Fullmetal Alchemist
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Fullmetal Alchemist is a crazy animu about a boy and his robot. The original title, Love Alchemy was dropped when Love Hina beat them to the punch. The scenes involving 'millionaire playboy Geitaru and Edward Elric were also cut due to this. It is heavily speculated that the main character's titular nickname comes from the fact that he frequently has metal shavings lodged in his rectum from fucking his robot brother, and uses them in his alchemy or some shit.
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Act One: Incestual Robot Love
Fullmetal Alchemist (or FAMMY, as retarded fans call it) begins with two supple young boys playfully trying to resurrect their dead mother in a profane necromantic ritual considered the very height of blasphemy. This leads to some rather obvious consequences: the older brother loses an arm, a leg, and quite possibly a penis, and the younger brother turns into a giant robot. Since pedophiliac gay robot incest porn is popular among the Japanese and 16 year old girls, this development was far more of a punishment than the brothers realized. object>
Chapter Two: Freaking Furries
The seventh (tenth?) episode introduced this one guy who totally turned people into furries with his crazy magic powarz. Just like real life, though teh furries can sort of talk and understand basic concepts, they run away from people and hide in basements, and then later die of loneliness. Notable because the guy first turned his wife into a furry (she died) to get some money from the government, then when they stopped giving money, he turned his four year old daughter into one. Then some other guy blew up his daughter with magickz. Then the government stole him again and made him turn other people into furries to use in war. Then he accidentally became part furry and got his face turned upside down. When he tried to revive his daughter with magic and got a soul-less doll. When asked why by the closet homo, he proclaimed, "I did it for the Lulz" How fucking freaky is that? The hero is kind of pissed at him for this.
Paragraph Three: Everyone is Evil
Fullmetal Alchemist has the honor of being one of those series where everyone is evil. The main characters kill people to revive their mother, the army kills people so they can turn their souls into a stone and then steal Gendo's clothes, a couple of people kill people because their religion tells them too, and the leader of the Big City is called 'Fuhrer'. Then there are some people named after the seven sins. And like, 'Gluttony' likes to eat shit, and 'Lust' is totally hot, and 'Envy' is a transvestite, and 'Pride' is the Fuhrer (except not in the manga, where Pride is the Fuhrer's son), and Wrath is an aborted fetus, who is supposed to be the Fuhrer, but the animators are retarded. Repeat ad nauseum. Plus their dead mother is made into a slut with super water powers. Again the animators fail, seeing as Sloth was supposed to be a man with huge muscles that resembles Envy in the hair department. At one point, the main characters toppled a religious dictator and killed the faith of all the townspeople, leading them into a 'spiral of dark emo depression'. When asked by one little girl why they did it, Edward said 'for the lulz, lolcow', before raping her with his sword arm.
Headline Four: Stupid Fucking Headlines
The only good thing going for this series is that it tends to use stock footage involving small children being burnt and shot.
Section Five: The AIDS Continues
It was announced last Thursday that a new animu is in production that is more closely based on the manga. Fantards proceeded to shit bricks.
Anime vs. Anime vs. Manga
The first anime was an epic trolling of weaboos the likes of which no one has ever seen. Aside from the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with the series itself, it was written by fanfic authors on crack whose ultimate goal was to convert you to Nazism. These people managed to turn a series about making everything explode and Genocide into something negative, and therefore the entire series can be disregarded by just about everyone. The fact that it was even slightly different than the original manga had otakus everywhere up in arms, so Square Enix decided to cover their asses by making a new one to appease them. The new anime wins about 12 internets, because not only does it actually make some fucking sense, it has sword fighting and ninjas who do actual ninja shit.
Characters
Edward Elric
The main character of the series. Wants to revive his dead mother(Lulz) until one alchemy session went wrong and he loses his limbs and something else. Then burns down his home and joins the army to search for the philosopher's stone, the ultimate sex toy.
Alphonse Elric
The little brother Of Edward. Has the hots for cats and for his brother. He'd love nothing more than to suck Edward's little cock if only he had a body... which is the main focus of the series to regain the Elric brother's bodies so they can have gay incestuous relations.
Winry Rockbell
(More Like Winrar Cockbell Amirite?) The whore of the show. She also loves to suck the cock of Edward- to demonstrate that she isn't an airhead. She loves to hit Edward with a wrench. Aside from that she is a useless character. What do you expect? She is a woman...
Roy Mustang
An Alchemist that thinks he is too sexy, but in reality he is just a gay. Most well known for practicing necrophilia on Maes Hughes's cold dead body.
Riza Hawkeye
A Lesbian that loves to shoot guns. To hide the fact that she is Lesbian she said that she has a crush on Roy.
Maes Hughes
A incestuous Pedophile that loves to show other people photos about how he raped his daughter. Always finds time to fuck Roy on the side.
Lust
The totally hot character that fanboys and fandykes fap too. Has sharp extending fingernails to rape you with.
Envy
The trap who can shape-shift. Notorious for shooting Maes Hughes and causing thousands of fangirls to cry. Oddly enough, he has a shit-ton of fangirls himself.
Gluttony
Fatass that eats everything. Literally. He also appears to be retarded.
Fandom
The only people who give a shit about this anime are DeviantART who draw stupid furry comics of them having gay furry sex, and constantly bitch over who belongs with who, as is typical when you have a group of retarded yaoi fangirls on the interapes. This pisses off the equally retarded hetero shippers, who, for some reason, have the ridiculous notion that Edward might want to screw some pu55y instead of his metal brother's bunghole. This results in massive flame wars between the yaoi/incest fans, who think Elricest is sexy, and the breeders. In that sense, it's really not all that different from the Ouran High School Host Club fantwats. Worst yet are those who srsly believe that the Elric brothers are OTP and shit themselves every time they find a new quote to take out of context. But, perhaps the saddest thing about the entire fucking show is that, for once, the sick fuck fantwats might actually be on to something. Fullmetal Alchemist could not be gheyer if it were owned by 4Kids.
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Fullmetal Alchemist is part of a series on Anime. |
