Furry
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This article may turn you into a furry. Please resist the temptation. |
Furries are people who believe they are animals inside human bodies. By sheer coincidence, 98% of all furries are, actually, foxes inside. Actually, there's a whole slew of shitty hybrids, dragons, cats, rats with wings. You name it, it could be a furry.
Drama is a crucial part of a furry's lifestyle. Everyone wins in a flame war, for example. The losing party gets sympathy fucked so they won't whine and start a bigger shitstorm, and the winning party gets to stroke their ego. This drama culture doesn't transfer well into other Internet communities, however, causing mass confusion and the death of many. It is said that a furry rehabilitates and turns into a normal person after they stop being a drama whore.
One of the things furries do to counteract their "fleshy, pink, hyooman form" is construct an elaborate, very expensive outfit of an anthropomorphic creature, typically known as a fursuit. These are made from the finest dime-store shag carpeting, bought specifically for it's unique shagging properties, or even latex, because what's more erotic than latex?. Some go so far as to live inside of them, forming what can only be described as a self-contained ecosystem of stink and sweat. Sometimes furries may try to wash the fursuit with furshampoo, but since animals never bathe, they instead choose not to.
Some furries will undoubtedly claim that they have a purely nonsexual approach, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a $1500 skunk suit when no one else is watching, all the while not trying to seduce the house cat. This, ladies and gentlemen, is an Internet Fairy Tale. No furry would pass up the opportunity to romance a small furry mammal. This myth has been perpetuated by countless furries who try to make their way of life appear to be less lynchable. However, all this ends up doing is pushing them along faster on their highway to hell.
If a furry ever approaches you and declares his celibacy, grab him by the throat and beat the living shit out of him. If more than one approaches you at all, run, it's a trap.
Furries always claim that their "furgotry" is a innate part of themselves. Sometimes this comes in a form of a "Totem Animal" to give themselves a guise of druidic legitimacy. You could also interpret these claims to be a confession that they are in fact 13-year-old boys who happen to have a crush on Dot from A Bug's Life.
Other times they may claim that they are, in fact, the reincarnation of an animal from a past life. During other times, they will claim that they are, in all honesty and without a doubt of their verity, a true lycanthrope, who can magically transform themselves into a real animal.
To figure out the true origins of Furry, our crack team of scientists are working on a theory that furries are, in fact, actual animals who have, through some unknown means, transformed themselves into a socially maladjusted loser, and subsequently lost the ability to turn back. However, we are no closer to achieving the true answer than a furry is to achieving a life.
Furries are renowned for their artistic nature. A typical furry masterpiece is created using the best graphical editing software money can buy, such as Microsoft's MSPaint, to depict a humanoid animal either becoming very, very fat or having 3-5 massive penises either on them or in them. These images, shown prominently in public galleries, either electronic or real, tend to attract more furries, who in turn attract more furries who feel strength in numbers, to the point where the gallery is no longer just in innocent Geocities page, but a breeding ground for filth. This is how FurAffinity and many others came into existence.
While defending against the fur, take note of their wide, gratuitous use of pseudo-intellectual nonsense and mythical outlook on life. This typically includes the unrealistic dream where furries are, ironically enough, better than humans. Prime examples of this are freakylynx,Illlaw, and Zets_coony.
Naturally, these innate natures or totem animals or whatever delusional justification they provide almost always take the form of an animal that is either cute (rabbits, mice, woodchucks, etc), dangerous (lions, tigers, bears, oh my), or rife with dark symbolism (snakes, ravens). Naturally, these traits are rarely possessed by the furry's "human nature". Furries who claim, say, a banana slug or an anchovy as their totem animal are almost non-existent. The only known examples of such furries, in fact, are the those who deliberately chose a non-standard totem animal so they could (A) be socially maladjusted outsiders even within a community of socially maladjusted outsiders; and (B) say "NUH-UH" to anybody who makes the observation outlined in this paragraph. Even with the above, around 75% of all furries choose the wolf, fox, or dog srsly.
[edit] What furries say "Furry" does not mean
The term furry does not imply lycanthropy, vampirism, sexual preference, sex, age, or fetish of any kind. It is a completely generalized term and does not even reflect upon the animal or being to which the person identifies with or to. FALSE it's clear that furries enjoy their sex fantasies.
[edit] History
- In the beginning, God created all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds of the air, Adam and Steve. And the LORD did look upon his creation, and smile, for it was good.
- And it remained good right up until Steve decided he was really a nine-tailed dick-nippled fox deep down in his perverted little heart.
- And Satan went unto Steve, and verily, he did say unto him "Behold, oh Steve! If thou dost but tap thy Crypt Rats, thou might slay this Fox; and take of him his skin to be thine own; and make of it a Suit of Fur; and then might thou know the little animals right to thy heart's content."
- And Steve did as Satan told. And Steve did yiff and scritch unto all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds in the air, and Adam, who was dressed like a panda, did until all were verily sore.
- And the LORD did look upon this and smile for he is a degenerate fuck sometimes.
- Even the great comic minds, The Goodies tackled the subject in the early 80s, shortly after that their show was canceled!
- In 1986, the Internet introduced furries to the mainstream with T.H.E. Fox on Compuserve
- ???
- PROFIT!
[edit] How Furries are Created
In the sixth grade there are two kids, Joey and Cho. They both get the assignment to do a report on the cheetah. Joey and Cho go to each others' homes and study long and hard. They even find out where cheetahs live and eat.
The next day, when they turn in their reports, their teacher Mrs. Williams, gives them both an A+. They are both extremely excited. Joey then decides to go on with his life, but Cho has other plans. Joey decides to tape the report onto his refrigerator and go play with his friends, but Cho decides to go home and stay up all night making an anatomically correct cheetah costume with a little hole in it so that he can stick his penis through it and yiff in hell.
He then becomes an artist and draws the same picture roughly 10,000 times, featuring a cheetah with four penises and three vaginas fucking the absolute shit out of a giraffe with an enormous dildo implanted in its' head; seven tits and three shitting dicknipples. Thus, in Virginia Tech, a furry is born.
[edit] Evolution and furries
Darwin's Theory of Evolution is a slow gradual process hotly masturbated over by godless scientists. However, since furries are not fully "human", furry breeding will result in de-evolution, the reversal process in which mankind regresses into a retarded, animalistic state.
Occasionally, mutation is a result of human sexual activity.
As de-evolution rears its ugly head, true fursecution shall become a political issue and each furry will receive three fifths of a vote.
RECENT RESEARCH CONDUCTED, By Scientist is showing that when test subjects choose to become a furry out of their own free will, There DNA becomes damaged and this leads to host of health problems as well as higher rate of mental illiness.
The Studies on furryfandom and mental illness are even more frightening, in the fact once someone chooses to become furfag the process in becoming a retarted fat greasy furfag is almost ireversible. This leaves the sick fucks in a state that one could say is full of fail and aids.
[edit] Alternative theories
It is said that the entire furry population is the result of a single scene in Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, in which near the end, Shelly Duvall watches a dogsuiter performing oral sex on a man. Seriously. No fucking lie. See it Here.
Additionally, furries can also transmit the infectious disease of furfaggotry to others. Generally, this is a conscious and deliberate act on their part. Most furries are friends with many nonfurries in the general population, and for some reason they MUST share their sick fucking world with everyone, so they lure their friends to a convention by telling them that it's just a scifi con. Before the unsuspecting humans know it, they're already under the spell of furries' displays of faggotry, having succumbed to furry mating dances which put nonfurs into a trance-like state. While in this trance-like hippy state of acceptance and tolerance, they are dragged off to the cum caverns known as furry mating grounds. Before they realize it, it's already too late, and they have been mounted and had over nine thousand feet of fox cock shoved up their ass. After the foxes get their fix of freshmeat, they deposit their poisonous seed inside of the poor human. Although the human may think he can get away, it's already too late- the incubation stage has begun and the furry toxins are slowly spreading through the human host's body. Before the next convention, he will have already become a gigantic furfag himself. In the preceding example, because this species of furfag was a fox, the infected will most likely become some type of fox or mixed fox breed himself.
[edit] How to Become a Furry (Tutorial)
URGENT WARNING: CHOOSING TO BECOME A FURRY OR BEING OVERCOME BY THE TEMPTATION TO BE ONE GIVES 50% HIGHER RATE OF CONTRACTING THE HIV VIRUS.
In the late March of 2006, a tutorial satire entitled 'How to Be a Furry' was created and uploaded. While receiving praise on deviantArt by non-idiot members of the site, both furry and non-furry, it has received criticism on livejournal by butthurt furries who don't know the subtle art of satire and have no sense of humor (the most notable whiner being xydexx, as seen here).
[edit] Comparing Furries
Furries also have a tendency to piss massive amounts of their faggotry onto other less batshit crazy communities, (IE they ruin normal porn and put an octopus fucking a dog instead) perverting them into something terrible, and ruining it for everyone else. this has garnered lots of serious business with other basement dwellers, fags, perverts, and the outer rims of the sick fuck community. The bottom line is nobody likes a furry, not even a pedo, unless the pedo is a furry too.
[edit] Conflicts With Furries
[edit] Trolling For Great Justice
(Note: Starting these conflicts are epic win.)
The furry subculture is not without its detractors. Furries are frequently mocked and featured on Something Awful and the Portal of Evil, all for great reason, where the worst of the worst are showcased and ridiculed. This leads furries to try to defend themselves with cries of fursecution, and often comparing their detractors to Hitler and act as though being made fun of over the Internet is anywhere equal to the plight of the Jews. All this ends up doing is performing a credibility holocaust on the furry. The totally unwarranted victimization of the furry community often leads to cutting and cries of "leaving the fandom, afk".
Scientists have long theorized that furries are so repulsive that there is no way they could stand each other. Although they have attempted to present a united front, this theory was recently proven to be true by the discovery of this shocking video of two furries in the wild:
[edit] Reverse Trolling
Furries, who have been the victims of troll-based warfare for many years, have sometimes attempted to turn the tables on their tormentors and strike back.
On February 10, 2005, a furry calling itself omghi2trolls came into existence, adding several apparent trolls to the roster. Omghi2trolls was supposedly a parody of omghi2furries, but the "joke" caved when the owner of omghi2trolls deleted its journal on the same day it was created.
In April 2004, supposedly reformed furry Postvixen created biteycircusflea and befriended several known trolls in the hopes of being return-friended and allowed to spy upon all of the deepest, darkest secrets in whatever friends only entries they might have lying around.
When a group of Internet detectives discovered this, it swore up and down that he really wasn't trying to hide, REALLY. Since the journal entries as biteycircusflea were about as TL;DR as his usual ones, this might even be factual.
[edit] Wikipedia drama
Since so much of furry existence revolves around the internets, many of Wikipedia admins are furries. These furry inforamation officers include: ContiE, Fennec, Furrykef, Loganberry, Wiki alf, Wwwwolf, and Xydexx. These furries have made it their chief goal in life to make sure that all web sites, including Wikipedia, are as accurate (read: white-washed) as possible.
This involves making approximately ten to the boobillionth power edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that doesn't fulfill their need for alpha-wolf dominance, the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles as well.
Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry fandom" is one of the many, many, many trivial points being bickered over between Xydexx and allegedly-cooler heads in the various articles' Discussion pages. Why? Because furries are without logic and subsist off of meaningless trifles. Now, the "Furry" article is just a disambiguation page, with one link to the Furry Fandom article. The article originally featured the one yiff pic in existence that doesn't resemble this, but now furries have decided to almost completely skip over the sexual aspect of the fandom (which is nearly all of it).
[edit] Baseball team incident
One night in July 2007, an Americunt baseball team stayed in the same hotel at a furry convention, and this was reported:
- "Virtually everyone, even those who looked otherwise "normal", had a tail sticking out of their clothes in the back. Players and staff reported neighboring rooms generating loud animal noises, barking and other, deep into the night. At first it was kind of funny to see these people wandering around the downtown streets and filing into the hotel, but after the novelty wore off it just made everyone feel creepy. The "furries" seem harmless enough, but people who think they might be an animal trapped in a human body just are unnervingly odd, to say the least."
[edit] Nigra/Furry Incident at Otakon 2007
During the Otakon anime convention, some random furry wandered into the 4chan Aftermath, a mini-convention of /b/-tards outside the main doors of the Baltimore Convention Center. According to witnesses and the Nigra himself, somebody shouted "Holy shit, it's a furry!" At which point the valiant /b/rother spun around and yelled: "A furry?! Where?! Oh, FUCK", charged the furry, and assaulted her with a ghetto blaster.
Witnesses claim he "barely hit her" but the mental image of a girl in a fur suit with the mask twisting around is rather funny. Otakon staff told the Nigra to stop playing music and "drawing attention to himself," at which point he crossed the street and did a victory dance to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
The police later contacted the furry, and when she took off her mask her "expression was priceless." No arrests were made, probably because she described the assaulter as "a tall white male dressed in a suit and an afro." And no one ever listens to furries.
[edit] Furries and You
Fursecution.net the newest of a furry-video and image archive. also some inflation fetish pages.
- Link
BrokenFix'd, for now.
A cameltoe on a chick does not make her a furry. (She's still asking for it though.)
A man who refuses to shave his back is in fact a bear, but since he doesn't believe he is a bear, he is not a furry.
According to a recent study "furry marriage" threatens straight and "gay" marriage. Call your local representatives and vote no on Furry unions.
[edit] What To Do If Encountered By A Furry
In case you ever see a furry, go to this site and read everything. http://godhatesfurries.com/
Alternatively, you could take immediate action for great justice. And teh lulz, though, that goes without saying.
[edit] Harmless and Consensual
Whenever they are justifiably taken to task for their deviant ways, furries invariably proclaim that being furry is both "harmless and consensual". This is a code phrase which, in the mind of a furry, means "I AM IMMUNE FROM CRITICISM! YOU MUST RESPECT THE WAY I EXPRESS MY INDIVDIUALISM!"
This tactic rarely works.
[edit] Solving the Furry Menace
Obviously, furries are a blight upon the world. They sit around in their suits skullfucking each other whilst making weird animal noises. Nothing will stop them, so, there is a solution that allows them to continue their twelve-dicked horse costume lifestyle whilst contributing to society: all furries need to be rounded up and herded into camps, where they will be forced to build cheap TV's for the poor 20 hours a day. What they do for the other 4 hours is up to them. While they'll inevitably die of exhaustion, the survivors should have no problems consuming the bodies.
Remember, just like witches, homosexuals, and Communists, those who allow the furry to live share the crime of its existence.
[edit] If afflicted
Should one find themselves to be a furry, treatment is available through one or more of the following methods.
- GTFO
- Convert to the righteous ways of the one true savior.
- Bask in the sin-cleansing rays of Quasidan's penis.
- Finally realize that you are a sick motherfucker.
- Do it!.
[edit] Videos of Furfaggotry (plz click to see, fgt)
Youtube and other internet media are well known hot spots for furries posting their lewd and often sick behavior. Below is just a small sample.
It's "Normal"
A small documentary that tried to prove that furries are normal. Instead, this proved to be an epic fail (which goes without saying) and further revealed that all furries are homosexual retards with no friends.
Part 1:
Part 2:
Going Public
In an attempt to give furries equal standing, a daring interspecies romance was made public...
...and Moby was recruited to distribute promotional material.
Moby is such a faggot.
With this, who needs an article?
YERF I FEEL LIKE FAGGOT INFESTED WITH FAIL AND AIDS
WHERE STILL RETARDED
Homemade Furry (to the tunes of Smash Mouth)
The Furry invasion of France
In France, the furry world domination plan has succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. Their sick yiff-fantasies are openly used on network TV to sell soft drink. Another reason to bomb the cheese-eaters back into the Stone Age. You don't even want to know about the print ads. And neither does anyone else, it seems.
More recent Furry invasion of England There were no survivors.
Furry Nirvana
This is every Furry's dream:
Ironically enough, an island where all the furries in the world are dumped is everybody else's dream too. Barring the invention of a coach-class sized industrial oven of course.
Furry Hip Hop
The ultimate fail in a sea of fail.
Oh those germans...
It is a well known fact that all furfags love underage niggers.
Islamofurry
Hammas furry propaganda! Praise be to furrlah!
Farfour the brave Hammas martyr-mouse. Yes its real, lulz.
Furries on Springer
Furries on Jerry Springer (aired 2/25/08). The full episode was over 9000 times funnier.
Even The Beatles had a Furry Side
JASE THE PEDO HUSKY DANCES THE PEDO DANCE WITH DDR besides being a sick fuck pedo He also enjoys raping huskys
Furries and Sports
Furries fail at sports. And cake.
[edit] Famous Furs That Furries Love Worship
- Crash Bandicoot
- Any animal on any Disney show/movie
- Ratchet
- Sonic The Hedgehog
- Meeko, the raccoon from Pochahontas
- Lola Bunny
- Guilmon
- Krystal, duh
- Nearly every character from Tiny Toons.
- Brandy Harrington, from Brandy and Mr. Whiskers
- Pikachu
- Lucario
- Yin-Yang-Yo
- Petunia
- Renamon
- Gadget Hackwrench
- Minerva Mink
- Rita, according to 4chan, everyone is furry for this AIDS infested fox
- Midna, a fat-assed Zelda charecter.
- The Road Rovers
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[edit] Typically Associated with furries
- *philia
- Acrotomophilia
- Anthrochat
- Necrofurs
- Basement
- Basement-dweller
- Achaea
- Asking strangers to make fanart of your own (already stolen) art
- Babyfur
- Bestiality
- Closet Furry
- Constantly making up shit for sympathy
- Crush! Yiff! Destroy!
- Darknest
- Diaperfur
- Disney
- Drama awesome
- Earth Eternal
- CheekyBen
- Fanart and Fanfiction
- Fat furry
- Furcadia
- Furggotry
- FurNet
- Furseiseki
- Fursona
- Fursuit
- Fursecution
- Furluminati
- Fyrerii
- Keenspace comics
- Kuta
- LiveJournal, icons and angst
- Macrophile
- Mallard Fillmore
- Nazi Furs
- Necrofurs
- Neon Stripes
- Noam Chomsky
- OIFY members
- Otherkin and Otakukin
- Pissed Off Furries
- Plushie
- Postfurry
- Racist
- Retarded icons
- Rubberfur
- Registerfly -- Anything hosted by this is furry in nature
- Rescreatu - Online neopets type site
- Ruining The Internet
- Rule 34
- Second Life -- up-and-coming online furry refugee camp
- Sonic CulT -- Filled with closet furries
- Taxidermy -- save nature, kill a furry
- Template:Furry - all furries need this template on their user page
- Tom Galloway
- Unicorn Orgy
- Unbirthing
- VCL
- VegetaWorshipper
- Voraphile
- Yiff
- Yiffstar
- Yiffing Cunt Makers
- WikiFur
- ZetaCreations -- What furries stick up their asses.
- Think laterally
- Encyclopedia Dramatica -- Half the articles on this site link to this page. The other half link to Furfag, which just redirects back to this page.
[edit] External Links
- Virus-20
- A tl;dr study on the furry infection in internet communities. On the PN's wiki. (Failchan is currently in stage 5)
- Largest babyfur website TROLL IT NAO!
- Plushie Schwartz It's gay porn in a mother fucking bear suit!
- Furry Photoshop
- Sign the petition to get rid of furries on 4chan.
- Defense of a Furry (faggot); unbelievably lulzworthy, hes pathetic. Srsly needs TROLLED.
- a furry that thinks he's a /b/tard
- Three Part Documentary. Many lulz.
- Furries and You!
- Someone discovering the truth about furries
- A pathetic furry counterattack on the above video
- Documentary on furry fandom in Vancouver.
- Short segment on BBC (mention yiffing)x
- If you have an Amazon.com account flame the fuck out of this book now
- Guide to better yiffing
- Forum full of furfags that worship a childrens series, TROLL NOW
- YOUTUBE FURFAG, TROLL NOW. It looks like he has some followers too, so this may be an lolcow
- The Love Song of J. Sprocket Fursuit
- FurreFace Furry Facebook (NEEDS TROLLING NOW!)
- Typical depressed babyfur
- DeviantArt
- Portal of Evil: Among other things, it shows the worst of furry pages
- furries before the internet circa 1963
- Furnies
- often shows the psychological implications of furries
- freakylynx
- Zets_coony