Furcadia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ THEY GOT TIRED OF PLAYING SOLO |
Furcadia is the epitome of everything you've ever feared on the internetz. It is a furry themed MMORPG with no actual game elements created by some kike faggot named 'Felorin' around 1996. The "game" has not really been updated ever since, except to add more shit people need to pay to use. After over 12 years, the game is still in Beta.
The online gaming environment is non-game like, which is the main reason non-furry people do not play it. Seriously, there is no actual gameplay, Furcadia is not a game. It's really more like a mass furry grave waiting to happen.
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Furcadia's Staff
Furcadia has a staff of about seven: felorin, Talzhemir, Emerald Flame, Gar and a bunch of other sad fags making up Dragon's Eye Productions (DEP). The faggotry of Dragon's Eye Productions is near-legendary. Then again, with a name like that why wouldn't they be fags? Does the dragon's eye blink when filled with bukkake? Felorin surely knows.
They are known for
- Not having Egos
- Using Art others have made uncredited (especially Gin Blossom)
- Begging for money
- Making others work for them
- Really fast updates to their precious game
- Being delightful people
- Not being able to keep any outside staff for long (and they wonder why)
Felorin
Felorin, aka David Shapiro[1], is a fag kike who is amazingly both Wapanese and Furry at the same time! His favorite hobbies include Truth or Dare (he Has his own Truth or Dare Pool in Furrabia), dressing as a Tabby cat in a Kimono, and trying to convince people he's cool.
Despite being marked as the "game's creator" and getting the most money out of everyone, he doesn't even really do anything anymore. His art sucks, he hasn't learned any new code in a decade, and he's too busy buttsexing Weeaboos to work. In fact, he leaves all the coding to Sanctimonious, a guy who already has a paying job elsewhere and could give a flying fuck less about Furcadia. Sanctimonious even lives in Europe, so any money DEP paid him would be worth about as much as toilet paper anyhow.
Perhaps the most horrifying thing about Felorin, AKA Dr. Cat, is that he was one of the designers of the original Ultima RPGs [2]. This is likely the reason why Furcadia's interface looks like the Ultima 6 game engine. The difference being that Furcadia is more like an immense chat room filled with people you hate and can't murder while Ultima was a game.
Talzhemir
AKA Amanda Dee [3] and/or Carolyn Danvers from Pflugerville, Texas according to eBay and Deviant Art. Until recently, she used to live in Austin, Texas.
Talzhemir is Furcadia's Artist...Or she used to be, before shuffling it all off on Emerald Flame, art stolen from others and used uncredited, and other sad people will not be paid.
Despite all of this, she still works really hard on Furcadia. Really, guyz! It's not like she's carving really ugly wands with dull kitchen knives, Playing Domain of Heroes, or Watching Chinese Opera on your dime! Seriously, Furcadia needs the money so she works really, really hard! HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!
Still, despite being no longer the art lead, she keeps up with the latest technology. On June 4th, 2008 she created a thread to show off her incredibly up-to-date art skillz: What 3d Programs Do You Use? Apparently she's so out of touch she is making a poll to find good software to use... and deleted the moved thread within 8 hours of it's creation, though she forgot to delete the "moved" placeholder, showing all the world her epic fail.
She has been known for buying Bull Penis "For her Dog" and will complain very loudly if it's not 100% real bull penis. Her "pets" are more important than Furcadia is to her.
More Talzhemir, you say?
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Pictures from her PhoneNo more. - Her Website
- Livejournal
- DeviantArt
- Her twitter where you can see how hard she really is working
Emerald Flame
Protip: call her Cancer Girl. She loves it!
Katie Bazor [4] AKA Emerald Flame started out in about 1998 or 1999 as the self-important fairy/elf otherkin runner of the "Sanctuary", an elitist group that would only let friends of friends join their Rape Circle. Being the leader of the largest guild at the time was not enough attention for the attention whore and so, after several nights of sucking cum out of Talzhemir's fat ass, she was upgraded to staff member, then to "lead artist".
She is starting to shuffle the art duties off on other people, just like her forebearer did. What she does do is always half-assed: all her avatars have the same poses, many of which are simply flipped versions of the same damned pose. People still pay for it, even though it's obvious she's a lazy hack with a copy of photoshop.
When not drawing half-assed animals with shitty anatomy, she's Public attacking people over the forums and passing out arbitrary bans. Like all otherkin, her skin is thinner than July ice and it readily shows as apparently anything she dislikes is "trolling" while actual trolls go ignored. Alternatively, she may pretend to shit rainbows by covering her message with smilies as fake as the coon stripes in a scene kid's hair, but which somehow a lot of players take to be sincere.
The only reason she hasn't been fired is because she's busy sucking Felorin's AIDS-riddled dick every single night. This brings up a scary question: Either the Magic of the Otherkin has made Felorin Straight, or is Emerald Flame is a Trap?
Cancer Girls's Medical Saga
Back in 2005, Katie Bazor caught cancer while working for DEP. Perhaps her otherkinness mixing with the fag rays from DEP was the cause; all we know is that she now has all the players of Furcadia paying for her medical bills "so she won't have to get a real job". She continually sucks the balls of the other staff while totally ignoring how she was forced to work and make public appearances instead of going home with her family during Christmas and getting cancer treatment.
In 2006, she starred in her own episode of House where she She Tripped Balls on medication while being treated for fluid-filled lung, paralyzed kidney, tears in her colon and other fun things that Gregory House thought were Lupus. Then she caught cancer again from more fag-ray exposure.
In 2009 she revealed she still hasn't fucking recovered from the cancer after over four years of treatment on the players' of Furcadia's dime. She didn't even get help for years after suspecting something was wrong with her Thyroid. This pushes the timetable of Cancer Girl's medical exploits back to at least 2003 and her IQ down to retarded.
Moar Cancer-Girl
Her Crappy Website- sparkles and butterflies... so gay....
"Gameplay" Details
Players choose pre-defined role-playing character images from a number of different animal species such as five-penised cows, dick-nippled squirrels, and shitting dick-nippled macro hermtaurs. These blobs of ugly pixels are referred to as "furres". Players can change their furre's description, increase their genitalia, and cover themselves in excrement, but their sexual orientation is fixed at gay male--no furry has ever thought of changing this.
Players can force their furres to assume three exciting sexual positions: sit, lay, and stand. Players can yiff in user-created maps called "dreams" and every character in the massive furry chat room is entitled to make their own fur-world with the fur-fantasy-feature. The local "Sex-map", Furrabian Nights, is literally clogged with these dreams. This is the height of everything gay about furries.
Of course, with all these sex-crazed furries running around, you're going to need some kind of authority figure to keep the piece. And that's where guardians and beekins (most likely a misspelling of "beacon") come in. At the head of staff are Felorin, Cironir, sanctimonious and Talzhemir. They keep the peace in Furcadia by establishing a Nazi government and permanently banning all who are any of the following (or a combination of the following):
A) Skinny,
B) "Mundane"/Non-Furry
C) One who opposes a dictatorship.
Any and all who do not kiss their fat asses mysteriously vanish.
Typical Furcadian Character Descriptions
Names have been removed to stop the morons from gloating that being featured on ED makes them famous
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Ordinary Furcadian Chat
Bowser gets out.......telescope. Bowser masterbates to doroku Bowser continues to masterbate. O.o Jaeme faps Jaeme faps Jaeme faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser faps Jaeme faps Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Jaeme shrugs "well" Bowser moans Bowser moans Bowser moans Jaeme: I don't care either. Jaeme: haha Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Bowser orgasms. Jaeme orgasms Jaeme orgasms Jaeme orgasms Bowser dies Jaeme orgasms Jaeme tuches Jaeme tuches Jaeme tuches Jaeme gropes *.* Jaeme gropes *.*
Furcadia Furres You're Bound To Meet
If you're brave enough to download and "play" Furcadia (keeping in mind there is no actual gameplay) you'll be forced to meet with many types of individuals. (By many, I mean two.) These people like to pretentiously refer to themselves as "Furres" which is just a fancy word for furfag.
The Grammatically Impaired n00bs
These are the fresh-faced, thirteen year old furry-sex loving future crackwhores who can't spell and like to RP as Naruto, Bleach, or Inuyasha characters with cat ears having really bad Typefuck sessions while mommy isn't looking. They have no IRL friends and spend all day buffing their muffins to pictures of Sasuke with a dog tail. This is 50% of the Furcadia population.
The Biggest FurFags
The biggest furfags will play Furcadia and buy all the items (known as digos) and have tons of portraits with a description that mainly describes their fursona's boobs, penis, or vagina. About 90% of the furfags on this game are bisexual and enjoy yiffing. The furfags on Furcadia are usually fat bitches in real life. Fat people usually don't get dates, and most of the furfags have NEVER had a date in their entire life, which caused them to join Furc and make a shitty character they think is sexy and will soon find themselves in the Yiffy High School sexing with another fat person who pretends to be skinny and sexy.
The Roleplay Nazis
Furries aren't known for their skill in the English language. When most of Furcadia sounds like a lolcats convention, these are the people BAWWing about it. So, listen to the psychedelic wet dream of a scottsman and learn to use those fucking periods correctly!
The very same fucktards who complain about grammar are the ones who sit there and make three-page-long descriptions of squirrel dicks. Apparently it's high art to go on and on and to flood the screen with text for five or ten minutes at a time while they prattle on and on about the shape of an imaginary ass.
Strangely, flooding the screen with meaningless gibberish, harassing other users for fun ("they don't spell like I do!") and posting porn everywhere does not count as trolling in furcadia.
Notable Furcadifags
Their shit don't stink, but they'll rub your face into it. The best of the best, clearly, because they get the most pixel sex and over 9,000 fanarts.
Please use links only as there's enough fags here to have their own wiki!
Included:
Forever Free...
Right about now you're probably thinking, "Oh god- I'd NEVER pay for that steaming pile of faggotry! Thank god Furcadia's slogan is Forever Free!"
Think again.
Digos started out as shitty wings for your furre that were instated to help pay server costs, but now these pay-to-use pieces of shit are overrunning the game... and the Biggest Furfags are buying them all for their Jew Gold! Here's a quick rundown of the shit people are paying for...
- 5 kinds of wings.
- 6 kinds of Regular animals for those dog-fuckers to sodomize.
- 9 Kinds of faggy species like dragons and Unicorns with the ability to shit sparkles.
- All the Free species with less shitty graphics ("noble" furres)
- Cookies (used to be free)
- Portraits to show off their Mad Art skillz
- Over 15 Tags: Pixel pictures that appear in their descriptions, rotating through the year.
- Over 6 kinds of really stupid "seasonal" avatars like Flying Toasters.
- Sponsorships (all of the above + beta testing and extra buttsex)
- Dream Packages: bigger dreams, moar dragonspeak and phoenix speak and other shit they didn't used to limit.
...we're up to over 50 things already and that's just the tip of the iceberg. By the time you've read this they've probably added even more, many of which are totally useless or used to not cost any money. Why? Talzhemir needs moar hookers and blow! "Forever Free" my ass.
The big graphics update & other lies
The staff of Furcadia love to Piss on their users and tell them it's raining and, the fags eat it up, even though it's entirely bullshit. Even the players are really fucking tired of their faggotry. This area will now proceed to expose DEP for the Lying sacks of shit they are. If you find more, add it!
Apparently Furcadia is finally trying to turn to 24 bit graphics, even though this is so outdated that it won't help much. But what are the details? It's all hush-hush with releasable date of "when it's done".
As to "never removing any features" or "never lessening any free features", remember that maps used to be 300x300 as default with the ability of going up to 600x600 and up to 999 lines of dragonspeak for FREE. Now you have to pay for a 300x300 map with the same amount of coding.
But the DEP staff needs the money! They work hard on Furcadia 24-7 to ensure the game runs well! They must make everything themselves! Their staff is so small, that's why it takes forever to get anything done! Talzhemir's Twitter will happily show that Furcadia is usually the least of her concerns and she, and the rest of the "Staff" are happily living on your Jew Gold. She would rather be carving Unbelievably Ugly Wands with dull kitchen knives than working on Furcadia.
But don't take our word for it, here's in their own words what your money is paying for... (there's a screenshot in the gallery to prove this is real)
TL;DR:
- Movie Nights for the staff
- Housing, Entertainment and other stuff for the staff of 7-10 people (they say they don't want real jobs!)
- Insurance for staff (not that they didn't make Emerald Flame work full-time while suffering from Thyroid cancer to make a stupid talking wolf, or anything)
- sophisticated servers (a lie- check the gallery!)
- Advertisements for Furcadia
- Conventions with airfare and hotel rooms
But what about the Digos? They must make those, right? Nope. In fact, a surprising number were taken, altered, then used without any credit whatsoever.
Digo AKA Pay Version = Artist name ("Patch's real name")
- Dragon = Jagu/Israfel ("Dragon")
- triwings = Kestrel ("archangel wings")
- Bat wings = MedleyPony ("dragon wings").
- Therian Tygard & Leonine = Kaelin'yFiae ("Feral Lion Set", taken before she was "hired")
- Therian Leonine = Kaelin'yFiae ("Feral Lion Set", taken before she was "hired")
- Woolie = Hellfire's Fury ("Feral Sheep")
- The Nobles are being drawn by someone from outside DEP.
- Upcoming Chibi Wings = Yoko ("Kiro Wing Patch")
There is a hidden credits list DEP doesn't want you to know about- They don't even link it from The main site, even though it's still hosted there to avoid lawsuit. It doesn't have all the artists credited, however, only the ones they stole directly from with zero alterations.
But the staff needs to be paid as they are professionals! Professionals cost money! Yeah, profressionals that started out as users and kissed ass to the top, most of which have quit as they got sick of Talzhemir and Emerald Flame's bullshit. Want to see professionalism in action? Check the gallery.
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Trolling Furcadia
So in the end, what do many furfags hate the most? Arguments and aggression, of course! Make an alt (which is not at all similar to you), get your main to Vinca and sit down on a random seat in front of a small crowd (or at least three) "furres" which are not AFK. Get your alt to stand next to you and then start screaming at your main some shit like "GTFO MY SEAT", switch to your main and argue back. Continue this for at least ten minutes, some others should now be engaging in argument, threatening to "report" you or swearing their arses off.
Alternatively, Just get a large group of alts, block all access to some area (e.g. lay in front of doors, stand in a circle around a popular portal). This has recently been made against the TOS and may get you B&, however.
Other things they don't like: "naming and shaming of other players on the forum", Spreading IRL info about people, posting logfiles, Posting Whisper files online (may get you b&, although, according to Talzhemir, posting Whispers to public areas on the game, as opposed to the forum, is A-okay), "stealing" art and patches from others and not giving credit when patches/art is used.
Failcadia Gallery
| Made of Fail it's... Failcadia | ||||
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See Also
External Links
- Furcadia official site
- A Fantastic Review
- Furcadia on WikiFur
- Hy00mans on Furcadia- Idiots showing their IRL faces.
- fur_no_more [deleted]
- hot_furcadians - brace yourself
- FurreFace - Furcadia Facebook
- Furcadia on the BBB - Moar real names & the RL location of this shitfest.
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Furcadia is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
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Furcadia is part of a series on Furfaggotry |
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Furcadia is part of a series on Gaming |
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