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Gaia Online
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Contents |
[edit] Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here
Gaia Online is a necessary evil of the internet. It consumes angsty teens and weeaboos like a black hole and contains the evil therein so the rest of the internet doesn't have to put up with it. This is largely considered to be a good thing, but sometimes the seams on this internet septic tank are leaky, and some of it spills out. See Second Life. It has always been a straight man's worst enemy and a huge contributor to the cancer killing the internet. The site is a microcosm of all the internet's shitty message boards, Social Networks, MMORPGs, Chat rooms, and anything else you can think of that caters to weeaboos who enjoy the J-List catalogue, video games, and online role-playing. Certainly a fitting place for the people who go there.
And, just like everywhere else on the Intarwebs, Furries are there, like cockroaches, mold, or smegma.
From time to time a gaiafag will escape the cage and try to integrate into a less cancerous section of the internet, such as 4chan or ED (Full article: Katy). In this case, tolerance is your worst enemy: if you let one Gaiafag in you let them all in. For every Gaiafag you see, there are 100 more lurking in the shadows. Genocide is the only solution.
This just in: Gaia has decided, since most of it's loser users are too busy being cancerous growths to get a life, to make a Gaia Prom! Nothing moar needs to be said.
[edit] Gaia Forums
Gaia has several forums, all of which are PG-13. Posting a picture of a naked slut is considered trolling. All the users are 12 and under and everything is about 5 years behind the times, especially the unique brand of anti-humor peddled by gaiafags. Also, you can get banned for laughing when somebody trolls Pain Series and for doing anything non-gay.
The best part is that on average, at least 100,000 members are online at any given time, all with complex avatars that cause the servers butthurt, which gives the Gaiafags butthurt in return. To keep the Gaiasheep in line, Gaia has only about 119 active administrators, which means trolls can and do get away with rape and murder on a regular basis.
- Announcements
- Jewish announcements about shit nobody cares about.
- Welcome to Gaia
- Full of underage girls trying to sell their n00ds without actually becoming a proper member and being swallowed up by the Chatterbox. It also means that they can sell to newbies who don't know the rules.
- Friends Chat
- A place where people go to make a "boyfriend/girlfriend/cyber buddy". 90% of this forum is gay, and the other 10% is a pile of failed GDers who got kicked out of the GD, so they hang out here and make fun of newfags. To be an even sadder parody of the GD, they feel the need to have Prommies.
- General Discussion (GD)
- Porn trolls and lots of threads on sex for 12-15 year olds, meaning that people here are just spewing shit about something they don't know about.
- Prommies come into play here like Sith Lord Ali and Purple Angelica. Normal users suck their giant e-penises for popularity and boob signs. Said boob signs are mostly provided by fat attention whores who are usually willing to masturbate on their webcam for you while eating pounds of KFC and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. GD has now adopted "Forced meme tuesday. They failed miserably, liek always. (See: Britney Spears, Robert Munch}
- Gaia Community Discussion (GCD)
- Known as the GCD, most of Gaia's bitchy, cunty users hang around here. Known for its constant complaining and total faggotry the GCD is a wart on the ass of of the GD. They normally go back and forth and raid each other for no reason except aspergers.
- Extended Discussion (ED, not to be confused with this ED, faggot.)
- The definition of tl;dr. After five years, they are still arguing whether you can catch teh ghey or not.
- They take themselves too seriously and have a firm belief their opinion is fact, and many threads will result in flamewars because of it, usually about worn-out topics such as abortion or religion.
- Classic topics include "Should cocaine be legalized?", "WHICH SART WARS CHARACTER IS UR FAVORITE WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA," and a lot of flat-earther bullshit that noone enjoys.
- All be warned - do not enter this forum unless you are not afraid of being attacked by zionist bleeding-heart communist liberals who think you should be burned for saying the pledge and eating steak with your WWII vet grandpa.
- Questions and Assistance
- O NOES I GOT SUM CSIII HAXXORZ; HOW I GET GOWLD BAKK? OMGLOL DAT IS SO UNFAIIIRRRR!!!!
- Site Feedback
- Where elitists go to bitch about how Gaia was so much better in the old days when you got database errors on every other page.
- The "Petitions" subforum is full of Narutards whining to try to get Gaia to break copyright laws. Also 99.99% of the complaints in the site feedback mention NeoPets.
- This is what the Petitions subforum has come to (one of the most signed ever, by the way).
"This petition is for those of us who still have little kids still living inside of our mature bodies."
- Anime/Manga/
Comics - Where weeaboos and Narutards bitch about which anime character gives better rimjobs. Also where you will find topics such as "If Light Yagami and Seto Kaiba met in public, who would be the uke?" Of course, everyone knows that it's whichever one has a vagina. Also, home to millions of butthurt fags and dumbshit 25 year old comic fans trolling and getting away with it.
- Avatar Talk
- Bitchy and whiny users who insult everyone because they have large sticks up their asses. A very elitist forum with a royal family of users such as LittleRaverJoey, CandyCrack, Imperial Shockies, UnderworldTorrent. Also includes ugly wapanese girl Phenomenon.
- Chatterbox
- Used mainly by cool people to ask if their avatars are t3h sexorz or to create topics like "GUYS CHOSE GIRLS, GIRLS ARE CHAINED UP LOL".
- Gaming Discussion
- A place of senseless "vs. threads" and endless fanboyism. It is filled with topics like "Every game/anime character ever thought of and non-existing vs. Link" and "Which Video Game Girl Have You Masturbated Most To".
- The users tend to be either insufferable know-it-alls or noobs who post with "Ya I leiked Legned of Zelda. Zelda, he was an elf!!1!"
- Fashion & Style
- A shit-fest full of dumb fucks and stuck up idiots who can only talk about their hair, or wannabe prommies who are part of a gay "Fashion Addicts Lunch".
- Notable gays include LJthegreat, a french faggot and attention whore who claims to be a girl. He whines about wanting to kill himself because no one thinks he can pass as a girl.
- Barton Town
A role playing bord with no use now that Gaia is a spam fest.Link titleLink titleLink title Threads like: "Battle of Blood" appear here. Normally Romance and slave bullshit.
[edit] Towns
For many retards and ugly people, RL is too hard, so they stick to fake OL communities and worlds. The ugliest of the ugly sign up at Gaia Online and live in fake towns.
It's bad enough that members are cybering themselves up in the game chats. Gaia towns is a bad ripoff of RO or Maple Story, only you CAN'T fight monsters, and the best damned thing is cleaning the town up. And who the fuck cares about trash and bugs?
[edit] Houses
The biggest boom for the giant cyberland are the houses that users can go inside. They can be decorated with fancy stuff. Generally you can find all the underage cyber sexx0rz inside.
The most popular fag base for a while was that of Peabulls (1000 b 1), which every wannabe /b/tard would frequent in order to become well known. Fags such as Greg, Neohart, and Noir Asuka were all banned for being weeaboos. These people who romp around the house showing off glitches and being as loud as they can are one example just of how low noobs will stoop to get noticed.
Once the home of Peabulls lost its touch, all the noobs decided to migrate, but not so far that they would have to worry about losing the credibility of being an "oldbie" of a house that didn't belong to them. Now they reside inside Twobits' (1000 b 1) home, where they continue to act like everything they say and do is "super amazing" when really they are loser fags with no lives.
No other houses deserve credit. Get over it, fag.
[edit] Gaia Drama
Because Lanzer, L0cke, and VO are all Jewish, the mods of the site are constantly trying to find new ways to make money in order to create anti-lulz, "fix" bugs, or otherwise give in to user demands. However, most users are either ingrates or vaguely aware of the fact that they are being scammed, and as such bitch about everything that the admins do, even if it's a good thing.
Typical Gaia Drama: user1: d1d j00 see dat nub i just pwnd??!11111111 user2: Omg j00 did not see anynub and pwned it you sick ass user1: go fuck jooself user2: fuck me User1: *begins cyber* user2: *begins cyber*
[edit] OMG FURRIES
Despite the fact that furfags and Gaiafags are essentially synonymous, if not completely, and though there's little question, you might still ask why (if you're REALLY retarded).Of course, since Gaia is an XBOX HUEG pile of crap, furries are attracted to it like an industrial magnet.
One of the September items was an item that turned you into a BJD, a Dragon, a Human Torch knockoff, a zombie, some sort of shiny metal shit, and a 'feline skin'. Naturally, upon seeing this, every furfag within earshot suddenly came all over their dog and ran to the site to buy the item and turn into some sort of cat or lizard (lol scaley). This, included with an item that allowed you to wear fig leaves instead of underwear, led to a run of all kinds of furfags running around and pretending to be naked. Though the avatars on Gaia had no genitals to speak of, some furfags were able to retrofit a robotic long cock to their avatar and set about traumatizing the population of Gaia despite already being responsible for the decendance of their lives into pure furfaggotry.
On November 15 2007 the site released an item that has three furries. A wolf whose ass is bigger than Texas, a tiger no one gives a shit about, and a Chocobo that Final Fantasy 7 fanboys creamed their pants over. Like the September item that turns you into a furry, it caused furfags to strip naked using the leaf item and start yiffing the shit out of the animals (mainly the wolf). However, like September's items, the gaiafags forgot the avatars have no genitals, so they can't fuck the animals. Instead they just pretend they`re fucking them.
Stupid furfags.
Not only that, but in less than a week, they gave the "companions" armor that costs a quarter in IRL money to get. Now they can pretend to not be having gay bondage sex with their wolves.
[edit] LAWL THEY`RE AFRAID OF ANONYMOUS!
Recently the developers made it so you can't say the word Pedobear. Their reason is that they're "afraid that predators will infest the site trying to get little children to come to their house" but really the reason is that they're afraid of Anonymous. Looks like they'll be buying curtains, phoneline trackers, advanced security systems and A FUCKING DOG!
Fun update: You can no longer type anything containing the word pedo. Anything at all. Even if it's a medical or scientific term. So if you're a pedologist, find a new place to tell people about it. Angry lulz ensue as the GD is filled to the brim with lusers trying to find new ways to describe their hobbies.
Fun Fun Update: Gaia has caved to the masses like the schoolgirls they are and have released the orphans from the Christmas event to the Gaiafags. Users can now openly show their pedo pride. Bonus lulz: A previously unreleased orphan is actually Chris Hansen disguised as Pedobear. Run, Pedobear! IT'S A TRAP!
[edit] Gaiafags and Irony
Ironically enough, many Gaiafags now think it appropriate to refer to themselves as such. After some Gaiafag got the idea that being part of /b/ instantly made him cool, it spread and many Gaians rushed over to post in /b/. This resulted in the cancer that is killing /b/. It also resulted in many Gaiafags thinking it made them cool to adopt terms used by /b/, like "Gaiafag" and "newfag."
While at first it was uncommon to see many people using such phrases it is now incredibly common to see people using it at every possible chance. Many consider it a title of honor and act as if being a Gaiafag is the coolest thing around.
[edit] FORCED MOUTHS?!?!
After an update the developers made, you are now forced to have mouths. This lead to many users pissing and moaning about how great it was having no mouth not realising they can just delete their fucking avatar, but the fact here is that the admins just wanna fuck you in the face. Just look at how big those mouths are! You can shove two or three dicks in there. That's why they're forcing you to have mouths: so they can fuck you and steal your moneys.
To remove the mouth, the user needs to delete their avatar and create a new one without adding a mouth. Then the user has to waste their precious gold on buying the craptastic hair they originally had.
Fun update: Gaia just released some kind of reverse update thing where they got rid of forced mouths. This is probably because the mods got so many non-consensual blowjobs from users that their cocks just fell right off. Users are frantically trying to find out if the update gave them their robotic penises back, but they haven't had any luck.
[edit] Battle System
One of Gaia's "greatest" things to come since sliced cheese, except it`s caused tons of drama. In fact, it`s one of many, MANY things the fags complain about or mention when they're pissed off about something (EX: WHERE`S OUR BATTLE SYSTEM?!!! BAWWWWWWWW), this is due to the fact that the staff said it`d come out in 2003, then 2004 and then 2005 and now that they`ve become Mr. Big Corporation they now say it`ll be out this year.
This all seems too familiar. The best part is that when the battle system comes out, it`ll be just like the MMO the Gaiafags left ages ago, but with MOAR DRAMA! OH THE IRONY!
[edit] Quests
Though seemingly routine, these quests have been proven to contain dangerously high levels of idiocy, and should not be played by those not already afflicted by the condition.
On Sept 24, 2007, the fag admins decided to give the weeaboos what they wanted: a Naruto quest. This led to over 9000 Narutards creaming their pants.
After following through with their obligatory consumer worship, it was revealed that the items themselves were merely Japanese-themed items stamped with the Ubisoft logo, effectively turning Gaiafags into walking ads for Ubisoft by tricking them into thinking the prizes were Naruto merchandise of some kind. However on March 18, 2008 the admins decided to give what the fuckwits want and gave them Kunais. So now Gaiafags everywhere will have these things on hand.
[edit] E-WHORES
Yes, those girls that are constantly posting their pictures on their profile with the SOLE purpose of having to grab attention from horny lonely rich Gaian idiots that will go to all lengths and extensions to give them items for the purpose of having their e-penis sucked. Can be commonly associated with the known Attention Whore, but this time they are sometimes just straight out whores who just exchange only cyber sex, or naked pictures in their cameras for internet currency and items that are worth SHIT in the real world, but make them feel like uber awesome in Gaia.
This e-whore is commonly found wondering around the Exchange. It's not your ordinary e-whore that simply wants to have cyber because of just having cyber, which are found in the chatterbox. No, this e-whore will make you fall in love with them, and then slowly drain you of your possessions till you have no more and then move on to the next sucker. This e-whore will talk about nothing else online but how much they love you, but will sometimes be fucking another loser over the camera, and then another one over the cybernet.
Common e-whores in Gaia are usually not known at first, and then they hook up with the first rich loser they can snag. He's usually single, lonely, probably a loser in real life, and might have been interested in having a relationship with the cute girl that he saw as he stumbled on to check out profiles. The loser behind the pixelated richness is none-other than o-so cheap to snag a girl in real life, and rather just use his internet worth because his pictures might be so incredibly hideous.
The e-whore can sometimes be pretty, and they take no consideration of the previous relationships or the current relationships and status of their next victim. Their e-vagina has more than the miles on a chevy that's been riden back and forth across the 50 states over the last 20 years, and is usually far more experiences than their real vagina. Unless, you count constant masturbation or phone sex with the victim.
[edit] The Fresh fag of Gaia Online
[edit] How To Be A Great Gaiafag
[edit] Stolen Memes and The Second Longcat Crusade
Last Thursday,the queer fucktwats at Gaia Online stole many of Anonymous's cherished memes and turned them into items.
The items include:
- Longcat, which includes Tacgnol
- Monorail Cat, Ceiling Cat (that, however, does work for Gaiafags) & Cheese Burger Cat
- A Hat labeled as "Epic Fail Hat" with the description of: "This is an epic fail hat. It is made of fail and barf."
- A Guy Fawkes Mask (as part of Epic Fail Hat)
- An ORLY Hat, which seems to be from 2006
- A YARLY Hat, which includes Blockatiel
- A TLDR Hat
- Meme-ridden avatar with a freaking Epic Fail guy mask.
In a fashion quite similar to the Subeta raids, Anonymous raged and raided.
| —Anonymous |
Some argue that only newfags give a shit about the stolen memes, the fact that 420chan has a "No Gaia Threads" warning and most Gaia raid topics on 4chan get saged seem to support this theory. Also supporting this is the fact that any "raid" on Gaia consists just of newfags posting the same pictures from the offended article in one forum for an hour before they give up. While others claim that the true anons will rise up and retrieve their sacred Longcat from Gaia. An incident has happened where someone got into Gaia's shitty profiles code and sent out a worm that stole over 9000 accounts from Gaiafags, causing Gaia to take down the profile system several times this week. What will be the outcome when all is said and done? Who knows. But it will have lulz.
Media:[1]
[edit] RICKROLL HAS BEEN ADDED TO GAIA
[edit] See Also
- Legend of Aurea
- Clementine
- Disgruntled Customer
- FAILCHAN
- General Discussion
- Nurse Sezwick
- Prommie
- Sith Lord Ali
- Trey Burba
- Subeta
- Roliana
[edit] External Links
- Gaiafags try to discuss ED. Of course, it just consists of them arguing over whether they are punks or emos for 8 fucking pages and mentions nothing about ED. Lulz.
- Gaiafag complains about ED, treatment of Snapesnogger. Most Gaiafags defend ED though.
- Gaia Online
- Gaia Battle
- The Wiki
- GaiaDrama.net
- See how expensive items are
- A spinoff from the original
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Gaia Online is part of a series on Gaia Online. |
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Gaia Online is part of a series on the cancer that is killing /b/. |
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