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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ THEY GOT TIRED OF PLAYING SOLO
Furry-Paws, much like its counterpart Neopets, is an online pet simulation for lonely fat girls with no IRL friends. Run by Nazis, pedophiles, and furries, the community takes the MY DOG IZ MY BEST FREND concept to an entirely new level. Whereas most retards just get a real dog to make up for their social ineptitude, players on Furry-Paws make fake ones to compete to see who can be the greatestdog breeder of all time.
Like most social retards who play online games, players dedicate their waking hours to feverishly improving their virtual dogs through bad-ass methods like equipping them with diamond collars and feeding them chocolate chip cookies, after which they spend the rest of their time clicking through pages of “shows” in a desperate attempt to improve the levels of their dogs.
Unlike in the real world, where success is measured in tangible artifacts, success on Furry-Paws is measured by how much time you dedicate to sitting on your ass entering dogs in shows and accumulating virtual money.
Because they lack any form of social life, the members that do own IRL dogs develop obsessions with them in order to placate their longing desire for friends. Posting daily threads about their pets, they include shittyphotography of their dogs staring blankly into the camera. As they are incapable of achieving e-popularity in any other way, they resort to whoring their dogs on the forums for other members to masturbate to.
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You are my dog.
My best friend,
I promise for as long as you live I will give you what you need,
Just as long as you do they same for me,
I will give you love and attention,
You will give it back,
I love you and care about you.
We do a lot together,
Not just a normal dog-human relationship,
Something different,
You aren't trained,
I just can't train you,
It's possible, but I can't,
We are best friends, and
friends don't train friends.
Ok so you chase people down the road,
So what, as long as there are no cars,
I laugh because you think your bark is big,
Sometimes I don't think you're a Pug,
I see you as my favorite breed,
A Labrador Retriever.
You can swim,
You can fetch,
You can do awesome tricks,
You aren't the best but you're pretty good,
There's only one thing you can do better than all dogs,
Be my Best Friend.
Not good enough to obtain any sort of popularity on DevianTART, members resort to trying to achieve a significant amount of popularity within the cesspool of artistic failure that lays with Furry-Paws’ art community. Wielding the power of MSPaint, they brandish their computer mouse between their porky fingers and eventually create a heaving conglomerate of something, somewhat, maybe a little resembling art, but mostly, just fail.
The few competent artists, possessing knowledge of basic anatomy and design skills, gather a swarm of leeches that e-stalk them, hoping for free art or that, magically, their mad skillz will rub off on them. These motherfuckers charge USD$ for in-game art, which the masses inhale like cocaine fresh off the plane from Colombia.
18+ players (unless underage b& sucks enough cock) who should be engaging in productive IRL activities such as: getting a job, hanging out with friends, or having real lives instead of spending upwards of seven hours a day on kiddie sites. They are also all lesbians (who never actually get any), which explains why they think that a squid looks exactly like a penis. None of them understand the concept of a joke, so consequently, you'll get in trouble for making one. (Not that moderators are even needed, considering nothing ever fucking happens).
In a constant state of BAWWWW at the fact that not only are they fat and ugly (and cognizant of the fact that this will result in dying alone), emo girls lurk the forums to express their melancholic agony of how shitty their lives are. Constantly lurking to find any topic wherein the OP expresses an opinion against the status quo of the website (ie, Christfags), emo girls focus their shitty haircuts and fat girl rage on anyone that dares to demonstrate a dissenting opinion on topics such as gay marriage or fat acceptance. Predictably, they all also claim to be bisexual.
To be a successful attention whore, ensure everyone's forced to look at your face.
Thanks to a combination of Daddy not loving them enough and being too fugly to be a successful Myspace whore, the Attention Whores of Furry-Paws post pictures and videos of themselves on regular basis’, occasionally disguising them in a SHOW URSELF thread, but most of the time, just devoting entire topics to pictures of themselves. Thanks to the ironclad rules of ”play nice”, no one’s allowed to insinuate the unattractive aspects of even the ugliest Attention Whores, leaving the other members to only encourage them by posting positive commentary.
Dune is a high school drop out who is a lesbian, she also lives in Australia. Slight and Mud Puppy, who both live in America, are her two pussy calls. One month, Dune will date Slight. After a few weeks of abusing Slight and forcing her to drop all her friends, Dune will dump her ass. The drama will be taken to the chat room where many lulz will be had. Dune will start dating Mud Puppy, but not before Slight starts spewing about how she will kill herself and how she wants Dune back. Mud Puppy, being the idiot she is will date Dune for a few weeks before they, too, break up. Slight will bow down on her fat knees and beg for Dune back, and the cycle will once start again. Let's also not forget that Naff (another lesbian dyke that spends her time playing with furfags) seems to enjoy bouncing around between Dune and Mud Puppy. These bitches just can't get their shit set straight. Way to go Dune, add more whores to your fandom! After MudPuppy went back to Dune, Naff commenced BAWWWING to her friends about her love life.
Though Dune was recently banned, her cult following seems insistent on keeping her drama on FPs. As quoted by a moderator, "If you want to talk about Dune and praise her in your creepycult-glory, do it on MSN." Hooray for creepy cults!
Sheer, a skinhead nazi reformist who praises,"Seig heil," to the German flag, yet partakes in her fellow dykenes and also belongs to a nazi goth, Sker, is merely a 13 year old low-life who depends on the company of Alchemic Reaction, another low-life follower of the skinhead reformation, who faps to Michael Jackson whilst BAWWWing over her deceased lover, Billy Mays. These little emo kids enjoy sleeping, fapping, and spending their hours inbetween on the computer trolling the Furry-Paws chat room for some 12 year old girls. If they aren't doing one of these, they are BAWWWing over their latest big breakup with their fellow dykebian girlfriend, commencing in false pity within the community.
POD: Stupidity personified, she spends her time whining and dwelling on the deficit of intelligence she possesses. This ugly beast of a basement dweller constantly attempts reverse psychology to get her way. Often times, she fantasizes of her own equally idiotic SIM becoming something. POD creates herself at a level unseen by everyone else on the website: immature and naïve of the cruel world, she believes life should be perfect and full of sunshine and happiness. Not only is she addicted to the internet, but she's an eleven year old emo. Often times, you'll see her annoying the shit out of poor distraught players, who only posted a single line on one of her attention-seeking posts. Easily offended she most likely participates in self mutilation for the attention. Hoarding her so-called friends is her favorite activity, though she has no hope of keeping them due to her idiocy. Often racist, ageist, and snobbish about the intelligence she's convinced herself she has. She recently decided to admit to having BAWWWWWWtism, as if we couldn't already tell.
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The Saga of Sker, Kirin, Toast, Smoothy, and Sheer: Sker, taking after Dune and even sharing the same name, is also looking for pussy on the internet. Sker is a Nazi and, in true Nazi fashion, treats everyone like shit and "cheats" behind the backs of her online "girlfriends". On top of that, Sker cuts her wrists on webcam and blackmails innocent people, fueled by her senile drug abused brain. Instead of spreading the drama publicly, her exes tend to BAWWWW about it to their friends on MSN, causing said friends to start drama of their own.
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Yale: Spends his day moping around and messing with some other whore to kill his time. Threatens to kill himself and gloats about his "padded room" experience, he likes to flash 11 year old girls, and juggles both men and girls in his life. He cheats on fake girlfriends and whines about how much hes a fuck up who can't even get a girl offline.
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Zyfr: Basically the female version of Yale and a Dune incarcerate. She is insistent on arguing over the smallest of things, and loves telling people they are the reason dogs are being slaughtered. She will throw a fit if things do not go her way and it is quite obvious she is just a retarded12-year-old.
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Kiwi Gal: Another basement dweller that desperately wants a poodle. We're all kind of happy she doesn't have one yet, because the poor thing would probably commit suicide. Not that she deserves one anyway. Despite warnings, she's too fucking ignorant to realize that getting a puppy from a pet shop is a HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE, so we can expect her to BAWWWW like a baby when her puppy milled mutt ends up having problems. Shockingly, she has no form of life outside her computer, resulting in her only hobby being to message other players on the site. Normally, the people who she messages have never talked to her in their lives and don't give a shit about anything she has to say. However, she doesn't fucking realize this, and harasses people until they block her so that they can remain content in their own virtual world. Unable to grasp the concept that there is a difference between real life and the internet, her most recent BAWWW-fest involves her ranting about how the Furry Paws bank interest rate and her real life interest rate are different and how she thinks this is unfair. Of course, no one can comment on this or they'll be bitched out by her extensive vocabulary (including words like: sarcastic, mean, rude, and other remarks usually only shouted by by seven-year-olds).
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Mahou: A retarded, hamster obsessed player. From the few pictures of herself posted, it is obvious she is a huge ass whale. She loves getting into fights over pointless shit and demands to be right, though she generally makes the other player feel retarded by talking to them and "nicely" telling them they are wrong. She openly speaks of her hatred toward internet drama, but loves starting her own.
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Sketch: Another "artist" with no grasp of reality. She is a 20-year-old high school dropout that fails her 2 IRLchildren. She BAWWWs in the Chatroom constantly about how shitty her life is and how much she wants to end it. If you do not see her in the chat room bawwing, it's most likely she has her legs spread and is creating another retarded baby.
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Audacious: Another fattranny who assrapes all dogs from rescues and decides to "rescue" puppies. She ferments in the attention she gets when she 'rescues' a puppy from someone's backyard then decides to kill it off after it looks at her wrong. Nobody can keep track of how many animals have died in her care. And now, for many lulz, she may be pregnant!
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Soteria: Aside from being another "artist" that has no grasp of basic anatomy, she's changed her names several times in an attempt to hide from people. Her fursona is a green sparkledog that will melt your retinas faster than a laser show on the sun. In her spare times she makes up excuses to not get her art done and BAWWWWs when things don't go her way. Typical trailer trash with a 50.2 BMI, she can't get her priorities straight. Instead of fixing her dogs, she seems more interested in flying to another state to see some sort of "dog show". Recently, she has given up her cat to replace it with more inbred puppies.
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Zoey: A retard who likes to talk about her dogs and create love poems to them then bawww about how fat they are. She also likes to write about deaths of pets from years ago -- she can remember the exact time of death but then forget the age of her pets.
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Larthan: A furfag who, despite all claims that "she is female", is a male furry and a pedophile. He will give claims of offering 'her' photo identification and pictures of 'her' birth certificate, but these are obviously just pictures taken from google and photobucket. Despite all proof that he is obviously a malepedophile (and possibly a prostitute), he still manages to trick small children into talking to him and giving out personal information.
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Other Ways To Be An Attention Whore:
Baw, baw, I'm pretending to be retarded! Feel sorry for me!
Place a picture of yourself as your tag; this way, no matter where you go on the site, everyone’s forced to look at you.
Pretend to be gay, lesbian or something that makes you super special and unique. Hell, even pretend to be mentally handicapped! That's sure to make you popular!
Place your phone number up on Furry-Paws. "if n1 wants to call me plz do. im so bored. NO TEXTING I CANT TEXT! 1-270-922-6506 Plz call im so bored!"
Despite being social rejects, players on Furry-Paws take the opposite moral ground to other sites hosting communities of losers, maintaining a fascist regime of upholding as much political correctness as humanly possible. Consequently, the community is incredibly easy to troll as the mere mention of anything controversial will cause a flurry of backlash, with members demanding that the OP see the light and convert to either a liberal or conservative mindset (depending on the issue at hand).
Members, in an attempt to be cool, can’t resist engaging in feeding trolls, resulting in a vast amount of lulz to be had.
As of late, there has been a post circulating to incite members to embrace the fact that it is okay to be what Furry-Paws says you shouldn't, even though we know the fucking truth. All the stupid little posters got their groupies together, including a few of the moderators, to reassure the legions of insecure basement-dwellers that it is okay to be completely fucking ignorant. However, we all know that these same people will come to the general boards to BAWWWW when their diseased, inadequate pet store crap gets herpes or a similiar disease that could, you know, be completely avoided.
i do not like the kids at my school there so meen. some of them make fun of me because of the animals i have. or the gams i play. the way i dress and stuf like that. i just wish they wold stop.
Imagination, you know, what you people weren't born with. If you play FP without imagination, who can call this fun? It's fun to have imagination. Of course, you probably don't know, but imagination is a quality. It is important and is great. The wonderous things that have come from imagination are so many.
I'm so sick and tired of people being so senstitive to the subject of spanking x_x What's so immoral about it? . . . I spank my dogs . . . thers nothing wrong with it.
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—Furry Paws player on S&M
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Oh my gosh....Im NEVER going on that site again, I opened a "message' that they sent me, I opened it and, A WHOLE BUNCH of PORN popped up. Oh. My. Gosh, my stomac hurts.
Never give them your email address, you dont want these sick fools to have it!
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—Distress on Furry Paws after attempting to blank this page.
Okay so I am like Emo right and like I don't know how they found out but like most people at my school and on other web games make fun of me.I can be who I WANT TO BE!But like I can't stand It!
With my time the past two weeks, I havent had time to talk to my friends, in real life, muchless make a whole web page "haters site" about fp and the players. I love FP! Thats why Ive bee playing so long, I would never have the heart to do that site anyway, even If I did really dislike someone on this game.
Though I did "LOL" a few times, im not going to lie, But some of the things were hurtful and out right rude. I didn't even know about the site until, someone accusing me of doing it messaged it to me, there i read the first pargragh, and replied "LOL, WTH?" as in WTH is up with this site, Its soo stupid," though I did laugh because I do realize I am a loser decaited to breeding pixel dogs and I find myself thinking about it in my daily life...LOL
I take care of my [Furry Paws] dogs seriously, I come on here every day after my classes, and take care of them, and it is the reason I get up in the morning and drive myself to class without hitting the guy infront of me for being so freakin slow.
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—Don't you dare say my dogs aren't real!!! I'm a philosopher, and I belive that nothing is real!!! So it my dogs are just as real as you are!!!!!!!!!Philosopher
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I actually sit at my computer all day long, and only get off to: a.) Get some food to bring back to my computer desk. b.) Go potty. or c.) sleep.Basement-dweller
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—I used to be lesbian to . . . I changed and Im 17 now, I was lesbian when I was 14 and a little bit when I was 15.
I'm drawn to boys who don't really have girlfriends or have never gotten too physical. They don't have a big ego since they don't brag about 'who they have slept with' or anything to that nature. They are just innocent, and it is so more attractive. And, of course, I adore the fact that my innocent boys don't smoke or do drugs. They are just innocent little flowers.
