war the French ever won was against themselves.
- The French never really took over the known world under Napoleon. (The FSM is responsible)
- At least 100 years ago, British soldiers wore red coats because they did not show blood stains. This is why French soldiers wear brown pants.
- The "victory" the French army is best known for is NOT having Orleans taken over and Napoleon. England is best known for killing Joan of Arc who repelled the invasion of Orleans and killing Napoleon.
- The French army's arsenal consists of wine bottles, pointy sticks, large blunt objects(Year old crusty bread), and white flags.
- Communication on the battlefield has come along way from yelling, now the use cans with strings to relay important military manoeuvres. The problem is that opposing soldiers sometimes carry scissors.
- Other French motorised armoured transport is always built with at least one forward gear in case the enemy attacks from behind.
[edit] French Retards
This JewTube video proves that 56% of French people are either retards or really successful trolls.
[edit] Trolling the French
- Hide a dollar bill under a bar of soap, where they'll never find it
- Break their finger by punching them in the nose or kicking them in the ass, where it's usually located
[edit] Fun Facts about the French
- Average penis length for a Frenchman: 3 1/2 inches
- Inventors of mayonnaise
- Number of wars the French have won post Napoleon: 0
- Entirely populated by eunuchs (French women are impregnated by whichever country is occupying France at the time)
- Most of their language is mumbling with sarcasm.
- Carry white flags during fights.
- Pretend to not be fags.
