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Gears Of War

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FACT ALERT:
This game consists of a shitty hit detection system and no defensive maneuvers whatsoever.

You wish you had this kind of gameplay on your Wii.

A typical scene in Gears of War.

No matter how gay this comic is, it still describes how Gears Of War looks.

Gears Of War (moar liek Queers of War, amirite?) is a game based off the popular webseries Queers Of War. Following a similar storyline, the story features two gay lovers on their quest to kill a bunch of overgrown worms, save the world, and spend their days together in love. The game found notoriety when it was the first game for the Xbox 360 that anyone liked EVAR. It was dubbed a success when every Halo fanboy bought it, causing the creators to rofl at how much everyone cared about their shitty overrated game.

[edit] Graphics

Gears of War has been praised for its graphics and they're supposedly the latest definition of next-gen. But all they really did was use two colors, gray and brown, kind of cheating when you barely use the palette, right?

[edit] Weapons

The weapons in this game really do bring the game to life, as nearly every weapon can kill someone in one shot. The creators probably made it this way so teams would have to work together on XBox Live, but since everyone on Xbox live is a 13 year old racist, no one does and simply uses the shotgun. This makes killing said 13 year old racists with other guns all the lulzier.

Another notable feature is that your main gun has a chainsaw on the end of it. It's ZOMG awesome of the most epic kind, even though it's useless and only n00bs who don't know how to play get caught in it.

[edit] Multiplayer

The online experience is automatically better than single player, since single player is mediocre. I completed it with my eyes closed using just my toes on Insane once. Don't let this fool you though, since multiplayer is still gayer than the YMCA. And there taint nothin' gayer dan teh YMCA.

Multiplayer requires a team of Gears and a team of Locust to go and kill each other in awesome maps that all look the same with the same kickass weapon for a few hours. It's the epitome of playing games online on Xbox Live, and if you don't have it you are deemed a faggot.

Aside from this, it is also glitched to hell. The host of a match will get "host shotgun", which means his shotgun will fire 0.00000000001 seconds faster than your shotgun. This will lead every player on the opposing team to bitch and moan about this minor advantage until the game ends or they manage to get a kill. You can also run faster with another glitch, chainsaw yourself, rapid fire sniper rifle and even jump out of the game. Of course, about 99% of the players on Gears are either permavirgins, mexicans, or just plain fail, if you haven't figured it out already.

Any player who has an IQ of 90 knows to run for the power weapons at the beginning of the round, but this means you have to dash there before anyone else wise enough to want them, gets there. This requires you memorizing the map and practicing countless times until you can sprint to a weapon faster than Speedycat. However, if you're a newfag to a map you are utterly destined to be a shotgun wielding cannon fodder who is ignored by the rest of the team. This is another reason to NEVAR EVAR play ranked matches, because some fags are half-retarded, which means they'll run and grab the power weapons and then they don't know how to use them.

An important feature of Gears of War is its cover system where your character can take cover from enemy fire. In single player, your fag is so loaded with armor that he can't bend over (except during buttsecks), making the cover system total fail. In multiplayer, it is more useless than Terri Schiavo because everybody just charges your ass if you even attempt to use it.

Online play isn't completely crap though. You can achieve some good lulz out of killing people with the pistol/sniper rifle/boomshot/Pork-Bow/smoke grenade/any weapon that requires skill(NO SHOTGUN), raping a Locust or Gear when they are downed, killing two cops, chainsawing every motherfucker in the game (therefore getting called a noob because the fag was too much of a retard to avoid it), and generally being better than everyone else.