Furcadia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Furcadia is the epitome of everything you've ever feared on the internetz. It is a furry themed MMORPG with no actual game elements created by some kike faggot named 'Felorin' around 1996. Perhaps the most horrifying thing about Felorin, AKA Dr. Cat, is that he was one of the designers of the original Ultima RPGs [1]. This is likely the reason why Furcadia's interface looks like the Ultima 6 game engine. The difference being that Furcadia is more like an immense chat room filled with people you hate and can't murder while Ultima was a game.
The online gaming environment is non-game like, which is the main reason non-furry people do not play it. Seriously, there is no actual gameplay, Furcadia is not a game. It's really more like a mass furry grave waiting to happen.
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"Gameplay" Details
Players choose pre-defined role-playing character images from a number of different animal species such as five-penised cows, dick-nippled squirrels, and shitting dick-nippled macro hermtaurs. These blobs of ugly pixels are referred to as "furres". Players can change their furre's description, increase their genitalia, and cover themselves in excrement, but their sexual orientation is fixed at gay male--no furry has ever thought of changing this.
Players can force their furres to assume three exciting sexual positions: sit, lay, and stand. Players can yiff in user-created maps called "dreams" and every character in the massive furry chat room is entitled to make their own fur-world with the fur-fantasy-feature. The local "Sex-map", Furrabian Nights, is literally clogged with these dreams. This is the height of everything gay about furries.
Of course, with all these sex-crazed furries running around, you're going to need some kind of authority figure to keep the piece. And that's where guardians and beekins come in. At the head of staff are Felorin, Cironir, sanctimonious and Talzhemir. They keep the peace in Furcadia by establishing a Nazi government and permanently banning all who are any of the following (or a combination of the following): A) Skinny, B) "Mundane"/Non-Furry, and C) One who opposes a dictatorship. Any and all who do not kiss their fat asses mysteriously vanish.
Typical Furcadian Character Descriptions
Names have been removed to stop the morons from gloating that being featured on ED makes them famous
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Ordinary Furcadian Chat
Bowser gets out.......telescope. Bowser masterbates to doroku Bowser continues to masterbate. O.o Jaeme faps Jaeme faps Jaeme faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Jaeme shrugs "well" Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Jaeme: I don't care either. Jaeme: haha Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Jaeme orgasms Jaeme orgasms Jaeme orgasms Bowser dies Jaeme orgasms Jaeme tuches Jaeme tuches Jaeme tuches Jaeme gropes *.* Jaeme gropes *.*
Furcadia Furres You're Bound To Meet
If you're brave enough to download and "play" Furcadia (keeping in mind there is no actual gameplay) you'll be forced to meet with many types of individuals. (By many, I mean two.) These people like to pretentiously refer to themselves as "Furres" which is just a fancy word for furfag.
The Grammatically Impaired n00bs
These are the fresh-faced, thirteen year old furry-sex loving future crackwhores who can't spell and like to RP as Naruto, Bleach, or Inuyasha characters with cat ears having really bad Typefuck sessions while mommy isn't looking. They have no IRL friends and spend all day buffing their muffins to pictures of Sasuke with a dog tail. This is 50% of the Furcadia population.
The Biggest FurFags
The biggest furfags will play Furcadia and buy all the items (known as digos) and have tons of portraits with a description that mainly describes their fursona's boobs, penis, or vagina. About 90% of the furfags on this game are bisexual and enjoy yiffing. The furfags on Furcadia are usually fat bitches in real life. Fat people usually don't get dates, and most of the furfags have NEVER had a date in their entire life, which caused them to join Furc and make a shitty character they think is sexy and will soon find themselves in the Yiffy High School sexing with another fat person who pretends to be skinny and sexy.
Notable Furcadifags
Their shit don't stink, but they'll rub your face into it. The best of the best, clearly, because they get the most pixel sex and over 9,000 fanarts.
Please use links only as there's enough fags here to have their own wiki!
Included:
Forever Free...
Right about now you're probably thinking, "Oh god- I'd NEVER pay for that steaming pile of faggotry! Thank god Furcadia's slogan is Forever Free!"
Think again.
Digos started out as shitty wings for your furre that were instated to help pay server costs, but now these pay-to-use pieces of shit are overrunning the game... and the Biggest Furfags are buying them all for their Jew Gold! Here's a quick rundown of the shit people are paying for...
- 5 kinds of wings.
- 6 kinds of Regular animals for those dog-fuckers to sodomize.
- 9 Kinds of faggy species like dragons and Unicorns with the ability to shit sparkles.
- All the Free species with less shitty graphics ("noble" furres)
- Cookies (used to be free)
- Portraits to show off their Mad Art skillz
- Over 15 Tags: Pixel pictures that appear in their descriptions, rotating through the year.
- Over 6 kinds of really stupid "seasonal" avatars like Flying Toasters.
- Sponsorships (all of the above + beta testing and extra buttsex)
- Dream Packages: bigger dreams, moar dragonspeak and phoenix speak and other shit they didn't used to limit.
...we're up to over 50 things already and that's just the tip of the iceberg. By the time you've read this they've probably added even more, many of which are totally useless or used to not cost any money. Why? Talzhemir needs moar hookers and blow! "Forever Free" my ass.
The big graphics update & other lies
The staff of Furcadia love to Piss on their users and tell them it's raining and, the fags eat it up, even though it's entirely bullshit. This area will now proceed to expose DEP for the Lying sacks of shit they are. If you find more, add it!
Apparently Furcadia is finally trying to turn to 24 bit graphics, even though this is so outdated that it won't help much. But what are the details? It's all hush-hush with releasable date of "when it's done".
All we know is that Talzhemir on June 4th, 2008 created the following thread to show off her incredibly up-to-date art skillz: What 3d Programs Do You Use? Apparently she's so out of touch she is making a poll to find good software to use... and deleted the moved thread within 8 hours of it's creation, though she forgot to delete the "moved" placeholder, showing all the world her epic fail.
As to "never removing any features" or "never lessening any free features", remember that maps used to be 300x300 as default with the ability of going up to 600x600 and up to 999 lines of dragonspeak for FREE. Now you have to pay for a 300x300 map with the same amount of coding.
But the DEP staff needs the money! They work hard on Furcadia 24-7 to ensure the game runs well! They must make everything themselves! Their staff is so small, that's why it takes forever to get anything done! Talzhemir's Twitter will happily show that Furcadia is usually the least of her concerns and she, and the rest of the "Staff" are happily living on your Jew Gold.
But don't take our word for it, here's in their own words what your money is paying for... (there's a screenshot in the gallery to prove this is real)
TL;DR:- Movie Nights for the staff
- Housing, Entertainment and other stuff for the staff of 7-10 people (they don't want real jobs!)
- Insurance for staff (not that they didn't make Emerald Flame work full-time while suffering from Thyroid cancer to make a stupid Flying Toaster, or anything)
- sophisticated servers (a lie- check the gallery!)
- Advertisements for Furcadia
- Conventions with airfare and hotel rooms
QUOTE (Talzhemir @ Feb 2 2006, 10:53 AM)
1. Bandwidth. When people log in to Furcadia, they are making use of the Internet. Although the Internet was a free service largely covered by government funding, that isn't true today anymore. Every big game has to pay a lot of moolah for "bandwidth". The more players we get, the bigger our bills grow. The same business that provides us with bandwidth also does our co-location.
2. Co-location. That just means, a business that houses and maintains the servers. We used to keep a machine right in Felorin's apartment, but we outgrew that a long time ago. The Furcadia hard drives run so fast, they're always 130F degrees. Servers need to be kept in a DFE (dust free environment) CC (climate-controlled) chamber, that is, extra-good air conditioning and an auxilliary power supply in case of power outage. Our IP co-location service keeps the computers running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They charge *us* money because it means staffing the office even during the night there.
3. Non-Furcadia-Client-or-Server Coding. Much more time than I ever anticipated is devoted to making things that most furres never even see. There's a lot of database and web interfacing stuff. The design, engineering, and changeover to the email-verification Accounts system took a while to accomplish.
Whenever a furre takes a Beekin course, it's recorded, so a Teacher can check who's taken which class. We're required to keep detailed records of Digos, and that goes into a database too. If DEP provides personal web pages (and we're seriously hoping we can), that will require a UCCI (User Content Creation Interface). While those look simple (for example, GeoCities), they're notoriously difficult to create. Before we go into that, there's going to be web pages for Groups.
4. Art. That new graphics system means I am going to re-do the interface. YOU don't; everything you have will still work JUST FINE. Furcadia also needs new things from time to time, such as new species and new Digos.
5. Design. This probably doesn't sound like real work, and we do our very best to make it not feel like real work, but it is. We spend significant time debating with each other. We spend time researching so that we have something accurate upon which to base our cases, and we spend time considering the conclusions. Design includes amiable debate. Anytime you've seen me cite some logical fallacy or other in the Forums, you've seen me utilize the tools of the design trade.
"Should we charge a fee for being able to upload Dreams?" "Should we employ a marketing director and sell advertising space on the Furcadia screen?" These are a few examples of stuff we went over early on. We also re-visit old decisions. "Should we have a 'Follow' command?" "Should we have a separate avatar for each gender?" "Should we sell coded weapons that would only work in combat-enabled Dreams?"
Buddy list, anybody...? In-game messaging? How about something that lets you opt-in to listing what other online games you're playing, which Servers, which Sides, what your alt's names are? In order to better understand the latest games, we need to play games such as World of Warcraft and City of Heroes. One of the things I've seen that maybe Furcadia should have is CoH's option for "global" aliases. If you're playing Alt X, you can tell somebody your Global Alias (if you want to). Then, if they message the Global Alias when you're playing Alt Y, you still see the message but you don't have to reveal your alt. "Should we have global aliases?"
6. Client/Server Coding. We spend a lot of time on design because, unlike companies with big budget, we know coder time is at a premium. We don't have the flexibility to redo something later. Design is real work and Client/Server coding is the Even More Real work. It's normal for a computer game company to have 4-6 full time coders on staff, plus 4-5 contractors. We have 2, plus up to 2 contractors (it varies).
The next client has more HTML, and a new graphics system that will allow 256 colors per Object, instead of forcing everyone to use the same palette for the whole Dream. This is probably going to eventually necessitate a rewrite of the FSHeditor. We, the staff, all still love the game; we all sort of "live" in it, and we want new features at least as much, if not more, than you might. smile.gif
7. Customer Service. This can't be done by volunteers. Some matters can be addressed with a form letter but others require a unique letter that typically takes half an hour to an hour to write. Sometimes there's a question of a rule being broken and someone needs to research who plays which alt via the database. Sometimes someone has to investigate something on a web site.
8. Insurance. In-office DEP employees receive pay and they also receive full health insurance coverage. That runs about $600/month ($7200 a year) per person. One of us was diagnosed with cancer of the thyroid; it was frightening but we at least had some peace of mind knowing our insurance covered it. (and, in case you were wondering, the cancer was successfully treated and she's on the slow but assured trail to recovery.)
9. Advertisement. Furcadia pays for ads, notably, on Google.
10. Contractors. Some things done for Dragon's Eye, such as some bits of the art, and work on the web site, are done for-pay.
11. Conventions. We haven't been able to send any official representatives recently, but we've managed to get the team out to Further Confusion, Mephit Fur Meet, and Anthrocon. To save money, we may travel by rented trailer and drive in shifts, but that still adds up to expense in the thousands. We don't have infinite time, and travel by plane is preferable. Plane tickets have become more expensive over the years. Despite special convention rates, so have hotel rooms.
They're not just entertainment to us, though. Conventions bring together ideas and creative energy that inspire us to do more. For me, as an artist, seeing the things Furry artists create is an overwhelming and wonderful experience.
As a bonus, conventions also spread a lot of "buzz" about Furcadia. When we do manage to get to one, we're assured of hundreds of new furres joining us. So conventions do ultimately give alot back in the way of publicity, too.
12. Order Fulfilment. We have more Digo stuff than we can handle, so we work with Infire. Oy!
13. Legal Fees. This is kinda obscure and we seldom actually need it. When Dragon's Eye Productions was first set up, it cost over $500 to pay for "Incorporation". We're considering selling something that might be like gift certificates and might be like in-game currency, and we'll need legal advice.
14. Movies. Sometimes "we have movie sign!" and the Austin/Pflugerville/Round Rock DEP furres get taken to the movies on the company tab. That happens a few times a year maybe.
15. Products. The T-shirts aren't cheap, they're five-color printing and cost us approximately $8 each. We eventually make alot of that back, but in order to do a "run" of printing, we have to commit to making at least 100 shirts, which means, we're handing over at least $800, plus silk screen set-up ("burn") fees. Although they may appear simple or cheap, the Pawtograph books that the Silver Sponsors receive the first time they sign up are not. Because they're miniature sketch books, they're made of heavier archival-quality paper stock. They're designed to take quite a bit of punishment and to last for many convention visits, and they do. It cost several thousand dollars to get a batch made up. We print the color prints and certificates ourselves, on pretty nice paper. Again, it's simple but high quality.
Whether or not a Digo is "expensive" to somebody varies a LOT! For some furres, $10 is far more than they can afford. For some furres, $10 is next to nothing. Either way, I hope that when you see somebody with wings or a dragon or some other special item walk by, that you'll keep this in mind: Furcadia is actually expensive to run, and, by buying those special items, they're helping to keep it free for everybody else, plus, they're making it possible for Furcadia to improve.
QUOTE (Emerald Flame @ Dec 22 2005, 08:12 PM)
Computer Mouse, I notice that in one post you complain about the price of Digo items and in the next you insist that Furcadia needs all these new features. I'm sure you are not aware of the realities of running a business, so I'll inform you a bit. I think this is pretty common among our players.
Dragon's Eye Productions is the company that makes Furcadia. We are what they call in the game industry an Indipendant. This means that we are privately owned and we have no investors or bigger company backing us. We chose to stay that way because investors like to tell you how to run your game and they'd have never agreed to "Forever Free" or volunteers or many of the other thigns we like to do. By choosing to stay that way though, we make sacrafices too. Most big online games that you see out there like WoW and Everquest and even smaller ones, had investment money to produce their games. We are talking about 10s of millions of dollars to produce their games. They have teams between 40 and 200 to just make the game and add new features and a whole other group of that many called the "live team" that actually runs the game day to day.
At DEP, we have Felorin, Talzhemir, Myself, Sanctimonious, Cironir, Gar and Leah, full time and we have a couple of part timers. That's to both make new features and to run a community of 60,000 people. This is really not possible, but we do it anyway and none of us are paid anywhere near what we'd get doing the job for another company. The DEP "offices" are in my spare room. We do this for the love of Furcadia and the belief in producing a non-violent, imaginative, free online game where people from all over the world can meet. Suggestions are nice and we like to hear them, but honestly, we have a good ten years of things already planned for the game.
We do all this work totally off the sales of Digo Market items. How many wings and portrait spaces does it take to do something like, say, pay the lease on our house, pay doctor bills or even go grocery shopping? How about the cost of bandwidth or server machines? You should be very grateful to all those players out there who do buy Digo items, because they are what keeps Furcadia alive. A year ago, we almost lost the company because our players, mainly kids, would buy Digo items without their parents' permission and the parents would charge them back. Paypal only allows for 1% chargebacks and they froze our account right before Christmas, our most important season. The two things that saved us was going with IBV to process orders and the fact that Felorin's parents had pssed away recently and left him some money that he could use to make payrole and pay for the servers for a few months. Our sales have still not fully recovered from that and with the new servers, our expenses go up. Think of going to dinner with your parents for one evening, that usually costs at least 60 dollars or a computer game that you only play a few weeks costs 40. Furcadia Digos are not so expensive.
You might see here why when one thing is going on, say, new forums or a new server, development on the update stops. There is only one set of people to do all of these things, each person is vital to making it all run, and when something major happens, like my getting cancer this year, development slows considerably. You might also think the solution is volunteers. As much as we appreciate our wonderful volunteers and all the help they are, any actual development has to be done or at least supervised by DEP. The programming has to meet quality standards and all work together; the art all has to look good and go together. New dreams have a very complex system they must go through to fit into our vision of the Furcadia world. You can ask an employee to make 20 changes but volunteers are not professionals and they don't take it as well.
So next time you get the urge to complain about things not happening fast enough, or how much Digos cost, or you make a suggestion for yet another feature, think about some of this.
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Trolling Furcadia
So in the end, what do many furfags hate the most? Arguments and aggression, of course! Make an alt (which is not at all similar to you), get your main to Vinca and sit down on a random seat in front of a small crowd (or at least three) "furres" which are not AFK. Get your alt to stand next to you and then start screaming at your main some shit like "GTFO MY SEAT", switch to your main and argue back. Continue this for at least ten minutes, some others should now be engaging in argument, threatening to "report" you or swearing their arses off.
Alternatively, Just get a large group of alts, block all access to some area (e.g. lay in front of doors, stand in a circle around a popular portal). This has recently been made against the TOS and may get you B&, however.
Other things they don't like: "naming and shaming of other players on the forum", Spreading IRL info about people, posting logfiles, Posting Whisper files (may get you b&), "stealing" art and patches from others and not giving credit when patches/art is used.
Failcadia Gallery
| Made of Fail it's... Failcadia | ||||
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See Also
External Links
- Furcadia official site
- A Fantastic Review
- Furcadia on FurWiki
- fur_no_more [deleted]
- hot_furcadians - brace yourself
- FurreFace - Furry Facebook
- FAILcadia - a devoted furcadia fansite.
- talzhemir on DeviantArt - Troll for great justice!
| Furcadia is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
| Furcadia is part of a series on Furfaggotry |
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| Furcadia is part of a series on Gaming |
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