Furry
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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If all furries were firm-bodied 17-year-old girls with nice tits in bunny suits and a preference for the better race, there'd be no need for an ED article and we'd be too busy to write one.
Unfortunately, furries are just the opposite.
Furries are the scum of the Earth, and the surest candidates for dying alone. The furry fandom will accept ANYONE (mostly pedophiles), and hence attracts the worst and most pathetic people in the world. Furries are so ugly that they make Brian Peppers look attractive, so stupid that they make aspies vigorously deny being them because they're the only thing stupider than them, and pathetic beyond compare. FAIL doesn't even begin to encompass how bad furries have done in life.
To put furfaggotry in perspective, furries are to animals what Larpers are to medieval faggotry, and the differences are sometimes very subtle. Larpers are at least willing to admit what they do is all in pretense, whereas some furs actually believe that they are their fursonas. Furfags have gone as far as raising their kids as furs, although instinctively the children realize their parents are different and ultimately reject it. Thus proving that there is some hope for the human race.
HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS: here's the truth about furries from a completely neutral viewpoint:
Furries are half-zoophiles who like to masturbate to half-animal pornogrophy. The majority of the internet hates them because they won't stay in FChan and Fur Affinity and continue to annoy the rest of the internet with their persecution complex and disgusting fetishes. Furries are incapable of understanding how stupid the concept of their fandom is and as such only take offense to the claims of it being a sexual fetish, as if without the sexual aspect being obsessed with cartoon animals would be perfectly fine.
Furries believe that the reason why they liked Star Fox/Rescue Rangers/Sonic the Hedgehog as a child was because they were born furry.
Coprophiliacs, Podophiliacs, Pedophiles and all the other types of perverts are not hated for this one reason; PORN IS PORN, furries obviously do not realize this first rule of porn.
Normal people keep their fetishes and developmental oddities to themselves, they don't try to make their fetishes into anything else, furries believe their fetish is a lifestyle and must announce it to everybody on the internet through their icon or sig.
Basically, people might hate furfags less if they didn't wish to justify their perversions so strongly that they bring their fursuits and molested dogs into every normal place and spew their crap. Every pervert must first accept that they are fucked up and either roll with it or an hero, but furries refuse to accept they are fucked up, making them easy targets for trolls and lulz.
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What is this Sickfuckery?
A fetish, stupid.
What's most disturbing are the intricate full-body suits (known as fagsuits) that every furry will eventually steal from another furry and most will only spawn moar furries while wearing them, often while using tickling furshampoo. Furry artwork tends to depict severely disturbing, overtly monstrous interspecies relationships. Many furfags claim to be born that way but they're actually just delusional and chose to be furry to fit in with someone, because every other subculture rejected them for obvious reasons. Packetgrinder theorized that most furfags are simply run-of-the-mill fags who are too grotesque to convince others to have anal sex with them unless their flabby zit-covered bodies are completely cloaked in a 50/50 cotton-poly tiger costume. However, it should be noted that after a hard night of drinking, a young woman in Santa Cruz was convinced to actually let a furry stick his zit-ridden cock in her vagina. Fortunately, she came to her senses once he began to make cat noises, and left the son-of-a-bitch with blue balls. After battling the psychological trauma from the ordeal, she committed suicide a month later. Although the furry went on to claim more unfortunate victims, he ended up dead after trying to carry out a vore fantasy involving a fox, a cow, and one very unlucky chicken.
Some furfags claim that they have no sexual interest whatsoever, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a dog suit when no one else is watching. This is a lie since all furfags are drawn to sexual perversity regardless of their species. Furfags only say this kind of thing when they are threatened with death or when they find new victims for "surprise yiff". Just to be on the safe side, if a furfag ever tells you they're celibate, you should castrate them to ensure their celibacy.
Furfags claim that their "furfaggotry" is an innate part of themselves. Sometimes they claim it's a "totem animal" in order to give themselves the same legitimacy that druids have in D&D. Sometimes they claim that they were actually an animal in a previous life, and have been reincarnated. Sometimes they claim that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE a lycanthrope, who can magically transform into a real, actual animal. Usually it's the other way around and that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE an actual animal with the magical ability to turn into a socially maladjusted loser and get stuck that way for the rest of their miserable lives. Unfortunately, they continue to shun and reject the guaranteed cure for their condition which is of course, an hero. They are absolutely of no use whatsoever.
The innate natures or totem animals or whatever delusional justification they provide almost always (99.9999% of the time) take the form of an animal that is either cute (rabbits, mice, woodchucks, etc), dangerous (lions, tigers and bears, oh my!), or rife with dark symbolism (wolves, snakes and ravens). Naturally, these traits are rarely possessed by the furfag's "human nature". Furfags who claim less flashy species (such as banana slugs or an anchovies) as their totem animals are almost non-existent, but only because they haven't found a way to anthropomorphize them for their sick sexual fantasies...yet. In fact, the only known exceptions are the furfags who deliberately chose a non-standard totem animal so they could (A) be socially-maladjusted outsiders even within the Furry community (and if that doesn't make you flinch, nothing will); and (B) say "NUH-UH" to anybody who makes the observation outlined in this paragraph.
These faggots also got the 100m GET, which proves that furries truly are the cancer that is killing /b/.
This description applies to every furry. To any furry reading this; even if you have never partaken in yiffing you are an unproductive blight to human society and had you any decency you would leave the internet to live as the animal you claim to associate with so well.
Recruitment
This is what happens when kids are raised on a diet of Disney cartoons that depict animals with love interests are constantly told to play with talking teddy bears, or watch Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, and that shitty cartoon animal Robin Hood movie (while we're on the subject, ANY of furfag-fanbased Don Bluth's first 5 "movies") to severe excess. The furry subculture can also be viewed as the product of an unholy miscegenation of hick and nerd culture, much like how HIV is thought to have developed as a result of humans fucking chimpanzees, because animal fucking is a popular hick pastime and anime is a staple of nerd civilization.
Despite opinion that it's the internet that creates furries, furries existed and still exist even without the internet. Through movies, cartoons, Halloween costumes, toys, games, and other things that parents innocently expose their children to, children develop an interest in furry. So, furries tend to develop before being exposed to the internet, though it is only when exposed to the internet that they realize "OMG! THERE'RE OTHERS LIKE ME!".
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Furry Art
Some furries claim they're just in it for the art. But as we know, the "art" is a mere way for furries to lure their victims into a trap, where the victim will be mind raped until he/ she submits to the furry faggots.
True or not, many furries consider themselves "artists", which should be a warning to the high chances of Mind Raep by a fat dude in a fox tail you run if you fall for this trap. Naturally, their "art" runs the gamut of things that wouldn't pass muster in a 4th grade class to things that make you wonder why they're wasting their time in Furry.
Deceptions
Of course, this is exactly what they want you to think: that they're just a bunch of artists. The reality is much worse. In real life, furries have two traits, that they'll try to cover up as best they can, but are always present: they're sad, pathetic losers, and they do horrible things.
Quite a few furries harbor a gigantic persecution complex because of this, and they will often explode into brick-shitting, BAAWWWWWWWing rages when called out on their bullshit by other, more jaded furries who are well aware that their fandom is nothing more than a gigantic collection of shitty smut cobbled together by hormonal 16-year-olds who have taken maybe one art class and draw horribly detailed cocks on uninspired, trite designs of the creatures furries love so much. Naturally, all this art is highly prized amongst furries, with shitty artists charging upwards of $60 USD for one badly sketched line drawing.
Furs will often shell out large amounts of jewgold to multiple artists at a time so that their laughably bad pornography is mass-produced and displayed as quickly as possible, in the hopes that the masses will jerk their smegma-laden cocks and finger their shitty assholes to their hyper-cocked wolf-taur fucking another creature in the ass with one of the members making up the clitori-laden conglomorate that is its groin. This leads to their characters being featured in more works of smut from other artists (see examples DoralLizard, Zig Zag, ShowKaizer, Aurenn, Roxikat to name a few examples).
The following is a lengthy rant from one furry that perfectly embodies their nature of deception. Typical to most attempts to rationalize being a furry, the rant is full of circular logic, hypocrisy, unwarranted self importance, and just about every logical fallacy you can name. The author directly mentioned ED and appears to have a dislike of this site, from his previous rantings. If you didn't notice, the furry community also has a huge ego to try and cover up the fact that they are pathetic losers and only have a life on the internets.
| —A simple paraphrase emulating the below text. |
Since I'm already shitting my whole fucking life down the toilet, I decided in my infinite wisdom tonight to finally let loose on the forums here and tell you all how I really fucking think, and it's so funny you'll fucking shit yourself like I almost did 3 times today because I've got FUCKING BLOODY DIARRHEA LOL.
First up on the chopping block, I'm smarter than you. No way, it's true. Due to the law of averages, the vast majority of people reading this are probably ready to rebuke me in some funny way which will make me laugh greatly, but the fact is it's true. Why? I don't need no fuckin' statistics, I just am. I aced high school, I aced college, and I'm acing my whole life right now. I'm running circles around my entire editorial board at my newspaper, and my faggot boss knows I'm smarter than her, but she's a skinny whiny Jew who thinks she knows better than everybody because she comes from Kansas and reads The New York Times. Fuck that. I'm the only one keeping that goddamn piece of shit rag in business and she fucking knows it, which is why she felt threatened by me today and decided to ream me out for the headlines I write at night: BAWWWW they're too fucking inaccurate! They're too fucking inappropriate! Fucking little whore.
Second up, hunters have no fucking rights. If you're a hunter, fuck you. If you've ever killed an animal just for the shit of it, fuck you. The only thing you savages have the right to do is the right to remain silent while the police arrest you for murder. Yes, murder. In these modern times we live in, what some like to call the 21st century, we as a species have evolved past the need for senseless barbarism like the kind of bullshit you assholes pull when you get liquored up and go kill Bambi. You know what? Nature can take care of itself, it has for millions of years. It doesn't need us fucking it up by hiding behind that bullshit reason of "population control". Yeah, I got your fucking population control right here. It's called kill the hunters. An eye for an eye. Capital punishment for capital murder. I consider the murder of animals to be on equal footing with the murder of humans. "Well Nightweaver, what about plants? They have feelings too baww baww baww. What about when you hit a deer/raccoon/squirrel with your car? What about stomping on insects?" You know what I'm fucking talking about you pieces of shit. Stop muddling the argument with your goddamn straw man bull. I don't need reams of scientific data to back up what I'm saying...KILLING IS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.
Did you know that the vast majority of hunters in the U.S. are big fat neckbeards and rednecks, probably like the kind who post on this forum? It's true. Try going to India with that stupid "animals are lower than humans" shit you speciesist faggot, see how far you get before somebody runs your ass over. And don't try that bullshit that "we need them for food, we need them for research, we need them for clothing, we need them for this, we need them for that..." It doesn't hold any fucking water with me anymore, not that it ever really did. This is the same species which just mapped the human genome a few years ago; it's time for us to crawl out of the caveman macho bullshit days and get with the program. Yes I think I can make things better by yelling at you, so shut up. Yes I'm a member of PETA, so shut up. If I was less lazy and actually owned one, I'd take my gun and go out and hunt the hunters. I'd kill every one of you arrogant speciesist bastards I could find. Same goes for you meat-eaters. Hey asshole, I've thrived for 15 years on no meat, now it's YOUR turn to try it out. Or are you too pussy? Yeah that's what I thought, goddamn bunch of pussies who are too scared to go vegan. My conscience is clear, what about yours? Hm? You don't mind they're killed in horrible ways in slaughterhouses? You ENJOY watching them die? Then you're the worst kind of scum, lower even than child molesters. I spit on your fetid corpse.
Finally (because I know you people are having OH SO MUCH FUN copying this into your ED entry on me), I DROP THE BIG BOMB! I'm into sex with animals! HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK. Guess what, it's kind of been skirted around in everything I've said about the topic anyway, but I support enormous animal penises in my mouth. Yes that's right, let's go there. OH SISTER! I will admit I've never actually tried it on any animal, but I would love to. I can hear someone now "Wow what a fucking hypocrite that he says he loves animals but wants to raep them lolololololoololol" Let me get one thing straight faggot: Pleasuring an animal sexually and raping them are two different things, and if you don't know the difference then you shouldn't be trying it in the first place.
Do you think your dog likes getting fucking blue balls because there's no pussy for him? THAT'S ABUSE. THAT'S RAEP. Letting your poor pet suffer in silence because of a lack of sexual gratification. So OK, we got dogs covered, and it's different with all animals and some are NOT designed for us, so you better stay the fuck away from them. But honestly, do you think that horse hates having his dick rubbed if he's standing there and thrusting his hips at you? Believe me pal, if that horse didn't want you there, you'd have a busted jaw or broken neck already from a hoof to the face. So those are the two most obvious examples of animals I would like to pleasure; it's amazing how fast everyone's going to misinterpret this post and read into this that I'm some SICK FUCK who you can't let near your children. That's amazing, those people should win a fucking Nobel Prize for their stupidity.
I'm about as benign a guy as you'll ever find, but here's what I can't get over: I'm in this fandom, furry fandom see, and its artists draw a LOT of dog cocks and a LOT of horse cocks and I'm like W-T-F? We love to see art of this shit but try soooo hard to deny to ourselves that it's just fantasy? Fuck you, slap yourself into reality. YOU'RE LOOKING AT DOG COCK AND GETTING OFF TO IT. Whether its drawn or not, you can't claim that you're not "into" animal sex. People just LOVE to make fun of us, zoophiles, bestialists, faggots, scum, whatever they call us. It's one big self-assuring joke apparently for humanity to delude itself into thinking that we're so much superior to lower animals that we cannot have sex with them. Interspecies sex is common in the wild, and yes I'm aware of the apparent hypocrisy between that and what I just said about hunting. "Animals hunt but we can't , but we can fuck them? Derpa derpa derp." Well guess what? We've domesticated all these species, and we are responsible for them. We're responsible for their care. Sometimes these poor beasts can't get off the way they want to, because of the physical restrictions we place on them by separating the sexes and so forth. So we should be able to masturbate them at least if they're horny and have no other outlet! I'd sign up to do it; I'd be at the fucking head of the line for that shit. Giant horse dick in my mouth? DO WANT!
| —Furry on being a social leper. |
| —social leper tired of being grouped with furries. |
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"Girl" Furries
All furries are male. However, it may seem that there are female furries. In truth, there are no female furries, but only ones that are just guys acting like girls, or girls who were forced at gunpoint. If you see an exception, it is a cosplayer and not a real furry.
Remember:
- Rule 30 still applies
- Pictures aren't real; that is to say that a picture of a female furry doesn't necessarily mean female furries actually exist anywhere other than within another furry's mind
- Some women will briefly dress as furries to please their man; putting on cat paws to please a furry doesn't necessarily make one a furry.
- It's a trap!
- Of the remaining few that are actually female and actually furry, they're always fat and ugly dykes.
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Examples of "Girl" Furries
Wikipedia Drama
Since furry existence revolves around WikiEdit Drama, many of Wikipedia's admins are furfags, such as: ContiE, Fennec, Furrykef, Loganberry, Wiki alf, and Wwwwolf - all of whom are the same person. There is also Krishva, who insists her childhood was destroyed forevar by furries and has made it her lifelong goal in life to make sure that web sites such as Wikipedia, are as accurate (read: white-washed) as possible. This involved making approximately eleventy gazillion edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that didn't fulfill her need for alpha-wolf dominance, also the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles.
Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry Fandom" in the first place is one of the many infinitesimally trivial points being bickered about by Krishva in the various articles' talk pages. Why? Because certain furfags want to deny that furry has anything to do with sex. There is one yiff pic in existence that doesn't resemble this and they put it on their yiff article. Obsessively denying the relation between sex and furfags on wikipedia is likely the result of furry-style castration.
Real-Life Horror
If they were just pathetic, like nerds, they could mostly be passed over without much of a thought, and maybe even pitied. But in addition to being failures at life, their minds are constantly thinking of more perverted things to do, which show up not only in their REAL art (the kind they put in a separate folders and tag with so many warnings you wonder why they put it OL on the first place), but in the things they do IRL.
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Hating Furries
Furry Reaction to This Article
The primary defense of a butthurt furfag is to blank this article and replace it with something like "this page is a bunch of lies. Furries rule". Of course, the only reason they're offended by this article at all is because they know it's all true.
Your typical furry is too damn stupid to realize that ED is a wiki, and as such, all of its articles are cached. So if you blank an article, MysteryBot will revert it within seconds and ban you, and you'll likely have a personal article written about you for being a faggot.
Below is an incomplete list of failures who tried to blank this article. So if you're thinking about trying to blank it, know that you're not the first.
- User:Spelldude07 {added 1000 gifs of a women sucking a horse cock followed by big red text "SPAM".}
- User:Aaron Wewstad
- User:Adolfsax81
- User:Axelfox
- User:BobSaget (replaced entire article with "BOB SAGET" repeated over and over again.)
- User:DAS (probably the same person as DAS Kitteh.)
- User:DAS Kitteh (didn't actually try to blank the article but instead added a "disclaimer" insisting that everyhting in the article was a lie, which it isn't.)
- User:Dragonwolf lord
- User:Ff7clan
- User:XFINExLINEx
- User:Fostersq (thought this was funny.)
- User:Foxxtrot23
- User:FurFagBF (claimed "Furry have taken over this page." MysteryBot promptly took it right back.)
- User:FURRIES FTW YIFF! (claimed "ALL TROLLS ARE CLOSET FURS".)
- User:Fzzzer (apparently, he sucks cocks.)
- User:Josh.wave
- User:KKfan10121
- User:Mrp56
- User:Murasaki2
- User:Muvinghom (stated "everybody who reads this page sucks", which isn't true.)
- User:Necromanticer
- User:RontoWolf2 (tried to replace the entire article with Wikipedia's fail article.)
- User:Screwyou
- User:Shouneneye
- User:Spammahbot
- User:TheBorg420
- User:TheDarkWolf666 (dared trolls to "talk shit about us" as he blanked the article.)
- User:Thefurries
- User:Tkcatcher
- User:Trinatrinity101 (blanked the article and replaced it with a promotion for his shitty comic strip.)
- User:Unbalanced
- User:Weschapman
- User:Wizbobbb
- User:XLS2
- User:1swindler
- User:1800ihatetrolls (tried to replace the article with the phrase "furrys rock!")
- User:Lulzisawesome (REPLACING WITH '/b/tards are closet furs lol')
What To Do If Your Friend Is Infected
They'll need help. Not mental help, but the kind of help where you take them to a concealed area and shove both barrels of a 12-gauge into the back of their oblivious fursuit-covered head and pull both triggers tearfully without remorse.
There are also a few alternative solutions you may attempt:
- Never try to fit in with them. In fact, stay away from them altogether. This is very important as something as minor as eye contact can easily cause infection (you may want to find a new friend, preferably someone from Encyclopedia Dramatica).
- Call them out in public, ask them about furrys in front of non-furries. Bring up Babyfurs and bestiality.
- If you are his roomate or something similar, leave raw meat in his fursuit.
- If you are brave (or already infected), you can try to forcibly persuade them against their ways.
- Buy some garden shears at your local Wal-Mart, and use them to castrate anything resembling a furry and staple their testicles (if present) to their foreheads; yelling various obscenties is optional. Remember to return the garden shears within 30 days.
- Pass a bill which will makes it punishable by death for being a furfag.
- If all else fails, simply go to China and accumulate several large nuclear stockpiles. Proceed to nuke the shit out of every anthrocon in existence until the world is rid of the furfag populace.
See Also
- Fat Furry
- FurAffinity
- Furry Art
- Fursecution
- Inflation Art
- Kibble
- LatinVixen
- Marukomuru
- Otherkin
- Plushie
- Pokémon
- Yiff
- Pregfur
- Rule 34
- Dragon
- StarCadet
External Links
- [1]
- The (Other) Furry Rap, chronicling furry faggotry
- Typical Furry
- OH LAWD THEY'RE COMING
- The Furry version of Facebook, with lots of yiffing.
- Alternate Furry Facebook for furries too scared of fursecution to get their fapping material at such a public place.
- The only Black furrylover in teh tubes. Also a peophile.
- Furry tutorial. Partly FTL, partly serious.
- Furry version of 4chan
- Furry version of 4chan
- Furry version of 4chan. What can you say, they love *chans.
- Find out what sick fuck of a furry you would be
- a UNIDRAGRYPHOENIX!!! So creative,right???
- Sign the petition to get rid of furries on 4chan.
- Furries eating berries
- If you have an Amazon.com account, flame the fuck out of this book now.
- Guide to better yiffing.
- confurvatives Are you sexually attracted to cartoon animals? Do you have a really punchable face? And are you an arrogant, rich, right wing bigot who thinks you should be afforded tolerance and respect while having nothing but bitterness, intolerance and hatred for your fellow man? Then confurvatives is the community for you!
- A definitive test as to how much of a furry you are. - Should be taken after every encounter with the furry menace.
For the sake of humanity, PLEASE TROLL ASAP!
- Not just a furfag, but a furnigger! What a treat!
- more lulz to be had here, yet another furry hideout
- The Love Song of J. Sprocket Fursuit
- The Internet's Premier Furry/Scalie Community. Yes they call themselves that.
- Furry forum you can troll
- deviantART
- Portal of Evil: Among other things, it shows the worst of furry pages
- furfags before the internet circa 1963
- Furnies
- Often shows the psychological implications of furfags.
- San Francisco furfags
- Furries: The other white meat
- Furry Wiki (WIKI VANDALISM? YES PLEASE) now so butthurt they blocked tor exit nodes
- [2] PROOF OF THEIR EVIL LINEAGE
- And nothing of value was lost.
- Are you a bad enough dude to visit the S.L.O.B.S.?
- Fursecution.net - Free Furry Videos and Animations The newest of anti-fursecution websites. Also included is a sub-site pertaining to furry inflation.
- Oh dear lord, they've got a TELEVISION STATION NOW??? WYIFF TV?!
YouTube Furry Videos
- Zoobilee Zoo (Olde Skool Children's Furry Show) as viewed by Fundamentalist Christians.
- Bunch of Russian furries kicks shit out of random guys.
- Even Weird Al likes Furries!
- Furries fighting
- Jerry Springer exposing furfags to white trash.
- In an attempt to give furfags equal standing, a daring interspecies romance was made public.
- Furries and You!
- Documentary on the furry fandom in Vancouver.
- Short segment on BBC (mentions yiffing).
- Commercial furry
- Three Part Documentary. Many lulz.
- Saving the Furry Fandom with METAL, skip to the 2:20 mark for max lulzBALEETED SRY
- Asian Furries all look the same.
- The Everlasting Snowmew (Christoph Naumova)
- Furry documentary from 1969.
- FURRIES KILL PARENTS?!?one1
- a furry mating call
- A furry "Female"
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| Furry is part of a series on |
| Furfaggotry |
| Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
Furry  |
Vampires • Humanoids • Reptiles • The Rest • See Also
Don Henrie
• Jonathon the Impaler
• Sanguinarius
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