G4
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Warning!: |
G4 is a television channel that used to be about technology and gaming. They have recently decided to scrap shows with actual content in favor of showing nerds mediocre boobs. At least 9000% of the programming schedule is X-play, a show where video games are rated a 3 out of 5. Adam Sessler co-hosts the show with Morgan Webb, a very creepy woman who gets mistaken for the red skull. She's been called a "Randomn cocksucking wannabe tv star" who's big role is to play the part of a video game female, even though we've never seen her once play a single video game. This show is full of dialogue that might be mistaken for humor. Maybe.
G4 is ran by Neal Tiles, who obviously doesn't give a fuck about gaming or his viewers.
Wait scratch that, G4 recently announced "G4 Rewind", so fanfucks rejoice!!
Contents |
[edit] The Channel History
Originally G4, was all about games and talking to game developers. While some shows were weak, they still were about games. Due to sucking terribly, G4 merged with the popular technology & gaming channel TechTV. g. Creating G4TechTV, then due to egos, G4TV. The reason being G4 like said was sucking anal juice out of Alex's grandmother. Gaming wise their massive competitor was TechTV. TechTV was the number one technology & gaming channel on earth. TechTV had amazing shows and events...in general it was equal to a winnar.
TechTV went up on the open market cause the old ZDTV guys are douchefags. Comcast which owns G4 noticed this and then developed the perfect plan to "dominate" which in their terms means FAIL. Here was there plan: Buy popular channel thats on almost all cable & sat providers, merge it with fail channel thats only available on your network, instantly have your crap shit broadcasted around the world, slowly push out the tech part, change name back to G4...after no one knows wtf they did...they just lost their minds..destroying all gaming content and now most do not even know what the channel is about.
Because of this, G4 suffered MTV syndrome. The channel rarely, if ever, talks about games. Much like MTV, they rarely, if ever, play music videos.
G4 moves to E!, Comcast, smartening the fuck up, got rid of them. Or not.
[edit] G4 programming
- Arrested Development, what the fuck is this shit doing on thar? Oh wait, no one else wanted to run this shitty show, so G4 picked up the rerun rights in exchange for paying Michael Cera money for beer money.
- Attack of the Show, which consists of nerds doing soft as soft can be softball interviews with pop culture people who slum enough to set foot on the show, showing strange ebay auctions, and discussing blogs they have found. Its pretty much like taking all the stupid shit your friends email you combined with a shitty public access tv show with hosts who don't know how big a tool they look like. The female host on AOTS, Olivia Munn, has NO TITS. As a consequence, the AOTS wardrobe staff are forced to use zip-ties to squeeeze those itty-bitty titties together just so they will show up on-screen, creating an unfortunate condition known as "Ass Tits". Kevin, the other host, is an annoying fag who embodies everything toolish and fake about the network, to such an extent that even Morgan Webb finds Kevin to be a fraud of epic proportions. He also has a reputation of being a furfag on air, so he's doubly doomed.
The show also has an unimportant sense of self-importance, as far as them hyping shit everyone else already knows about like it's a big "secret". In this case, a bunch of bullshit designed to hype the fact that G4 scored the first-run rerun rights to Heroes and Lost. Come on G4, even Canada gets better stuff than us. Neal Tiles, if you are reading this kill yourself.
FUCK THIS
AOTS wants to kill anon with huskey dogs, since his only weakness has been recently discovered
Troll the shit out of these fags
Swamp their server
- Banzai, See: fucking stupid, AZN.
- Brainiac, Mythbusters with even uglier girls and british accents. Some of the more profound questions that Braniac has answered:
- What's the best way to get ketchup out of the bottle?
- Is it possible to tickle yourself?
- Are designer jeans any stronger than regular jeans?
- Does staring at a woman's breasts for thirty minutes burn the same amount of energy as a high-impact workout for the equivalent measure of time?
- Cheat, a show where a girl who failed American Idol with really bad hair tells everyone cheat codes too rapidly for anyone to write them down. Not only does she come across as a "girl reading off a teleprompter" type fraud, but the show itself doesn't know about the internets, and how its existence makes the show absolutely pointless.
- Cinematech, the show consists of cinemas from video games. Only show to spin-off a sequel: cinematech: nocturnal emissions, for more mature audience type games (IE all of the games currently being made with blood and guts and violence...
- Fastlane, Stupid Fox show about undercover cops that God decided to end our suffering and canceled it faster then you can say, "This show FUCKING SUCKS!". Since G4 is ran by the devil, however, (Kevin Pereira, a 16 year old girl) it was brought back.
- Filter, Filter was actually OK, until they got rid of Diane Mizota and replaced Beth Ostrosky.
- Star Trek and Star Trek The Next Generation reruns, which aired until they realized that no one cared about Star Trek
- Star Trek 2.0, basically the original Stark Trek with a news tickers at the top and bottom of the screen and a sidebar for trivia. Looking at it makes your eyes bleed.
- The Man Show Added to the show back when the network was flirting with the notion of making the network a Spike TV "Men's TV" network.
- Cops, for gay guys who like masturbating to gloved men in uniform (seriously, that's the only reason most likely to explain how this show is still on the air).
- Training Day consists of a bunch of fratboy jocks talking about Madden. People who play Madden do not play other games and will therefore never watch G4. Madden fans will shell out $50 for the same game every year, no doubt masturbating to upgrades such as more realistic fans and 3 new stadiums to choose from.
- X-play, the other show bad enough to get an article for itself.
- Ninja Warrior, a show about japs traversing an obstacle course, hurting themselves in the process. Unlike Most Extreme Elimination however, the show is presented straight-forwards and without any lulz-related english language dialogue to liven up this boring and overplayed piece of shit show.
- Free Stuff, A pointless show that gives away free things in order to get G4's ratings up.
- Code Monkeys, An unoriginal, unfunny, and poorly written show about two video game designers from the 1980s, done in pseudo 8-bit graphic animation style.
- Cheaters. At first, commonly confused with Cheat, an old UPN show about how people go and find how their spouses are cheating on them. Usually on for 5 hours strait (IT'S STRAIGHT, DUMBASS!) because G4 has nothing better the put on but 20 hours of Cops, Cheaters, and that paid programing, so they can keep this channel alive.
- Heroes, the most overrated piece of shit ever to be shat out of a shitty ass.
- Lost, Another overrated piece of shit that ever came out of a shitty ass.
- Super Big Product Fun Show, Other than having the most Japanese name in all the history of American television, this show is absolute fail for one reason, and one reason only: The show is 15 fucking minutes long. WTF?? It's almost as bad as Robot Chicken!!!
- Unbeatable Banzuke, Ninja Warrior, except instead of several courses, you get one. However, these courses are fucking ridiculous. Some you must complete while riding a bike, or walking on your hands. I think you get the picture now.
- Spaceballs: The Animated Series, A cartoon version of a much loathed Mel Brooks parody of Star Wars. Sucks so hard, that the fucker has yet to even show up on the schedule.
- Hurl, A male-centric vomit-fetish show for girls...
[edit] Old Rejected TechTV Programming
When TechTV became G4 back in 2004, they canceled the old gaming shows to piss off fans of the old TechTV fans and make room for pointless shows like Star Trek and Cops.
- Judgment Day, A show were (IT'S WHERE, DUMBASS) two guys rate games from 1-10, it was much better than X-Play. Unfortunately, G4 took it off and the only place to watch it is in Canada.
- Filter, See above.
- Icons, They used to talk about video games until Icons was renamed "Game Makers" and Icons became a stupid random pop culture show for retards who have never seen The Fabulous Life on VH1.
- Electric Playground, Like Judgment Day but instead of reviewing games, they talked about upcoming games. Was on G4, but the only place to watch it now is teh Internets.
- Portal, A really crappy show about a Basement dwelling retarded trying to save both the virtual and real world. This is probably the best show on the network until they canceled it. (it should also be noted that World of Warcraft was base on this show).
[edit] G4TechTV Canada
Because the Canadians are ungrateful bastards, the US misses out on the non-stop gamer shows while we get reruns of syndicated shows that have nothing to do with gaming or tech.
[edit] Forums
Like the failed channel itself, the forums also contain much fail.
[edit] Halo 3 Countdown
A board made by G4. It was created for the purpose of trying to get the halo crowd in their forums or to watch their channel.
[edit] Xplay
[edit] G4 Gamer's Lounge
The Gamers Lounge was a forum created for the whiney "veterans" of G4, by TheDude (Admin). The forum was created to satisfy all of the people from the "G4 The Show" forum, and also to keep all the black people in one place. The forum mostly consists of about 99% of the nigras who lurk on the G4 forums, and making just ONE thread about liking something else other then chicken or watermelons will result in constant flaming by Uppity Nigras. Expect to attacked on sight if you bring up a question that doesn't involve Halo 3 or Mass Effect.
[edit] Mod Abuse in G4 Gamer's Lounge
The Mods of G4, treat The Gamers Lounge, just like the Police of LA treat the people in the hood. Senior Chief Mlegg usually sends Officer Ramos Gonzales to patrol the forum to make sure everyone stays in line. This involves Ramos to pick a random black guy to arrest or to shoot at, and thus its mission complete.
[edit] The Real Truth
In all reality, The mods do their job right, yet the majority of the G4 gamers lounge gets pissy as hell because they're doing their job. Most of them claim that their community is seperate from the other forums on G4, thus they complain and bitch about the mods moving a thread to its proper place.
[edit] Off Topic
This channel is kinda like /b/ but moderated. ALL THEIR CONTENT IS STOLEN FROM 4Chan's /b/, but doing it wrong.
It is as bad as Gaia but with signatures as long as fuck that has all their Dox in it.
Things they have stolen:
- Pedobear
- Caturday
- EFG
- Shit was SO cash - Good Riddance
- Niggers
- Every other meme (but months after it was popular)
[edit] Notable OT fags
Pouncy
The furfaggot of Offtopic. Who makes threads about stupid ass drama shit on G4, "ATTN:I'M SPECIAL". Since most people "open up to others" furfags were allowed a free pass to express their feelings every minute. The Nigras were helpless.
Pouncy vanished?
Pouncy hasn't been to G4 since June. There are rumors out there that a couple of elite nigras went to Pouncy's house to kill the furfag himself. In fact there's evidence.
[edit] Mods of the Forums
Your mods consist of typical tards who don't even know how to operate or choose whats the best forum software to use. This opens up exploit since lulzy raids and direct HTML's can be direct, such as Last Measure.
The Dude- The admin of g4, he is extremely serious about his forums that he even makes essay's of his seriousness. He is also known to complain anytime someone comments on his poor choice of forum software that he chose for the forums. Thedude however is a fucktard due to his seriousness, he can easily be trolled by anyone.
Mlegg/Mikedow- A senior mod and typical faggot. He is known to stay on g4 so he can ban a troll or someone who speaks l33t. He also likes to point out that the internet is serious business. He is known to hate Goatse, and tubgirl.
Ramos- Since G4 acts like Mcdonalds, Serving shit meals for a cheap buck and hiring people who can't speak English. G4 is the same, by hiring someone who doesn't know about video games or anything, they hire a Mexican who can't even speak English. Ramos is mostly a target from the Nigras of G4. Once he is hurt, he goes and bawwws to the senior mods, thus the man starts to do a old tyme lynching.
ShiektheGeek- A typical Blap, you will find Shiek mostly locking threads every 20 hours or trying to find a better looking Japanese porn star to put in his sig. Since he isn't consistent with locking threads, most of the time you will see him spamming threads.
MisterKalas- Another worthless mod, who doesn't do shit, but make threats about banning people.
Aka Loki- Aka loki is an old shit who now just roams the board trying to tell which mod to do their job.
The lulzy chat of TheDude bawwwing about a planned raid.
G4TheDude says: hi Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: lolwut? G4TheDude says: i know you are trying to organize a raid Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: no i'm not G4TheDude says: i'd like to ask you to stop Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: my friend is Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: NiggerMobile G4TheDude says: ok, i'd like to ask you and your friend to stop Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: well I told him, he said that G4 was on ebuams list a while ago. And that ebaums already had delayed the raid from early august Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: And he said he wanted to bring the topic up again to ebuams. I said lol i don't care. Also i'm guessing dualist referred you to me? G4TheDude says: No, Mikedow did Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: I don't plan raids my friend. I just watch them with a bag of popcorn G4TheDude says: can you give me your friend's contact info then? Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: lol k Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: he is afk Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: but even if you had his contact info? What would that do? G4TheDude says: look, im trying really hard to clean up G4's forums and make them great again. i dont understand the motivation to raid us G4TheDude says: im not a bad guy G4TheDude says: I would ask him to STOP G4TheDude says: try to understand what his greivance is so I can see if I can resolve it Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: Dude I'll try not to be a lulkiller, but look, ebaums looks for trolling. When someone takes the internet seriously then they will respond. He already made a thread. There might be a raid, or there might not be. It really depends up to Eric Bauman. G4TheDude says: I get paid to take it seriously. It's a catch 22, I wouldnt have to take it so seriously if there weren't trolls hell bent on pushing the limits Teenage Mutant Lulz Turtle says: also, i don't believe that you found out about this raid by anyone. Dualist must of said something to you and mlegg. He's been trying to make anti-lulz. G4TheDude says: I found out from Mikedow. I dont know who told him G4TheDude says: im not looking to start anything between anyone, I just want to smooth the waters and avoid unneeded stress
[edit] Summary
G4 is a very confused network. They have no idea what demographic they are aiming for, and end up failing miserably at getting anyone to watch. It should be noted that their IRC channel gets more viewers than they do. Most of them happen to be idiots watching G4 and cant use Google even if their lives depend on it.
[edit] Gallery
 nuff said. |
 This is true. |
